I was in Halmuni’s house again. Everything was blurry and hazy. No matter how hard I rubbed my eyes, still nothing made sense. I could hear Yoochun’s voice. I could hear Jaejoong. I could hear Yunho. I could hear Jooeun. As I neared them, I felt as if I was completely unseen.

And I was.

None of them could see me or even hear me. I didn’t exist at all.

“Hyung!” Changmin and Junsu were calling Yunho and Jaejoong.

Yunho was being held back by Jooeun. He looked as if he wanted to hit Jaejoong. Anger just poured out him. He didn’t need to scream or yell that he was mad. His blazing eyes said it all.

I looked the other way and saw Jaejoong. Standing nonchalantly with a confident smile on his face as if to taunt Yunho to come over and punch him. Not a tinge of fear was on his face.

“Yunho. Calm down.” Jooeun said, half in tears.

Jesus. This ! She’s a good actress too.

“Don’t ing tell me to calm down!” Yunho removed Jooeun’s grip on him with brute force. “Just look, Jaejoong! You just ed everything up! Look at what you did to her! You played with her! She never meant anything to you! She’ll never be anything more to you than a joke!” Yunho yelled. His voice shook my insides. I wanted to cry. I knew he was referring to me.

Jaejoong readjusted his stance and smirked. He raised both his hands in the air as if to surrender. “Junsu and Changmin knew, yes. Sunmi caught me, yes. But did I mean for all that to happen? No. I really didn’t think it would go this far. All I wanted to get revenge on you, Yunho; you who for all my life have always a step ahead of me. I hated being under you. I didn’t think Sunmi liked me all that much to get this hurt.” He said.

“Was that an apology?” Yoochun got up on his feet, ready to charge at Jaejoong. Junsu immediately grabbed his shoulders to strain him.

Jaejoong let out a small, sarcastic laugh. “Look at all of you. I don’t understand how this is such a big deal. Does Sunmi mean all that much to all of you… or are you just scared of Yunho so you’re all taking his side?” he said. He looked at Jooeun who was still doing all she could to restrain Yunho.

“Jooeun. Let him go.” Jaejoong instructed her. Jooeun hesitated for a while then eventually did as she was told. She took her place next to Jaejoong. “Let’s get out of here.” Jaejoong began to walk.

In a flash, Yunho was right behind Jaejoong. He grabbed Jaejoong on one shoulder and turned him around. His fist was in the air.

It was all too quick to see. The next thing I know, Jaejoong was on the floor. He wiped the corner of his mouth and saw that he was bleeding. He stood up and looked at the person who just punched him.

Yunho was still fuming… he looked so unsatisfied with what he had just done to Jaejoong.

Jaejoong threw his fist in the air and it landed right on Yunho’s jaw.

Jooeun started to scream. Changmin was trying to restrain Jaejoong while Junsu tried to restrain Yunho. The two ended up being pushed to the side by the other two men. Yoochun was holding Jooeun by the shoulders to prevent her from coming near Yunho and Jaejoong.

Yunho’s punches landed on either Jaejoong’s face or stomach. The blows he received from Jaejoong were just as strong as the ones he gave. They cursed each other and groaned in pain. The looks on their faces told me this wasn’t going to end soon… nor was it going to be a pretty sight.

The two charged at each other at once.

Yunho was thrown on the couch while Jaejoong landed on the floor. Their chests heaved up and down. Their arms were shaking. Their eyes were still blazing with anger.

I felt tears roll down my cheeks. Seeing Yunho like this made me feel so hurt… maybe more than he was hurt. I neared him and extended my hand to touch him.

I could feel him…

I could actually feel him.

“Stop, Yunho. Please stop.” I sobbed. His eyes darted towards me. Could he see me?

Yunho stood up and went towards Jaejoong who was still on the floor. Jaejoong looked up at him as Yunho grabbed him by the collar. Jaejoong was limp and looked almost lifeless.

“Don’t ever come near her again.” Yunho said then threw Jaejoong back on the floor with a loud thump.

…

I blinked.

Everything was dark.

There was nothing.

I blinked again.

There was a bright white light in front of me. I neared it… and it swallowed me whole.

“Sunmi?”

I opened my eyes to the light of a new day… and to the voice of Jung Yunho. It was all just a dream. It was just a dream!

My head was against Yunho’s bare chest. I wasn’t wearing anything and – by the look and feel of it – Yunho was too. I took a deep breath.

“Sunmi, are you okay?” I felt Yunho move underneath me. I shifted onto my back to give him space. I saw his face. He looked groggy and worried but still pretty much gorgeous. He touched my face.

“Weird dream?” he asked with a smile. I simply nodded in reply. I really don’t like talking in the morning. Then he kissed my lips and took a lock of hair away from my eyes. “It’s okay now…” he assured me with another kiss only this time, it lasted longer.

“Wanna get off the bed now or just stay here for the entire day?” he smiled.

I rubbed my eyes and hugged him close.

“I guess that means you wanna stay here.” I could still sense him smiling. He kissed the top of my head and took a long deep breath. He hugged me back. As I lay on his chest, I heard his heart beat. It wasn’t as steady as I thought it would be. It was beating fast and irregular. I wondered if it was because I was lying close to him or if it was just me. Our bodies were touching. Skin upon skin. I felt the urgent need to kiss him and never stop. I only had a month left here in Korea… and I want that month to be Jaejoong-less and Yunho-ful.

I remembered something he said last night…

‘I’m in love with the most beautiful, most talented, most intelligent girl I have ever met in my life.’

He was in love with me? Love?

“Yunho ah…” I said.

“Yeh?” he replied. I shifted my position to be able to see his face.

“Did you mean what you said last night?” I asked him.

His face brightened with a smile. He held my face with one hand and pulled me for a lingering kiss. After he let me go he said, “Every word. I love you, Sunmi. I think I always have. And I don’t want anybody to hurt you. Nobody.”

I smiled. His eyes said the truth and the truth was that he loved me. I could see it… and for the first time in my life… I could feel it too. I kissed him and buried my face to his neck.

“You believe me, right?” he asked as he held me close to his body.

“I believe you.” I said.

“Do you feel the same way?” he asked.

I removed myself from him. My face was hovering above his. I just stared at him. He was the only person I could look in the eyes and not feel awkward. I stared at him for a long time. I touched his chest and roamed around his stomach. I kissed him… and he kissed me back.

I could never get enough of this feeling. I’d never get tired of it. No matter how many times we were going to kiss, it would always feel this way… maybe stronger than the last. It wasn’t want. It wasn’t desire. It was need…

Need and love. I pulled away to tell him what I’ve concluded…

“I think I’ve fallen for you.”

~*~*~
“Your brother’s calling you! Should I pick it up?!” Yunho called, battling with the sound of the shower.

“No! Turn it off.” I replied. I could see his shadow against the Japanese sliding doors of the bathroom.

After another round of you-know-what, we finally decided to get through the rest of the day like normal people. Starting the day making love with someone who loves you and you love back is such a good start. Though tiring, it was worth it. I smiled upon the thought of getting to do just that every single morning of the rest of my life.

“Okay!” he agreed.

I turned the shower off, grabbed a towel and dried myself. Dammit. My clothes are still in the suitcases.

“Yunho.” I peered on a small opening of the sliding doors. Yunho turned around, his wifebeater and gray sweatpants on. He was wearing his matching gray hoodie on just one sleeve.

“Can you get the big suitcase along the hall? My clothes are in there.” I smiled pleadingly.

“Hang on.” He wore the other sleeve and rummaged though his drawers as I watched him curiously. He then turned around and walked to me.

“Here.” He offered me his university t-shirt. I looked at him intriguingly.

“I need my underwear too, you know.” I grabbed the shirt and closed the doors. I could hear him laughing.

“Okay, okay. I’ll get your… ‘unmentionables’ whatever.” His voice faded.

I stood there near the doors with just a towel on. I took a quick fix of my unruly hair and rummaged through his medicine cabinet. I noticed a picture of him and the guys tucked along the sides of the mirror. It was probably during one of Micky’s annual visits. Yunho was sitting between Yoochun and Jaejoong while Changmin and Junsu stood behind them. In front of them was a clutter of beer and half-eaten plates of food. They were all smiling widely and happily. It made me smile too.

“Find anything interesting?” Yunho said.

I jumped to the sound of his voice and turned to see him.

“Oh dammit. I was kinda hoping you’d drop your towel.” He continued, wearing a sly smile.

“ert.” I grabbed my underwear from his hands.

“I didn’t know you were a 32B.” he said playfully.

I scoffed at him and shut the door immediately.

“You’re seriously erted!” I yelled.

I got dressed in my underwear and his t-shirt. The shirt barely covered my legs. Yunho promised me we’d stay in the apartment today so I didn’t really mind what I was going to wear. But still, I wasn’t planning on walking around his apartment without covering at least a fourth of my legs. I got out of the bathroom and saw that my suitcase was already there. I rummaged through it and got a pair of black shorts. I wore it and took a quick look in the mirror.

I walked down the hall and was greeted by Yunho’s beaming face.

“That looks good on you.” He said. “Come here.” He gestured for me to take a seat next to him on the couch.

I sat down and he held me close with on arm around me. I raised my legs from the floor to the couch.

“What do you wanna do today?” he asked.

“Nothing.” I answered.

“Yeah me too.” He said. I laughed and slapped his leg playfully.

~*~*~
Yunho and I were eating instant ramen while watching his favorite movie, “My Sassy Girl”. I couldn’t get enough of how jittery and twitchy he gets whenever Jeon Ji Hyun’s character comes into view. He tends to focus too much on the movie; he forgets that his chopsticks still have noodles on them. He’d scream like a crazed Korean fangirl whenever a touchy-feely moment comes.

“Noodles.” I reminded him. He ate what was on his chopsticks without taking his eyes off the flat screen TV. We sat on each end of the couch with only our legs touching.

Most of the time, I just stared at Yunho and ate ramen instead of watching the movie. Cha Tae Hyun wasn’t my type though his character reminds me so much of Yunho. It’s as if he wants to be enslaved by The Girl. I have physically, mentally and emotionally abused him for almost two decades and then he tells me he’s in love with me. Not exactly how it’s supposed to work but I appreciate it… a lot.

I looked at Yunho only to see that he was looking at me too.

“What?” I said.

“Noodles.” He told me then laughed. He placed his finished cup of instant ramen on the coffee table then gestured for me to come closer to him. I placed my cup next to his and I did as I was ‘told’. He was lying close to the backrest and gesture again for me to lie with him. Now with his arm around my waist, we lay there without a care in the world.

He placed his legs on top of mine. I smiled.

“What a lame move. What are you, twelve?” I said.

“I’m twenty-three. Twenty-four, Korean age.” He replied.

“You’re old. I’m eighteen.”
“Nineteen, Korean Age.”
“You made love with a girl four years your junior.”
“And I’d do it again and again. I don’t care.”

He paused the movie and moved on top of me. I started laughing and he laughed with me. Then he kissed me. We didn’t care. We really didn’t care. We were living in the moment.

His lips were still hot and I loved it even more. He felt for my legs with his arm hands. I held the back of his neck to deepen each kiss while my free hand roamed his back. I hooked my leg around his to press him against me. He smiled against the kiss we shared and held. He started to raise the t-shirt I was wearing then…

‘Zzzzzt zzzt zzzzzzt. Zzzzzt zzzt zzzzzzt.’

“.” Yunho cursed as he tried to take his phone from his pocket. “Yoochun.” He said as he looked at the screen. He shifted to sit on the couch.

I took the phone from his hand and pressed ‘Answer’.

“Oppa.” I said.

I wanted to give Yoochun the peace he wasn’t able to have over the past 28 hours.

“Sunmi? Sunmi, is that you?!” Yoochun’s voice seemed desperate and tired.

Yunho looked at me tensely. I smiled at him to tell him everything was okay.

“Yes, oppa. This is Sunmi.” I replied to Yoochun.

“I’ve found her!” he yelled over the phone. “Where are you? Are you with Yunho hyung? What are you doing?”

“I’m fine, Micky. That’s all you really need to know.”
“But are you with Yunho hyung?”
“I’m safe. Don’t worry.”
“Are you with YUNHO HYUNG?!”
“I’m okay. Stop worrying. I’ll see you soon. Bye.”

I knew he was getting pissed. I just couldn’t tell him where I was. It would ruin everything.

“I love you.” I added then pressed ‘End’.

I sighed and tried to act nonchalant. Deep inside, I was nervous. What if he busts through that door and stirs a fight with Yunho. No. He can’t do that. He’d start screaming then I’m the one he’d hit. What if he calls Umma and Appa? They’d take me away… never to come back. I’d lose Yunho.

I realized…

how much time I have left with him… and how important each second was. This could never happen again. I had to tell him exactly how I felt.

“Yunho ah.” I called.

I took his arm and hooked it with mine. I leaned against his shoulder.

“I love you, Yunho. I don’t care if it’s too soon or if it’s too late… I love you. I love you right now. I want to love you forever. I don’t want this to go away. I think I’ve hated you all this time because I loved you. I know it’s confusing. I know it doesn’t make sense but that’s how it is. I hate how I was so ing numb to feel that. Yunho… promise me you won’t ever let me go.”

I poured my heart, mind and soul until nothing was left for me to do but hold on to this moment and to what I have left: Yunho. I keep on saying I hate him but the truth was I was too afraid of him. I thought he hated me… so I was left to hate him back. And that’s when I found Jaejoong. I liked him… and I assumed he liked me back…

Then I was betrayed. I was hurt. I was injured by the one whom I was hoping to return my feelings. I was used. And I ran to the one person I could turn to. The one person whom I knew would accept me for who I was and I how I felt. The one person who was patient enough to ride my wave of inconsistent emotions.

Jung Yunho.

I love him. I don’t know why. I don’t need a reason. Loving is when you don’t need any reason. You’re not in love because you can’t live without him or because you’re willing to die for him: You’re in love because you don’t care if you live or die.

I held him close, never wanting to let go.

“It’s never too late, Sunmi.” Yunho kissed the top of my head. “You’re staying here. You’re staying here with me. You’re not going anywhere.”