You and Youngbae made it official that you two are a "thing" today.

I don't know what to say. No words could describe how much I hate you right now.

No words could describe how much I wish he'd break your heart.

No words could describe how much I love you and how broken I am.

No words could describe how much I wish for you to come back and fix me again.

I think I'm drunk, Dara.

Correction: I don't think I'm drunk, I am drunk.

And I know that you've told me many times before that I shouldn't drink, and I know how much you hate it when I drink and how me drinking reminded you of that ty father of yours.

But I can't help it.

You were my drug.

I used to get drunk on your laughter, and high on your scent.

And despite knowing that you were probably going to break my heart, I didn't care;

I was too consumed by you.

I knew you were bad for me, but I couldn't help but follow you around.

You were like my drug, Dara. And I was completely and utterly addicted.

[FLASHBACK]

"Are you okay?" you asked, looking down at my unmoving figure on the ground.

I was tired, and I didn't want to move, so I just laid there, like a ragged doll, eyes half-closed, arms sprawled out beside me.

I was tired, and I was depressed, and I was wallowing in my own self pity.

And I know that wallowing in self pity wasn't good, but I couldn't help it. I just felt so disgusted with myself.

I just felt so ashamed of who I was.

"Jiyong, please tell me you're fine. Tell me you're okay," you pleaded, shaking me slightly.

I blinked shielding my eyes from the blazing sun.

"Honestly," I whispered, "I don't think I can." [End of Flashback]

You didn't talk to me for a while after that, and that scared me.

God, I was so whipped back then, Dara;