OH SEHUN

His heart was beating. He was breathing.

But he wouldn't wake up.

"Sehun... Sehun!"

I was snapped out of my reverie to find a frowning Tao standing in front of me.

"Did you even hear what I was saying?"

"Uh... No," I said blankly.

His frown deepened, "Black coffee and caramel frappucino. Table 6." He repeated, handing me a tray with said beverages.

"Got it," I droned as I dragged my feet towards said table. There was a young couple sitting there, making googly eyes at each other while they held hands across the table. They broke apart when they saw me standing there, just staring at them.

"Black coffee?" I spoke, tone coming out unintentionally dry and biting. The girl seemed mildly shocked and the guy gestured to himself, not really paying much attention to it. I put down their drinks and walked away with the tray, leaning back against the counter lifelessly as I originally had been.

I was staring at all the different people in the cafe but my mind wasn't even present in that particular space. I was somewhere very far away, lost in my own thoughts.

"You know, you're starting to look even more like a panda than I do." Tao attempted to joke from beside me. I didn't even bother looking at him. At my lack of response, he only sighed. His voice took on an unusually soft tone, one that I was hearing increasingly often over the past three weeks. "Hey man... I really am starting to worry about you. When was the last time you even caught any sleep?"

"I'm not in the mood for this conversation."

"You're never in the mood for this conversation. But we're gonna have to have it, eventually."

Before I could even open my mouth to brush him off, the sound of the bells chiming as people walked into the cafe caught both our attention.

"You have customers," I said simply as I stepped aside. Tao sighed again but turned to face his new customers as they stepped up to the counter.

I recognised them instantly- it was Krystal and Taemin. I'd seen them a few times around campus but we never talked. But then again I was barely talking to anyone lately. I briefly noticed the way his hand hung loosely around her waist. Taemin's gaze caught mine and his face immediately morphed into one of pity.

Ugh. I've been getting that damn look way too often lately.

"Hey man. How are you doing?" He asked, trying to sound casual but his tone still had that cautious edge to it. He was one of the few people who knew about their relationship, and he suspected Krystal knew as well. His question felt more like a how have you been holding up?

I shrugged, "Fine. You?"

"I'm good," he smiled softly, but his lips were flinching. He cleared his throat, awkwardly turning to Krystal who only stared at me with that same goddamn look. "Um, so what'll you have?"

"Green tea."

"Seriously?" Taemin pouted, "Are you still trying to lose weight?"

She scowled at him, "I'm not. I just like green tea. And how is that any of your business anyway?"

"Come on, you're always eating salads too. You're already skinny as hell, drink a milkshake for God's sake."

"What are you, my nutritionist?" She scoffed. Tao couldn't help but chuckle as they bickered.

"If only Jongin were here so he could back me up," Taemin muttered to himself, and all of them visibly stiffened. He only seemed to realize what he said when his face fell all of a sudden.

"You know what... I think I'll have a milkshake after all," Krystal said, clearing . Tao nodded as he typed in her order.

"And I'll have a lemonade."

"Who's on a diet now?" She scoffed, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

"Extra sugar," Taemin emphasized, sticking his tongue out at her. I couldn't help but smile a little at the exchange. He could see why Jongin hung around them so much.

Yeah... If only Jongin were here.



 

I wasn't sure how long I sat there, holding him to me, sobbing my eyes out. I didn't even know what to do, where to go, whom to call.

Yet he looked so peaceful- as if he was just asleep.

At some point I couldn't even stand the sight of his limbs that were slowly but surely fading away. I eventually got up to dress him up in an oversized hoodie and sweatpants. And then I just sat there and watched him, hoping and praying he would wake up. I kept trying to convince myself he was fine, that he was just resting, but I had a terrible feeling at the pit of my stomach that said otherwise.



 

The music blasted through the speakers as I lost myself to the music, letting my body move freely to the beat. The beat was a rather fast-paced one but I didn't mind- the faster I could tire myself out, the better. I kept my body moving even as I felt the familiar burn of lactic acid building up in my muscles.

I didn't mind it at all. All this physical pain, it was nothing. Nothing compared to the storm that was raging inside me.

I wanted to bring myself to that tipping point, the one where I could no longer move, when I would fall to my knees and everything would go black, and everything I saw and felt would momentarily fade away as I fell into unconsciousness. I wanted to welcome that feeling with open arms, and I chased it tirelessly, craving that moment of respite to calm the storm inside me.

And yet that tipping point never came.

And as I fell to my knees after hours and hours of dancing non-stop, chest heaving, panting for air, all I was left with was even more pain than before.

"..." I swore, digging my head in between my knees as I hugged them to my body. Sweat was mixing with tears at that point, wetting my sweatpants.

I didn't even bother to look up when I heard the door opening and footsteps walking in and stopping right in front of me.




 

All of a sudden, I could feel another presence in the room besides us. I looked up to find an aloof man just standing there at the edge of my bed. He looked young, around my own age, with large doe eyes and plump lips. He wore circle-rimmed glasses and a white labcoat and just stood there, staring at me. I should have been unsettled by the sudden presence of a man I'd never seen

I wasn't scared when I saw him.

A comforting hand touched my back and I realized this person was now sitting down on the floor next to me.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" A soft voice asked.

"I'm tired," I shook my head into my knees, "I just want to rest..."

She sighed and pulled me to her, nudging me stubbornly until my head rested on her lap and she was running her fingers through my hair.

"Jongin wouldn't want to see you like this. You know that."

I closed my eyes, shaking my head at the thought of him as tears pricked at my eyes.

"He'd want you to eat well and sleep well... He'd want you to take care of yourself just as he used to take care of you."

Even more tears were leaving my eyes by then, wetting Luna's jeans but she didn't care. My whole body was quivering but she could only offer silent words of comfort as she gently caressed my arm.

"I miss him, Luna."

She sighed wistfully as she rested her chin on my arm. I looked up at her to find that a lone tear had escaped her own eyes as she stared soulessly ahead.

"Me too."



 

"Please..." I croaked out, looking down at Jongin, "Help him."

He stood frozen for a while before quickly shaking his head and coming to sit by Jongin's side. He gently took his hand and inhaled, closing his eyes. His brows furrowed in concentration.

"It wasn't supposed to happen this soon," He frowned, opening his eyes again, "His code, it's..." He paused, sharp gaze flicking up to me, "What did he do?"

I stayed quiet, only staring down at my hands.

"I already alerted his parents. They're coming to get him right now," he said, standing up. "How much did he tell you?"

"Everything."

"And you're okay with all this?"

I shook my head, "I only care about Jongin. I just need him to be okay."

I walked into my room like clockwork, unlocking the door and shutting it behind me. My eyes immediately darted to Jongin's side of the room. Strange thing was each time I walked in, the room looked even emptier than the last, although there really wasn't much of a difference. Most of his things were emptied out a long time ago anyway.

I made my way over to his bed and curled up into his sheets like I had found myself doing every night now. I dug my face into his pillow and inhaled deeply, and I swore I could still feel his scent. I peeled my shirt off, throwing it away carelessly to the floor as I got under his blanket.

I imagined him there, resting his head on my chest as I played with his hair while we just talked about random things. I remembered his warmth, the way his body relaxed against mine, the way he would smile up at me, the way he kissed me. I reached for the necklace that hung on my chest and gripped tightly.

Now it just felt like his bed was only getting colder everyday.

"You... You're D.O, right?" I asked cautiously.

He nodded slowly, still looking cautious. "So he told you about me. I was alerted about his critical state and got here as fast as I could."

"Is he going to be okay?"

D.O only looked at me and his eyes didn't seem that hopeful at all. I clenched my fists.

It wasn't long before there was frantic knocking at the door. I watched as he went to open it, letting Jongin's parents in. I immediately stood up as they rushed to their son, faces stained with tears as they held him.

"Oh God... Jongin," his mother cried, gripping his hand and shaking her head, "Why? Why didn't you tell us anything!"

I could only watch as they cried over their son, my heart wrenching painfully in my chest.

This is all my fault.

They eventually turned to me and I could see the anger in their eyes. They blamed me too, I knew they did. But they didn't say anything.

"What can we do?" They looked to D.O, completely ignoring my presence. I didn't mind. I deserved it.

"We can't teleport him back to base. His code is in a state of critical flux. It's too risky. You'll have to drive him home."

My eyes widened. I didn't want them to take him away. I knew they had to but I couldn't imagine waking up to an empty room, not having Jongin there. I wouldn't be able to take it.

"Okay," his mother sniffled and his father just stood there silently. His eyes met with mine.

"Oh Sehun," he acknowledged, his tone so cold and dry that it sent a shiver down my spine.

"Y-Yes sir... I... It's unfortunate that we had to meet like this. I'm so sorry for everything." I bowed to them at a 90-degree angle. The old man only frowned at me.

"D.O... We're gonna have to erase his memory. He knows too much."

"W-What? No... You can't do that," I shook my head profusely. "I won't say a word to anyone, I promise! Your secret is safe with me. I only care about Jongin. I-I love him..." I found myself sobbing yet again and their eyes seemed to have softened as they took in my broken state. "I know you guys probably hate me... I-I know this is my fault but... I made Jongin a promise. I told him I wouldn't leave him, that I'd stay by his side. So please," I gulped, looking up at them, "Let me come with you."

All three of them stared at me in shock and disbelief written all over their faces. It was D.O who finally spoke up.

"Seeing as this was Jongin's wish... I think we should honour it."

"B-But... Having him around will only speed up the process. That's what you told us!"

"I know... But this is what Jongin would have wanted. And he's told me a lot about Sehun. I think we can trust him."

I looked at him gratefully. "Thank you. Please... Jongin needs me. I know he's still in there, somewhere, and he's scared. I know he can still feel my presence. I just... I need to be the there for him through this."

They both stared at me thoughtfully, strangely, before eventually nodding slowly.

"Okay. Let's go."

 

"Sehun. Yo, wake up, man."

I groggily opened my eyes, finding myself in class. Students were already filing out of the doors as Yixing shook me awake.

"Geez dude, you look like ."

"Thank you," I deadpanned as I began to pack my things. Except I had nothing to pack, since I didn't even take out a book or a pen. I pretty much threw my head into my desk the moment I walked in. Somehow my constant exhaustion only kicked in when I had to listen to lectures since I'd been sleeping through most of them.

"Why don't you just sleep in bed, Jesus."

"Can't," I shrugged. He eyed me carefully and sighed.

"Well, come over to my place today. I can make you some dinner and we can play video games. Been a while since we did that."

"I don't really feel like it today," I said apologetically.

"Come on... You need to get yourself out of this mood. You need a change of scenery. Just come stay over at my place for a few days."

I opened my mouth to say no but stopped myself. It honestly wasn't such a bad idea when I thought about it. His place wasn't too far from campus. Coming back to an empty room was also becoming increasingly depressing.

And it's closer.

"You know what... You're right." He seemed a little shocked to hear me give in so easily, but he was pleasantly surprised nonetheless. He grinned at me, looking genuinely happy.

"That's great! We're gonna have so much fun dude, trust me."

"Sure."

"Come on, we'll be late for our next class."



 

I stood outside the front door, impatiently tapping my foot against the pavement. It was your basic two-storey home in a quaint little neighborhood, picket fence, mowed lawn and everything. A fancy black SUV was parked outside their garage but other than that, the house hardly stood out in any way from the rest.

Soon enough, the door swung open and a smiling Mrs. Kim greeted me.

"Hello, Sehun. Come in."

I forced my own smile as I walked into the familiar house, greeting Mr. Kim who was sat on the couch with a bow.

"Hey. How have you been, kid?"

I shrugged, "I've been better."

His features softened as he looked at me. The dark circles around his eyes mirrored my own, but they were both putting up a strong front.

"Yeah... I think we can all say that."

"Would you join us for dinner, dear?" Mrs. Kim offered, "I'm making stir-fry with chicken."

"I'm not really hungry, but thanks Mrs. Kim."

She scrunched her face up as she eyed me from top to bottom, "You've been getting skinnier. You really should eat. I insist."

"I really should-"

"I won't let you go upstairs if you don't," she pouted, crossing her arms. At that moment, he couldn't help but be reminded of Jongin. He really did resemble her, a lot. Spending time with his parents sure made his heart lighter, and he couldn't bring himself to say no. They've always been so nice to him, given everything that has happened.

"Alright," he said, lips unconsciously quirking up. She smiled, face brightening up.

"Perfect. Go ahead, I'll call you down when it's ready."

I nodded and made a beeline for the stairs, now familiar with their house. I admired Jongin's framed childhood pictures that littered the walls as I made my way up. Looking at their house, they seemed like such a normal, loving family. And that was exactly what they were. Jongin was their only child and they loved him dearly. I'd watched them cry silently to themselves way too many times to know that.

I couldn't help but let the guilt consume me, knowing I was the one that took their son away.

I stopped in front of his door, sighing as I turned the doorknob to walk in.

Somehow, every time I opened that particular door, I expected to see something different. I never did. It was always the same sight.

Jongin, looking more and more like a ghost everyday.

He was lying in bed, hooked up to an IV that supplied him with his daily nutrition. It was a rather futile effort to keep his body alive, or what was left of it anyway.

And yet, as I got closer and observed his peaceful sleeping face, I couldn't help but smile a little.

This was, after all, the only highlight of my day.

"Hey baby... I've missed you," I said as I sat next to him in the bed, taking his hand in mine. It was just as ghostly as it was yesterday. So was his whole body. His touch was cold and so unlike Jongin who was full of warmth all the time.

They said it was only a matter of time. But I had hope.

That one day he'd talk to me when I talked to him.

"I just had a pretty hectic day... Slept through all my lectures, again. But at least I'm going to them and not locking myself up in my room all day. Staying in the room just makes me remember how empty it is without you," I smiled wistfully as I lay down next to him. "My friends are worried about me. That I'm tiring myself out too much. But I'm not worried. You gave me the greatest gift, after all. I guess that gift is the reason why you won't wake up right now. I never would have accepted it if I knew. I think deep down you knew what would happen, the risk you were taking, but you really wanted me to have it anyway. You're always thinking of me, before anything. It's really annoying. But I guess I know now how you felt, since you're literally all I think about, day in and day out."

I carded my fingers through his soft brown locks as I spoke, staring at his features, taking them all in.

"I saw Taemin and Krystal yesterday. I think he finally mustered up the courage to ask her out. They seem happy. But I can tell they miss you. Luna misses you too, so does Yixing. He actually offered me to stay at his place for a while. I agreed, I thought it'd be good to get a change of pace. It's also nearer to your house. Maybe I can start coming more often. You must be bored, staying here all day, all alone. I wish I could spend more time with you."

I smiled again, "What else? Oh yeah, we have this dance competition coming up. Yixing, Luna and I are brainstorming new ideas for a dance. I haven't been contributing much, obviously. But they understand. I'm sure they'll come up with something amazing in the end. I'm really thankful for them, you know. They've been putting up with me, taking care of me, and they've been my only support through this whole ordeal. Zitao too. They're all amazing friends. But none of them can replace what you were to me. No one..."

My chest was only getting tighter and I stopped for a moment to collect my thoughts."Y-You do hear me, right? I'm sure you can. Every day without you has been such a struggle... I don't know how much longer I can take it. I miss you... God I miss you so much."

I leaned in to kiss his cheek, letting my lips linger on his skin for a while before pulling away. I peppered light kisses all over his face, hoping they would somehow bring that spark back into him.

"I'll never stop waiting for you. Even if you do disappear, I'll just wait for you to reappear somewhere else. I just know that this can't be the end for us... I still wanted to take you out to my favourite restaurants, walk with you on the beach, hold your hand in public, maybe travel somewhere. I was even thinking of introducing you to my parents... There'll be so much we can do together once you wake up! So... Do wake up, okay? Come back to me, Jongin... I... I'll make you the happiest person alive. I'll love you and cherish you and I'll never hurt you. So come back to me, yeah baby?"

A tear began to silently roll down my cheek as I in a breath, digging my face into his neck.

I lay there for a while next to him, feeling a strange sort of peace encompass me after telling him all about my day and pouring my heart out to him. It made me feel like he was really there, and his body felt warmer than it did when I first came in. I eventually found my eyes fluttering closed on their own accord as I dozed off into some much needed sleep.

Not before whispering a soft "I love you," into his ear.


 

"I love you too," he whispered to my ear as he rocked me from side to side. Soft music was playing in the background as he held me at the waist. He spun me around and brought me back flush against his body. I smiled as our bodies moved together in sync.

"I missed this... Dancing with you," I said as I stared into his vibrant eyes. There was a beautiful smile playing on his lips as he led me along with him.

"You can still dance with other people."

"No one would compare to you."

He grinned as he dipped me, holding the back of my knee. I stretched my leg up and lifted it up all the way, just like we always did.

"And I see your flexibility remains unmatched," he stated, impressed. I smirked at him.

"Too bad I never got to show it off."

"You can if you want to."

I pouted slightly, "But I only want to dance like this with you." He stayed quiet for a while, studying me.

"Would you dance with me like this on stage? In front of everyone?"

"Yeah... I would," I said honestly, nuzzling his neck with my nose.

"I'll consider that a promise then," he whispered. "But until then... You can dance with someone else."

I frowned at him. "How can I lead someone when I myself am so lost? I only want to follow you..."

"How can you follow me when I can't even move, silly? You have to take the lead now. You have to keep moving."

"I don't want to," I shook my head, "Don't go... I need you."

He smiled, "Don't worry. I'll always be right here by your side."

He then held me to his chest and I closed my eyes, listening to the sound of his steady heartbeats.



 

"Sehun. Hey, wake up."

My eyes fluttered open in a daze and I woke up to Mrs. Kim's kind eyes. I found myself spooning Jongin, our limbs entangled under the sheets and my arm wrapped around his waist.

"I came in here earlier and found you asleep, so I left you for a couple more hours. You seemed like you needed the rest."

I nodded slowly, sitting up in bed as I took in the reality of the situation yet again. I wished I could have just stayed in that dream forever. He felt so present and warm and... Real. Yet I somehow did feel more rested and energised now that I caught some z's.

"Thanks... I really needed sleep. What time is it?"

"It's almost 10. Come on, you should eat something before heading out."

I nodded gratefully and got out of bed. I stopped to glance at Jongin, leaning down to kiss his forehead softly before standing back up.

"You know... Every time you come here, I feel like I sense the life coming back into him, even though he doesn't really look any different. I don't know how or why..." She sighed as she gazed at her son sadly. "I just wish he'd wake up already."

I studied Jongin's face. I felt like I could almost see a ghost of a smile on his lips. I didn't know if it was real but it made my heart pick up speed.

"I hope you're right."

Hi so that was an uncharacteristically depressing chapter. I guess I had to compensate for my ty mood somehow, so now I feel better.

We're getting closer to the end, guys! Just two to three more chapters to go. Whoever wants a happy ending say something nice to me in 3,2,1. Go!

(Smooth fishing for compliments tho)

Song of the day: "Borderline" by EXO-SC. This beat is just everything. The chorus is adorable too.

EXO should be paying me for the free promo lol.