Jonghyun was sitting in a cafe with Seungyeon, he did not expect that they would end up here. He didnt expect her cold response upon seeing him at the shoot. What was supposed to be a day of stalking and just seeing her from afar ended up into an impromptu meeting at a coffee shop with an uncomfortable silence defeating them. He felt uneasy because this was one of those moments that deep in your gut you feel that a bomb is about to drop. 

He was looking at her as she was staring out the window with the sunlight hitting her hair and covering her face, he wanted to tell her to look towards him so that he can see her beautiful face and tuck the corners of her hair ]but he wasnt sure if he was allowed to do that. Just when he was about to try Seungyeon started talking after an hours worth of silence.

Its funny you know on how we ended up like this, NO, how I ended up like this.

Early on prior to doing the show I already convinced myself that this was probably another acting job that I could do well and practice in. I was so sure that I wouldnt get attached or confused because Ive already been through worse, the same set of deception that took away a significant number of years of my youth and loss my faith in the entertainment industry. But then, upon meeting you despite the whole ruckus of things something changed. It felt so sincere, so light and refreshing that I no longer felt that I had to put so much effort in putting on a show because how you treated me so well was a life event in itself. Still, I was cautious because I knew that things turn out differently, they start out promising and blissful and slowly it declines and eventually it ruins you, so I kept my walls and chose to be guarded. Then everyone around me, the people whom I treasure dearly, the same set of individuals whom I value their opinion in my life noticed your sincerity, they too felt that somehow you werent in it just for show. I was still apprehensive but then I listened  and slowly my walls started to break oppa, for you. It was terrifying even for me baring your soul like that, it was a risk that I ended up taking because at that time I felt that what we had was beyond special, how we met, how we were so alike, and how we understood each other, the spark was there.

We shared wonderful memories that made my heart flutter and soft again. As I closely felt myself opening up to you and willing to take a risk despite the odds I became oblivious on how you were slowly changing. I became too familiar, too predictable, and thats the thing about familiarity, we become so sure that itll always be there so we expect less from it, we become pompous that it remains unmoved so...

You made me wait and I blindly did. You gave me so much space and time to think, to ask questions, to be anxious, to doubt that it was enough to blur out all the memories that we made.

It made me wonder on how something which was once so important and special can be eventually disregarded and ignored worse than the most ordinary of things. You made me realize how cruel and insightful one's mind can be. On how ones thoughts can completely overlook the doubts and fears and turn them into new hope and possible beginnings and at the same time teach you to scrutinize every fault that you are jepeordizing yourself into. And falling for you, was a peril enough for myself.

Ive always believed that true, unconditional love existed oppa, my appa showed me that it is possible. So the seungyeon before although she was unaware on most things she never for one part doubted on love.

To be honest oppa I dont know what we both had. Was it love? Infatuation? Feelings? or just a situation. Id like to think that we were in love, but that wasnt enough.

 I thought love was based on emotion, but while we were apart, I realized it was an issue of will. It wasn’t about how much I liked you, it was a matter of how much will I had to keep that love. We both felt that love, but we really didn’t know how to love or how to protect that love.

I tried oppa so much that I lost myself in the proces, but I guess... you didn't. And I hated you for that, on how you made me anxious, on how you did not even try, I hated that you dumped me along the pile of your distractions long enough that I was no longer one, that I wasnt even a distraction anymore, what you had for me was neglect, something so invaluable that its not even worth of a fraction of your time, a memory, no a still because memories mean something right and I didnt anymore. But then as you were going through your own life I showed up again, the still which eventually became a memory again once you saw me with Hiro oppa. I know what youre trying to do here oppa you are desperately trying to make up for that memory oppa but thats the thing it has already been created and I dont want to remember anymore, because as much as you remember all the good ones, I remember vividly on how I had to endure the bad and painful ones. 

Oppa I dont like that I hate you, believe me. But I hope that you can be patient and understanding because this too shall pass. For, once I get over the hate eventually indifference would come in and that is when I truly would stop caring. That is when I would completely get over and move on from you. I can feel it slowly coming oppa so just endure it arasso? Because soon we will be strangers once again living our individual lives. I long for the day when we both can genuinely tell each other to live a good life.

Jonghyun was stunned with her words how cold and truthful they were he held on to every word that she said and was paralyzed by it, It was 11 pm now and the seat in front of him was empty for hours, was it just a dream? His mind was frantic, the seat was empty all along right? The whole thing didnt happen he kept on telling himself but as the barista approached him to remind him that they were closing up he said something that crushed Jonghyuns world into pieces. 

Your girlfriend she's so pretty and kind dont let her go ok? 

It wasnt a dream, it was a reality. One that he didnt want to live in if she wasnt in it.

(PS the love is an emotion part isnt mine its from one of the dramas that I have been watching, its so good that I decided to include it in) lemme know your thoughts