“Does Tiffany know you and Hailey are still talking?” Matt asked me from across the table and I glanced up at him before letting my gaze come back to my notes. We were in the middle of the library, studying together for an AP exam. However, we’ve been at it for almost three hours, and I could tell he was just about done.

“Why would that matter? We’re all friends,” I mumbled, rolling the sleeves on my button up so my arm would move easier. It’s not getting hot in here. It is not hot. But I could tell my arms were getting red.

“So, are the rumors true then? Are you still making out with Hailey?” he asked and I felt my lips curl into a smirk. “What the does that mean? That’s no fun!” he hissed and I shook my head, sighing.

“I’m pretty sure she’s spreading those rumors. Her ex has been shooting daggers and lasers at me whenever we’re at lunch,” I chuckled a little, closing my notebook.

“Isn’t that…a bad thing?” Matt frowned, opening up a bottle of coconut water. I shrugged and eyed the bottle. Why is it orange?

“It’s what she wanted, I don’t care. It’s not hurting me anyway, it’s not like she would be cheating on him with me, not like we’re stepping over a line,” I sighed, holding back a snort when he took a drink and made a face. “What is that?”

“Orange flavored coconut juice, I thought it would taste like orange juice, but it’s just gross,” he slid it over to me and I examined it. Should I try it? “You don’t care that you’re being called a lesbian?”

“Not really, I mean, I’m biual so it’s not that far off.” I took a drink and nearly spit it out. Matt grinned as I gagged.

“Right? It’s gross,” he chuckled and then his face fell just as quickly. “When the Hell did you become biual? We’ve been friends how long? You said nothing?” his voice was getting louder so I stood up and covered his mouth.

“We’re in a library!” I hissed and he nodded. I sat back down and folded my hands. When did this happen? I thought back to all the times I looked at a girl and found her attractive, especially when I met Tiffany. “I guess I kinda always knew, I just sorta let it out that night at Kim’s,” I rubbed the back of my head and Matt rolled his eyes, letting his head fall. “I mean; I’m not surprised about it. Guys are attractive, but so are girls.” I tossed the coconut juice into the trash.

“Well, everyone is kind of set at a “straight” default selection so I would’ve liked the heads up about your change,” he frowned and I smiled at him.

“If I decide that I’m only into girls then you’ll be first to know,” I joked and he grinned. “But, I feel pretty good about being bi. Best of both worlds, right?” I winked, making him laugh before hiding when a library volunteer glared at us.

“Let’s get out of here before we’re kicked out; I’m craving something sweet anyway,” Matt tossed his backpack on the table and started stuffing his books in. I did the same. I don’t have much money, but if we’re getting something sweet, then we’re probably going to that French place down the road. I wonder if Tiffany would want some.

“You should pay for me. You were the one that wanted to study for three hours and I’m helping you out,” I told him as I put on my backpack, playing with the buckle. He pursed his lips and walked in front of me.

“I’m capping you at ten bucks.”

As we walked along the sidewalk, night had already fallen and the streets smelled like cigarettes. I let out a breath and watched the smoke from my lips drift into the air, like the vapes Tiffany sometimes experimented with. “Why’d you ask me to pay even if you had cash?” Matt asked from beside me. He walked along the edge like a kid, using his arms to balance.

“Tiffany likes macaroons too so I wanted enough for her,” I told him and he hummed. We fell silent for a minute.

“You know, back in elementary, the Taeyeon I knew wouldn’t trade macaroons with anyone,” he chuckled and I was reminded of our truly young days. Before his voice got smooth, before he hit a growth spurt, Matt was different.

“The Matt I knew wouldn’t have given up his flute either.” He tripped a little and I pulled him away from the road. I kicked a pebble and it rammed into the lamppost.

“I didn’t give it up…” he muttered, too afraid to speak any louder about the matter.

“You did, you were really good, it’s a shame,” I said, shoving my hands into my pockets. Do I have my keys this time? Okay, yeah, here it is. I should put it on a lanyard.

“It was a flute, Taeyeon, I couldn’t even play anything y. Like the saxophone, maybe I would’ve stayed if I could play a sax,” he admitted, moving closer to me as he dodged another pedestrian from the opposite direction.

“But you liked the flute, even if it wasn’t as y as the saxophone, you liked it didn’t you?” I asked, kicking another rock. It hit the building on my right.

“I did, I guess being an athlete started to be a bigger role in my life.” I wasn’t sure I believed that, but I only shrugged in response. If he wasn’t in the mood to talk about that then I wouldn’t force him to. “What about you? You changed too. But you’re kind of a mystery either way. You used to be more social, yet never said much personally, and now you only hang with a select number and tend to let whatever comes to mind be said.” I tried to remember what it was like being younger than a pre-teen. Maybe I was friendlier, maybe I wasn’t. I never analyzed my own childhood, so I couldn’t say for myself.

“I just let it come out, I told myself I didn’t want to disappoint, so I just talk. Talking makes me happy, it’s the way I relieve myself, so I assume whatever comes out of my mouth is something that needs to,” I sighed again. I looked at the bag in my hands. I wonder if she’d mind eating them now. “I like the way I am, guess I’m not that scared about what I say.”

“Sounds nice,” Matt murmured. I turned back at him, his face looked at the sky as we passed under a lamppost. The orange light kind of looked good on him; it would’ve made for a killer lonely-guy music video shot. I wonder if he’s really lonely.

“Let’s get back to your car and hang out at Tiffany’s. I’m too hyped up on sugar to sleep.”

I didn’t know why I kept insisting I could stay up late, but every time, I told myself I could stay up until three in the morning like everyone else does. Yet it was nearing 11 o’ clock. I should’ve been at home, in my bed, and dreaming about losing my teeth. Instead, I was drifting in and out of consciousness on Tiffany’s couch with my shirt for a blanket as she and Matt talked about something over macaroons and beers. I shouldn’t have let Matt drink again, since he would be kicked off the baseball team if the coach found out, but I let him. I wasn’t sure why.

I felt Tiffany’s shoulder against my hand and laid on my side, wrapping my arm around her neck. She placed her hand on the crook of my elbow and her thumb traced circles on my bare skin. I liked how she was being bolder with touch. It cooled me off. “Tae, did you have any?”

“Mm, Matt already bought me a few,” I mumbled, pulling my shirt over my face. The lights above made the blue from my shirt that much brighter. I wonder what kind of kid Tiffany was. “What were you like as a kid?”

“That’s not random.” Her sass was always so sharp.

“On our way here we were reminiscing in our elementary days,” Matt said and she hummed. I could feel it from .

“I don’t know. I guess, sociably, I’m pretty much the same but back then my parents were getting a divorce so it took a toll on me,” she shrugged. Ah, right, her parents are divorced. Tiffany rarely spoke about her mother. The couple times she did, I could tell she was a negative figure in her mind and never asked. What would I be like if my parents divorced? I couldn’t tell, there were too many factors to divorces. I never want to go through one, I don’t even want to be associated with one. “I was more physically active too, I played softball, but I’m no good so I left after a few years.” I could imagine a small Tiffany at softball.

“Same with Taeng, she used to play soccer, was a pretty solid goalie until high school,” Matt mentioned and I hummed a little, turning so my arm wouldn’t fall asleep. I took my shirt off my face. It was darker in my shirt. I frowned. Maybe I should go back in…

“Because you don’t like competition?”

“That and the girl that taught me was a , didn’t want anything to do with her anymore,” I sighed and the two laughed. I can still remember her face though. She had a pretty face. Maybe that’s why I looked past her faults. “I think I kinda liked her back then.”

“You know?” Matt raised a brow at Tiff when she seemed nonchalant.

“I asked her when we got back home after Kim’s party,” she shrugged and my arm moved with her. I smiled a little. But then the batter got quiet and I looked at him.

“It’s not a big deal, Matt, she asked so I answered,” I mumbled and he sighed, putting his leg up. He nodded and then smiled at Tiffany.

“Were you jealous? That’s why you asked?” Creepy. I threw my shirt at him.

“Extremely.” Her tone didn’t sound as natural as it usually did.

“I don’t even know why I asked, I can’t even tell when you’re lying or not anymore,” he groaned and I tried looking at her face, but she was staring at her lap. I blinked.

Once Matt was sober enough to drive, I was too tired to go back to my place and Tiffany drank too much to drive me home. She sat cross legged in front of the couch with her chin on her arms. I closed my eyes when our stares met. She didn’t seem focused. “What’s bothering you?” I wondered and the fabric rustled. It sounded deep in my ear.

“You don’t wear hats anymore,” she mumbled and I cracked a smile.

“I like running my hand in my hair. Does that bother you?” Her voice seemed tired too, it felt like my fingers were running over gravel when she spoke. But it sounded kind of nice.

“You looked really good when you wore my hat that one time,” she said and I hummed. I did look good. “You look nice in plaid too.”

“I took off the shirt already, you thirsty girl,” I snarked and she laughed a bit.

“Don’t even try me,” she shook her head.

“You’re losing your edge, you didn’t sound that sharp with Matt,” I grinned.

“Please, Matt can’t talk trash for his life. You know that.” It was true. He was hopelessly awkward when it came to talking like that. I breathed and suddenly realized the smell of cigarettes was still on my button up. It’s been like an hour since I was outside though…

“Have you been smoking inside?” I wondered and Tiffany shook her head.

“You smelled it too? I was wondering how long you guys have been frolicking in nicotine,” she smirked and I rolled my eyes.

“You know I wouldn’t try, I’m too afraid of addiction.” I threw my shirt on the other chair.

“You’re not afraid of anything,” she insisted and I shrugged, looking into her eyes. They were still a bit fuzzy.

“Maybe nothing physical, I’m not scared of a cigarette, I’m scared of what it might do to my head,” I decided and she lifted her head. “Is there seriously something on your mind?”

“Are you scared of me?”

“No,” I shook my head. Damn she drunk.

“Are you scared of what I might do to you?” I raised an eyebrow at her and shook my head again.

“No…” I repeated. She blinked a couple more times and I blinked a couple more times. We should probably sleep or something. “Come on, we already brushed our teeth so let’s get to bed. I’ll take the floor—.” Warm palms pulled my face up by the cheeks – briefly reminding me of Hailey – before kissing me.

I melted for a moment, forgetting where I was and whom I was kissing. The lips just felt so good. I used my elbows as support to keep level with her face, but I was itching to get my hands on her. Soft fingers drifted down my neck while I felt the absence of the soft lips. I could feel my heart pound against her touch. “Hm…?” I was almost shocked to see Tiffany again, but before the feeling could grow, my back was on the couch cushions and her legs straddled my waist. Her eyes were darker than usual. The heat was starting to get to me. Our lips met again and I furrowed my brows, trying to savor the moment. . She tugged at my hair when my fingers pinched her hip.

“,” she breathed and swooped back in. She tasted like Heineken and raspberry macaroons, my favorite kind. It shouldn’t have worked, and probably didn’t, but I loved it. Her nails were running along my scalp, sending more and more chills down my back and stomach. My hands mindlessly her thighs because good God, her shorts.

Then all of a sudden Tiffany made this little sound. She bit the edge of my lip and the sound forced its way out, all high pitched and airy. I felt the vibration; it shimmied down my body and the night started to shift. It was seriously getting hot. She leaned away and I finally took in deep breaths, getting oxygen to my slow-working brain. Woah. I was really slow. And she was really gorgeous.

Her eyes stared into mine and for a long while, it felt like she was controlling my pulse. She started kissing my jaw and the tension in my shoulders fell to pieces. “We can’t tell anyone.” I gripped her waist a little harder. “No one, I mean it.” I found her hand in my shirt. What a ninja. “Okay?” My control was starting to wane. I wasn’t even sure if I had control anymore. Why can’t I tell anyone?

“O-okay.” That night, the moon started to chip away, letting a little black replace the missing pieces.

A/N: Oh no...