“Try again. Fail again. Fail better.*” 

"Jung Yonghwa Under Investigation..."

The screaming bold headlines only seemed to mock him the more he stared. He flipped his phone shut and closed his eyes. There's no one else to blame but himself. He knew the pros and cons of his supposed action but never once did he stop to consider that it was falling into the illegal territory. He blamed himself for being too naive, vulnerable and trusting. How could he not have known that it was all a trap? Why wasn't he able to see right through their intentions? Betrayal only hurts like hell if it came from the people you wholeheartedly put your trust into. 

Just when he decided to drown himself in sleep, he heard a gentle knock on the door. Pulling the covers up, he pretended to be asleep. He heard the door opened and the sound of the footsteps drawing near. Can't these people take a hint when a person wants to be alone? 

"Go away, Shin-ah! Or Minhyuk. Or Jjong. Even you hyung! I'm in a deep sleep right now!" Yonghwa said as he buried his face in his pillows.

"As far as I know, people who are asleep don't really talk unless they do so without knowing they're actually sleep talking. Did I just make any sense?" 

At the sound of her voice, he opened his eyes and immediately sat up. It took him a couple of seconds before he was able to convince himself that this isn't just a hallucination. It really is her standing before him. 

"What are you doing here?" He asked coldly, shifting his gaze from her eyes to her foot.

"Heard you were having a pity party." Seohyun joked. 

"Yeah well I don't remember sending out invitations. Wouldn't even put your name on the guest list." He snapped.

"Aw c'mon. That your way of treating a guest? I came all the way here from a hectic schedule you know. The least you could do is to be civil." She smiled as she sat on the farthest end of his bed. 

"What are you doing here, Seohyun?" He asked. 

He looked directly at her and this time, she challenged herself to not falter. 

"Not even a happy birthday?" She chided, trying not to sound sad nor disappointed.

He sighed and looked at her like a lost puppy. Of all the days, why today? Why now? Why does she have to see him this way?

"Happy birthday, Seohyun. Jinjja, happy happy birthday. I'm sorry for being rude. There's no excuse. I can only apologize." 

"It's okay. I got your present, by the way." She smiled. 

"You liked it?" He asked hopefully.

"Loved it, Yong. I do. The only thing I didn't like was to wake up at 1:30am to receive a package delivery; especially when it was my first time to have a decent sleep." 

"What? That jashik. I specifically told them to deliver it to you at midnight, if not, at least earlier than that! Aish. Never should've given a tip." Yonghwa muttered in annoyance. 

"Hey, what's done is done. Besides, I loved it. Honestly Yong. It's an amazing gift. Really..." Seohyun cheered him up but deep down, at the back of her mind, her thoughts were screaming out loud:

"This is why I don't think I have ever really or could ever get over you..."

"I'm sorry, but did you say something?" Yonghwa asked.

Startled, Seohyun tried to keep up a calm facade. He most likely didn't hear what she said anyway.

"Ah..I was just saying we should go out..."

Go out? Really? It wasn't what she meant but too late to retract her words. At least he's smiling, right? 

"Ha. SNSD's Seohyun is asking me out? On a date? Omo. You've grown up a lot Seo Joohyun-sshi!" He laughed. It was the first time he laughed that heartily since his manager informed him of the incoming storm.

"Well. I did turn a year older a couple of hours ago so..." Seohyun joked around. 

She stood up and held out her hand. Seeing his confusion, she then looked around the room and began rummaging through his closet. 

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?!" Yonghwa bolted out of bed and panicked. 

Ignoring his state, she continued to ransack his closet, pausing momentarily when she saw what was hidden underneath his favourite shirts,  until she was able to get a dark coloured one and a navy blue hoodie. She tried to calm her erratic heartbeat and unsteady breathing. Her mind was racing with open-ended questions she’s too afraid to ask:

“He told me he lost it.”

“Why does he still have those?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Aish what is this.”

“Why do I have to see those today of all days?!”
“Why does the photo look recent?”

“Don’t tell me he went there..”

“Aigoo stop thinking too much!”

“Past is past!”

“What exactly am I doing here? Am I on a suicide mission?”

"Like I said. We should go out for a drive. Get some fresh air. It feels stuffy in here." Seohyun rapped while she searched her pockets for her keys. 

"You really shouldn't be seen with me at this time, Hyun. I mean it. The last thing I want is to drag you down with me." Yonghwa said as he pulled the shirt and hoodie over his head. 

"Then you shouldn't have made me fall." Seohyun accused him. 

They both understood the context wrapped within her words. When he didn't dare move a muscle, it was her who took a step to drag him out. He resisted, she persisted. The tug of war went on until the other lost her balance and fell on top of him. After thirty excruciatingly embarrassing and awkward seconds, they got up on their feet and fixed themselves.

"Besides, if you had no intention of coming along, you wouldn't have changed your clothes. C'mon Yong oppa. We don't have all night. I have to rush to a press conference in China tomorrow morning. I'm driving by the way and before you react violently, my car is not as flashy as your red porsche." 

Knowing it was of no use to argue with her, he slumped his shoulders and dragged his feet to where she led. 

"You've gotten pretty good at this. Avoiding the paparazzi and fans. Nice. Done like a true ninja. Your driving skills have improved remarkably.” He chuckled.

"I've had the best teacher." Seohyun winked at him. 

The rest of the drive was spent in silence. Who knew that the absence of words would carry that much weight rather than a conversation? They finally arrived at the place they used to frequent way back when things were okay and when life was simpler. Once they reached the top, he laid his jacket on the ground for her to sit on while he positioned himself on the opposite side and leaned on their favorite tree. 

"So.." He started.

"Nice view, don't you think? Haven't been here in a while..." 

"I don't want to keep you for long and you need some rest so I don't think going around in circles would help achieve that." Yonghwa said.

"I thought you'd be civil? Can't get rid of me so soon?" Seohyun kidded.

"I'm afraid it's the opposite. The more you stay, the more I don't want you to go." He pleaded.

"Then I won't. At least for now. I'll stay..."

"Thank you. Really. I...I don't even deserve this. I don't deserve you." 

"We all deserve to face the aftermath of our decisions and whether you agree or not, I'm the one who decided to be with you at this time so it's me who gets the final word on who deserves my time and who doesn't." Seohyun remarked.

"My, you really grew up a lot." Yonghwa couldn’t hide the proud grin on his face.

"Told you I just celebrated my birthday." Seohyun winked again. 

"I'm serious Hyun. Thank you." He suddenly changed the mood.

"You're welcome." Seohyun replied solemnly. 

"I'm sorry." 

"For what?"

"For everything. I have failed my parents, my band, my fans..you. Even myself." 

"Yonghwa. You've only been brought in for questioning. No formal charges have been filed yet and I hope there would be no need for any of the legal drama. You're innocent until proven guilty." Seohyun tried to reach out to pat his shoulder but he flinched, feeling apologetic and ashamed.

"Then why does it feel like the exact opposite? Why do I feel that I'm already crucified with a verdict even before the evidence has been laid out? This burden in my heart, it breaks me. I know I'm the only one to blame for all of this." He shared.

"I honestly don't know, Yong. I can't give you the answers. I won't even ask the details. I won't pass on any judgment. I won't blindly take sides without hearing all versions of the truth even if my heart keeps on wanting to hold on to you. We all make mistakes that comes with a price to pay but I believe that these things are what cultivate us to become a better person." Seohyun encouraged.

"I feel so dumb. Ah jinjja!”  Yonghwa bent his head in frustration.

"Well, at least you're smarter now." Seohyun tried to lighten up the mood.

"Still doesn't make it feel better. Or the issue to go away."  Yonghwa sulked.

"And here I thought my presence alone is uplifting..” Seohyun chuckled as she sat beside him.

"Hyun." Yonghwa warned. Her being this close would do no good. At least for his heart and sanity.

"I get it. I know. No one is asking to make the issue go away. You have to face this head-on, Yong. You’re an adult. I’m sure you weighed in before you decided but there are just some things beyond our foresight and most especially, out of our control. When all is done, you'll just smile and be grateful for the learning experience