I hope that everyone who read Mr. Moon Understands Me enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it! This piece is particularly different from my other ones. I tried a new writing style and found that it was more appealing to me than what I’ve been doing but, old habits die hard, and I did struggle a little with keeping up the new way of writing. Maybe later, when this style is more natural to me, I’ll come back and fix it up.

Of course, in this analysis, I’ll be talking about inspirations, stories, and themes that I wanted MMUM to have. If you feel like you didn’t really get what the purpose of the story was or want to see how I saw it, then keep reading! I’ll be taking Taeyeon’s relationships and explaining them from least to most significance.

Taeyeon + Jane:

Around the time I got the idea for this story, one of my friends was going through a breakup with her (now ex) boyfriend. It’s her most serious relationship to date so when they were breaking up, it showed me a really different side to her. My friend was aloof, stuck in her thoughts, and often asked me if she was prettier or a better catch than the girls her ex was talking to. It was very strange to see my once exuberant and sassy friend become an insecure, lonely girl. Until she went for the rebound.

When she started seeing this other guy, I was even more confused. I thought that her ex was still on her mind, I thought she still had feelings for him. They were together for a long time; I didn’t think that she’d be over him just like that. She tried saying that this guy she was now seeing wasn’t a commitment, just something to occupy her time, but it only made things worse.

Rebounds make you second guess yourself. They’re not what you need but at the same time they’ll give you what you want. I can understand that the rebound is a very tempting decision, it is so easy to crave affection and give into that desire, but in the end it’ll only worsen the situation. Jane was supposed to be the lesson that the rebound is extremely attractive and maybe they’d be a good partner, but if you’re still considering them as “the rebound”, it’s not the best idea to follow.

Taeyeon + Sunny:

I stumbled across this idea that Taeyeon had online, saying how she wanted to go out and have fun but wanted to be by herself. I feel like a lot of people can relate to that, myself included, and decided that being alone and being lonely are two different things. When you’re alone you are literally by yourself, there’s no one else around you. When you’re lonely, you’re craving meaningful company. In college, I believe that a lot of people can easily feel lonely, especially freshmen who are coming from a different state/area and don’t know anyone.

Sunny is supposed to be the college roommate everyone wants. Someone who isn’t overbearing or annoying, but someone who makes just enough noise to be fun and can sit down and tell them your life story. As someone who’s trying to get over a break-up with a girl she still loves, Taeyeon finds Sunny a godsend. She’s there when things get tough. She’s trustworthy and comfortable enough to be compared to Taeyeon’s friend of 10+ years to (Matt). I tried to hint at the reason Taeyeon was so comfortable was because she reminded her of Tiffany.

The brief period where Sunny showed interest in Taeyeon was that “phase” every girl is supposed to go through in college where they become interested in other girls. But what the whole purpose of their conversation can be embodied in the line “it would to wake up one day and not want to see you”. This happened to Taeyeon with Tiffany and, in a way, it kind of traumatized her from getting with someone else she saw as a close friend. This also stopped Taeyeon from really calling Sunny beautiful, something she only called Tiffany, and thus stopped the attraction for her early on. I believe that many good relationships first come out of friendships, but if you’re not willing to risk it by actually dating them, I don’t think you should.

*The phrase “actors’ eyes” was inspired from my little sister, who often tells me I look like I’m going to cry over anything with my dramatic, watery actors’ eyes. *

Taeyeon + Friends (excluding Matt):

Taeyeon’s friends come into her life at random times, not all of them are mentioned, but Matt is known to be Taeyeon’s best friend since elementary and Hailey is known to be a year younger than everyone, insinuating she met them all as a freshman in high school. But no matter when they all got together, they’re a tight group of people who make an effort to be with each other and catch up and have a good time. I always thought of friends as people you hang out with outside of school, so I made this group hang out a lot because I wanted their bond to be recognized easily.

Because Taeyeon is so used to everyone in her usual friend group, her social life is severely impacted in college life. This can be taken as a hint that her friends usually instigate her social activity, especially since Matt mentioned that she sticks to a certain group of people since she got older. I believe that your friends are a huge definition to you as a person, but because they’re the people you want to become. Taeyeon’s friends are loud, cheeky, and adventurous. Alone, Taeyeon doesn’t act like they do, but together, she molds into their dynamic. I don’t think this is peer pressure, but rather an easier atmosphere to be comfortable in. So she may be loud and cheeky and adventurous around them, but it’s harder for her to integrate those ideals into her personal life. In college, however, Taeyeon seems to mature a little bit and reaches out to other students with the encouragement of Sunny and even goes hiking with a group of people she doesn’t know very well. This can also be seen as her missing her friends and wanting to instill a bit of their behavior in herself.

Hailey is a certain friend that I want to go into a little more depth about. She is the reason Taeyeon started thinking about her uality, almost like a “gateway crush”. I use the word “crush” loosely, however, since Taeyeon never liked Hailey enough to date her but rather appreciated her attractiveness. She said that she always kind of knew that she was biual, as I believe everyone who differs from heterouality feels on a certain level, but I still think that the person who makes you think more and come to better terms with your uality is worth remembering which is why Taeyeon often referred to Hailey’s kiss in the early chapters.

Taeyeon + Matt:

Childhood friends can be kind of embarrassing. As children, we often do things we don’t find socially appropriate as young adults and play weird games and do odd stuff in order to fit in with each other. Having someone around as a teen and young adult who’ve seen that side of you can be a bit intimidating, which is why I think many people don’t stay friends with those they met in elementary. Taeyeon doesn’t even acknowledge Matt’s maturity with their age, calling him “the guy who never grew up”, especially in the Epilogue when Matt brings his new girlfriend. However, when you grow up with someone, there’s a stage past embarrassment that I wanted to portray with Taeyeon and Matt’s relationship: unconditional love.

The two are close, as being friends for over ten years can do. I wanted to show that best friends can still look at the other and see an attractive person as well. They both find the other aesthetically pleasing (Matt when Taeyeon and Hailey kissed in “what are the odds of” and Taeyeon as she comments about his facial features) and are open enough to think of the other in such a way and are still able to stay friends. I think this is when a friendship is truly strong. Sometimes I look at my own friends and think, yeah, there are some of them that are really good looking. Would I date them though? No. I just find them attractive, I tell them that and vice versa. It’s normal.

I used to think that your significant other should also be coined your ‘best friend’, but I no longer think this is true. It can be for some, but I don’t think it would apply to myself or for most people. I think this is why I really wanted to emphasize how Taeyeon and Matt still find the other attractive but aren’t necessarily attracted to each other. I really wanted to show that a guy and a girl can still be friends and never move forward, backward, or even think of it.

Taeyeon never explicitly said that she loved Matt, even though the latter did during their talk in Chapter 9. Your best friend should be someone that can understand you and love you without feeling the need for it to be said out loud, but never hurt to say it. Matt is Taeyeon’s rock, someone who’s always there for her and willing to listen. They can talk about anything and try to, which makes it especially difficult for her to keep quiet about her relationship with Tiffany. When Taeyeon starts dating Tiffany, she wants to tell Matt. When Taeyeon starts getting more and more intimate with Tiffany, she wants to tell Matt. When Taeyeon falls in love, when she gets insecure, when she’s frustrated and missing her girlfriend in the day, she wants to tell Matt but she can’t. It obviously takes a toll on her, making her feel lonely and confused about her love life. As someone who’s had the security of being able to solve her problem with another, not being able to speak to him is like an arrow that shatters her self-confidence. Not being able to speak about her relationship with Matt, Taeyeon’s silence can be somewhat credited for the appearance of her darker emotions.

Taeyeon + Tiffany:

In the beginning, Taeyeon views Tiffany as another best friend. As someone who’s been there for a number of years, she doesn’t really feel anything until she realizes she’s attracted to girls. After that, it’s almost like a steep hill, since Taeyeon doesn’t protest to Tiffany’s advances in the second chapter, it’s safe to assume that she had feelings for the other girl as well.

Their relationship starts out well, but eventually overwhelms Taeyeon. She is someone who’s always honest, always nonchalant (at least since her teenage years). There aren’t many people who think and say what Taeyeon thinks and says, so now, she’s getting a taste of what it feels like to put on a mask. Tiffany is a girl who is like a majority of the ones I know and see and identify with: someone who’s scared and insecure about what others think of her. She’s isn’t as brave nor as honest as Taeyeon, thus her desire to keep their relationship hidden.

I also wanted to make Tiffany a little bit selfish. She could’ve easily kept their relationship between friends or even sharing it with Matt, but chose to block everyone else off. But Taeyeon is also a bit selfish. The scene where the two are in the car, Tiffany obviously didn’t want to go any further with Taeyeon when they were still out and with their friends. She explicitly said “no” but Taeyeon kept going until forced to stop. I’m not saying that can be justified. I repeat: I’m not saying can be justified, but I wanted to show desperation in a higher form while keeping it level-headed. With this scene, it also molded the way Taeyeon looked at herself when we’re taking about insecurities and negatives.

As previously mentioned, I wanted to shape Taeyeon as someone who becomes brighter around people and functions better around people. Especially now, in our society, there’s this expectation to be independent and figure everything out on your own but everyone keeps forgetting that humans are social beings. It makes absolute sense that we need others and ourselves in order to function. However, since Taeyeon isn’t allowed to share her feelings or experiences with her friends, the darker emotions take over. Not understanding what the emotions mean, Taeyeon breaks up with Tiffany because of her confusion.

Tiffany’s love for Taeyeon is more than I let on in the earlier chapters. Because of their situation, Taeyeon and Tiffany keep their interactions minimal and go on less suspicious dates. But they’re teenagers and it doesn’t take much for their time to be consumed with learning how to be intimate with the other. Since a lot of their alone time was centered around being intimate, showing their love for each other is slightly limited. Tiffany is slightly selfish in their relationship, but I wanted to make her learn the lesson to be more considerate towards her partner if she really loved her. She eventually told all of their friends and her parents that she had feelings for Taeyeon, leaving the other half of their story to be fulfilled by Taeyeon.

The 24-hour deal was for Tiffany to show Taeyeon what they could be as a couple, but it was also used for Tiffany to spend a perfect day with the one she loved. I wanted Tiffany to be a little riskier by making her confess to other people, but being risky brings about anxiety and I wanted to highlight that as well when she made the deal with Taeyeon. Tiffany obviously wasn’t confident in winning Taeyeon over, but she still tried, even when she believed that their relationship was done for. She fought for them and Taeyeon desperately wanted to be fought for, especially when love brings out the insecurity in a person.

I think love is a very crippling feeling, even more so in the beginning of falling in love. But I also think that is the beauty of being in love, being able to think of someone when you’re looking at an apple, awing at the way they smile even if it’s not in your direction, wanting nothing more than to bring the other happiness and safety. The new style of writing I tried out was supposed to highlight emotions as they are, trying to make them relatable on a dreamier level. Taeyeon doesn’t even call other girls beautiful, the word (if you look back) is reserved for Tiffany. I tried using other words you don’t hear very often (i.e. stunning and gorgeous), I like the way they sound and I thought it was kind of a shame we don’t hear these words as often.

Taeyeon + Moon:

If you go back and look at the story, I never used the word “empty” to describe a person’s feelings. I wanted the moon to take place of that emotion instead. If you go back and follow the times I mention the moon and its cycles, you’ll see that they mirror Taeyeon’s feelings (full and content = full moon, empty and upset = no moon). I’m not sure if anyone understood, but Taeyeon was supposed to have depression. If someone knew this, then all of Taeyeon’s behaviors would’ve been easy to understand, especially since she isn’t aware that she’s depressed. I heard from somewhere that a lot of people who have clinical depression don’t know that they have it. I wanted Taeyeon to be this sort of case.

Her honesty and over-confidence could be a sense of trying to keep depression at bay. Constant drinking is also a sign; though she’s not a heavy drinker, Taeyeon also mentions that she should’ve stopped Matt from drinking beer, knowing it wasn’t the best idea for a high school athlete, but didn’t stop him. In college, after the breakup, she works hard to occupy her mind without trying to hear her own thoughts. The feeling of emptiness correlating with the moon is supposed to be the biggest sign that Taeyeon is depressed, however. I really tried to convey what I believe a person with depression would think and feel. I don’t have depression, but some of my friends do, and I hope that no one’s offended by my portrayal of Taeyeon.