OH SEHUN

"Sehun, are you even listening?!"

"H-Huh?" I snapped up from my daze, turning to see an annoyed Tao with narrowed eyes.

"Table 5."

"O-Oh, sorry," I stammered, carrying the tray on the counter and taking it to said table. After smiling kindly at the customer, I went back to Tao who was eyeing me suspiciously.

"You've been really spacey today. What's on your mind?"

"Uh, you know. This and that," I dismissed him with a wave of my hands, "Moreover, how's it been going with the boss?"

This time it was his turn to be flustered and he quickly averted his gaze, "What do you mean? Everything's perfectly normal between us!"

"Sure, like we all didn't see you two grinding on each other two days ago at the party-"

"Sh-Shut up! We were just drunk, and nothing happened."

"Hm, I highly doubt it~" I teased, making him swat me across the forehead harshly. I pouted at him as I rubbed my head in pain. "Ow... that hurt."

"Yes, that was the point."

"Huang! Oh! Stop your chit-chatting and get back to work!" Junmyeon suddenly yelled at us, arms crossed across his chest.

I smirked at Tao who only blushed a bright red and turned away, muttering a quick, "Yes, boss."

I couldn't help but notice how Junmyeon's gaze lingered on Tao for a moment before he stomped off. Once he turned away, Tao stuck his tongue out at him immaturely, making me chuckle.

"He's been extra grumpy lately. You guys are honestly painful to watch. It's obvious you like each other, so why don't you just get together?"

"Like you're one to talk, idiot!" Tao hissed, "It's more complicated than that, and you of all people should understand."

I frowned, "What do you mean?"

"You think I'm blind? You're obviously gay for your roommate and I'm pretty sure he is too."

My eyes widened and my jaw dropped. Since when did Tao know?! "W-What?"

He rolled his eyes, "My gaydar never lies. You don't have to deny it, you know. I'm the last person to judge you."

"Since when?"

"It's always been obvious. I know a person hiding their uality when I see one. I just didn't want to put you on the spot since you're so paranoid about it."

"Oh my God," I covered my face with my hands, groaning. So Tao knew all along.

"Dude, it's fine. As a fellow gay man I understand you. The insecurity, the fear... I know it all. But you can't stay like that forever. The lonliness would kill you. Junmyeon and I... we're slow to progress but at least we're trying. You two are a true pain in the to watch. You so obviously crave each other but keep holding yourselves back."

"I..." I stayed silent, letting his words sink in. It reminded me of what Jongin said last night. And I was the last to judge Tao because I knew just what he meant.

It wasn't as simple as just liking each other. There were other feelings that got in the way. Mostly fear. The fear of getting my heart broken. The fear of coming out to the world. The fear of being in a relationship with someone, and a guy no less.

It wasn't easy.

"I guess you're right."

He grinned at me, eyes warm, "I'm always right."

I rolled my eyes at him. At least I could somewhat relate to Tao.

Maybe... things aren't so bad after all.

I realized there was something much bigger than the fear in my heart, and that was my feelings for Jongin. And if I could take the first few steps. I'd eventually be able to overcome that fear.

"Everything will sort itself out eventually."

"I TOLD YOU TWO TO GET BACK TO WORK!"

"Y-YES, SIR!"

 

It was almost midnight but Jongin hadn't come back to the dorm room. I tried to get some sleep but I couldn't help but get worried. His cell phone was turned off as well so I couldn't reach him. What is that idiot doing out in the middle of the night anyway? Hurry up and come back already...

I groaned, pulling the covers up to my neck and closed my eyes. I couldn't deny that I missed him. Jongin had passed out the previous night and clearly needed some more rest, but he was out all day ever since the morning doing God knows what.

Suddenly I heard the doorknob turn. I let out a small sigh of relief as I closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep. He doesn't need to know I stayed up waiting for him. I listened to Jongin's footsteps around the room after he closed the door. There was some rustling, like he was changing clothes. Soon, the footsteps got closer to me and I felt the bed dip as he sat down on it. I swallowed as I felt him lean closer, his hand softly caressing my hair.

"Sehun," he whispered, "I know you're awake."

I slowly opened my eyes, only to be met with his own warm ones. He had a soft smile on his lips.

"What took you so long?"

"Sorry, I just had a lot to think about," he smiled.

"Like what?" I asked.

"Well... stuff."

"Be more vague, please," I said with an annoyed scoff. He only chuckled.

"I'm tired. Let's go to sleep yeah?"

I sighed, knowing he was evading the topic. I noticed he did that quite often and it was honestly getting annoying, but I didn't want to force him to say anything he didn't want to. No matter how curious I was.

"Yeah," I mumbled, covering my face with the covers. Why is he so damn frustating!?

I felt him get up from the bed to switch of the lights before he got into his own. That night, I couldn't help but think.

It was true that I liked Jongin. But from the day I first met him until now, there was still something... off about him. It all started with that dream. After that, there was his dancing. His dancing almost felt like he was dictating words from a text book. There was no emotion behind it, and it was something I certainly hadn't seen from anyone else in the university. Dance wasn't exactly the type of career parents would force their children into. Then there was the way he cared about me, seeimingly for no particular reason. I didn't doubt that Jongin was a naturally caring person, but still, it felt like he only acted that way towards me. Sometimes, I felt like he knew who I was before he even met me. Not to mention, he knew Latin dance and offered to teach me, although I'd never actually met anyone before who knew how to dance Latin, nor did I know that there was a place that taught it. It just seemed a bit too convenient that he did. Then there was the time with the bruises as well. I'd certainly never seen anything like that before, and for them to disappear that same day made it all the more weird. The same deal with the fever. There seemed to be a lot of strange things happening around him.

The more I thought about it, the more I started to doubt that there was something... unnatural about Jongin, as crazy as it sounded. He was hiding something from me. There had to be a reason this feeling stuck around all this time, right? This... weird feeling that he gave me, apart from the butterflies and whatnot.

Sehun... You're tired. Just go to sleep. You're being weird.

Suddenly, I felt the bed dip behind me once again as a hand wapped around my waist and a warm chest was pressed against my back.

"Mind if I sleep here?" He whispered softly. He felt so warm and calming, making me instantly forget all about the thoughts I was having. I sighed, pressing my back against his chest.

"Not at all." I whispered as I took his hand in mine and kissed it softly, nestling up against him. "Good night."
 

I walked around the campus garden the next day, wanting to get some fresh air. I was sitting at the fountain, watching the students walk by and by, when I noticed Luna sitting on one of the benches with another guy. I recognized him as Jongdae, one of the music students but I didn't really know the guy that well. The two of them seemed to be having a serious conversation, and Luna looked especially troubled. I frowned as I watched them, trying to figure out what was going on but soon enough he stood up and left and she sat there alone, looking down at her lap. I made my towards her and she looked up at me, forcing a smile once she saw me.

"Oh, hey Sehun."

"Hey," I sat next to her, "What's up?"

She shrugged, "Nothing much."

"Don't you lie to me Park Sunyoung. Did that guy say something to bother you? I'll go kick his if that's the case."

She chuckled, "You'll kick his ? Yeah right. Anyway, Jongdae's a nice guy. He didn't do anything wrong."

"Then why do you look all depressed?"

"Geez, I'm not depressed."

"Since when were you hiding things from me? I'm hurt," I pouted, "I thought we were besties."

She glared at me, "You didn't even let me watch you and Jongin Latin dance together. You are no bestie of mine."

"I'm serious, Luna."

She sighed, "Look, I'm fine."

I groaned in frustration, "You really are reminding me of Jongin right now. Always evading, saying "I'm fine" and "don't worry about me". It's ing annoying you know?"

"Jongin?" she tilted her head to the side, "Why, what happened?"

"I don't know." I sighed, "he's been acting weird lately. He zones out a lot, is always so vague and brushing me off when I ask him what's wrong."

She nodded at me slowly, seemingly in deep thought.

"Now you're doing the same. You don't trust me?"

"You really are a teenage girl," she laughed, making me glare at her.

"Whatever. Sorry I asked," I stood up, about to walk away when she grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"Geez, I'm sorry. You don't have to get triggered. Sit down, I'll tell you," she sighed, "Jongdae's a good friend of mine. He... he just confessed to me that he likes me. I couldn't return his feelings and well... I guess now I feel kinda guillty."

I frowned, "Why?"

"I hurt his feelings... and I'm scared I'd put a dent in our friendship as well."

"Well this Jongdae sure has questionable taste if you ask me."

She rolled her eyes, "Go an egg."

"You don't have to feel guilty though. It's not like you can force feelings for someone."

"I know. I just thought... maybe I could have faked it. I could have just gone with it and seen where it went."

"Now that would be just beyond cruel. Lying is never the answer. I'm glad you were honest with him. Even if you were to lose him as a friend."

She sighed and rested her head on my shoulder, "Life sure is a , huh?"

"I guess."

"Winter break is coming up. Are you gonna go back home?"

"Yeah. I miss my family. You?"

"I think I will go home too. You should invite Jongin to your place for winter break."

"What? Why?!"

"Well since you two are gonna get married and all."

"What are you talking about?" I scoffed, "Don't be ridiculous."

"Since a certain bestie hasn't been keeping me updated, Jongin's told me about the recent... developments in your relationship."

I blushed and looked away.

"I never thought I'd see the day you'd finally date someone," she said, smiling at me.

"Technically we're not really dating. I don't really know... where exactly we stand."

"What matters is you like each other. Not everything has to be black and white."

"I guess," I shrugged.

"I'm proud of you, Sehunnie."

"For what?"

"For not being a little for once."

I chuckled, "Gee, thanks."

"You don't have to start telling people right away. Heck you don't have to tell people, period. You guys have each other, so don't worry. And trust me when I say Jongin really likes you."

"I just wish he wasn't always hiding things from me. Even though we're technically not together yet... It still pisses me off."

"Maybe rather than not wanting to tell you, he can't."

"What do you mean?"

"It's just a thought. Just... give him the benefit of the doubt. You can trust Jongin. For all the times he's been there for you, I think he deserves that much, right?"

"Yeah... You're right. Speaking of Jongin, we have a Latin dance session now. I have to bounce."

"Alright. Go get that booty."

I rolled my eyes, "Shut up. And hey, cheer up a little, okay?"

"I'll be just fine baby."

"Ugh, don't call me that."

When I arrived at the studio, Jongin was already there. He was sat against the wall, knees bent and his head down.

"Hey," I greeted as I walked in, dropping my bag to the floor. Jongin looked up at me and forced a smile, waving.

"Hey, Sehun." He said, but he sounded really down. Come to think of it, he'd been really grumpy all day. But of course he evaded every time I tried to ask about it, so I decided I wouldn't ask anymore and just wait for Jongin to tell me. He would, eventually. Right? I was willing to put my hopes on that.

For the time being the least I could do was try to cheer him up.

I went and plopped down on the floor next to him, nudging him with my elbow.

"You know, I was listening to this song earlier today and it really reminded me of you."

Jongin cracked a half-smile. "Is that so?"

"Yeah," I said as I pulled one of my earbuds out and offered it to him. He put it on while I looked for the song on my phone to play it. Then we just sat there, side by side, listening.

"Hey there, don’t move
I’m in the middle of placing you in my eyes
I can tell you don’t hate it, that’s the key
Because at the end of a long day, I only wanna see you

Every day, I sprout up at the thought of you
Small emotions start to bud
Suddenly, deep inside of me, you started to grow
Just looking at you is not enough
The moment my hands touch you
You bloom inside my heart"

As he started lightly bobbing his head to the beat, he smiled at me.

So baby, can I be your boyfriend, can I?
I want to show you a world you’ve never seen
So baby, can I be your boyfriend, can I?
If you want, I want to give you everything"

A wide grin began to form on Jongin's face as his entire face lit up. There we go... That's the Jongin I like to see. He laughed, shaking his head.

"Seriously?"

I shrugged, studying him with a small smile playing on my lips. It was clear I had actually managed to cheer him up. He even looked to be blushing a little.

"Well that's sweet of you," he said softly, looking at me genuinely. "Thanks."

"You must be tired," I whispered, gazing at him with a small smile playing at my lips. He frowned at me in confusion.

"Of what?"

I lifted a hand to gently brush a few strands of hair off his face. "Of running through my mind all day."

He chuckled again, rolling his eyes. "And now a lame pick up line too? Where's Sehun and what have you done to him?"

I shook my head with a grin on my face, "The real question is what have you done to him?"

His eyes softened as he gazed at me, as if taking in all my features and trying to memorize them.

"Whatever you've done to me." He whispered. My smile slowly faded as we stared at each other for a long moment, taking each other in. It was like his eyes were talking to me, like they were dying to tell me something. But I also saw contradiction in them. It was clear he had a lot on his mind, and I couldn't even begin to comprehend what it was.

He'll tell me when he's ready.

I caressed his cheek, slowly pulling him to me. I brushed my lips against his ever so gently, savoring every sensation. His lips were so soft it was almost ridiculous. I couldn't remember the last time a kiss made me feel so weak all over. Our lips began to slide against each other effortlessly as he held my waist, twisting his head for better access. I relaxed into him as I slid my tongue out, leaning into him and deepening the kiss.

My stomach was literally doing back flips but it just felt so good, and I kept craving more. The urge to just ditch the session, take him to bed and have my way with him was overwhelming. But before I could go too far with that thought, he suddenly pulled away. He panted, eyes fluttering open with a slight frown marring his features.

"Everything okay?" I asked worriedly. He gulped, pressing a hand against his throat as if in pain.

"I... Yeah," he croaked out, quickly standing up. He leaned against the wall as he started making his way to the washroom, hand still pressed against his neck.

"Jongin you don't look okay," I said, quickly following him and holding him steady. It felt as if he was about to fall at any moment. He stumbled forward, pushing me away as if not wanting me to look at him.

"Just give me a-" he groaned in pain as he opened the washroom door, leaning against it for balance.

"Jongin!" I yelled as he swiftly got in and closed the door behind him, locking it. "Open up!"

My heart was racing in my chest as I heard him heave and retch in the toilet. It sounded so painful that it hurt me to even listen to it.

"Please, let me in... Unlock the door!" I knocked persistently, a terrible feeling forming at the pit of my stomach. Jongin did not look okay. He was in pain, he was suffering, and most importantly he was shutting me out. I wanted to be there for him, I needed to. I desperately rested my head against the door, hearing his struggles inside, hearing him choke to get a word out but being completely unable to. I kept knocking and calling out his name, still hoping he would just let me in.

After a while, the sounds stopped and I could hear the toilet flushing.

And then... Silence.

"Jongin?" I called out. I heard the faucet turn on for a while and turn back off. Less than a minute later, and the door was unlocked. And Jongin came out looking deathly pale and absolutely drained. His shoulders were slumped and he couldn't even look up to meet my eyes.

"H-How are you feeling?" I asked slowly.

He stumbled out of the bathroom, shaking his head. "Not great..."

I stepped forward and gathered him into my arms, hugging him tightly.

"What's happening to you? Jongin... Please tell me the truth. I'm worried sick," I shook my head as I hugged him even tighter.

I felt him quiver against me as he rested his head on my shoulder. He sighed, sounding so tired and just completely drained.

"I can't," he said weakly, clutching the back of my shirt as if scared of letting me go.

"Why?!" I asked in frustration as I pulled away to look him in the eyes. "There's something... Weird about you! I don't know what you're hiding but... I want to be there for you, Jongin! You don't even know how important you are to me now. You don't just let me get attached to you and then shut me out! I swear to God if you end up having cancer or some like that I really wouldn't be able to handle it..."

"Hey, hey, hey... Calm down. I'm fine. There's no such thing." He tried to console me but I shook him off.

"Then let me take you to a hospital." I said decidedly.

"I can't do that."

"Why not?!" I found myself yelling. Jongin winced but maintained his calm demeanor.

"Because a hospital wouldn't help me... No one can stop this. I can't go."

"What does that even mean?" I asked with a frown, shaking my head in disbelief. I wasn't going to give up before I knew at least something convincing. Whatever was happening with Jongin, it was clearly getting worse. It started with the bruises, then the fever, and then those random moments when he would just double over in pain. I couldn't stand seeing him hurt like this anymore.

He sighed, taking my hand in his and pressing it gently. "Do you trust me?"

"You... You make it very hard to trust you. You keep hiding things."

"I wish I could tell you everything, Sehun, I really do. But I can't. You just have to trust me. This will get better... One way or another, okay?"

I shook my head in disbelief. How can I trust you when you keep saying vague things like that? My mind was running wild, trying to put things together but nothing added up. Nothing was making any sense.

"I think it's you who doesn't trust me enough to tell me the truth," I said in disappointment, backing away.

"I just need some time."

I could already see the colour draining back to his face. He was starting to look normal again. Just like that...

I sighed in defeat. There was something seriously wrong with all this. If he wasn't going to tell me, I was going to find out.

"And then you'll tell me what's really going on?"

"I will. I promise." He stepped forward and stood right in front of me, cupping my cheek. "I'm not even exaggerating when I say you mean the world to me. I would never hurt you."

The way he said it so sincerely honestly made my heart melt. I couldn't even stay mad at him anymore. I knew he meant that much from the bottom of his heart. A smile started to form on his beautiful lips as he gazed at me.

"So the whole boyfriend offer still stands or...?"

I shook my head and laughed, lightly slapping his arm away. "That was just a song."

"I'll have you know I take songs very seriously."

"Well the offer has already expired." I said with a slight smirk.

"Alright then, I'll make sure I answer in time next time." he grinned back, leaning in and placing a soft kiss on my lips. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer.

Yes, things were indeed strange, and nothing was making even the slightest bit of sense. Nonetheless, this was my first time feeling like this... Feeling loved, cared for and appreciated. It was the best feeling in the world and I never wanted to let that go.

I never wanted to let him go.

"Hey," I whispered as I took his hand in mine and lifted it up, while my other hand rested on his waist. "Shall we dance?"

And I'm finally back! I have missed this book way more than I thought I would. I don't want to say it was a mistake to discontinue it like three years ago, but I am saying I probably should have put it on hiatus instead. I'm sure the huge discontinuation flag slapped on turned away a lot of readers. But that's alright! I'm gonna be a lot more regular with my updates now. That's not to say they'll be super quick of course but you won't be waiting for weeks on end for one flimsy chapter anymore. I'm turning over a new leaf and I'm gonna do better!

Of course hearing you guys' support and feedback is super super important to keep me motivated and inspired. So don't forget to leave a comment or an upvote or both cuz it really helps me out a lot and it makes me feel good soo... do it ^^

Also the song is, obviously, "Blooming Day" by EXO-CBX. In fact, here's a pic of them for no reason.