The breeze was sweeping in by the river as they both parked their bicycles on the curb at a nearby ledge. Seungyeon was looking at the water while he was looking at the floor boards in fear of looking at her and more especially at the pain that he has caused her. He didn't know what to make out of tonight, of this exact moment, he was thankful though that she agreed to meet him possibly for the last time.

It was 2:30 in the morning and there were few people around the area, local residents coming home from work and the city’s maintenance crew sweeping and cleaning the area before the majority of the population go through their day.

Bianeeeee… He finally said it, I dont know if that means anything to you anymore, I can say it a million times probably but it wouldn't even come close to mend the trouble that I have caused you. The truth is at that time when I first saw you I knew I was smitten, I was in love. I was so excited by the possibility that I acted rashly, I forgot that there were boundaries, that there were obstacles to go through, and consequences to answer to. I was caught up with the great perhaps that as time passed by and my feelings for you became more vivid and intense slowly excitement was replaced with fear and doubt. The same question kept on repeating in my head if indeed such love was possible in the world and industry that we current love in. So unconsciously I distanced myself, my senses came in and my defences started to trickle in, my mind was placing tricks convincing me that I was probably caught up with the situation and excitement that all of this shall fade eventually but my heart felt otherwise it was pining for you desperately and it still is. The stubborn Jonghyun remained and so I adapted to the situation, mind over heart, think it through I told myself and while I was doing that while I was busy in building up my walls you were slowly breaking yours. I was paralysed by fear seungyeonah both on how you hold so much on me, on how you can easily bring out a person, a character, a feeling and a version of myself that I never knew existed. I was daunted by the fact on how everyone were to react as well, this industry? Its ruthless and I wasn't sure if I wanted you to go through that or if I was even worth to bother with even. I knew that it was the price that I had to pay to pursue this dream of mine, music and in that process I chose the latter over you, thinking that I would get over it, that we would both move on, that what would be left along was nothing but nostalgia, to choose one’s mind over the heart. Little did I know how powerful that melancholy would be, it was enough to ruin me, to leave me astray, to make me question my priorities in life, without you I was lost, I still am. I once thought that I would get over you, over us by learning how to feel and apply that knowledge to something or someone else in order to survive.

 But thats the thing Seungyeonah the heart isn't trained to learn how to feel, it just does, its built of the premise free of complications and analyses, of judgement and of fear, its the human condition in its most purest and vulnerable of form only if we opt to. Ones heart is an example on how it can hold so much and so little of us, enough that if we choose the former we go through a life of selfish isolation going about what we want but if we opt for the latter we may risk losing ourselves entirely yet find a better version of it through another person who holds so much power over us. It taught me that survival isn't enough anymore, living on the other hand was more promising. 

To be honest I dont know what to ask of you anymore, because I feel deep down that I dont deserve such a privilege, What I want to tell you though seungyeonash is Saranghe Seungyeonah so much that it scares me, and I still do. But Im willing enough to live through that fear if it means having even a tinge of bliss that becomes possible when I am with you. 

She was silent for awhile confusing Jonghyun if she heard anything of what he said or that she was too numb to even listen to it.

Oppa… Her faint voice captured Jonghyuns attention. Oppa You dont know how much I wanted to hear those  words from you for the longest time. Thank you for being honest about how we went about things, for months I felt so pathetic checking and analysing some of your responses to interviews referring to me, I felt so embarrassed when I couldn't even say a proper response to my friends or my family if indeed we had something or not because I myself could not fathom the brevity of the situation. But oppa just when you realised that now you would choose your heart to run through your life somehow I already found myself siding with my mind over this matter. My heart oppa as much as it wants to be moved by what you said is exhausted, its numb enough not to feel, it has been mocked continuously by my mind oppa that at this moment it doesn't serve its purpose anymore. I don't want you to go through the same cruelty that I did, pining for something that was not at that moment ready to come so I opt to be honest oppa I cannot give you anything right now, your presence it confounds me, it teaches me to shut myself out all the more, and I dont want that I am done with that. Oppa as much as these tragedies has brought us pain and loss perhaps it has more importantly taught us to value our sentiments and the lessons that it has brought forth so when a similar situation arises we need not make fools of ourselves by making the same mistake twice.

 I truly and sincerely wish you well, I hope that even if we are not ending up together you'll continue to keep your heart open and find that one thing that would give you happiness and when you do oppa hold onto it for dear life, treasure it enough so that it'll make you look forward for the days to come, to live as you have said. Annyeong oppa kahmsamnida for everything. 

With that Seungyeon left Jonghyun staring out to the ocean by himself. They were both finally done  in creating blows for each other, neither however expected the impact and the rubble that it would leave them with. As much as pain was a temporary refuge that they found comfort in now was not the time for cowardice it was finally time to heal and hopefully find bliss again.