Picture Of You
Flatters and Flutters || A Review Portfolio [Currently Editing]AUTHOR: Scissors
CHARACTERS: Lee Onew (SHINee), Kim Taeyeon (SNSD)
GENRES: Angst, Romance
~STORY LINK~
Shop Requested: ✰ Animatic ✰ The Review Shop
DESCRIPTION: And next to the letter, is a picture of a fresh-faced Taeyeon and Jinki sending dazzling smiles to the camera from his bed. They look so pure, so innocent, so deliriously happy. They look so perfect it hurts. review
TITLE [3/5]
The title is good, actually. I like the sound and it has so much to do with the plot. It also carries a deep meaning that goes well with the description of your story.
Yet it isn't really an eyecandy.
APPEARANCE: [5/5]
I'm no graphic artist, but I can tell that your poster is simple, the background is nice- it makes it look aesthetically pleasing. The color of the font took me by surprise. Nevertheless, your font is nice and it's readable. The format is easy to follow. I'll give you an A+ on this one.
DESCRIPTION & FOREWORD: [8/10]
Although your description had an allure right there, I felt like you could have done better by NOT putting something originally in the story right there. I guess I don't really have much say about it because it did gave the readers a hint that Onew and Taeyeon has a deep relationship before.
In the foreword, I think it would be better if you arrange it more. Why not put things about the story first before the author note and credits? Then again, it depends on you. I also thought about this: maybe you should put just a snippet of a review and the score instead of making a chapter for the reviews, in that way, users would be more enlighten to read your story seeing varying opinions from others. You can just put your favorite part of the review, the overall score, link the whole review along with the link-back (or possibly banner) of the shop.
GRAMMAR: [12/15]
This one will contain more constructive criticism than the other elements since I am a Grammar Nazi, but let's get on to it.
The capitalization is a bit off, so was the tenses. There were a few missing words and misused prepositions too.
Even if you're emphasizing the 'girl', it should stil be written as 'girl', since it's not in the beginning of a sentence. I noticed you tend to capitalize some pronouns. My tip for you about it is that pronouns are never capitalized (with the exemption of 'I', or maybe 'He', if you're indicating God) unless it's in the beginning of the sentence.
The sentences could use some parallelism. Like this part, for example: "He didn’t work this hard to be just Jinki". Instead of constructing it like
Comments