You were for me… 

Seungyeon said to him and at that moment he could not stop the tears that were falling from his eyes and the explosive happiness that he had in his heart from hearing those words. He was for her…she said it herself, He couldn't help but be dumfounded to hold that special place in her heart after everything that has happened. He was shaking from the feeling that it brought forth, the impact that it came along with, was not enough for him to fathom. He held tightly onto the post that was nearby trying to keep his composure and him crushing her from the urge to hold onto her so tightly. Breath he thought, BREATH, and so he did. 

As he was trying to gather himself he couldn't help but glance back up at her. She was looking out into the water, deep in thought, she was beautiful in every essence; how her face reflected the warm light of the lampposts and how her eyes showed that she was deep in thought.

Seungyeonah… 

His voice startled her, making her jump slightly.

Oppa? She said with a confused look in her face.

So where do we go from here? He bravely asked, having her by his side again made his confidence take a boost.

Nowhere. She said

A dead pan silence followed her response for both of them.

Uhah….Seugyeonah….Uhm…..Ahhhh…Seungyeonah….

Still the silence continued after he called after her.

Seungyeonahhhh… Seungyeonaaaaah…

Jonghyun was screaming by then both fuelled by the adrenaline from the confusion that was brewing within him. “Nowhere….Nowhere…Nowhere….” It kept on echoing in his mind, a piercing painful sharp noise enough to break his entire being.

SEUNGYEONAAAAAAAAAH

She looked at him, with her clear brown eyes glassed with tears that were attempting to fall at any minute or even with one blink.

Wae? She said with a blank, lost face, but her breaking voice gave her away.

SEUNGYEONAAAAAAH!

Jonghyun was now brewing with anger and was flushed from the entire situation.

Wae? What do you mean with that…. You.said.yourself. “YOU WERE FOR ME”… and now this NOWHERE?! Enough of this Seungyeonah… Stop playing around with all the pushing and pulling, You are too cruel.

Wae oppa? What made me so cruel about it? She was looking at him directly. I said “YOU WERE FOR ME”. WERE……

Her emphasis on that word made everything clear and blurry for him,his heart, no his mind,no his entire being was crushed.

He found himself slumped on the ground leaning on the rails behind him. Slowly Seungyeon slid herself down to be beside him, leaning her head over his shoulders and talked once more.

Oppa, theres this poem by Lang Leav that I found during one of those dreadful nostalgic nights while being apart from you…it was about Time…

You were the one i wanted most to stay

But time could not be kept at bay

The more it goes,

The more its gone

The more it takes away

Seungyeon took a deep breath as she finished saying those lines. And in that moment Jonghyun understood. 

We lost pieces of ourselves in this Oppa, perhaps— I lost more than you did. To the point where one day there was nothing left really, where it became too deep like a wound leaving a scar—-a mark. You on the other hand, I don't really know how you'll opt to end this story. Maybe this would leave you with a tender bruise? and not so much a scar but I do know this we shall survive this together or apart.

I often wonder why we want so much to give others the very thing that we were denied. A mother working so hard for her child, a teacher educating her students to reach higher successes, an author writing off happy endings despite the lack thereof in her life. 

There is beauty in that Oppa—inexplicable yes, but it exhibits how complex and simple love really is. And I want that for you oppa, Im giving you that even if it means that I have to be away. Im giving you the space to think things through, to feel things through—-to actually ponder and work on something. For the past few years you have lived through a whirlwind of having to deal with your passions, demons, the consequences and the excessive things that had to come along with it. You tried to fight through the current but at some point you got exhausted and held onto the comfort of your passion instead—a few of them at least and allowed yourself to be whipped back and forth by the wind,by the rush. You convinced yourself with the reality that at least you have a few things with you that you cared about and perhaps that would be enough for now.  But did you really fight hard for it Oppa? Did you get to know what and who are you made of in the process? Did you get to finish and fight off something that you are truly passionate about? You didn’t, you became oblivious on how you lost yourself from the past few years breezing along thinking that it would suffice. 

But I see  you Oppa, how tired you are, how few your genuine smiles and emotions exist nowadays. And… I want YOU to be back. To work on yourself and when you are ready or whole again perhaps it would be fitting for me to be there again. I don't wan to be part of the tide that drowns you over Oppa. I don't know what place would I hold into your life—a bruise, a scar maybe but should I be a catalyst for you to be better then I would be more than happy to be that.

Work on what matters Oppa, work on yourself. And when you've finally pulled things through, perhaps it would be timely by then to think on what place do I really hold in your life— be it a tender bruise or a scar. 

For now what you are to me…is that 

you are a scar—- a reminder of a love that I could, I should, 

but perhaps I could not and I shouldn't 

Be well my love,

Annyeong Oppa! 

Saranghae