OH SEHUN

"I have an idea for the dance break," Luna piped up after a long moment of thought. Yixing quirked a brow.

"Enlighten me. And don't you dare say water dancing. Last time I did that, I had a cold for a week."

"No, I have something even better," she smirked, glancing at me as I tapped my fingers against the lunch table, bored.

Yixing scowled at her as she snagged a French fry and dipped it into his ketchup.

"Tango," she said as she popped the French fry into .

"Seriously? Does anyone here even know how to tango?"

She looked at me evilly and I narrowed my eyes in warning. Don't you dare.

"Sehunnie here has been taking some classes."

"Seriously?" Yixing looked confused, "Where'd you even find those?"

"YouTube classes," I clarified through gritted teeth. "And I'm not that good at it anyways."

"Liar. He's pretty amazing. I saw him."

Yixing seemed surprised but clearly interested in the idea. "It would be different. No one has done it around here before. With a good mentor, our crew could totally pull it off."

"Right! And no one would expect it. Sehun, last time I checked you said you were learning this choreography..."

"Are you serious right now? I haven't agreed to do this. And I told you, I'm not even good at it."

"Yes you are, Sehun. You don't see it, but I do. You can totally do it! Don't you wanna try something different for once? The competition is tough, and we need to stand out. You know this win will look good on your record."

"I honestly don't care," I rolled my eyes.

"Then do it for Jongin. Don't you think he'd want to see you shine?"

I stiffened at that.

"But until then, you can still dance with someone else."

I didn't want to. That dance was our thing. A choreography that we were working on together. I didn't want to do it with anyone else.

"Honestly, Sehun. It's been a month already... You have to keep living." Luna urged, eyes earnest and pleading. Yixing nodded next to her. "You know this is what he would want."

I shook my head, my fists clenching until my knuckles turned white. A warm hand enveloped my own and I looked up to see Yixing with concerned eyes.

"Hey... It's fine. We're not gonna force you into doing this. It's your decision and I respect that. But I do agree with Luna. You have to keep going. We know Jongin is very sick, and we're all praying for him to get better and come back as soon as possible. But until then, you have to be strong. If not for you then do it for him. You can't keep on living like this. I mean look, lunch break's almost over and you haven't even touched your food."

I let out a deep breath through my mouth, already having recieved this talk several times. And I knew they were right. I knew I couldn't forget him, but that didn't mean I had to torture myself every second. Jongin always took care of me, and I had no right to waste all that effort by neglecting myself now.

But it wasn't easy to just move on with my life as if he never existed.

"I'm trying my best," I sighed tiredly, scratching the back of my head.

"We miss him too, Sehun. I can't even begin to imagine how you feel right now," Yixing sighed. "But think about yourself for once, because he loves you and I'm sure he's still thinking about you even now."

I found myself blushing softly at that. I'd never explicitly told Yixing about our relationship but it was clear he had already figured it out by himself. Thankfully he never gave me about not saying anything nor was he being judgemental.

"Okay... I'll think about it."

"Sure... But don't take your time. We have two months to choreograph a whole routine from scratch, not to mention teaching all the lazy slowpokes in our crew and the endless rehearsals," Yixing stated before grumbling to himself, "I swear those s put me in charge of choreo every time on purpose."

"They only do that cause you're obviously the best in the team," Luna cooed, "And you should be thankful you have amazing friends like us to help you out."

"Aww yeah, what would I do without your unhelpful that scrolls through memes on Instagram while Sehun and I do all the dirty work?"

"I was never really gifted in the choreography department, but you know damn well I can pop and lock circles around you and you never hesitated to exploit that."

"Touche. That reminds me, I saw Seulgi and Irene tutting the other day, they've been working on this choreography and it looks really cool. Maybe we should include a tutting segment in our dance."

Luna nodded thoughtfully as I chortled to myself, suddenly being reminded of something. My two best friends turned to me suspiciously, surprised and mildly confused. I held my hand out as I muffled my chuckles.

"Uh... What's funny?" Luna asked cautiously, probably scared that I'd gone crazy. Maybe I did, but I neither knew nor cared at that point. It was the first time they'd seen me smile, let alone laugh ever since Jongin left.

"Sorry it's just..." I took a few breaths to calm myself down, "I just remembered this one time Jongin was trying to tut, he looked absolutely ridiculous."

Yixing stared at me weird for a second, face softening before he began to laugh as well. "Oh yeah, I remember that! I was there, that was hilarious. He really was trying though."

"Yeah," I said softly as my laughter died down. He really did try. Especially over the last couple of weeks, his growing passion for dance didn't go unnoticed by me. Even though he could have easily used that device and aced any type of dance he liked within seconds, he chose to take the long and grueling road of working hard and putting in the time and effort to get better. And it showed in his eyes when he danced, he was no longer doing it like some sort of chore, but he did it out of love. I liked to think that I inspired him in some way.

Luna cleared , grabbing my attention. She smiled as she dipped another French fry into Yixing's ketchup, offering it to me hopefully. I opened my mouth, and she didn't hesitate to shove it harshly into my mouth, followed by another handful of French fries.

"Whaffak..." I retorted, eyes wide in shock as I tried not to choke on the overwhelming amount of food forced into my mouth. Luna smirked evilly.

"I don't want Jongin thinking we haven't been feeding you when he comes back. You look skinny as hell and it's gross."

"Thcrew youfff!" I groaned as I grabbed a handful of spaghetti and threw it into her face. Yixing on the other hand didn't bother to interrupt the ensuing food fight in favour of whipping out his camera and recording the whole thing.

That of course didn't last very long because Luna soon grabbed a can of coke and began to pour it over his head, drenching his hair, face and shirt as his mouth hung open in shock.

"There shall be no witnesses!" She grinned victoriously as she watched his face contort into one of anger.

"Oh no... You are a dead woman!" He yelled as he put his phone down, grabbing the back of her head and shoving a plate full of cake into her face. She screeched, shoving him off as she wiped away at her face. By then, we had already gathered quite an audience and fits of laughter from other students sounded around us.

After that it was all a jumbled mess of food being thrown left and right as our ever-competitive selves tried to slather the other with the most amount of food possible.

We laughed and laughed and even though we got into a little trouble later with the adminstration for the mess we made, I figured it was all worth it because it had been so long since I goofed around with my friends like that.


 

As I turned the familiar knob and walked in, I was met with the back of a familiar mop of black hair. The person turned around and greeted me.

"Hey Sehun."

"Kyungsoo... How are you?" I greeted, voice livelier than usual as I went to stand next to Jongin.

"I'm good. Just came for the regular checkups. How have you been?"

"I'm... Coping," I said thoughtfully. Ever since I saw Jongin in that dream, the weight on my shoulders seemed a little lighter than it used to be. I sincerely believed that it was Jongin reaching out to me, because I remembered every word so vividly. I felt like I could breathe just a little bit easier now, knowing he was still there, around... Somewhere.

"That's good to hear," he nodded curtly. "You look better."

"Really?"

"Yeah... Funny because I thought the exact same thing when I looked at Jongin today."

I cocked a brow, turning to Jongin and focusing on his face. He was usually pale, but it seemed like there was the slightest bit of colour in his face today.  At this point his entire body was transparent, like he was some sort of hologram. But somehow today... He looked the slightest bit more prominent. I wasn't sure if it was just wishful thinking but I wanted to believe Jongin truly was getting better.

"I've been studying his data... Searching for answers. Just a few days ago I noticed the most peculiar thing..."

I perked up in interest and I turned to Kyungsoo, giving him my full attention.

"While his code continues to decay at an alarmingly increasing rate, his body... isn't quite. He should only be a fragment of a person at this point, but his body is surprisingly well-preserved considering how his code looks."

"So... What does that mean?"

"Well, I took the liberty of looking into his DNA samples more closely. Typically, a traveler's DNA doesn't exactly remain... Stable. Since our code is always being upgraded, altered and continuously evolving, our human genome tends to be in a constant state of flux... It can change and mutate a whole lot more than a normal person's DNA. But for Kai... I mean, Jongin... It's strange but, his DNA seems to become more and more stable each day. And I've tracked that this change most markedly began when I gave him the antidote and he started getting closer to you."

I frowned in confusion, trying to piece together what he was trying to tell me.

"So... The more his code disintegrates, the more his human genome stabilises?"

"It would seem that way. But it doesn't make any sense..." His eyebrows were scrunched together in concentration and it was clear from the bags under his eyes that he was tired too. For some reason, Jongin's case was really important to him and he was clearly losing sleep over it.

"He once told me a story... About someone called Sable. When his wife died, he just... disappeared. How does that even work?"

Kyungsoo visibly stiffened at that question. "He told you that?" He asked softly. I only nodded slowly, wondering why his entire demeanor suddenly changed. He shook his head, "That doesn't matter now. Anyway, I'll keep looking into this new data. It's too early to draw any real conclusions but... I might be on to something."

"Okay... Just, take it easy. You look tired."

"Look who's talking," he chuckled, "Take care of yourself. And make sure you come see him everyday. Who knows, that might just be the thing that saves him. We're just grasping at straws at this point anyway."

"That goes without saying. I'll never stop coming to see him," I said sincerely as I looked down at Jongin. I reached for his hand and intertwined our fingers. Somehow today, his touch felt more present... Not as subtle as it used to be. I couldn't help the smile that began to tug at the corners of my lips.

When I finally turned back to Kyungsoo, I found a soft yet sad smile playing on his lips, accompanied with a distant look in his eyes. I wanted to ask but decided against it.

"Anyway... I'll be going now. Take care of Ka- Jongin."

"I will."

He nodded at me once before walking out the door, lightly shutting it behind him. I stood there for a long moment before eventually taking my jacket off and sitting down in bed next to Jongin.

"Hey... How are you today? You won't believe this but, I actually had a food fight in the cafeteria with Yixing and Luna at lunch. I know that probably sounds really childish and stupid but it was pretty hilarious... until I had to shampoo spaghetti out of my hair, that is."


 

Things were starting to look up over the next couple of weeks. We started having regular meets at the studio to work on our new choreography, and it was occupying most of my time. It was good because that meant less time to be undistracted and alone with my thoughts. By the time I was back at Yixing's, where I'd taken up a more permanent residence, I was dead beat and passed out within minutes.

I eventually agreed to do the tango routine, which my friends were grateful for. I decided I myself wouldn't perform it but I was to teach it to the three couples that we picked out of our crew - Yixing and Momo, Taemin and Krystal, Mark and Luna. I just couldn't bring myself to perform it without Jongin. Luna and Yixing understood and didn't try to push me into it.

I went to see Jongin everyday after practice, and as usual I'd cuddle up to him and tell him all about my day. The small details and the big ones. Many a times I fell asleep by his side, but I never saw him in my dreams again.

The thought worried me a little, but I tried not let it blow out the flame of hope that was flickering inside me. Because every time I saw him, I could swear he looked more lively than the last. His body was warmer, his pulse more prominent, his touch more real.

I kept asking myself, I can't just be imagining it, right?


 

I watched the rehearsal silently, trying to point out any mistakes I could find. The crew was good, and they learned quickly. But none of them could dance quite like Jongin. Their skills obviously weren't as developed since it was their first time trying out this type of dance. But Jongin had this more sensual feel when he danced, and none of them could quite match his charisma. I didn't think even I could, either.

"Looks pretty good huh?"

I looked to the side, finding Seulgi standing next to me, watching the pairs.

"Yeah," I replied airily.

"But not good enough?" She cocked a brow.

"There's room for improvement."

"I wish I could be in it you know," she mentioned, pouting slightly, "but none of the s in the crew would pair with me."

"Oh really? Did you try asking Wonho?"

"He's not interested..." She said before pausing for a second, eyeing me. "I think you should do it with me."

I turned to her, brows quirked up in amusement.

"What? You're the best at this choreography... I'm a fast learner and I'm super versatile... I think we'd make a pretty good pair."

"I guess but... I already told you guys I didn't want in on this dance break."

"Well I'm here to change your mind," she crossed her arms stubbornly.

"Not gonna work, Seulgi," I shook my head, "And besides, I have a better idea."

"And what would that be?"

"Well... You could do it with Irene."

Her face immediately went red at that, "W-What?"

"Yeah, think about it. Some LGBT representation would definitely help us stand out from the crowed and earn a few brownie points. And I thought you guys kind of had a thing for each other."

"How do you know that?" She gaped, face flushing ever so slightly, "N-Not that it's true..."

"Well now you pretty much confirmed it," I smirked at her, "Come on, it's kind of obvious."

Seulgi chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully as she turned to stare at Irene rehearsing by herself in front of the mirror. Their eyes met and they smiled shyly at each other, Seulgi's face quickly going red.

"You know what... Yeah, I'll ask her," she looked at me determinedly and flashed a knowing smile, "I guess your own partner isn't here now either. No wonder you're so adamant about not joining."

I remained silent, shrugging noncommittally. But she knew exactly what she was talking about and wasn't planning on stopping there.

"For what it's worth... I hope he'll recover and be back soon. It'll be great to have you both on the team."

I cocked my head to the side, "You think so?"

"I know so," she grinned cheekily. "I mean, I'd definitely pay to see that."

I smiled softly at the thought of Jongin and I together on stage, holding each other, unafraid in front of the world. We'd shared some of our most intimate moments learning that dance together in our practice room. My smile slowly turned into a grimace.

But it's been two months already... When will he even be back? 


 

"It's like... The days drag on and on and everyday my resolve crumbles more than the last. I'm so incredibly tired, tired of waiting, tired of hoping, tired of missing you. Tired of praying for you to open those eyes and look at me, to talk to me."

I paused, watching him as if waiting for some kind of response that I obviously never got.

"I feel like I'm back at square one again. Hurting, broken, and incomplete. Like part of me is missing. I don't think I realized how much I love you until I lost your constant presence around me. I can't just go back to how things were before you came into my life, no matter how much I try. Every laugh without you has me feeling guilty, feeling like I have no right to be happy when you're alone in this room. I feel like I'm abandoning you and I feel so lost..."

I sighed into his shoulder. It wasn't my first time breaking down in front of him. He was my sanctuary, the only one I could be vulnerable with and show my true self to at the end of each day. I held myself together pretty well in front of everyone else, but with him, I didn't even bother to try.

"You said that your kind can only love once... Well that's funny because I literally feel like I can't love anyone unless it's you. It's not that easy, you know... To just bounce back and love again after losing someone you love so much. It always takes something away from you. We also have a limit, you know... And I think I've about reached mine," I clutched his shirt, breathing in his scent, trying to surround myself by him and only him.

"I keep thinking... Maybe I should give up now. I should just accept this, that you're never coming back to me. But then I come here and see you and I think... Why are you still here then? You would have disappeared by now, right? There must be a reason. I know you're fighting it, you're hanging on for me... So I keep hanging on to you like my only lifeline, even if it's as thin as a thread. Because the day I don't find you on this bed anymore... I will literally die, Jongin."

There was a sudden knock on the door and I quickly wiped away at my damp eyes, sniffling. "Come in."

The doorknob turned and Mr. Kim walked in.

"Hey, Mr. Kim," I said, trying to sound as stable as possible as I sat up in bed.

"You can relax," he said softly, going to sit at the edge of the bed. "I'm sure you must be tired, coming here everyday although it's almost an hour away from your campus."

"It's fine. I don't think I can go about my day without seeing him anyway."

"It's already been three months, Sehun... You should probably just go back to your normal life now."

"I can't," I said abruptly, "I'm not leaving him." He seemingly expected that answer and only sighed.

"You're a good kid, Sehun. You really are. And I really am glad Kai found someone like you. But now we're worried about you, too. You can't keep living like this."

"Are you giving up on him?" I asked coldly.

He remained quiet, but the answer hung in the air like a thick fog.

"Well... He's still here, he's still alive. There must be a reason for that, right?"

"I... I don't know."

"Then I'm not leaving until we do," I said in finality.

Mr. Kim observed me silently for a long minute before nodding slowly. "Our home will always be open to you, Sehun."

"Thank you, Mr. Kim. I really appreciate you guys letting me come here everyday. I know it's a bit of a pain."

"Nonsense... We already consider you like our son, Sehun. My wife speaks wonders of you. And your presence really has been helping us cope. "

It was the first time Mr. Kim spoke to me like that but it was a pleasant surprise to hear those words from him. I smiled at him gratefully and so did he, in a way that only a father would to his son.

"It's getting late... Why don't you stay over? It's the weekend and I'm sure Kai would love to have you here."

"I... Is that really okay? I wouldn't want to trouble you guys..."

"The only person you'll be troubling is him," he chuckled, gesturing to Jongin. It was their first time offering me to spend the night there. And honestly, I wasn't about to refuse spending more time with Jongin. I could always head out in the afternoon to catch my shift at the café.

"I would love to, Mr Kim. Thank you."

"Sure. If you need a change of clothes you can just get some of Kai's," he said as he stood up, preparing to leave, "Well... Good night, Sehun."

"Good night," I muttered and watched him leave, gently shutting the door behind him.

I went to Jongin's closet and pulled out a simple T-shirt and sweats to sleep in. The clothes still smelled of him and it made me smile just a little. I turned off the light and went back under the sheets with Jongin. I made sure to send Yixing a text first, letting him know I wouldn't be back that night, before nuzzling into his side and wrapping my arms around him, legs entangling under the sheets. I placed a soft kiss on his cheek and another on his lips, lingering for a few long seconds before pulling away.

"Good night, baby," I whispered, half expecting a reply but never receiving one.


 

My eyes fluttered open and I found myself in the same dark room. I was still dressed in Jongin's clothes, lying down in bed next to him. He was asleep as usual, face peaceful and body completely still.

Yet something felt off. There was shifting in the air around me, almost like there was someone or something else in the room.

I sat up, rubbing my eyes as I tried to adjust to the darkness around me. That was when I could just barely make out a figure standing at the foot of the bed. It was dark and tall, but I couldn't quite make out who it was.

"I'm leaving today," he spoke and I instantly recognized his voice.

"Jongin!" I yelled, quickly crawling towards him on the bed. I could just barely make out his features in the dark room, bathed in dim moonlight as he just stood there, watching me with somewhat soulless eyes. I didn't care though, instantly wrapping my arms around him to hug him. Except... there was nothing to wrap my arms around. My hands went straight through him, like he was smoke. I retracted immediately and he smiled a me sadly.

"Not Jongin... Kai," he said softly. "I'm leaving, Sehun."

I sat there on my knees in front of him, blinking repeatedly as I processed what he was trying to tell me.

"Why?" Was all I could manage to say.

"Because... I no longer exist."

"N-No..." I whimpered, voice laced in desperation, "No, you can't disappear... I need you," I tried to reach for him but my hands went right through his body yet again. "W-Why...?"

"You no longer have a need for me. I was never suitable for you in the first place, you see. I am just code... Code that has faded away and no longer exists. But you'll remember me right?"

"You... How could I forget you!" I shook my head, "You'll never fade away... Never."

"Promise?" He tilted his head to the side, lifting his hand up to my cheek. But there was no touch to be felt, no warmth. Just emptiness.

"I promise..."

Is this really it? The moment I was dreading, is it finally here?

"Thank you, Sehun." He smiled softly, "I was so scared... But you were always there. Now I'm not scared anymore."

I tried my best not to sob as I looked up at his smiling face, a smile that seemed to light up the emptiness in his eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere. And neither are you... Okay?" I asked hopefully.

He only smiled again, but this time there were tears leaving his eyes.

"Goodbye," he whispered as he leaned in to me, placing his lips over mine. And strangely enough, I could feel it this time. I felt familiar soft, moist lips and a warmth unlike any other. He was glowing an eerie bright blue now, cupping my cheek as he deepened the kiss.

"Kai..." I whispered between our kisses, but he refused to let go. I could feel his desperation, his love and his sadness, and it made my heart ache and my chest feel incredibly tight. I closed my eyes, letting myself get lost in the sensation, kissing him back with just as much fervor.

"I love you," he whispered, "I was real. Remember me."

Before I could even ask him what he meant by that, everything suddenly stopped. His lips were no longer against mine and he was gone - vanished. Almost as if he was never there. The room was silent, empty but the air was so incredibly thick, it was almost suffocating. I dug my face into my knees, willing it all to just stop. Willing for all of it to just be a dream.

Because Jongin can't just be gone. He can't.



 

I awoke with a start, sitting up and gasping for air as if I'd just run a marathon. The room was bright and before I could even process anything, I saw doe eyes staring at me, wide open in shock.

"Sehun..." he whispered, "I can't sense his code anymore. It's... gone."

My own eyes widened in panic and I turned to my side in horror, not knowing what to expect after what I'd just seen. I was prepared for the worst. But what I saw next to me wasn't nearly what I had been expecting.

It was Jongin. Lying there, asleep, just like every time. But his body was no longer translucent. In fact, he looked totally normal now. In complete and utter disbelief, I reached for him, feeling the skin of his arms underneath my fingertips, warm to the touch and so very real. He was real, and for a second I thought he was dead but he wasn't, if the telltale rise and fall of his chest was anything to go by.

"How...?" I whispered, "I felt him leave, Kyungsoo. I felt it... It was so real."

"It was," he said decidedly, looking to Jongin. As I followed his gaze to Jongin's face, I watched the frown forming between his eyebrows, his breath hitching ever so slightly, and his eyelids slowly fluttering open to reveal the brown orbs that I'd so been longing to see.

His eyes scanned the room cautiously, confused and almost skittish. When they finally landed on my own, he just stared at me. And I stared back, dumbfounded. It wasn't until Kyungsoo spoke again that I felt like I had a grasp on reality again.

"Kai is gone now."

You didn't think I was just gonna let him die, did you? I love my Jonginnie too much to do that. Therefore I gotta make him go through something much worse. Hehe. Just kidding! Or am I?

Speaking of Jongin. SONG OF THE DAY: "Tiger Inside" by Super M. Cuz he looks damn fine in that MV with his y arms and those moves ufff. Also it's a pretty dope song.

And of course I had to reference SeulRene and their "Naughty" dance because that song deserves a LOT more love. Matter fact, go watch that MV now. You won't regret it.

Anyway, don't forget to leave your comments. See you guys in the next chapter!