It’s nothing new. Jungkook convinced himself. Seokjin would always sleep with him back at home.

Ever since that incident, Jungkook would always ask Seokjin to sleep in his room with different kinds of excuses that Seokjin couldn’t reject, and Yoongi gave him long hard stare every night but he doesn’t say anything. He just let Seokjin do his thing.

But the thing is, Seokjin would always, always, insist to keep the door open. As much as Jungkook argues to have it closed because hyung it feels weird to sleep with the door open. Despite all the pouting and aegyo he did, he never won against the older male.

“You don’t sleep with the door open when you’re with Yoongi-hyung.”

“And your point is?”

“Nothing.”

So he leaves it be.

Sometimes, Seokjin arrives home late at night (or morning) and Jungkook pretends that he didn’t stay up late to wait for his hyung when Seokjin slips next to him on his bed fresh from the shower.

He pretends to sleep like a log when Seokjin wraps his arms around him so they would fit in the bed and he hoped that his heartbeat doesn’t beat too loud, or else Seokjin will know he’s actually awake.

(Seokjin fresh from the shower is his favorite. He doesn’t smell like artificial scent or cigarette. He just smelled like Seokjin. He smelled like the shampoo that he used and the soap that smelled like mint. He smelled like Seokjin and he liked it. When he wakes up in the morning, the scent would cling to him and he liked it. He smelled like Seokjin in the morning and there’s no better way to wake up than this.)

-x-

“You’re always spacing out.” Namjoon tapped his pen on the table as he looked up to Jungkook, sitting across him.

“I—“ Jungkook blinked. “What?”

“See? You’re always spacing out.” The older male grinned.

Jungkook stared at the papers on the table. Lyrics that were crossed out, red inks all over the paper, and some doodles. He had been hanging out with Namjoon lately, sometimes helping him with writing songs because according to Namjoon he needed a fresh new brain to help him. Whatever that meant.

He grabbed a purple pen and started doodling on the nearest paper.

“I’m just thinking.” He murmured.

“What about it?”

With the time he spent around Namjoon, he knew he can trust the older male. With the way he always unconsciously talked about weird things like why the moon is round, or what he thinks about fireworks, and how he can relate a to how life really is. He has the wisdom of an eighty-year-old.

“Nothing. Just stuff.” He didn’t look up from the paper that he’s currently murdering with vertical and horizontal lines.

“You know, you can talk about it with me. I figured you’re the type of person who doesn’t openly talk about his feelings and you just bottle them up.”

Jungkook looked up and raised his eyebrow.

“I was just saying,” Namjoon continues, “that it would help if you let it out once in a while. It’s safe with me, no worries.”

“I know.”

He heard Namjoon hum and maybe that’s a cue for him to continue talking.

“Promise you won’t judge me after this.” He squinted his eyes at the older male.

“I won’t.”

“I…” He looks away, hesitating for a moment. He had been telling himself this, but saying it out loud felt weird. Like, if he said it out loud it will be officially true and it scared him. He doesn’t know how he will deal with it.

Namjoon kept quiet and Jungkook took a deep breath.

“I like Seokjin-hyung.”

Namjoon blinked at him with a confused expression. “Everyone does.”

“No! I mean, I like him. I really like him. I’ve liked him for a long time, ever since I was a small kid who had no idea what it is to like someone. I don’t know… I just…” he trailed off.

“Oh,” Namjoon said, “I see. You sound like you’re in love with him though.”

“Yeah, maybe I am.”

And the conversation ended there. Jungkook was more than happy that Namjoon didn’t question him further or mentioned that Seokjin is dating his close friend. He doesn’t say anything after that.

-x-

His bags are packed neatly and documents are secured with his parents’ signature (although his father informed him from a phone call that it wasn’t signed by his mother without a fight so they made a deal. Two years. If Jungkook doesn’t debut within two years, then he can kiss his dream goodbye and will follow whatever his mother planned to him). He would be lying if he said he’s not nervous. He’s a wreck. He knew how cruel this industry is and the chance of him actually debuting is slimmer than Seokjin’s waist but he’ll work hard. He wanted this and he’ll get what he wants. He’s thankful enough that his mother even allowed him.

He also received Taehyung’s gift and it was a box of condoms. ing condoms with a pink sticky note that said “wear protection :^) you ungrateful brat.” and he hid it in his bag as soon as he saw it. Kim Taehyung is impossible.

(Thank god Seokjin didn’t see it.)

The night before he leaves, with his things neatly packed in the corner of the room, Seokjin was stiff as a rock.

The older male was sitting on the bed with an unreadable expression. His eyebrows are knitted together and he had that adorable pout on his lips. He’s also wearing pink pajamas with bunny prints on it.

“Hyung.”

“Alright, we need to leave early tomorrow so we should go to bed. What do you want to eat tomorrow? I wasn’t able to do shop for ingredients so we can just eat out.”

“Hyung, can we close the door tonight?”

Seokjin looked at him. “Huh?”

“The door. Can we close it tonight? I want to have a good night sleep without the constant thought of someone watching us.”

“Well,” Seokjin said, looking at the door with a conflicted look, “I can close it halfway.”

“Hyuuuung. Close it. As in close it.”

“Don’t wanna.” He huffed and made himself comfortable on the bed by lying down and wrapping the blanket around him like a burrito.

Jungkook groaned and Seokjin stuck his tongue out like a kid.

Seokjin doesn’t look like he’s planning to get up so Jungkook took the mission to himself to close the door with a click. The older male looked at him with an unimpressed glare.

“Jeon Jungkook.”

Jungkook ignored him and closed the lights before he crawled next to Seokjin. “Share me the blanket, hyung.”

“Not if you don’t open the door again.”

“Come on, hyung. This is my last night here.”

“My offer still stands. I won’t share the blanket unless you open the door.” He argued.

“Why do you want to keep it open anyway?” Jungkook groaned. This is fine, he’ll live without the blanket because Seokjin is a human version of a heater. “If it’s Yoongi hyung then he doesn’t need to worry, I won’t do anything funny.”

Seokjin was quiet for a few minutes and Jungkook was almost convinced that he fell asleep. “It’s not Yoongi.”

“Yeah? Then what is it?”

“I don’t trust myself. I might do something I’ll regret.”

 It was as if someone poured a bucket of cold ice to Jungkook and if he was feeling sleepy ten seconds ago, he’s fully awake now. His hearts beating so fast, something is caught in his throat, and his stomach felt weird, and oh. It made sense but at the same time it doesn’t. Jungkook couldn’t point it out but he sort of understood and he doesn’t know how to react. Was that a confession? He blushed at the thought of it. What the does that mean?

“Hyung, what do you—“

“Just open the door.”

And this time, Jungkook obliged.

-x-

The following morning was awkward. Seokjin’s face looked puffy from the lack of sleep and Yoongi stared at them like a hawk looking at its prey. Seokjin was literally not in the condition to drive so Yoongi took the responsibility and now Jungkook is in the front seat while Seokjin is playing with his phone in the back seat.

“So…where are we eating breakfast?” Yoongi broke the silence. He glanced at the rear mirror to look at Seokjin who is still engrossed on his phone.

“Drive-through would be nice.” Jungkook answered thinking that Seokjin wouldn’t say anything.

“Alright.”

They ended up getting food from Burger King. Despite his sour mood, Seokjin wolfed down five burgers while complaining that they should have gotten better and healthier breakfast. Jungkook got a burger and Yoongi got himself a coffee.

Besides from the evident foul mood of Seokjin (that Jungkook felt guilty of because that was clearly his fault), the ride went smooth. No accidents and no traffic that they arrived at the place where Jungkook will stay at for the next years of his youth.

“So we submitted the forms the other day and got the approval.” Yoongi checked his phone for the checklist.

“Yeah.”

“We got your things here.”

“Yep.”

“You ready?”

Jungkook swallowed hard and looked at Seokjin sitting in the back. His eyes are trained on the screen but judging from his expression, he’s not exactly paying attention to his phone.

“Hyung?” Jungkook called and Seokjin’s grip on his phone tightened.

He heard Yoongi’s sigh before he unbuckled himself from the driver’s seat. “I’ll go out and take a walk or something. I hate dramas so I’ll leave you two for a while.”

“Yoongi-hyung, wait—“

“Kid, you’ll see me a lot here whether you like it or not. I don’t need to hear your speech.” He rolled his eyes before he stepped out of the car.

Jungkook watched Yoongi’s figure walk away from them before he turned his attention back to Seokjin who is now looking at his shoes instead of his phone.

“Hyung?”

“Jungkook about last night. With what I said, I’m sorry. Please forget it.”

“What?”

“You know what I meant, right?” He looked up to meet Jungkook’s curious stare.

“Yeah.”

“Anyway…I don’t want to see you off like this. You’ll finally be out there to make a name for yourself and,” he stops and takes a deep breath, “I don’t know what I’m saying anymore. Let’s go back to our old relationship, yeah?”

“I don’t understand.”

“The brother kind of relationship? Where I’m your older brother and you’re my younger brother?”

“But…” Jungkook’s heart sunk. “I really like you, hyung.”

“You can’t,” he says, “Let’s get your things, shall we?”

He steps out of the car to grab Jungkook’s bags and that’s when Jungkook heart stopped beating. The air was pushed out of his lungs and suddenly everything felt suffocating.

Seokjin helped him get his things to the floor of his dorm. He gave Jungkook a pat on the head before he left. The younger boy just stood outside the door of his new home contemplating the rejection he just received. He wanted to cry so bad but what would the other trainees think of him? He doesn’t want to give them an impression of a crybaby (man up, he said to himself). He bit his lower lip until it bled and raised his fist to knock, but before it could land on the wooden door he heard someone approach him.

“Oh! You’re the new trainee?”

He turned his head and saw a boy with paper bags from a grocery store nearby.

“Hoseok-hyung--”

“Oh!” Hoseok’s eyes widened in recognition. “Jungkook, right?” He smiled and Jungkook felt relieved to see a (somewhat) familiar face that he stopped trying to hold his tears back.

He could feel his hands tremble and he can hear his pathetic voice make embarrassing noises but he couldn’t care right now. He felt so lost, scared, and heartbroken. He doesn’t know what to do next. He left home and now he’s all alone in a city that he’s not familiar with, his mother probably hated him right now, and the love of his life just flat out dumped him few minutes ago.

He couldn’t see well due to the tears blurring his vision but he heard Hoseok drop the bags on the floor and felt himself getting pulled into a hug. Hoseok runs soothing circles on his back as an attempt to calm him down.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Shh, it’s okay.”

He chokes on the air and stutters out a reply, “I-I’m s-scared…”

“It’s going to be alright, it’s okay to be scared.” He heard the older male mumur. “You won’t be alone. I’m here! Oh and did you know that Jimin is here too? Now, let’s get you fixed and meet him inside. He was waiting for you since this morning.”

Jungkook reluctantly let go of Hoseok before he wiped his face with the sleeve of his shirt. “Sorry.”

“Hey, it’s alright.” Hoseok smiled.

Jungkook let out a breath that he didn’t realize he was holding and turned to the door in front of him. He’ll leave all of this outside of the door and he’ll focus on himself once he enters the room. He’ll forget all the thoughts that will hold him back.

He needed to be strong. 

Author's note:

I'm sorry for the really late update o-(--(