Chapter 17: Ice Age
A Beautiful Mess
I opened my eyes. I felt like I just woke up from a deep sleep. I could tell from the way the sun shone through the curtains that it was early in the afternoon. I shut my eyes again and took a deep breath. 'Alright... time to get up and face the world, Sunmi. You have a lot of explaining to do.'
“What're you thinking right now?” a voice asked.
I scrambled to sit up. I let out a slight yell. What was that? Why the hell do I have this gauze thing on?
“Whoa. My head.” I murmured.
Oh right. Stupid move. I tried to break a fight and ended up falling on broken glass.
“Be careful. You have bandages.” He sat on the edge of the bed. I bit my lip and tucked my legs closer to my body. I was scared of Yunho. Seeing him so angry this morning and all. Or is this guilt? “You still haven't answered me. What are you thinking right now?”
I stumbled in my head for the right words. I figured I should tell him I was sorry but I guess he'd say none of it was my fault. I had everything to do with it.
“I'm sorry.” I said.
“Don't be.” Yunho looked at the floor. “Jaejoong should be.”
“Don't you think you've done him enough damage for one day, Yunho?!” I couldn't take it anymore. Why are they doing this? Why are they doing this to me?I don't want anyone to get hurt anymore. Not me. Not Yunho. Not even Jaejoong.
“You saw what he did. Don't take his side.” he sounded the same way he did this morning: angry and full of hate. “You're hurt because of what he did. I made a promise I'd never let anyone hurt you.”
“You're hurting me. And I'm not taking sides. Just stop it. I don't want to leave this country knowing that I tore you guys apart--” I was caught mid-sentenced.
“You didn't tear us apart, Sunmi. I told you. This isn't your fault.” Yunho finally looked into my eyes.
“I don't want to leave this place feeling guilty.” I could feel tears well up in my eyes. Yunho stood, took a few steps towards me and sat on the edge of the bed closest to me. He held out his hand to touch my face but I turned away and wiped my own tears from my cheeks.
“Then don’t leave.” Yunho's voice shook. “If you don't want to leave... then don't. You don't have to.”
“I can't.” As much as it pained me to say so, I did. It was the truth. I have college. A job. My family. I can't stay here. Not for long. “I'm sorry.”
“Do you want to? Do want to leave?” Yunho asked.
“It's not because I want to. It's because I have to.” I replied.
Silence filled the room. I choked back a sob and rubbed my eyes. I could hear noises from downstairs. Halmuni... I need to talk to her.
“I'm going downstairs.” I swished the sheets off my lap and swung my legs to the floor. As soon as I stood, Yunho briskly walked to the door and opened it for me. He followed closely behind me as I went down the steps.
The living room welcomed me. The table was no longer there. They cleaned up well. I took a corner to the kitchen and dining room. Yoochun stood from his seat immediately and embraced me.
“Are you feeling alright, dongsaeng?” he asked.
“I'm fine, oppa.” I replied weakly. He took the hint that I couldn't breathe anymore so he let me go.
“When you passed out, I thought we had to take you the hospital!” He sounded panicky.
“We thought we needed to take Yoochun to the hospital. He looked like he was having an athsma attack and a heart attack all at once. Seeing blood and wounds and all..” Changmin entered. Yoochun slapped his arm but Changmin didn't even cringe.
I smiled. I guess I'm not in that much trouble after all. Injury is a quick ticket to forgiveness.
“Jaejoong said he's-- Sunmi, oh my god.” Jooeun came from the back door with Halmuni close behind her. She sped my way and hugged me. “I am so sorry.” she said in a low, apologetic voice.
“It's alright.” I replied. Halmuni took me in her arms as well.
“Do you need anything, Mi?” Halmuni asked upon unwrapping her arms around me.
“Tea, I guess.” I said with a slight smile. Though I never liked tea, I just thought it'd be easier to make than coffee. Tea is just hot water to me: tasteless.
“Right away, sweetie.” Halmuni walked to the nearest counter. I said thanks and took a seat next to Junsu. He smiled at me and held my shoulder: a small gesture that said he was glad I was alright.
“What did Jaejoong hyung say, Jooeun-sshi?” Changmin asked as he sat down.
“Oh right... that.” Jooeun said awkwardly. “He's at his restaurant. Cooling off.”
Jaejoong was the head chef of a high-class Korean cuisine restaurant in the city. It was about five blocks away from Pilot. We've only eaten there once. Jaejoong doubled as our waiter too. Yunho was at Japan then. If my memory serves me correctly, that place doesn't open an hour and a half from now. By rough estimate, he's probably been there for five hours.
“I'm going to check up on him... if that's okay.” Jooeun looked at each one of us for an answer.
“I'm coming with you.” Junsu offered. Jooeun showed a slight smile in reply.
“I think I should do this alone: Thanks anyway, Junsu-sshi.” Jooeun apologized. Junsu nodded in acceptance. “But I do need a ride there. Can you take me?”
Junsu's face brightened. “Sure.” he agreed. He took out his keys and stood from his seat. He looked at Changmin then at me. Changmin nodded. It was probably code for 'watch her'. I suddenly felt like the secret service was looking after me.
The two models left after bidding their good-byes to everyone. Halmuni just came back with a mug of tea when Jooeun and Junsu went out the back door.
“Where are those two going?” she asked as she set the mug between my hands.
“To Jaejoong hyung's restaurant, Halmuni. Junsu will be back soon though. He's just driving Jooeun there.” Yoochun replied.
“I hope nothing bad happens.” I whispered.
“Nothing will anymore, sweetie. This day has been bad enough for all of us. Drink now.” Halmuni said softly.
~*~*~
It was nighttime at last. I didn't know if I was supposed to be happy about it or not. This day would soon be over... but that's one day less of my time with Yunho. I had three days left...
Three days... that's it.
Yunho and I were in bed as he nursed my wounds. He's been applying iodine and antiseptic on my cuts for God knows how long. All I knew was that it was painful. My forearm was covered in cuts both deep and shallow. I'd twitch, scream and tear up whenever the medicine would come into contact with my skin.
“It freaking hurts. Stop rubbing it in like that!” I yelled at Yunho.
“Stop squirming then.” Yunho came in closer to my arm with a cotton bud and touched a cut with it. I groaned in pain. The sting traveled from my arm to my back. “You don't have to wear the bandages anymore. It's stopped bleeding. But if you don't want them to get infected and if you want to move freely, I suggest you wear it.”
“I'll wear it, thanks.” I replied. He looked at me curiously. “I don't want to take the risk.” I smiled. He blew into the cuts then started to prepare the cotton sqaures, gauzes and tapes. “Thanks, Yunnie.”
“My pleasure, Mi.” He smiled. He lined the squares onto my arm, overlapping one piece slightly after the other and then wrapping the gauze around my forearm. When everything was secure, he taped all the edges. “Perfect.” He praised his work and kissed my hand. “I hope this never happens again.”
“It won't. I won't let anyone else cure my wounds except you.” I replied. He kissed my lips and held my face.
“Thank you.” he said. His eyes were closed as he pressed his forehead against mine. Our noses touched and I puckered my lips for another kiss. After a few seconds, he pulled away but didn't let his hands leave my cheeks.
“I'm sorry.” I said. He leaned forward and kissed my shoulder.
“I told you... it wasn't your fault.” Yunho whispered against my ear and kissed my neck.
“I'm really very sorry, Yunho ah.” I repeated.
“Shut up and just kiss me, okay?” He claimed my lips.
“Should we be doing this? Like... here? Now?” I was panicking a bit. Though it was late and there's a ninety-nine percent chance of us not getting caught, I felt nervous. This room wasn't exactly sound-proof. Halmuni's room was only about eight meters away.
“Let's just try to keep it down then.” Yunho teased. He lifted the end of my nightdress with his thumb and touched my thigh. The feeling of his warm hands sent chills to my spine. I forgot all the pain as he slowly laid me down. He took his place on top of me, not parting his lips from mine.
“Lock the door.” I murmured against his lips.
“Aigoo... “ he sighed, jumped out of bed and ran up to the door.
“Dim the lights.” I told him.
“And why?” He asked.
“Do you wanna give Changmin a free show?” I asked back.
“Right.” He realized. He turned the main light off and left the dim yellow light on. It was like the room was only lit by candles. He ran back to the bed and immediately captured my lips with his.
“Careful.” I reminded him as he touched my injured arm.
“Don't worry...” He whispered. He lifted my dress over my head and threw it to the floor. I grazed my leg over his to slightly pull his pajamas down. He took the hint and climbed out of them in no time.
Finally... the best feeling in the world was back: his bare skin upon mine, touching as if one. I bit onto his shoulder to stifle a moan. I held onto the headboard, trying my hardest not to scream out loud in pleasure.
He hushed me down and kissed my neck as if it were my lips. “Exciting, isn't it? I love watching you like this.” He said between deep breaths.
I replied to him with a feverish kiss. He swallowed all the possible noises I would release. I could feel the bed slightly shake each time he moved above me.
“God... Yunho.” I moaned and bit onto his shoulder again. He sensed that I couldn't take it any longer. He claimed my lips and swallowed what could've been our ticket to getting caught.
Yunho stopped moving but remained on top of me. He ran his hand through my hair and traced a line from my face to my stomach. He angled his head lower and kissed every inch of my upper body while his free hand explored my lower half. I'd chew on my lips to stop any moans from escaping. When I felt that I was about to reach my limit once again, I uttered his name softly. Before I could scream, he closed his mouth onto mine.
When the waves passed, we continued to kiss and touch. Three days. It rang in my head like a bell. Three days before pain and reality. Three days of what I hope would be as clear and calm as my first days in Korea. I really didn't want to leave... but I had to. If only I could take Yunho with me, I'd feel a little less depressed. I can't do that. He has his new exhibit.
We were going to be busy: me with college and him with his job. It made me wonder if we could make our relationship work. The distance is just too far. I've been so used to having him around to touch, feel, see and hear I don't think I'd survive a week without him. I don't want him far from me.
I held him in my arms and buried my face to his neck. I wrapped a leg around him to pull him closer. I relished the feel of his skin against mine. I inhaled every scent of this moment. I held on to the heat of his body. Everything. Every detail must be imprinted and made permanent on my mind, heart and soul. I tattooed every sensation into my mind, never to be erased and will always be there.
“I love you, Jung Yunho.” I said and kissed his neck down to his shoulders. “I love you so much.” I reached for his lips and kissed him softly.
His cheeks were damp. I wanted to think it was sweat but I could taste his tears. He was crying.
“I love you too, Park Sunmi.” he said against my lips. He held my face with one hand and deepened the kiss we shared.
His tears flowed nonstop. I wiped them away, not breaking contact with his mouth. I could feel my tears too. I held him closer than ever and reached for his lips further to take in more of him and his addictive taste. He maneuvered himself to put me on top of him. He pushed the back of my head and continued to explore my mouth. He let out a soft moan as I came in to explore his.
Before, kisses meant nothing more to me than two lips touching and tongues dancing. I could kiss anyone I wanted to and wouldn't give a damn about they felt about it. I never realized how intimate, sincere and meaningful they were supposed to be until Yunho gave the word more meaning. It was a human nonverbal announcement and confession of love and passion.
Pashing in Australia. Snogging in Britain. Making out in the US. Whatever you call it, it will only be right if you're with someone you truly love... otherwise, it's nothing but wrong and meaningless.
The night grew older. We held each other and talked about things of the past and caught up with each other more. I found out he hasn't been in a serious relationship since his sophomore year in college. I told him the last guy I dated seriously was an American-born Taiwanese named Drew; that was two years ago. He told me he preferred to take photos of real life than models for the reason models can't project what he's looking for: reality. I told him I loved to dance so much I couldn't keep still for one minute.
I love talking to him. He'd listen so attentively and remember everything I'd say. When he talks, he talks a great deal... but without nonsense and bull. He's so honest and so smart, he could start a conversation with anyone and have them head-over-heels crazy for him in no time. I didn't know of it was charm, charisma, intellect or warmth. It was probably all of those things.
Nobody's perfect... but he's my perfect match. Nobody's everybody... but he's my everything. Nobody is like anybody else... but we're two souls in one body. Nobody can ever tear us apart. Nothing can ever break us.
“No amount of time or distance can ever part two hearts that beat as one.” he said. “It sounds like a line off a movie but it's true, isn't it? When something's real, it always will be. When something's true, it will remain.” he kissed the top of my head as I lay on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. “It's going to take three thousand ice ages to change that.”
I chuckled at his little remark. “Really?” I said intrigingly.
“May the Lord smite me with a thousand lightning bolts if I shall tell a lie.” He replied with a wide smile. He closed his eyes and kissed my forehead. “Goodnight, Park Sunmi...”
“Goodnight, Jung Yunho.”
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