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Dami came around the next morning, as soon as I opened the front door, she grabbed me and pulled me into a huge hug. I hadn’t seen her in a long time and I spun her around, she looked me up and down and fussed like mum always did. I hadn’t talked to her much since our last phone call and she was obviously still concerned about me.
 
“How are you doing?” she asked seriously, sitting down on one of the breakfast stools. Her fashion was on point as always and she hadn’t bothered to take her overly expensive Manolo Blahnik heels off and I smiled at how at home she made herself.
 
“I’m fine.” She pouted slightly.
 
“Do you realise how much you scared me when you called me saying you wanted to die!” She had raised her voice slightly. “I don’t know what I’d do if we lost you.” She bowed her head.
 
“Dami, the guys are here, please don’t say anything to them. I-I was just having a weak moment, I wont think about it again.” She raised her head and reached out to clasp my hand.
 
“I love you JiYong, and I won’t say anything that you’re uncomfortable with.” I gave her small hand a squeeze and thanked her. Just as we carried on talking, Seungri came out of the bedroom shirtless, his hair was sticking up everywhere and he was rubbing his puffy eyes so he didn’t see Dami or me at first. He stubbed him toe on the table leg and swore loudly before looking around himself.
 
“Noona!” he said, surprised. And then he realised that he wasn’t wearing a shirt and he uncomfortably covered himself up. “I’ll go and get a shirt” he mumbled, running back to the bedroom and returning in one of my hoodies. He smiled sheeplishly and came to stand next to me, wrapping a hand around my waist.
 
“Did you move me from the sofa?” he asked softly.
 
“Yeah” I shrugged.
 
“I thought you said that I was a fat panda.” He laughed.
 
“Not so fat anymore.” I smiled, leaning into his chest. Dami watched us with knowing eyes and fiddled in her handbag with a smug smile on her face whilst I talked with Seungri. I smoothed his hair down and let my hand linger for a moment before smiling at him and moving it away.
 
Youngbae was the next to emerge, luckily dressed. He greeted Dami enthusiastically and went to make himself a coffee. Offering one round, we all said yes and soon it smelt like coffee and cinnamon, because Seungri was weird and drank it with a spoonful of cinnamon every time.
 
They chatted amongst themselves and I was left to my own thoughts. “I’m gonna have a shower.”  I said quietly, slipping off the stool and making my way to the bathroom. Dami looked after me with worried eyes and I hunched my shoulders.
 
The water was nice and I undressed quickly, leaping into the shower and past the mirror, I didn’t want to see myself. The makeup washed off and I was left with my scarred arms wrapped around my bruised and beaten legs. I was so weary, but I was beyond crying.
 
I sat in the shower tray for a few minutes be