happens. happened. 
Those were the only things running through my mind on that Sunday morning. Well other than the other things that I refused to think about it. I turned towards the clock and sighed. It was eight in the morning and the most sleep I've gotten was only about thirty minutes altogether.

"Jaeyan-ah! Jaeyan-ah!" my mother called outside her door, banging on it as loud as she could. Ah, every time I didn't want to be woken up, she does it with it no trouble. I grabbed my iPod and put the earphones in my ears and had the volume on max. I needed sleep. I needed to think. I needed time. And most of all, I needed a new life.

`

I glanced at Soori and wished that I could talk to her about all my troubles. Seunghyun walked in the class and sat at his usual spot. My eyes were following his every move as if I was expecting him to do something unexpected. Something like... I didn't even want to think about it.

I slipped my phone under my desk and began to message Soori. I typed in, 'Jung Soori. I need you. Please don't ignore me or avoid because of those silly little words. I'm immature, young, and taking life for granted. I need my life to be cleaned out and I'm having problems. Please be my best friend again.' 
I knew it seemed so stupid of me but I had no choice. How was I supposed to put all these things that I feel into one nice folder without having to sort it out? I couldn't.

The class ended and I rushed out of the door before Seunghyun could get a word out of me. I knew his eyes followed me and that he wanted to say something but I couldn't. NO WAY. It was just not possible. I was looking down and I hadn't realized that I should've paid attention to where I was walking when I suddenly bumped into someone.

"Whoa, are you okay? You should be more aware of where you're going." Only one person had this soft voice and this kind of politeness. And it was this person that I wanted to avoid the most. I closed my eyes, wishing he would go -poof-. I counted to three and opened my eyes slowly, but the one standing there was still him. 
"Jaeyan, are you okay?"

"I just kind of... feel... d—" izzy. I wanted to say but I was interrupted by—

"Confused." I didn't have to turn around to know that it was Seunghyun who said it. "She's a bit confused now."

"What?" I looked at Youngbae who looked more confused himself. I didn't want, no, I COULDN'T let him say anything unnecessary. I turned around and looked at him, begging with my eyes not to say anything. Not to talk about the stupid Jaeyan doing the stupid things with the stupid guy.

"Seunghyun, I'm feeling dizzy. I'll be going now," I said to him and hung onto Youngbae's arm. "Is it okay if you take me home?"

Youngbae nodded and with one last glance at Seunghyun, we walked away. 
We were quiet the whole way but I noticed that when we were supposed to turn at the corner, he kept walking ahead.

"Youngbae?" I said in a scared voice. I didn't know what I was afraid of. Or maybe I just didn't want to admit it. "I thought you were going to take me home?"

He stopped walking and turned to me with a kind of look that I didn't recognize. "Jaeyan, if you have any problems, please don't hold back. Tell me if you need anything or just talk to me. I'm here for you."

"Why does everyone say I have problems?!" I shouted too quickly. I didn't even think.

He looked up at me. "Everyone? Like who?"

I bit my lip and shook my head. "Don't worry about it..."

"Jaeyan," he said and grabbed my arm. Even when he seemed so frustrated, he still used the softest touch for me. "I don't understand. I thought we were all good. Is it because of—"

"I just want to go home. You don't have to take me. I need some time to think and some time to rest."

`

"Jaeyan! You have a visitor!" Oh, please. I didn't want any more visitors. I didn't want to see anyone. Not while tried to get some sleep and there I was, not getting any. I heard the knock on my door.

"I feel sick, I can't see anyone right now!" No matter who it was, I wasn't going to touch that door.

"Jaeyan, I thought you needed me?" As soon as I heard her voice, I got up and immediately opened the door.

"Soori-yah!" I shouted and hugged her tightly. It's true that I needed her.
And soon enough, I told her everything. I was hugging my pillow as I quietly listened to her advice. But her words didn't satisfy me. I couldn't get it in my thick skull that I should do my best...

I sighed. "Soori, do you think that I..."

She knew what I wanted to say, that was why she frowned. "You're giving up already? It's something that you didn't do intentionally. There's still time for you to fix this."

"But don't you get it? Just the day before, I had promised something to Youngbae and within the next twenty-four hours, there I was breaking it. I don't deserve him. You know that well," I said, biting my lips to hold back the tears. I couldn't stand it.

"Then how about what he feels? Do you think he'll be okay with this? We're talking about this almost perfect guy who is madly in love with you. This stupidity shouldn't stop the both of you."

I think I was finally getting it. Not what she was saying but what I was feeling. 
"What if... what if it wasn't stupid?"

Soori crossed her arms and sighed. "Then there's the real problem. Some things change. You need to talk to him before anything else happens."

"I'm stupid, right?"

"Very."

`

Youngbae was leaning against the brick wall as he waited for me. I took a deep breath. I couldn't clear my mind properly while worrying about him.

"Dong Youngbae," I called. He turned his head and smiled at me, but his smile was hiding something, I didn't have to guess to know what. "Were you waiting for that long?"

"I've always been waiting," he said.

"Is it okay..."

"Hmm?"

"Is it okay for you to wait like this? Is it okay for you to keep waiting and keep hoping?" I wondered if he knew what I was getting to.

"I'll keep waiting. Even when there is no hope." And I realized that there was someone more stupid than me.

"Dong Youngbae! Stop with your nonsense. Get back to the cool guy you were!" He knew, didn't he? He stretched out his arms, waiting for me to join him in his arms. "I'm the one with the problems..."

He took a step, his arms still stretched out. He didn't say anything and this was making it harder. Why couldn't he get mad? Why couldn't he shout at me, yell that I was bringing him pain, tell the world that I'm the biggest idiot? He took another step and another until he was finally right in front of me. And his arms enveloped around me. I recognized the scent. It was a smell that I remember from the first hug he gave.

"Why...?" I whispered, the warm tears already flowing down one side of my cheek. I was getting his shirt wet.

"Because I love you. I don't care what question you ask, I'll always have this answer."

I closed my eyes for a few seconds, the world standing still at that moment. But time couldn't stop. "I want to let go."

His arms tightened. He knew it. It's as if I gave him this obvious look and he knew it right away. 
"I've always been watching," he said, "from the moment I fell in love with you till this very moment. I've been watching." 
This couldn't go on forever. I reached out to my pocket and took one of his hands and placed it on his smooth palm. 
Something was different. I should've listened to begin with. I shouldn't have trusted the wrong side. But here I am, holding on tightly. My legs feel wobbly but he's there, supporting me. 
It's not the same.

"I'm sorry." His arms dropped down to his sides as he stared at the necklace. Before he could say anything, I ran away. I was a coward and I knew it.

Park Jaeyan was more stupid than anyone else.

`
E N D ; O O 7