Chapter 5: Hesitant, Resistant 

Saving me from the blush that was creeping up my face was a phone call Jiyong (GD) had received. 

“Oh hyung, wae? (why)” Ji answered. “Later? Ah…..” he scratched his head, “Right now, all of us are in quite a situation,” he walked up and pace around, “yeah… we drank…” he trailed off in his conversation; while everyone in the group was looking at him doing weird hand signs of what-is-it? “Arasso (okay), gomawo (thanks)” he said and ended the call.

“Why hyung?” Daesung asked, his eyes smaller than it was originally. I still do not know if i should laugh at him for this.

“Remember the variety show we agreed to go on? They changed our schedule earlier because another group of idols had cancelled it” Ji explained.

“Oh! The one Seung (TOP) refused to go and got into an argument with YG?” Taeyang asked, whilst eating his fries. Ji nodded.

“Woah good for you hyung! You don’t have to go” Ri exclaimed and looked at TOP who was turning on his songs from the speakers and dancing stupidly- exactly like how the fans had described it to be.

“We have to pali (hurry) leave now and freshen up cause the shooting starts at 8am” Ji instructed them, looking at his watch- of which the time now is: 4.59am. I guess the journey ride, and the make-ups before that takes time too.

“[Y/N]? I fetch you home first” Ji told me.

“Oh oppa-” I started speaking, but was cut short.

“I’ll take care of her. You guys go. Don’t want to be late for it” A wild Seung (TOP) answered.

GD contemplated a while and looked at me, before he silently nodded.

*******

“Do you want something comfortable to change into?” Seung asked, after all the members are gone.

“Ah… but you only have long sleeve right, opp- erm correct?,” I asked, clearing my throat and tried to save the awkward silence. “I mean, i looked over your facts earlier on from the internet and came to knew about it” I mumbled.

“I do have short sleeves too, although limited. So you’re a fan girl now?” He chuckled.

“Ah, great. Okay, i should borrow that” i smiled, ignoring the second part of the question because i remembered seeing a part of his facts being “he wouldn’t date a fan” so i just don’t want to answer the second part. I’m not his fan currently, but yet at the same time, he intrigues me… slowly turning me into a fan girl. But if i said that, i’m guessing he wouldn’t want me right? 

I mean,…. why do i even think about this matter?

I’ve said many times being together with an idol is dangerous. It is lethal, it is poison. Why, if you ask me. Well, that’s because girls will flock over him, and i can’t take jealousy very well. Not to mention about relationship scandals that are rumoured and all of that… it takes great trust and faith. But unfortunately, i am not the kind of girl who could take that much trust and faith from a guy. 

Being together with an idol is stressful. You can’t be seen, and he won’t show you off; because he likes to keep you private. But then again, i saw somewhere when he said he chose love over work. It confuses me but due to the alcohols, i can’t make myself overthink this sentence.

Being together with an idol requires 101% of love, trust and faith. But my past experience has never been a good one, and i can’t rely on just words of love for this. 

So…. no. I have to shake off whatever i’m feeling right now. Whatever is trying to develop right now. Let go while i still can.

“[Y/N?]” He touched my shoulder blades, bringing me back to reality. I hadn’t realised we were already in his walk-in wardrobe. His cologne scents that filled up the air was so clean, fresh and masculine. 

“Oh….” I looked at him, pretending that i wasn’t lost in thoughts before this. 

“What are you thinking about?” He chuckled lightly. “Here” He passed me a white rounded neck tee shirt. It’s an L-size so it’s an oversized fit for me. “Boxers” he passed to me and i looked at it. “New?” I asked instantly, which i quickly covered my mouth for. “Not new, but it’s clean” He smirked. 

Oh. 

“I’ll go change. The toilet’s over there?” I pointed out and walked, cause i saw the humongous bathtub in there. It’s already driving me insane. Imagine soaking myself in this bathtub for hours! I fast-paced inside. 

and sure, it didn’t fail me. “Woah!” I finally let out after i closed the door and ran to the bathtub and caress it endearingly; oh, and heard a chuckle from the outside. I hope he didn’t hear that! 

****

“I’m done o-” i announced, pursing my lips when i wanted to involuntarily call him oppa. He was already waiting for me outside the door and his eyes raked up and down my body. 

Originally posted by l8rainyseason

He cleared his throat; “Call me oppa too. Surely, you can do it since you called Ji ‘oppa’ twice today” He instructed.

“Close ones call me Seunghyun. Or Seung” He trailed off, as if trying to ask me to call him either one of that.

“Seunghyun-nie?” I joked and smiled; that led him to be stiff out of a sudden. “Sorry,” i immediately apologised “I mean, Seung oppa” I corrected.

“T-that is fine with me t-too” He mumbled and stuttered softly, looking at me. It wasn’t the intense kind of looks he was giving me all night, but rather, it was the soft and embarrassed look.

“I don’t open up to people this fast usually” He slowly spoke while i cleaned the glasses left by the boys, “but i did, to you….” He trailed off and paused. “That never happened before” He said; and i could hear the nervousness through his voice. 

But….

“That’s nice to know” I smiled, “Seung hyun-ah, i’m a fan girl. Your fan;” I lied. 

He looked at me with furrowed eyebrows. “No, You are not” he said.

“I wasn’t. But now i am” I told him. Lies… i mocked myself.

He looked at me again. “You-” he was about to speak but i quickly cut him off.

“You won’t date a fan right?” I smiled, although i felt a few piercing little arrows and needles and anything sharp cutting deep inside my heart while i said that. 

Stay strong, [Y/N]. Don’t let him see through your lies. I told myself.

“You know how i feel towards you” He made a statement. “and you felt it too” He trailed.

“Yeah… But we shouldn’t start the fire” I answered.

He went quiet for a moment and the room is replaced with the air of awkwardness in between us. 

Suddenly, my phone beeped. 

“I’m at the airport now!” Jess called. “Already?!” I shouted because i was surprised. “Yeah, are you coming?!” She asked again. “Of course i am. Wait for me, i’ll be right there!” I ended the call.

“Uhm, i need to get to the airport so, i’ll just change and leave. Thank you for everything” I quickly said to Seung.

“That sounded like as if i won’t see you again” He said calmly.

Originally posted by soo-hyuks

“I’ve spent a day with Bigbang. Something other girls can never ever experience it in their whole life. I shouldn’t be too granted” i said, and quickly made my way to the toilet. My heartbeat beating so fast i am questioning the possibility of it.

“Okay, i’m going off now. Bye, Seunghyun” I spoke after i’ve changed, my tear duct trying to betray me but i kept in check and made sure no tears are going to come out. 

“Gomawo” i said, and hug him as quickly as i could before it gets too comfortable. Then i left, closing the door behind me.  

Don’t turn back… Don’t turn back…. 

To be continued….