After Seokjin left their small town, the days became slower. A day felt like a week, a week felt like a month, and a month genuinely felt like a year. Jungkook hoped he wasn’t exaggerating, but the slow days gave him that horrible feeling and it made him look like an angry teenager going through a phase.

His grades got lower, his attention span in his classes got a lot worse that his teachers gave up trying to get his focus back. He failed tests and went through a numerous number of detentions. Everyone was convinced he wouldn’t graduate and apparently, his mother thought so too.

He immersed himself in the music that was recommended by Eunseo. He listened to a few more artists that he discovered while he searched for the songs. He found songs that stuck to him a like a super glue. Songs about following dreams, moving on, being strong, and what people think.

The songs calmed him down and helped him throughout the school year.

(And somewhere along the line of his growing love for music, a faint feeling started to bloom in his chest. He wanted to write songs too. Songs that would inspire people to keep going. That the society is just one huge judgmental that you shouldn’t give a about.

He would probably write songs about s and literally, the five years and maybe one sided crushes with someone older than you.)

So everyone was surprised when his name was included in the graduation list. It was a surprise that he was there, at their graduation practices. The rumor that his parents paid a huge amount of money to the principal just to allow him to graduate was all over the school like a wild fire (somewhat similar with Taehyung and JImin’s relationship rumor before). It wasn’t really a secret that he came from a family that earned more money than the average so it was to be expected. Considering his horrible grades that can guarantee him that he won’t graduate plus the amount of money that his parents own, it really wasn’t a surprise.

(If you asked Jungkook about it, he won’t deny that it’s true. His mother was desperate for him to finish middle school on time. No one bothered to ask him for a confirmation though, so he kept quiet about it.)

That’s how he found himself in their graduation ceremony. Dressed formally while he sat in an uncomfortable chair next to his classmates that he barely knew.

He felt everyone’s eyes on him when his name was called. He walked up to the stage full of uncertainty. He knew he doesn’t deserve it but he’s here nonetheless. Might as well just accept the diploma that was bought for him. He gave a bow to the audience and shook the principal’s hand when the piece of paper was handed to him. The shake was firm and the old man gave him a weird look through his forced smile. The younger boy smiled back for the sake of the photos that was being taken.

(The sound of camera shutters are everywhere and it’s ringing inside his skull. There are lots of flashes and he felt uncomfortable. Hundreds of eyes were on him, cameras were pointed at his direction, and the background music will make him insane after hearing it nonstop during their practice for this horrible graduation ceremony. He was glad when his turn was over. He walked down the stage with a loud sigh and walked back to his seat.)

After a long (boring) congratulatory speech, he found himself between Eunseo and Taewon with their parents (save for Jungkook’s parents who had a business meeting on the day of their son’s graduation) and his brother taking photos of them. Eunseo graduated with awards and Taewon graduated with a medal.

Taewon gave him a smug smile the whole time and Jungkook wanted to punch it off his face. The said boy was kind of smart and Jungkook won’t deny it (emphasis on kind of). He’s just a horrible person to the core and the boy couldn’t believe he managed to spent years eating lunch with him.

(He looked good though, Jungkook silently gave that credit to him. But Taewon never bragged about it. His nose is straight, his eyes are caramel brown, soft lips, visible jaw line, and his features are generally soft that it gave him ‘prince’ look. He even got the title of ‘most likely to be an idol’ written on their year book.

Sometimes Jungkook wished he was Taewon instead. He doesn’t look like he’s having existential crisis every day. Taewon looked nice and kind of smart, so it’s a wonder why Eunseo chose to like him instead of the smug standing next to him while their photos were taken.)

After several tiring sessions of the older people telling them to say cheese for the camera, Jungkook’s brother called it a day. He turned his professional camera off and pulled him out of the school grounds.

Jungkook saw Jimin and Taehyung waiting for him and for a moment, he forgot all his worries and uncertainty. He let himself get drowned in the hugs that the two older male gave him. He let himself drown in the laughter and ‘congratulations, we’re proud of you’ as if he actually deserved to finish middle school.

They went to an expensive restaurant while his brother trailed behind them. Sometimes he would crack jokes to go along with their conversations and Jungkook figured that this is enough. He liked this and he could deal with this. He’s out from the judgmental stares from the people in his school and he won’t see them again for few months until he starts high school.

Seokjin wasn’t able to send him a congratulatory message, but Yoongi managed to contact him. It was a letter that he found in their mailbox when he got home. He kept it under his shirt, away from his brother’s gaze and he was thankful he was the first one who saw it.

He ran towards his house and to his room. He made sure that the door is locked because he couldn’t risk anyone to know about the existence of the letter.

(For the first time, he was thankful that his parents didn’t attend his graduation ceremony and will be away for a day.)

Jungkook eyed the envelope curiously. It has Yoongi’s name on it and his address, it was a university dorm address so he figured this is where Seokjin stayed too.

He carefully opened it and saw three folded papers. The first one was from Seokjin. It was a congratulatory message and the elder apologizing that he couldn’t call or send him an instant message because he doesn’t know how to contact him anymore. But he wished him the best and hoped that the letter will reach him.

The next letter was from Yoongi. It’s just a short message. A short congratulation message, something about auditioning to an entertainment company, and to get into a music school. There was also a phone number written, it must be Yoongi’s.

The third one wasn’t exactly a letter but more like a form that he’s supposed to answer. It said BigHit Entertainment, written in black and bolded letters. Jungkook frowned, he’s not familiar with it. Although thinking about it, he only knew a few entertainment companies and those are the big three. That included the company where Seokjin and Eunseo’s favorite group is under.

It’s not like he never thought about Yoongi’s offer but he found it absolutely weird for the older male to push him into something like this. If Jungkook will be honest with himself, he isn’t exactly confident with himself. Yoongi himself said that his voice is terrible and out of tune. Jungkook isn’t also doing good with his visuals because of his poor self-esteem.

He doesn’t expect to get accepted anyway, maybe Yoongi really just wanted him to try so he filled up the form nonetheless.

Eunseo visited him a lot during the break because she’s the only person that was allowed to visit him (according to his parents) so he took it as an opportunity to borrow her phone just to contact Taehyung and Jimin. He also sent messages to Yoongi (he never sent a single message to Seokjin and he wanted to keep it that way. He never talked to him anymore since he left. He convinced himself that it’s a crucial part of moving on, big thanks to the wikihow articles in the internet).

He watched several music videos with Eunseo and concert videos. All in all, he absolutely amazed with how the artists can move the crowd with their lyrics, and how they can inspire a person just by existing.

He watched Eunseo talk about her favorite songs with full of passion. The same way he would talk about how much he loved Tony Stark.

Jungkook wondered if Yoongi thought the same. He imagined how important music is to the older male and would go to different lengths just to get what he wanted. The boy doesn’t want to admit it but he admired that.

(The part where Yoongi will work hard and had a passion for something. That’s all.)

He also remembered Seokjin when he said he liked the same group that Eunseo liked. He can imagine him talking about it the way Eunseo does. The group does have an amazing music and the lyrics are great too. He found himself buying their albums and listening to their songs every night.

He saw more of the group in the television and his mouth is always open with amazement. They’re amazing. After every performance, he would hide in his room and try to sing some of their songs, including the rap part. He failed most of the time but he can work on it.

The short vacation was spent with Eunseo sneaking him out so he can meet up with Jimin and Taehyung. He found out that Jimin was accepted to a school in Seoul where he can enhance his dancing skills. It was a scholarship and everything will be paid for him and he was honestly happy for the older male. Taehyung looked a bit conflicted but he was happy for him too, it was his life dream nonetheless.

He thought about how happy Jimin is and how happy Taehyung is for Jimin. It made him realize what he actually wanted to do. He wanted to be happy and maybe there’s one thing that he could do.

It was a Sunday night when his father lightly knocked on his room. The complete opposite of his mother’s harsh knocking that came along with shouting.

“Dad? Come in,” Jungkook said, taking a seat on his bed.

His father entered the room and closed the door behind him. He looked tired and older. His hair is starting to look grey and his face had more visible wrinkles.

“Can we talk?” He asked.

Jungkook frowned. “Yeah, sure.” He moved a bit to give space for his father to sit on his bed.

“So…” His father started, looking at anywhere but his child. “about your future.”

A strong sensation of sadness washed over Jungkook. Future. Right, it’s going to be that talk again where his parents decide on his future and he doesn’t have the right to object. He hated this the most but he listened anyway, it’s not like he had a choice.

“Your mother wants you to be a businessman like us.”

“Oh. So she finally decided on it.” It sounded bitter but Jungkook doesn’t bother to correct the tone of his voice.

It looked like his father didn’t mind it. “Yeah, she did. I want to ask you if that’s what you want?”

The boy turned his head to his father and gave him an angry look. “You’re asking me if I want it? Of course not, but it’s not like I have a choice. I have to roll with it even if I’m against it. I don’t have the right to choose what I want. I’m just a child anyway.”

His father chuckled and that surprised Jungkook. He was expecting his father to yell at him or to slap him, but he chuckled like he found it amusing that his child just flat out disrespected him right in front of his face.

“I knew you’d say that.”

“What are you talking about, dad?”

“Let’s keep this a secret between us.” A pause and Jungkook stopped breathing. “I saw that form in your drawer the other day.”

No. No. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He lied.

“Don’t be scared it’s fine. Do you want to try it?”

The boy’s eyes widened. “What?”

“I figured you want to try auditioning for it. It’s not like you’ll lose anything. If you didn’t get accepted then it’s fine, you can go back here.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Your mother will be against it but we can make excuses.”

“Are you for real?” The younger boy wanted to cry right then and there, he hoped that he wasn’t dreaming.

“So, do you want it?”

“Yes!” He almost jumped up from his bed but he tried to contain his excitement and save it for later.

“Good. I’ll get you plain tickets and other stuff. I’ll contact Seokjin to fetch you in the airport when you arrive at Seoul. I’ll also talk to your friend Jimin because I heard he’ll go there too. As much as I want to see you chase something that you really want to do, I can’t because well…” he shrugged.

“Mom would kill you.”

“Yeah. That’s right.”

The father and son stared at each other for a few moments before both of them broke into identical eating grin that only spelled trouble. Jungkook felt his cheeks getting wet and pulled his father for an embrace. “Thank you, I never expected this.”

“I’m sorry. I know it’s hard but please be patient with your mother. She’s a bit paranoid with pretty much everything and I can’t object her. But I want you to give this a shot, alright? I’m going to regret not letting you choose your own future for the rest of my life.”

He wondered what happened to make his father walk to his room and discuss this. He wondered why his father said that, but he chose not to question it out loud. He’ll take what he could get.

Of course, his mother rejected the idea. She said it would amount to nothing and Jungkook should just listen to her. It made the boy frustrated but it’s fine. He knew his father is on his side.

He heard more from Jimin and Taehyung. Jimin will leave next month and he’s scared that Taehyung will be lonely.

(But Taehyung assured him that he’ll be fine. They can talk on skype and text each other every day. It shouldn’t be a problem.

Jimin wasn’t convinced though.)

“I didn’t know your father is nice. I’ve always thought he was some kind of a silent killer. My memories about him are nothing but him sitting on a chair while he reads a newspaper.” Jimin said one day when Jungkook managed to sneak out of the house, thanks to Eunseo.

“That’s literally the stereotype for fathers. It’s lame.”

Jimin grinned. “So you’re really coming with me?”

The younger boy grinned back. “Yeah.”

“And you’re going to audition to be an idol?”

“Yeah.”

“I can teach you some dance moves when we arrive at Seoul.”

Before Jungkook could respond, Taehyung returned with three ice creams.

“Pay me back!” He demanded as he handed the ice cream to the two boys.

“We’re leaving soon and you still won’t treat us?” Jiming pouted to his boyfriend and made an attempt to do aegyo. Jungkook wanted to gag.

“I’m jobless. I don’t have money, you . Thank god I love you so I’ll let it be.” He turned to Jungkook. “You need to pay me. You’re not exempted.”

“You’re a loser.” The younger huffed but handed the money to Taehyung anyway.

A passport with plane ticket was given secretly to him by his father when his mother was out. The young boy stared at it with wide eyes, he couldn’t believe it’s happening.

“Dad…” He looked up. “It’s just a one-way ticket, how will I come back?”

“Well, what if you got accepted?”

“I don’t think…”

“It’s fine. I’ll get you a ticket back here but do your best, alright?”

“Thanks.” The boy sent his father a bunny grin before he stared at the ticket again.

“Can you sing for me?”

“I…I…I don’t think—“

The man made disapproving noises. “That won’t do. How will you audition if you’re shy? Come on, Kookie. You’re just as handsome as me, be confident.”

A pout made its way to the younger’s lips. “Easy for you to say.”

“And if you think I don’t hear you singing in your room then you’re wrong with that.” A grin. “Our walls are not that thick, you know? If you don’t get accepted, then they don’t know what a talent is.”

Jungkook’s cheeks turned pink and frowned at the man.

“It sure runs in the blood.” His father said.

“What do you mean?”

“I wanted to be a singer when I was your age but your grandmother thought it was a good idea for me to be a businessman instead so here we are.” He motioned to himself as if saying here, you get this boring old man instead of a celebrity. “So, when I saw that form in your room I was reminded at how I ignored my dream just to follow what my parents wanted me to do. I was devastated. I don’t want you to experience that.”

“I didn’t know…” He stares at the man with wide eyes. No one told him that, even during those boring family reunions. Hell, no one even bothered to boast that his father can sing.

A shrug. “It’s something that no one was proud of.”

No one was proud of. Hearing that stung a lot. He admired those musicians that he met through Eunseo and , he even admired Yoongi. How can people be ashamed of those? They have the power to move people with music. That’s something to be proud of. He doesn’t understand it at all.

He’ll do this. He’ll chase after this dream, and at the same time he’ll be chasing after his father’s dream. Maybe his grandparents won’t be happy and his mother will be disappointed, but his father will be proud. Maybe his older brother too but he’s not too sure (Junghyun is an unpredictable ).

(And somewhere behind his mind, he wanted Seokjin to be proud of him too. So he’ll do it.)

“Now, keep that in your room before your mom sees that.”

So he went to his room and kept it under the mattress of his bed.

It was as if he had some kind of an inside joke with his father. Whenever his mother talked about feeling excited for Jungkook to enter high school and walk the path of business just like them, his father would glance at him and give him a knowing smile.

He’ll return the smile even if his mouth is full of rice.

His mother noticed and asked them what they’re up to and his father calmly said that it’s nothing. He was just happy for Jungkook.

Until one week before Jungkook’s flight, during their dinner:

“I was thinking of sending Jungkook to a workshop. It’s organized by my friend.”

His mother raised an eyebrow. “What workshop?”

“It’s for young entrepreneurs.”

“Hmm… sounds good. And where is this?”

“Seoul.”

“Oh? When?”

“Wednesday next week.”

She looked like she was considering it. “We can’t come with him to Seoul though, we need to be in Japan by Tuesday.”

“He can go alone. I’ll accompany him to the airport and my friend would take care of him.”

“And this friend is…?”

“Remember Mr. Min? The one who owns a music producing agency?”

Jungkook’s head jerked to his father’s sife when he heard his father’s words. Surely, there are a lot of family with Min as their last name. It’s not just a certain Min guy who also happened to like music in general. What a ing coincidence.

“Oh! Yes, I know Mr. Min.” She smiled and that was an approval for him to go to Seoul.

Jungkook stared at his parents with wide eyes, his food already forgotten.

-x-

“Dad…” He called to his father who was helping him pack his clothes. The clothes that they are packing is not normal for just a week trip to a ‘workshop’. It looked like they were shoving his entire closet in the box and bags while his mother slept soundly in her room.

“Don’t talk too loud, your mom might wake up.”

“Yeah, okay.” Jungkook lowered his voice down. He stared at his now empty closet (save for Seokjin’s spare clothes. His father asked him if he wanted to pack it too and he said yes).

“What is it?” The man asked as he carefully folded Seokjin’s clothes.

“The Mr. Min guy…”

“He’s a childhood friend of mine. What about him?”

“Does he have a son?”

“Yeah, he did mention it. I believe he’s a year younger than Seokjin. Why?”

Jungkook swallowed hard and he felt a knot in his stomach. “Nothing. Just curious.”

His father took a seat on the floor when he finished packing and let out a loud sigh. “You’re going to see Seokjin again.”

The younger boy frowned.

“You’re always Seokjin this, Seokjin that. I’m surprised you’re not crying out tears of joy right now because you’ll see him again.”

“I’m not like that.”

“You are.” He smiled fondly. “I guess you’re really attached to him. No one can blame you though, you grew up with him.”

“I…” He hesitated before he decided that he won’t really lose anything. “I don’t think he grew up with me. It was more like he raised me. He was always an adult to my eyes.”

A hum. “I guess you’re right. He’s a mature kid even when he was your age. I felt bad for him because he had a lot of responsibilities at such a young age and you’re one of them. Makes me wonder if he actually experienced being a kid. I always see him helping his parents and taking care of you and the bananas.”

“Bananas?”

“Jimin and Taehyung. They remind me of that one show where the characters are bananas in pajamas. B1 and B2.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“How old are you, dad?”

“I’m not that old.” He pushed himself up. “Anyway, let’s put these things to the car. You don’t want to be late. Jimin is waiting at Taehyung’s place, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Taehyung will be sad.” His dad murmured under his breath and Jungkook almost missed it.

“You don’t mind them…?”

“It’s not like I have the right to interfere with them and I’m sure my opinions don’t matter.” He lifted the box and jerked his head towards the bags on the floor. “You carry the bags, we need to put them in the car all at once or else your mom would sense some weird stuff and wake up.”

So Jungkook took the two bags with him. It’s heavy.

As he followed his father outside as quiet as possible and dumped the bags in the car he felt something heavy in his chest. He looked around the place where he grew up. It was dark (considering it’s one in the morning) and the road is empty. The streetlights are on but the place is still covered in darkness. He stared at his house and all the lights are off. He doesn’t know why but it felt heavy to leave this place. Although it’s not like he’ll move away, he will just be gone for a while but he couldn’t shake the feeling off.

The streets that he walked along in, the shops that he would always stop by to buy ice cream, his room that he spent most of his life for fifteen years will be gone. He won’t see them again for a short period of time and it felt weird. He got used to everything here and leaving them behind never crossed his mind until now. He will leave the comfort of this place to go to the busy streets of the city.

It felt like he will be leaving a piece of himself in here. Something that made him him. Something that made him Jeon Jungkook.

He saw Taehyung and Jimin make their way to the car, with the duo greeting the older man with a polite smile. Taehyung carried two bags while Jimin carried a large bag with him. They got into the car and he noticed that his father was inside already too so he opened the passenger’s seat and hopped in. He closed the door and the engine started.

He’s going to leave the life that he used to live and he doesn’t know what to feel about it.

(But maybe it’s a step of growing up. It’s part of growing up. Somewhere along the road, he would need to leave his childhood and face the world. Maybe growing up is different with everyone. Like how Jimin grew up when his parents kicked him out, or how Taehyung grew up when his older brother left. Growing up would always mean leaving something behind or losing something in exchange.

And Jungkook wondered what Seokjin left in order to grow up.) 

The keys to his house sat heavily in his pocket. It looked like he won’t use them for a while.