Park Bom

100 beats per a minute. That's what a healthy heart does and mine has been doing more than a good job for me all my life. I have a very healthy heart, the one that didn't stop beating even when the things I had lived for were gone forever from my life. That is, if you are looking from the medical view. But mentally and emotionally? I've been dying for a while now. My heart has been shattered into million pieces and is in a comatose state where I don't have a way out. Where I'm numb and frozen.

That void is comfortable, livable and made my existence easier. But what right do I have to feel that peace? What right do I have to avoid the pain when they are in the cold ground and lonely? What right do I have to give up on this life so that I can end these miseries when they don't even have a chance to see another morning? I don't. I don't deserve them at all.

That's why, in these past years, I've been trying my goddamn hard to feel alive, to feel a little bit of spark of life, so that I can feel those pains, those heartbreaks and the loneliness. I need to remember. Remember how much I loved him and remember how he is gone, how they are gone, because of me and my selfishness. And to be able to do that, I need to stay alive. Not just breathing with heart beats. When I say stay alive, I really have to live in there. No turning back and no way out from this hell. I deserve that.

Something warm covering my body snap me out of my head and I tilt my head side way to look at the man who is sitting behind the stirring wheel of my car. How did he get there? I don't remember. Hell, I don't even remember how I got in this passenger seat since the last thing I remembered was lying in the snow, in his arms. And next thing when I got a hold on my mind, I'm already in my car and he is in the driver side, talking quietly to two men in a foreign language that I have no idea from which country. Cee would kill herself if I tell someone that I'm her cousin.   

I look down at the warm thing and realize it is his coat. And I frown. I don't need kindness from anyone. Not. At. All. Where's his coldness and indifference that attracted me last night? The danger? If one clear look at me and decide to be a soft person, I don't need him at all. I finally look up, still with the frown, and study his face quietly. He's not looking at me as he effortlessly taps away on his phone, his eyes cold and his face expressionless. Why the hell did I imagine the warmth? I'm good at reading people, just like the rest of my ing screwed up family, and every instinct in me is telling me that he's not someone who has the ability to give warmth. One look and I'm sure of that. 

"Your shirt is wet. I can see your bra" His voice is affectionless and detached. No feelings at all. And those little things are what make him much more dangerous, unreachable and untouchable. And I will be damned if I don't like it.

"Tell me that doesn't turn you on" I spit. Well, what do you expect? I'm a with a capital B.

"No, darling. That doesn't " He said with ease and tossing his phone back into his suit's inner pocket, he starts the engine. Ask me why I am ing letting a total stranger to drive my car that cost a fortune. The answer? Because I don't give a about anything else, except for that dread leaking from him which I ing like. My heart beats go quicker.

"I like you" I said bluntly, which is true. And unlike most of the rest of female population from my social class, I don't like to play dumb and innocent around. I once did. But not anymore. That part of me is dead, forever, period.

He smirks and I will give him that he's goddamn beautiful. Dangerously beautiful with all of his deadly striking features and glimpses of hidden tattoos. "Do you now, princess?" His voice is mocking and he runs a hand into his hair carelessly. Hot.

"I take it as a hint that you know who I am"

"Who doesn't?"

This time, it's my turn to smirk. Does he really think he can play with me? "You didn't. Last night, you didn't recognize me in that club"

"Darling" He said calmly and , that turns me on, a big time. Goosebumps awaken on my skin as he tilts his head side way to regard me with his icy cold eyes. "Do you really think you can get into my head? Do you really think you can read me?" His tone changes to the authoritative one and in that moment, I see another fact. He doesn't like to be challenged. Too bad for him because he's talking to the rules breaker.

I raise my brow suggestively and bite my lower lip. The act that my one night stands like hell, according to them of course. It might work on him as well. I'm not sure. But it's never bad to give a try. "I can work on that. If you give me more time, that's it"

And...with that he laughs. He ing laughs! Without humor and shakes his head a little bit as if he can't believe he's hearing this from me. "Listen, princess. I'm not a good guy" He said with a little emphasize on the word 'good'. "Not someone you can play house or play at all"

"Thanks god for that" I murmur mockingly.

My phone rings loudly at that exact moment with serious vibrations against my thigh which make me startled. Talk about the goddamn timing. I groan and dig out the device roughly before glancing down at the screen. An unknown number. Surprise...surprise. Giving that I only ever have two contacts in my phone for the past 3 years. My doctor and Cee. He used to be in there. I sigh and shake my thought away as I tap the answer icon.

"Hel..."

"Why did you do that?" The cold voice of a woman knocks my breath out of me and I grit my teeth. Lovely. Fantastic morning ever.

"Hello to you too" I spit venomously. "M