Chapter 27: Truth

Mindara Manaying

“Pie, there are so many other ways of getting a child for an adoption. I won’t oppose you for the wish but seriously, you wanted it to be Yam’s child?” Kimhan was about to lose her head. She had been pacing back and forth frantically, disturbed with the idea I’d been telling her. I knew it was a tough decision to make. There was no sign that she would agree with the request. This might be a dead end for everything.

“What’s so wrong about it? Think it in a good way, Kimhan. We’ll be adopting the unwanted child born from the woman you love. At least the child will be in the hand of someone responsible. I see no harm with that.” I laid out the points just for her to see it in a clear perspective way.

Kimhan was somehow taken aback with that brief justification but it was not enough to change her mind. “Okay, look.” Kimhan went in front of me and held both of my shoulders. I voluntarily looked up to her and our eyes locked there, making a secure connection. “I know that your intention is pure enough to reflect your kindness and generosity but no, we’re not responsible to take care of the child.”Kimhan said, shaking her head simultaneously.

“I guess it is harder for you to accept the fact that the is someone you despise so much rather than having the child itself.” I charged at her, causing Kimhan to retreat her hands from me. She moved to a side, avoiding a direct contact between us so that she could calm herself a bit.

“Pie, you have no idea of what you’ll be dealing with.” Kimhan sounded frustrated than she already was.

“Okay then. Could you at least presume it as a win-win situation?” Kimhan’s attention was all drawn to my statement that she turned around to look at me again.

“What is that supposed to mean?” She raised an eyebrow, more of being curious than bothered. She had her arms pressed to her chest, waiting for me to respond.

“You took away everything from me the moment you decided to tie the knot despite my careless deed. Sooner or later, we could be divorced and have you ever thought how my life would turn out later on? What would those people say about me? I failed a lesbian marriage and desperately return to a normal life after you?” Bitterness enveloped me that all I could feel was anger had conquered my mind.

Kimhan sighed for the countless time upon listening to everything that I ranted to her. “Pie, if you think of giving such option will be the way to punish me, I beg you to reconsider your request and decision. Think about this in practical terms, you’re making things more complicated than it already is. We had enough conflicts and disagreement. Why do you need to put us in the hot water over and over?” She uttered furious but managed to keep it at bay.

“I’m not making things complicated, Kimhan. I’ve narrowed the option so that you can finally decide.” I snapped at her, noticing that my patience was growing thin.

“Am I not enough for you, Pie? We can live together; just the both of us without an involvement of a child or maybe you can have a child; just not that child.” Kimhan did not want to give in either. Her eyes burnt with anger and her entire body language spoke that as well.

“Oh really? What about Yam? Where would she go after she gives birth to that baby? Back to you? And how are you going to justify that we could live together with just you and me?” Kimhan looked at me intently before she ran her gaze away, heaving a heavy sigh as she was defeated all at once. I was infuriated at the way Kimhan spoke as if nothing ever so wrong with her stand. How could she blindly presume that there will be only her and me in the future? How about Yam; her long lost lover who returned to claim what’s hers?

“Once I thought, I could open up my heart and be with you despite everything that happened. You took care of me, making sure that everything is alright for my survival and not to mention I am aware of your feelings towards me. Trust me I noticed everything but then there’s Yam. You love her too, Kimhan. I saw it all. You don’t even have the gut to hurt her feelings, how could say that you can be with me instead of her?”

“Pie…” Kimhan’s head snapped towards my direction and our gazes were connected again. Kimhan was about to say something but nothing really came out.

“You have an ample time to decide, Kimhan. You know where to find me. I’ll be waiting.”

*******

School

“Hey, you okay?” I got startled by the sense of soft tap on my shoulder. “Easy, Pie. It’s just me.” Only then Nan made her appearance in front of me. She dragged a stool nearby and took her seat across me; comfortably without my invitation.

“You need anything from me?” I asked, realising that I barely had any conversation with her. In contrast with Hongyok, Nan was not much a talker. She preferred to mind her own business and spoke when necessary. I would say that if Hongyok was not around, our lives would be in complete silence and emptiness. They made a perfect combination; in other words they complement each other well.

“No. I don’t.” She shook her head, giving me her innocent look.

“Okay.” I gave her a nod and continued with the work I left untouched earlier. Nan sat still at the same spot and I felt her eyes staring at me.

Bothered by that, my eyes found hers again. “Yes?”

“You’re physically here but your mind isn’t.” She said with a smug look on her face.

“C’mon, Nan. What do you want from me? Don’t you see that I need to finish my work here?” Annoyance flashed through me.

“How can you write on an upside down page?” She said again, dropping her gaze to the book that I was working on, on my desk. I traced to where she was staring and found the most embarrassing mistake ever. She was right. I was not even aware of it until she told me about it. She caught me.

“Okay my bad.”

“You have been spacing out a lot lately. More frequent that everyone could notice it. Is there anything bothering you?” She questioned. The irritation I felt inside me died down and was substituted with an intense feeling of conflict.

I gazed at her long enough, battling interiorly with my own thoughts and emotion. It came to my realization that my life was a little upside down ever since I saw Kimhan again. I had been thinking too much lately that it somehow affected my performance and my entire wellbeing. It was all due to the unsettling argument we had the other day.

“How much do you love Hongyok?” The latter seemed to be startled by my sudden question. Her facial expression changed that I could sense anxiety had enveloped her. She knew that was all caught up and she could not avoid me.

“I don’t think I understand what you mean.” She played it safe.

“C’mon, I saw Hongyok sneaked up to your room at night for a few times already. You think I know nothing about you and her?” Her eyes widen, surprised by my statement.

“Is it too obvious? Are you upset with us? Is that what bothered you?” Nan fussed more than bothered.

Seeing that I might make her uncomfortable, I promptly shook clarify that I did not opposing their relationship. “No. Really, I’m okay with it. I just wonder how?”

Nan sighed in relief. “I don’t know. It sorts of happen. Love finds you in the most unexpected way.”

“Aren’t you scared of everything?”

“What’s the worst thing could be, Pie? You tell me.”

“We’re living in the world where not everyone is totally fine with the idea of homouality. People will discriminate you, needless to say harassing you. You think you can bear with that?” My heart sank at the remembrance of Jane, my old colleague who did everything to put me down. It was months ago but it never left my mind. Despite the fact that she hated me, she also used my marriage issue against me. You knew it well, she managed to terminate me from the school and being the reason why I needed to be transferred here.

“You’ll never get the hold of what you want in your life if you care about what others think about it. I didn’t say that you need to be fearless in order to love but would you rather regret the chances you should have taken but you didn’t?” She said. The question hung up in the air long enough until the sound emitted from a phone interrupted us.

“Did you set an alarm or anything? It’s not mine.” Nan queried.

“Oh…” I