Autumn, 2009

“Tae…you said you’d be going to my house today…Did you forget?” He asked, looking at the boy as if he was his universe, because frankly he was.

“Uh, I have…homework to do. I can’t. ” He lied trough his teeth as Jimin and a few classmates snickered with Hoseok next to the three of them, silent.

“I could help you with it! I’d do it f-for you.” He said, desperately.

“No, I’m good. I have Jimin, he’s smart and stuff. Later, really. Next week, promise.” Taehyung said as he started leaving with his friends, leaving Jungkook alone.

“Wow, what a shameless guy. ” Jimin said to the two as they were leaving, looking back at Jungkook standing alone then at Taehyung and snickering once again.

Present day

Jungkook was up all night because his rapidly beating heart didn’t allow him to sleep a wink. There was no evidence of a fire inside of the shared apartment, but Min Yoongi wasn’t here. Of course, he was out during the nights and slept during the day, as he has said loudly and clearly, but Jungkook had a horrible feeling in his gut about the man's well being.

 It had no basis but he wanted to confirm it was all a silly dream, a coincidence that played with his head to rile his anxiety up.

The boy remembered his dream, pink wildflowers being engulfed in flames. It was so short, yet it got destroyed so quickly.

He ate all of the sandwich bread they had because he liked to eat bread for comfort, he could eat it all day and everyday but he of course, did not. Only when he felt as if everything was out of control, he would overeat.

His stomach started hurting from eating so much but he ate until all of the bread was gone, the rice too…along with the ramen. The boy laid down on the floor carpet, awaiting for an airplane to come through the fifth floor to kill him and release him from his pain.

He stood up, went to the bathroom and thought about how people force themselves to purge. He stuck his finger down his throat but he was too grossed out to go through with it completely. His fingers were salty and nasty to his taste buds so he was repulsed. The young boy, never did this before, not knowing what to expect.

 Jungkook didn’t know what to do, his stomach felt as if it was about to explode an atomic bomb inside of him for about four hours now, he couldn’t stand it anymore. Thinking of another idea he picked up his blue toothbrush and stuck it down his throat. He saw it in Pink’s music video once. She said it was a great idea. Doing it while simultaneously squeezing his stomach and vomited into the toilet, only to end up feeling like absolute garbage, it was six in the morning and he already called that he will miss work and school today. He laid the side of his head on the toilet seat and shut his eyelids, inhaling deeply after loosing oxygen from vomiting for so long, but then the smell made him get up from his previous position and repeat the process one more time.

“Ayooo… are you alright?” Yoongi came in, unaware what was going on, just getting back from working, at his usual time. The boy was never here at this time of the day. He seemed to be vomiting his organs out. Jungkook burped, then puked once again like a caveman in front of the hyung he so desperately wanted to be liked by.

'Of ing course.' Jungkook thought.

Well, any hopes and day dreams about their merely friendly relationship went down the toilet together with Jungkook’s stomach context and pride.

Yoongi squinted at the disgusting sight, but, eh we’ve all been there. The exhausted baby faced boy breathed heavily as he wasn’t able to sit up from his position. The other man in the bathroom scratched his head, unsure what to do or what happened. What if somebody drugged him or he was out drinking? But he wasn’t that kind of a kid, or was he?

"So...what the hell?"

“I…ate too much. I’….am…so so….rry.” Jungkook said, Yoongi sustained his laughter from the hilarity of the situation.

“Oh my ing god, you’re such a little kid! I wish I puked for the same reasons these days. Aigooo, what do I do with you?” Yoongi exclaimed as Jungkook brightened up his ty day with his silliness, caused by pure innocence. He went on his knees as he grabbed the toilet paper and rolled it around his hand to wipe the vomit off of the youth’s lips and the corners of his mouth. The youth looked at him, embarrassed and ashamed of the predicament he’s put himself in. He probably seemed like such a little kid in his hyung's eyes.

 He saw that his hyung’s wounds were healing up slowly so immediately he felt ever so slightly better.

“Why would you eat so much, idiot?” Yoongi questioned, meaning the idiot in a playful way. Jungkook was happy to be insulted for the first time in his life, even though he knew not if the man was joking or not. He grinned widely at the man wiping his mouth like he would a toddlers'.

“I g-go-got so scared… I-I di-di-didn’t know.” Jungkook said as he stopped talking to catch up with his thoughts. Yoongi stood up and helped Jungkook up as well, he flushed the toilet after they both exited the bathroom.

“I thought you were dead.” Jungkook said in a terrifyingly serious tone of voice as he sat down on the couch.

“What the hell? Why?” The older questioned, they both sat on the couch, Yoongi stood up as he awaited for the answer to get something out of the fridge that would not upset his stomach but make his breath not stink so badly. But they had nothing in the fridge, except ramen, bread and a couple of soda’s and two cheap wine bottles. A fridge with for two men, not a boy. Sometimes, Yoongi worried if Jungkook was still going trough puberty as all this was stunting his growth, or something. Maybe he could've been 7 foot tall?

He patted his pockets and threw a packet of chewing gum at the boy. Was mint a protein? What is mint? Yoongi stared into the abyss as he was distracted with deep thought.

“Nam- A hyung said the-there was a fire.” Jungkook responded calmly since his most important hyung was here, beaten and bruised, but here. He was looking at his hands instead of him though.

“There was…far from us…on the first floor, but don’t listen to what other people say about this place. It’s not nice. I don’t think it was a big fire, I’m still fine, aren’t I? Don’t worry. I mean didn’t gunshots wake you up two nights ago?” The older advised, then proceeded to do his best to comfort the younger, easily afraid boy.

Jungkook nodded in understanding.

“Did he say something bad?” Yoongi questioned and Jungkook nodded as he bit his lip.

“Was it true?” Yoongi added a question, but Jungkook just shrugged. The man knew what they were saying but didn’t know what to talk about with the youth. Truthfully, he was exhausted from the day and would like to not talk at all, but so was Jungkook. He wanted to finally get to know his roommate. There was too much negativity, he wanted to make Jungkook ever so slightly happier.

He hasn’t seen the boy’s eyes in...he doesn't remember how long, people always looked him in the eyes, except this kid. Yoongi grew irritated of the lack of eye contact. He could stand him not speaking but this was just unbearable. The older didn’t know how to tell it to him without him thinking it was his fault or him wanting to stop talking to the man completely. They weren’t friends. They were acquaintances still, so he couldn’t do too much because truthfully, he doesn’t know him.

“Jungkook-ah” He spoke firmly to the youth.

“Yes?” He responded formally.

“Do you know why I sometimes call you, Bambi?” The man questioned. Jungkook bit the insides of his cheeks and shook his head left and right as he played with the loose threads of his worn out sleeves. The younger didn’t expect the question. But he's thought about the many nicknames given to him and cheered up every time when he did.

“Because…of your big, beautiful, dark brown eyes that you never let me see. They’re always hidden away under you bangs. It’s a shame.” Yoongi said, dramatically, trying to take the ease off the stiff conversation, making the youth look up through the heavy black bangs and blinking twice. The pink haired man smiled slightly and decided to tease the impish boy.

“Bambi~! Cute boy~!” He yelled out in a joking manner as he made Jungkook jump. He was fearful more than amused by the strange behavior.

Min Yoongi the pink alien. He was a foreigner in Jungkook’s world. Acting like a clown for some reason. Weird guy for sure.

“Eh, nobody thinks I’m cute when I try to be.” Yoongi stated as he exhaled deeply. He wished to entertain the boy, or try anything to get him to talk to him.

 Jungkook didn’t know what to do, he separated his bangs to a middle parting with his fingers, making Yoongi laugh which made Jungkook smile ever so slightly for the man to see.

“Oh! Look at you, you know how to smile? Eh?” Yoongi teased again, which made Jungkook uncomfortable, he couldn’t control how much he smiles or not. It was just the way he was.

“Yah, I was kidding.” Yoongi said, noticing his body language as he leaned forwards and fixed Jungkook’s hair from looking as a comical nerd, into looking handsome, by creating a side parting and throwing the rest of the hair over the side.

“There.” He said as he leaned back into the couch. He looked at the youth, still not connecting their eyes. It was as if it was a tug and pull game and Yoongi was splattered face first in the mud from the rejection.

“Are you going to your private school today, rich boy?” He asked sarcastically as Jungkook finally smiled and pouted. He understood the sarcasm this time so that was an accomplishment.

“No….it’s a public school…” He said cutely to his hyung.

“Can I cut your hair?”

“No.” He responded and Yoongi rolled his eyes.

“You’ll be a pretty boy. Like an idol. That and we’ll buzz your sides.” Yoongi said as he kept looking at the sides of the boy’s hair. Planning ahead. The boy’s eyes widened in fear.

“No.” He said firmly, wishing no such thing.

“No, it’s fine trust-“

“No!” The youth raised his voice at him which scared the living daylights out of Yoongi, since he usually held back and gave half of the voice tone he actually had. It came out of nowhere. He wanted to know what was going on in that head. He was about to ask but the boy explained for himself, since he felt bad for shouting.

“I am ugly. I will always be ugly. M-m-my skin wi-will always be b-b-b-ad. I-I will al-always be too th-thin and w-weak.” He explained. Why was every topic a bad one with Jeon Jungkook? Yoongi could discuss every topic with any type of person, hell, he’s seen one soccer match in his life yet he could still discuss it with people. The boy was mission impossible.

“Don’t be ridic-“

“No! I don’t want ev-ev-ev-e-verybody to tell me lies about how hand-ha-handsome I am! Or how many girls li-li-like me! Why do even people who don’t mean a-a-a-n-an-any harm- ” He paused to catch his breath.

”- to me lie to my face!” He shouted back, angry.

“Do you want me to shout as loudly?! “ Yoongi questioned, seemingly getting enraged. He stood up, scaring Jungkook since he know he was being incredibly rude to a hyung. He could get his beat for his loud mouth. Damn it, why does he always do this when he's uncomfortable? The boy should've just taken it and it would all be fine.

Yoongi went up to the door of their apartment and opened and slammed it shut, still staying in the room and rested his hands on his hips, pacing up and down their apartment in a joking manner that didn’t translate to the youth this time.

“I’m angry as I’ll ever be at you Jeon Jungkook!” He said as the overgrown youth felt incredibly bad, scared of what the older will do. Something unexpected came out of the older's mouth on the other hand.

“You are beautiful in every superficial goddamn definition of the word!” Yoongi shouted at the shocked youth. He didn’t know what was going on at all, he observed him from the couch like a curious owl, eyes not darting above his shoulders.

“Do you not get it? You’re ing incredibly good looking. Alright?” Yoongi questioned, but Jungkook didn’t answer, looking down at the floor. Yoongi got tired of his low self-confidence, even though it was ironic since his own self confidence was at a 0 but he still tried to make the other less insecure either way.

“Yah! Look at your hyung when he speaks to you!” Yoongi commanded and Jungkook obeyed. The older calmed down from his theatric outburst and sat down next to the boy.

“You know what I did when I was your age? When I felt ugly?” The older questioned the boy sitting next to him, looking at him attentively. He shook his head quickly with a slightly opened mouth. Yoongi proceeded to and lower his jeans, making Jungkook’s heart race. What was he about to do?

He proceeded to show his left thigh covered in pink lines and small stab wounds. Jungkook got lost in the criss crossing of them, when he saw that Jungkook saw them, he zipped his pants up. It was the first time for the man, that lowering his pants didn’t mean anything ual and it didn’t mean anything ual to the youth either. It was a bonding moment. A strange one for sure, but it brought them closer together. Jungkook was grateful, even though he wasn’t showing it.

He would never be able to show his scars like that, wishing he was as brave as the older.

“That is what you get with that thinking. Koreans…our people are blunt, Kookie. We don’t lie. You’re stunning just the way you are. I got told I was ugly all the time. That my eyes were too small, my nose was too big. I can’t even remember. My skin was too dark as well. Bleh.” Yoongi said as he leaned on the couch. Jungkook’s hands were shaking but he placed his large hands over his hyung’s small cloth covered shoulder, patting it stiffly a few times, quickly retracting his hand after doing so, feeling embarrassed and bashful. He didn’t know what he was thinking with that action. He saw that they did that in movies. The inexperienced byo learned most things about the world through television and videos of different sorts.

Comforting people with or without words was so difficult, how does Yoongi do it so that he stops feeling bad so easily? Jungkook burped out of nervousness. He wanted to tell him how pretty he thinks the man is. He couldn’t ever possibly gather enough courage to do such a task.

How he loved the way his eyelashes get tangled in his bangs of a different color...

“I’m sorry, hyung. I wish I wa-was as co-confident ab-b-ab-ab….like you.” Jungkook admitted.

“The secret is that I’m not confident at all. Fake it till you make it, baby.” Yoongi smiled at the other and placed his hand on the youth’s as he swiftly and firmly squeezed it, then proceeded to stand up and pat the youth’s head. Making his actions short and insignificant, a friendly gesture of kindness.

“Maybe you threw up because of the fever, your face is so red, Bambi.” He said as he proceeded to place his palm on the boy’s forehead, then he ruffled his hair again. Truthfully, Jungkook was blushing because of Yoongi not a fever.

“You’re good, I’m going to bed now. Bye, bye.” The older yawned.

“Wait! You can do it.” Jungkook said hesitantly, wanting to keep his hyung with him for longer than he’s supposed to have him. He really wanted to stay his ugly self but, whatever. The older’s face lit up, he felt like a schoolgirl on a sleep over. He doesn’t have many friends and if he did they were all girls. For the first time he felt like a big brother. He’ll finally shave off that bowl off of his flatmate’s head.

"I have pins and alcohol, we can pierce your ears as well!" 

Yoongi cared about appearances a lot, so he looked forward to it, but of course. He thought all ‘kids’ teenagers were beautiful, they shouldn’t be worrying with make-up, weight nor hair, or even getting the boy or the girl. They should focus on their academics and having fun. No matter how fuddy duddy he sounded. All kids and teenagers were perfect. But maybe this would give him a little bit of confidence that he needed.

He might be crazy for caring for such a strange kid… he could’ve sworn that the kid barely looks at him and when he does its always him staring at the back of his head, swiftly turning away after being caught.

Why doesn’t he stay away from him? What’s wrong with him? Does he not notice the needle marks across his arms, the horrible things he does to get money, his worn out face from long days of abuse and self-hatered? Why didn’t he just stop trying to talk to him after Yoongi showed him the cuts on his legs? Was he merely being polite? Perhaps. He really did not understand Jeon Jungkook, no,  not one percent.

His innocence was a foreign matter to the older who never had such a luxury. Another thing he has noticed is that he stops being a drawn back, quiet character around the boy since if he was like that around him, nobody would be talking. Nothing would happen. Sometimes, Jungkook goes out of his comfort zone and sometimes Yoongi does. It was just the strange way their teeter totter relationship worked.

Slowly their comfort zones started morphing into one. Slowly, but surely. They were too similar for that not to happen.

Usually it was one sided, but now both people went out of their way.

X

It was almost time for the class to start but Jeon Jungkook wasn’t there, Jimin looked around himself in disbelief.

Did he die?

He had to since he was here even with the worst of bronchitis to annoy everybody with him coughing every two seconds, but noo he had to take notes. . He was here trough sickness and in health, trough thick and thin. The teachers that had to put up with it for only 45 minutes thought it was just so admirable. What a ing annoying loser? Ugh, Jimin hated him more than anything. Why did he have to show off all the time?? Never taking a break. The feeling of the boy not being here to annoy him was amazing.

“Yoo! You will not do that?! Omo!” A popular girl squealed with cringe at the unpopular, shy girl of the class

“Oh? I just think he’s whatever. I just like him.” She got shy and discouraged but another girl stepped in.

“Yah! Jiho, you dumb . She likes him, so what? He may be ugly but he’s smart and ambitious. Love is love.” She said, describing to her the unkempt, long banged quiet kid, the shy girl smiled again.

“Is this a joke? You like Jungkook?” Jimin asked, as the popular girls laughed.

“Yah! Stop it, Jiminah.” Jiho snickered to herself. People like them should stick together. ‘Whatever.’ Jimin thought and started doodling on his notebook, as he usually did. He wished to get into Art College, but having one of the smartest kid in South Korea in his class puts pressure on him. Even his parents would never allow him not to further pursue a business degree, but instead do what he loves.

They always compared him to Jungkook.

They don’t even know the damn kid. All of his friends weren't good enough for Jimin, according to them they were dragging him down.

“Place a note on his desk, come on!” The popular girls pressured her into doing it. She giggled to herself as she sat back on her desk quickly. The teacher came in, immediately noticing his favorite student missing.

“Class president, where is Jeon Jungkook?” He questioned him as the boy shrugged, nobody has the quiet boy’s contact information anywhere.

“Well, let’s start with class then!” The teacher said as he clapped with his hands, making everyone groan. Did he expect to turn on a light bulb in the student's heads when doing that?

Around twenty minutes into the class, a boy with his hair soaked and his track suit on that should be worn only for p.e., walked into the class with a murderous look on his face. Not even his death stare could ruin the movie like entrance and presence.

“Hey, kid why were you late?” The teacher asked as Jungkook just stared at him, his look asking ‘Really?’ His work dragged on today, then rain started falling so he missed the bus for the school so he decided to run and soaked his school clothes on the way. The one day he wanted to look good.

“…” Was of course the usual response.

His hair was parted in a strange way everybody noticed. Even his ears were pierced. It was as if he got a makeover. He looked, honestly rather decent.

Taehyung stared at how he would react to the note on his desk. Jungkook noticed it immediately, opened it up as all the girls giggled because of their classmate’s crush. Yoo gasped at how handsome Jungkook looked today, his wet hair added an extra touch to the look. She squealed in her seat.

“He looks like an idol! I knew I chose the right boy for me!” She scream whispered to her desk mate.

All Jeon Jungkook heard were mocking laughter.

All Taehyung felt was jealousy.

All Jimin felt was annoyance from the ridiculous flock of birds squawking over Jungkook out of all people.

The idol resembling, Jeon Jungkook opened the confession note and read it, putting it on the side of the desk. A smile hasn’t cracked through his face, Taehyung thought it was strange but maybe it was just his way of responding to a confession?

The bell rang and the teacher left the classroom. Jungkook stood up, crumbled the note up and threw it in the trash bin in the corner of the room.

The girl looked at him, heartbroken and embarrassed at her seat. The boy took no mercy upon her, it seemed. The cold, heartless man. Jimin was truthfully extremely shocked at the entire situation.

He knew Jungkook was cold but damn, he was a terrorist….of hearts? 'Good one' Jimin thought to himself.

“I knew everyone hated me. I know that. W- I – do- how co-could you do that?” Jungkook replied, glass eyed, embarrassed and humiliated at his classmates mocking him. Why would they think that this was okay? Was he so disgusting and unappealing that a girl having a crush on him was a cruel joke? Jungkook wanted to say much more, but his speech pattern would only embarrass him further, he didn’t know what to add on either way.

He just wanted to hide in a hole and disappear. He actually tried to look good, he tried to please them. He is only a joke to them. Everyone in the class was quiet as the youth spoke.

“Wow, I guess I am j-just a bi-i-i-bi-big joke.” Jungkook said as he forcefully pushed open the door to go to the bathroom. Now he knew.

“What the happened?” Jimin asked, completely shocked, killing the silence in the classroom. Was this all a giant theater play?

“Why…would he say such things, does he hate me?” The poor embarrassed girl said as she ran out to the girl’s bathroom. A few girls chased after her.

“Oh, please. He thought you all pranked him with the note. It’s obvious.” Taehyung piped up and rolled his eyes. Was he the only person with common sense in the room?

“What? Damn.” A girl said to herself. Shrugging the entire situation off.

“He’s pretty hot though. “ A different girl said.

“Eh, not worth it.”

The girl ended up leaving home after the debacle, lying about feeling sick. On the other hand, fter missing a period, Jungkook came to the one after that one, as if nothing has happened.

“Are you okay or?” Taehyung questioned. Jungkook looked at him as he always did.

“Why are you asking me…th-that?” Jungkook asked. The other was surprised that he actually got a worded response. Jungkook was unusually chatty today, though.

“You seemed to be really hurt and now you’re fine?”

“I am u-used to it.” Were the words the boy said as he started focusing back on the class, the words that gave the other chills. ‘I am used to feeling , but that’s cool.’ The shaky handed boy took out a packet of tissues to blow his nose with. He stopped looking red faced from crying and that’s all that matters. He just has to get on with the lesson as if nothing happened. Toughen up little soldier, nobody's going to wipe your tears away. That is what Jungkook got told by the adoptive center workers. The boy wasn't left with any strong comforting words from his family, since his life was perfectly fine back then. You have nobody to coddle you ,but you have people that depend on you. Jungkook noticed Yoo was missing, probably went home to cry to her mum about a boy that broke her heart. What a nice feeling that must be.

“Jeon Jungkook. She really did like you. That’s why she went home. She was really hurt. ” Taehyung whispered to the boy as he got no response from the other. He probably didn’t care. That was the stone cold Jeon Jungkook everybody knew, he didn’t even feel bad about what happened he just went on with his life. Little did he know that the boy was bawling his eyes out on the rooftop of the school he often escapes to after it all gets too much. It used to be the bathroom but they'd find him there, too easily to add to that.

He never spoke to Yoo, how could she possibly like him? Definitely not because of his looks. Jimin scoffed at the cold exterior of the boy.

“Jeon Jungkook, the heartless robot. Can’t even communicate how he truly evil is. “ Jimin said from his desk so that everyone can hear him, almost as if he spat venom from his mouth.