Chapter 29: Stuck

Mindara Manaying

*Flash back*

            “I want to quit teaching.” I told Fern the matter that I have been rehearsing along the way here.

            “Are you nuts? Why? What happened?” Fern freaked out, almost losing her head upon hearing me.

            “I just can’t do it anymore. Sometimes it feels like I lost interest in everything.”

            “Are you depressed? Or did you have fight with Kimhan? You have marriage crisis?” Fern was desperately impatient.

            “No. I’m all good.”

            “Then why? This is your passion, Pie. What you gonna do if you quit?” I wasn’t sure for how many countless time Fern had sighed but I guessed she would be running out of oxygen soon if she did it too often.

            “I’m not sure yet. Maybe I’ll take over my family business. Grandpa is rich enough though.” I shrugged.

            “The last time I let you do this kind of dumb , you ended up suffering with your so called marriage until now, Pie. And now you’re expecting me to say OKAY for what you have decided? What if you regret your decision some day?” Fern was upset. I could hear it from her tone. She was afraid, frightened at the thought that I could ruin my future ever again. She pledged that she wouldn’t let me make the same mistake.

            “My life is already a mess, you know that too well.”

            “I don’t want to hurt your feeling or whatnot…I just think that if you didn’t end up marrying Kimhan, your life wouldn’t turn out like this.” Fern has been bottling up so many things since the beginning. I knew it. I just pretended that she didn’t have any issue regarding my marriage with Kimhan.

            “It’s my fault anyway and I have to accept the consequences.”

            “Does Kimhan know about this?” Fern asked, countering what she had said to me earlier.

            “Not yet. I’ll tell her soon. I’m heading back to her place in a day or two.” I have been planning to discuss with Kimhan about my decision. For once, I thought she deserved to know what’s happening with my life.

            “So, do you still want to keep her?” Fern asked all of sudden. “I mean you want to change your career and all, do you think you want to advance your relationship with her?”

            “I don’t know. I haven’t talk to her in a while.” It struck me when I realized that I almost lost my connection with her.

            “Pie, what is wrong with you two? You better get this thing figure out. Whatever you decided today will determine your future. Don’t tell me that I didn’t warn you.” Fern reminded.

*****

CURRENT DAY

            “Ms. Mindara, these are the articles for you to review. They are for next month’s issue.” The secretary informed, placing a stack of papers on top of my desk. It felt like I wanted to puke to see those kinds of documents all over again. Sometimes it could be dry and bored but some other time it would just as fun as the wild gossips.

            “What about the schedule for today?” I queried, not even bother to look at her. Oom, a loyal secretary of mine for the past 5 years is the one who’s still standing by my side even though some might have left the company because of me. What about me? I owned this company.

            “You will have a meeting with the board of directors this afternoon and then, dinner with one of the clients in the evening?” She was hesitated to inform me the latter.

            “When did I arrange for a dinner?” My eyes met the secretary’s. “Cancel it for me.”

            “But Ms. Mindara…” She tried to explain a thing for me but then I cut her first.

            “It’s an order. I’m not in the mood to have a human connection today. Perhaps next time.” She nodded her understanding.

            “Ms. Pie, I wonder who’ll make you say yes. These past 5 years have been hard for me. You rejected countless offers and invitation yet your company still stand strong like this.” She sighed.

            “Are you complaining now?” I glared at her and saw she swallowed hardly.

            “No. Not at all. That’s all for today’s agenda. You can call me if you need anything.” She hurriedly left my room, not wanting to create a scene this early in the morning.

Life has been busier ever since I decided to engage into a different career prospect. I challenged myself to do something I have never thought of; broadcasting and publishing industry. I resigned from my teaching career and moved to another province. It was the best decision I have made so far. I enjoyed it so much to be here even though sometimes I get stressed over unnecessary matters. Grandpa has been very supportive of all. He was the reason I could stand strong until now.

I peeped through the documents right in front of me and picked one of them randomly. “A Successful Young Farmer.” I read the title.

Who would ever put that kind of heading to be published? I scanned the article roughly just to caught a familiar name; KIMHAN BURNAPHAN. It was crystal clear, no doubt that the name belonged to the one and only person I used to know; Kimhan. The file dropped carelessly from my held to the floor. It has been five years since the last time I recited that name in my head. I was disturbed.

            “Omm, who did the article for this successful farmer?” I called the secretary via the intercom.

            “It’s the trainee.” She was anxious.

            “Call the trainee to my room now. Now!”

A few minutes later a young lady appeared at my room with that frightening look all over her innocent face. According to the rumours that I heard, everybody inside this department fear me. I was not a mean person, just dedicated to my work. My comments mattered a lot to them. Whatever I said went without protest yet I always welcome any amendment if it is necessary.

            “What’s your name?” I asked, didn’t wait for her to be right in front of me.

            “Shuang.” She answered, making hasty steps towards where I was seated.

            “You did the article?” I pointed to the one on top of my desk.

She took a look at it and nodded. “Yes.”

            “Who gave you the assignment?”

            “It’s Mr. Yeang.” She mentioned a name which was familiar to me.

            “Did you go and meet this person?”

            “Yes. I guess it’s what we supposed to do?” She answered.

            “What more did you get from this person other than what’s written in the article?”

            “I don’t think I get what you mean, Ms. Mindara. Maybe if you need me to write more from her, we can wait until tomorrow. She will come to the studio for a show recording.” The trainee said, adding a little information she knew but I never had any idea of what she was telling me.

            “What did you say?” I thought I was hearing it wrong.

            “This…Ms Kimhan will come to our studio tomorrow for a show recording. We’ll have a slot for her in the BiZZ Show.” She said bite by bite so that I wouldn’t miss a beat of it.

            “How could…never mind. You can leave. Please call Omm to come and see me.” I needed the explanation from the secretary.

******

Five years had gone without a single trace from you, yet I saw your name again, Kimhan. According to the article written by my trainee here, you have become a successful businesswoman that your business had expended overseas, you got plenty of branches all over the country, advancing your merchandise not just for the wine but for food varieties. Your achievement should be an inspiration for the younger generation they said, thus they wanted to make you well known to aspire others to be just like you. It bothered me that you would come here today where we could possibly bump into each other. I have disappeared long enough that I thought we might forget one another but on this unfortunate day, I might have to come across you again. I squirmed in my seat as I waited in the control room for the show to begin. I would usually be on the set with the crew but not today. I did not have enough courage to face you once again. I just couldn’t.

The host has taken her seat, waiting for you to make your appearance and I almost died of anxiety. “Now please welcome, Kimhan Burnaphan!” A round applause followed your appearance. My eyes trailed your figure until you reached the stage. It has been a while since I last saw you. I cringed inside at the remembrance of how it felt from the last time we got to see each other. The pain in me resurfaced. The days still bleed until now. Everything flipped tremendously since we parted ways with