Park Bom

It doesn't make sense. Am I hallucinating? If not, how is that possible? How? He's not supposed to be here. I try to swallow past the dry throat and wince inwardly when I feel the burning pain in it. So, I'm not dreaming then, since I can feel the pain.

He has stopped a few feet away from my car and tries to look passed the tinted glasses which I'm sure he failed. No, I'm not mistaking him with someone else. I'm certain of that now when I see the jagged scar that runs from his left eye brow's edge to his cheek bone. Because that was what disturbed me the most that night as soon as I laid my eyes on him. How can someone forget that kind of person with that kind of look? I'm not one for sure.

"What's wrong, Bom?" Cee's wary voice brings my attention back to her and I divert my eyes to her worried face. I don't know how I look like at the moment but I know it can't be that good by judging Cee's expression as she stares at me with confusions. Maybe I look like I've seen a ghost. Well, technically, I've just seen a ghost.

"Cee,I....." Nothing comes out after that and I don't know why I can't explain it to her. 

She waits for me to finish but when I don't, the frown on her face deepens and she tries to look at the man carefully again. "Is he someone you know?"

Do I know him? "Yes..." I whisper and after I think about it, "No...." Not really.

"Huh? What kind of answer is that?"

Yeah, what kind of answer is that? "I have seen him once before" The night where he took away the love of my life in his car. Oppa said he was a friend but it didn't convince me because my boyfriend was someone who was full of light and I could tell that man was pure darkness as soon as I saw him. Just like the man who's been occupying my head in these last few days. I can't raise my voice above the whispering tone and I think that's freaking out my cousin since I don't normally talk in this kind of quiet way.

"Bom, are you sure you are ok? You look....."

The man starts to move again in that moment and I panic. I'm not ready yet! And I don't even know why I can't just get out of my car and confront him. There's just something wrong with this situation. "Cee! Can you get out and talk to him? Don't tell him who we are though" I said quickly and she narrows her eyes at me.

Please. Please. Please. He's closer now and he's going to knock on my driver's window anytime soon and I am starting to have panic attack. My chest squeeze painfully and my lungs burn with lack of oxygen. Please.

"Ok" Cee straightens her shoulders and holds her head high before she undoes her seatbelt and gets out from the car swiftly. I'm sure she's seen my mind slowly breaking apart and she's going to have many questions for me later. Especially, when I had lied to her that I've already overcome my panic attacks.

! I can't ing breath. I close my eyes tightly and hit my chest hard. Breathe! This is not the time and place to be like this. I can't be this pathetic. Especailly when Cee is out there.

When I can't hold on to anything, I try to concentrate on the relaxing sound of my car's engine purring softly. Breathe, Bom. I can't! Normally, being in my car give me a sense of privacy and warmth. But even it can't help me find my way out of this ing nightmare right now.

"Breath" A cold and emotionless voice rings out suddenly in my head and I can't remember where I've heard it before. But I try to center my mind on it. Breathe, Park Bom. That voice was a command. I inhale and take my first breath.

"That's it, darling, keep breathing" I take another breath.

Then another breath...and another until I finally can focus again on my surrounding.

".......we didn't see any car and we were kind of in a hurry. I'm so sorry if we startled you" I hear Cee's cool and composed voice and peek outside the car to see what's happening. The man stands motionlessly still as he listens to my cousin. Then he his head slightly as he tries to look into the car again. Just like the way he looked at me that night.

"It's ok" His voice is cold and detached. Just like the way that person's voice. Dark and full of sins and punishments. ! Why can't I just get him out of my mind? Because he's dangerous and you want to feel that rush. A small voice in my head taunts me.

"But is your friend ok?" He asks.

"She's ok. Just a little bit shaken. But we will take care of it. We are just worried that we did some harm to you guys" Cee controls the conversation expertly and tries to shift the man's attention back to her.

"Don't worry. No harm's done" He said and finally turns away from my car as he starts to walk back to his. "Be careful next time though. You can't get lucky every time" There's some kind of underlie meaning in his last words and I frown at his back figure.

The passenger door opens and Cee gets back into the car with a tired sigh. "Such a scary guy" She murmurs under her breath and snaps her seatbelt into place. I don't reply her remark as I continue staring at the car which is starting to leave. Suddenly, my earlier hesitation evaporates. I should have just confronted him. I should have just made sure he was really the one who left with oppa that night. The one who's supposed to be dead in that certain car accident.

I step on the gas rather quick as I make up my mind. I have to make sure. Because as crazy as it sounds, if that man is still alive, maybe...just maybe...oppa could be too. They couldn't find the bodies from the accident anyway and everyone just assumed that they were burned to ashes when the explosion occurred. Such a stupid hope. I know. Because if oppa is still alive, he will come back to me for sure. He won't leave me broken like this for a long time.

But still, I want to check it.