Dance into the Fire

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Innocence is born

It cannot be helped

Maintaining it

Is something that few can do

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Chapter Eighteen

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Himchan felt sick, as though he wanted to throw up but he already knew that there was nothing left in his stomach in the slightest. Three times he had vomited what little he had been able to eat for that evening’s meal and still he felt his stomach churning. It was strange, when he had been surrounded by Tiffany and the Prince of Mato, he had felt calm and safe and relaxed but now that he was back in his room, Himchan suddenly found himself restless, unable to think clearly and feeling completely unwell.

The very thought of that man’s hands being on his body, the rude insulting words that constantly entered his mind, shouted by so many voices only served to further aggravate his already frayed nerves and sickly feeling. The voices fuelled his self-loathing, his insecurities that he was just being strung along as a bride who would be thrown away at the end of all of this and forced probably into a ion house if he was lucky. Himchan was not worthy of the grandness around him, the silk sheets that were now spoilt by his sweat which spoiled the patterns and if he had any dignity left then he should leave right now and never come back.

He wasn’t meant for this life, this was all an too long beautiful dream that would eventually crumble away and leave him back where he started. As an ignored little stone in a muddy field which had long been abandoned for being unusable.

Himchan jumped out of his skin when soft hands gently wrapped themselves around his frame, pulling him gently away from the soiled sheets into an embrace that was gentle and soft, reminding him faintly of a small doll he had once found and cared for. It had been a sort of black rabbit with large white eyes and a green facemask that he had never really understood the point of but it had been his companion through the long, lonely nights in the orphanage when virtually all of the other children had been adopted.

For a while Himchan allowed himself to indulge in this softness, allowing the figure who was actually wearing a green hanbok at the moment to just hold him. The soft hands began to gently caress through his hair, whilst a beautiful soft humming started from the chest that he was pressed against and it did not take him long to recognise the lullaby. However, Himchan could not find it within himself to start humming back and slowly became aware of the fact that there were long tear tracks running down his face. He didn’t even remember when he started crying, and he certainly did not recall how he had ended up on the balcony either.

It took the young carrier a long while to realise that he was cuddled around a person, not the old doll which he had found in the orphanage and very slowly he lifted his head to find himself looking up at Jongup who gave him a light smile. “I drew a bath for you,” the young handmaid said, “With all your favourite smells in it.”

Looking down at the floor, Himchan went to shake his head and tell Jongup that he did not want a bath when a pair of old, but still very strong hands that were as gentle as the first drops of dew on a flower, landed softly on his shoulders. “Come Himchan,” the Dragon spoke, her night attire making her look like an old grandmother that one would find within the pages of a story book, “You cannot linger here much longer. It will only make you more unwell.”

“Please...” Himchan found himself saying, his lips chapped from so much worrying that he had been doing, “Please, don’t...don’t send me away.”

“What?” the dragon asked before rethinking over her words and shaking her head, “Oh Himchan, sweet boy we’re not...”

“I’ll do anything,” Himchan started hiccupping as fresh tears began to roll down his face, his clinging onto Jongup becoming far tighter than it had been before, “I don’t want to go back to my home town. He’ll take me and there’ll be nothing that I can do to stop him. Please, don’t send me away, please, I promise that I’ll...”

The wild ramblings were cut off when the dragon pulled Himchan out of Jongup’s embrace and instead wrapped the terrified boy around her own body as if he were nothing short of being a young babe who had been hurt dreadfully. Inside her heart was breaking, recognising all too easily the turmoil that was going through Himchan’s heart and mind right now and her fury towards the young man who had caused this to one of her most beautiful flowers was enough to have her nearly screaming in rage but she controlled herself. Right now, she had to focus on Himchan, had to try and break him out of this self destructive cycle of self loathing that was brought on by people who should have known far better.

“Listen, my little firefly,” the Dragon said softly, pressing a kiss to Himchan’s head, “No one is being sent away and this city will forever be your home. You have so much beautiful treasure waiting for you, as well as high interest from two very highly attractive young men who will beat the living daylights out of that vile creature who did this terrible thing to you. Believe me, my little turtle dove, you are safe and we will protect you.”

Himchan continued to cry, clinging onto the woman as if his life depended on it and babbling almost incoherently about how he was undeserving, how he was tainting everything in this beautiful place and that he should be gone. Jongup was failing to stop himself from wailing along with Himchan but the Dragon managed to keep her composure and offered the soothing comfort that she could provide by her status alone. But it was clear that Himchan was not going to be easily swayed into gaining his confidence back anytime soon and whilst the swiftest messenger from the stables had been sent to the City of Brides, it would still be a day at bare minimum for his mentor to arrive.

Finally growing tired to the tirade of self hatred, the Dragon pulled Himchan back and forced the young carrier to look at her. Himchan’s face was blotchy, his eyes bloodshot and heavy with deep set bags that made him look even worse and there was a bruise beginning to show from where the vile man had struck him in an attempt to make him quiet. Such treatment should have never been delivered to one as pure and innocent as Himchan and the Dragon sighed as she gently took the boy’s face in her hands, “Himchan, stop. Whatever evil words that vile boy spoke to you are not true, you know it deep down and you’re allowing yourself to believe the demons which they have put inside you. You cannot give into those demons, Himchan, because that will take you away from the world and that is not what we want. We love you Himchan, we want to protect you, to guide you and to make you happy. I will never send you away, you are one of my sons and I know you’ll make me so proud one day. The Mergine always chooses the most beautiful of people for this role and you are, inside and out. Let me protect you and guide you back towards the light.”

Slowly blinking at the woman, Himchan sniffled a few times before leaning back into her body and holding her close. He did not speak but there was an change in his general aura that suggested that he was beginning to relax. The Dragon looked up at Jongup and smiled, “Be a dear and go check the water temperature in the bath. If it’s gone cold, draw another one but if it’s just warm then it should be fine.”

Jongup nodded quietly, wiping at his own tears before pausing and leaning to press a quick kiss to Himchan’s temple before he hurried away to do as he was bidden. The Dragon smiled, holding the younger man close and began humming the same tune which Jongup had hummed in an effort to calm the carrier down. She could only be thankful that the attempted had not gone much further than it had because she was sure that the frail boy in her arms would no longer be with them as the shame would have swallowed him whole. Whilst what had happened was bad, it was still possible to help Himchan recover from this ordeal and bring him back into the world as an even more beautiful bloom come the spring.

Jongup returned shortly and together they helped the young man out of his sweat drenched clothes and into the bath where they washed him carefully down and cleaned his hair. For the most part Himchan was unresponsive, on the verge of falling back asleep and the pair allowed him to drift off as they both knew that he needed some rest to recover. How long he would be able to manage to sleep before another terrible nightmare of the incident woke him up was anyone’s guess but even a small amount of sleep was a small mercy in this situation.

Once the Dragon was satisfied that Himchan had been in the bath long enough, the pair pulled the carrier out, dried him off with the largest fluffy towel imaginable and dressed him in cotton robes of soft green. Instead of laying him in his bed however, the Dragon carried the boy by herself to a small, private chamber off of her own room which was decorated plainly. Jongup did not ask why Himchan was being brought there because he could see the state that Himchan was in.

Tearfully he looked up towards the Dragon once Himchan was settled down in the fine bed and let out a little whimper, “Will Himchan get better?”

“Yes, my little Jongup,” the Dragon said, reaching out to pet the boy and pull him into a soft embrace, “Time will heal and there are plenty of those who will help him along the way. Be strong for him and cry with him when he needs it. Our little jewel will sparkle once again, we just have to be patient because things like this take a while to recover from.”

Nodding, Jongup turned his attention back to the now quietly slumbering figure before allowing himself to be led out of the room to take his own rest. Tears still slipped quietly from his eyes, but he swore to help Himchan in whatever way possible until he regained his confidence and smile back a thousand times brighter than before.

authors babbling: so first new chapter, what do people think? Glad I've come back to this? Hope you all enjoy and any predictions for what madness I'm going to inflict upon you all now?