Annyeong Seungyeonah. 

Jonghyun was talking to his phones screen again after checking her SNS for updates. He felt a bit sad and pathetic for acting like a stalker lately. 2 months have passed, summertime has finally come and his birthday was today, he was given a couple of greetings from s, his family, and of course his fans, but the one person that he was looking forward to greet him seemed to forget. He didn't take it against her though, she was literally all over the place and her schedule was jam-packed from filming for her tv dramas, to CFs, covershoots, to doing promotions overseas.

It was 1 am in the morning and he couldn't help but reminisce on how different this celebration was from the year before. Last year, at around this time he was sitting in his car with her, it was the car ride that changed everything, he as he put it at that time felt “strange”, truth be told he was feeling butterflies at that time and he wasn't supposed to, because although Jonghyun was all about authenticity he knew his boundaries. He allowed himself to feel the flutters and  butterflies once in awhile but at that point he actually considered that perhaps keeping them for good was possible. How would two people even without talking and seeing each other for weeks be so in sync to create surprises and blows that would completely surprise and touch the person on the receiving end.

 He remembers vividly the woman beside him, the feeling that she elicited from him, and the bliss, that cloud of reassurance that he was good from here on out.  Suddenly shiros barking jolted him back into reality---a sad one without her. It was 1:15 now and still nothing from her, not even a message. It was not like Seungyeon at all, she was always thoughtful and mindful even if you were brief acquaintances all the more if you became her friend or whatnot. Maybe she really is busy and exhausted Jonghyun thought but a nagging and unsettling feeling was bothering him, Ahhh so this is what it feels like…being ignored, being in a limbo of indifference, aiiiiish I brought this on myself really, Ive done it to her for months and now its happening to me…. it really isn't funny how life turns out. 

A knock from his door and a beep from his CCTV monitor suddenly startles Jonghyun from his thoughts, as he opened his door he was surprised to see Jungshin, Min Hyuk, and Yonghwa all together.

"Saengil chukhahaeyo!!!!" They greeted him with a cake and single candle lit on top. 

He blew it out and thanked them for coming all the way to his apartment and accompanying him that night.

Hyung why do I get the feeling that you were wishing it was someone else who came knocking at your door. Minhyuk innocently asked.

Aniiii, chincha Im grateful that you came all the way here you know that I hate these 11-2 moments.  Kahmsamnida for helping me welcome yet another year.

Jonghyunssi do you really think that you could blow us off easily, we’ve known each other for years, we know that face, we know how your mind works. Today might be your birthday, but its pretty obvious that it isnt a happy one.  Yonghwa said

You miss her. They all looked at jungshin surprised at his observation,he rarely meddled in their personal lives and took things seriously he was always the member who lightened up the mood and took things astride whenever things got intense.

Come lets eat, talk about it, and drink wine. Yonghwa prodded the group to discuss the situation at hand.

Cheers! They were all clinking their glasses altogether and took a few sips, ate their snacks. They’ve been together for so long but this was probably the most awkward moment that they had together. Somehow they knew that the matters of the heart shouldn't be taken too lightly.

Hyung…I have a question, Minhyuk finally addressed the situation. Please dont take this the wrong way hyung, but why…are you so bothered with her? why…are you so lost and devastated with how things turned out, why now? What Im trying to say is what makes you think that this is different? That this is worth of having it consume you? Seungyeonssi is great believe me she’s kind, pretty, smart, and cultured, but what did she have that up until now you are at loss for words and actions most of the time? Hyung you've dated before and we’ve met a lot of beautiful and interesting women all over the world but why allow someone to have that power over you to the point that you could break?

There was silence,dead silence from all of them, Jonghyun took a deep breath and finally said something.

Does.

What?  Jung shin asked.

Does. What does she have. Present plus past, and hopefully if Im so fortunate the future.

Its pretty simple really, what does she have? His heart. Yonghwa bravely pointed it out.

Seungyeonah has his heart, I don't know for you two, maybe its because youre young and your perspectives are different but although all of this, what we have, the popularity, the fame,the opportunity to make our music known to the world and doing what we do best is great at the end of the day its fleeting, its temporary. A few years from now people wouldn't remember as much what we did a few albums back, they wouldn't remember the people behind it just the melodies and the song, to them we’re their preference for that moment. And its good to bank on that yes, it has been incredibly demanding though that sometimes we forget that this world is unreal and temporary. We have been so used to this routine of tours, recordings, promotions, films, basically everyday entertainment that our bodies and minds have learned to adapt into thinking that this is it, this is how it is going to be forever, but its not. We only get to feel and process everything once we go home, lie in bed, and it all comes rushing back during those 11-2 moments, where you're alone and there is nothing but silence, its deafening. Nobodys there to listen to on how your day went, no ones there to make or have a meal with you---the normal things that we take for granted and do because we have been big and lived in our own bubble for the longest time. Its dangerous enough to get you into thinking that this is it, this is your forever and you might as well deal with it as you know how. But that isn't the truth, that isn't how the world and life works.

People change,what they like, what they don't like. New breaks, chances come along to let other individuals and groups enter just like how we used to be. And the old ones? the so called “veterans” “institutions” of this industry they get to be pushed back a bit and eventually further to make room for more. Soon the fast paced world that you used to know slowly collapses and shifts to the 11-2 one. You have more time to think,to process, to reminisce, and to spend time with people. But what if you got so caught up with your world before that you forgot to check or even think of the possibility to prepare for the new one? That when it comes rushing back to haunt you for the things that you did not do, you startle and panic to “make up” for the lost time, for all the moments that you were indifferent to everyone, and at that instance just when you're trying your hardest to build your new world and invite everyone back in, you have come to realise that you are no longer welcome in theres, everyone has moved on, moved forward. Because really you do not “make up” for lost time, it has and always been lost and there is no making up on that.

Dead silence was surrounding the room as four men slowly process what has been said.

Yonghwa continued further, Minhyuk…I cant answer you in detail but that is what I know and that is what I can see.

She has his heart and not everyone our age can be so privileged to have and realise that. It takes a lot of guts to acknowledge such vulnerabily--allowing, admitting that somoene has such great power over you enough to even break you, but along with such comes a gift, that we in this lifetime are only so fortunate to have if we recognize it early on. True, unconditional, innocent love has been so rare in this lifetime of ours because of all of these distractions that surround us that most of the time we miss our chance. Jonghyunah might have made a lot of mistakes in this whole thing, but the good part is that he has realised it before its too late.

Hopefully it isn’t.