It’s not like Jinsol didn’t see it coming, but the change was too abrupt for her to simply ‘get used to it’. It was weird riding the train without Namjoon around, it was weird getting out of school and not waiting for him (or not finding him waiting for her), it was weird going to their weekly Cypher and seeing Namjoon running away the moment his performance was over.

It was even weirder missing him and knowing he probably missed her too. It felt unusual.

Even though they had been texting at night, it wasn’t the same. He would tell her about how he finished a song and he wanted her to give it a listen, and she would tell him about how school was killing her and wanted to just give up on college.

None of them dared to make an actual call, maybe because they both knew how it would end. Listening to each other’s voice would only make them miss one another.

She had been trying to see if she could spot him somewhere at work, but somehow, he was never around.

There was one time when she thought she saw him, but Yoongi came and scared her from behind.

That’s something Namjoon would do, she thought.

“Oops. It’s a shame that it was me and not him, isn’t it?” Yoongi flashed her a gummy smile and she pursed her lips unconsciously. “He’s having a hard time too,” he put his hand on her shoulder and patted her head before he went back to work.

That comforted her enough, knowing that he still missed her.

It must have been around two months when she got a call. She was at school, simply talking to some of her friends about how all of them had applied to different colleges. She excused herself and rushed to the restroom to get the call.

“Jinsol?” It took her a few seconds to recognize the voice on the other side of the line, but when she did, the surprise was obvious by the way her words ended up as a question instead of a greeting.

“Jin?”

“Yeah,” he fixed his throat and took a deep breath before continuing.

Why did she feel tense all of a sudden?

“I was wondering if you’re busy right now.”

“Well,” she hesitated for a second before deciding her words, “not that much.”

He didn’t try to make up a conversation, which made Jinsol feel uneasy. That was so not something Jin would do.

“Can you please come home?”

“Right now?” She hurried up to ask, not even bothering to hide the surprise in her voice.  

“Yeah.”

She thought about it a few seconds before she came up with an answer. It’s Jin, she thought, it must be really important if he’s asking for it. She convinced herself and smiled, slightly excited by the simple thought of seeing the boys after a while. “I guess I can.”

She couldn’t explain it, but the whole road made her feel terribly anxious. She kept moving her fingers and biting her lip, and she wondered if that sensation was due to the fact that she hadn’t seen Namjoon in ages.

But it wasn’t. It was an unknown feeling for her but that couldn’t be the reason. Jin’s voice was still replaying in her mind and the more she thought about it, the more she began to think something was wrong.

When she got there, she thought about calling Namjoon, but she felt like it wasn’t right. She began to guess whatever Jin called her for was related to him. She decided to walk on her own, paying attention and telling herself it would be alright.

She knocked the door once, and twice, and a few times more, but nobody was opening for her. She hadn’t walked all the way just for nothing, so she kept trying until a voice sent chills down her spine.

“I’m going,” his voice was almost inaudible, but she could recognize it everywhere. Why did he sound so tired? Why was he even home?

She held her breath when the door creaked open.

He stared at her, and she had never felt so broken. His eyes were full of something that she had never seen before. He looked sad, angry, scared and hopeless at the same time. How could someone even feel so much?

“Wha-“ her eyes trembled as she tried to figure out what was going on. She knew literally nothing and she hated herself for that. She could barely speak, but she forced herself to keep calm.  “What… what happened to you?” She stammered.

He bit his lower lip when it began to tremble, and before she could actually do anything, he leaned in and hid his face amongst her hair. He threw his arms around her shoulders and pulled her closer.

Last time, it felt like he was comforting her, but this time, the feeling was the opposite. Somehow, it felt like he was leaning on her, like he needed her. She still didn’t know why, but she heard him sobbing like there was nothing else he could do.

Jinsol didn’t dare to do anything, so she hugged him back, looking around to see if there was something that could explain to her what was going on.

“He’s gone,” she heard him say. “Tae left us.”

She tensed, and he must have noticed because he slowly let her go and took a deep breath. He couldn’t look at her in the eyes, and she figured out he was embarrassed, so she wiped his tears away and focused on him.

He looked so fragile, almost like a little kid. His trembling lips and the pain hidden in his face, he looked destroyed.

“Where did he…?” As dumb as the question must have sounded, she couldn’t think straight. She didn’t know if Tae had gone somewhere, if someone had took Tae away, or…

“He’s dead,” his voice cracked and his chest was moving so abnormally, he sounded so unbelieving, “he chose that,” he added.  

She frowned and tr