1. Don't skip army training to go shopping.

a. Don't encourage such behaviour either.

"It was his suggestion, I had nothing to do with it."

"You picked him up, and you shopped with him."

"Semantics, Leeteuk, semantics."

2. Do not ask Heechul to dress up as your wife to smuggle in sweets.

a. He is more than willing to

b. It doesn't make it okay if you have an actual wife!

Times were hard and sweets were rare. They found a solution.

3. Do not brag about giving other guys boners!

It was a well known fact that Donghae was popular with both the female and male demographic. It was the first thing he told Leeteuk when he called a week after his enlistment.

4. Do not sell the phone number of female celebrities.

a. Even if they are willing

b. Even if it's excellent publicity

Siwon had once again found a way to replenish his wealth. Leeteuk was just about done.

5. Stop inventing tall tales about our group.

So Siwon was a well respected soldier, for his good looks, his wealth, and his discipline. A few weeks in, after earning the trust of his colleagues, he began stretching the truth about what really happened at the dorms, and the true natures of his bandmates. So far, Yesung had restored the peace treaty with the Turtle Folk, saving countless lives, and Ryeowook had ridden into battle on a goat during the Emu War and freed the Australians of the oppressive reign of the Emu Emperor. Heechul and Kyuhyun were disciples of the Banana Overlord and had singlehandedly revived the Gros Michel population in Indonesia. The worst part was that everyone believed him. *

6. Stop asking SNSD to send you hair accessories because your hairstyle is "too boring"

a. And stop sharing them

Self proclaimed fashionista Eunhyuk found his first few days hard, and soon realized it was his attire that was bringing him down. He texted Yoona, who told Sooyoung, who told Yuri, who texted Hyoyeon, who tweeted Tiffany, who bragged to Taeyeon, who told Sunny, who texted Seohyun. Soon there were enough headbands, ribbons, bows, flowers, and much more for his entire squadron.

7. Stop giving the trainees a bad impression of what awaits them in the army.

So far, there was spider training, eating your own boots, peeing off of cliffs, and mandatory chicken dancing.

8. Stop scaring Henry about army training. He's a foreigner, he won't go.

a. And he's been in it for a TV show

"The stew they serve...has skunk meat in it."

"I hear they use Canadians as winter coats because they have advanced metabolisms suited for the cold." *

"You have to knit your own socks...with your own chest hair.

9. The sentence "when will my husband return from the war" doesn't apply if you're the husband and there is no war.

Sungmin liked to dramatize his sojourn in the army.

10. You can't have Amber trading places with you when you want to elope with your boyfriend.

a. Even if no one notices!

Donghae and Eunhyuk were not in the same platoon, therefore had different leave days. They found a solution.

*5. The Great Emu war was an totally true thing, I looked it up on Wikipedia.

*8. As a Canadian, I can totally attest to this.

Okay guys, my internet is really bad today for some reason (whyyyyyy I don't deserve this I am a nice person!!!!) so I am posting this in a hurry hoping it'll go through before the connection becomes too bad. If I post something really late tomorrow, you'll know why.

Thanks to everyone who subscribed and commented, let me know how you found this chapter, and let's collectively hope that my internet connection will be better tomorrow :'(