"Choi Seunghyun, let's talk."

He gave me a sly smile as if he'd been expecting it all along. "Let's." 
He offered me a spot beside him by his car.

"I... I don't know if I should be doing this."

"Doing what? Being here with me?" His voice sounded interested, curious. I could almost imagine his voice 'smiling'.

"I don't know. It's just that something about it isn't the usual thing I do."

"Aren't you here to break away? To be free?" he said, pointing out something that I almost forgot. I smiled, nodding my head.

"You're right." But I wasn't completely satisfied with this talk. "Seunghyun... I just want to know. Why is it that all this time, you've showed me all these different sides? Why is it that something about you always pulls me in? Why is it that you're always the one there for me?"

"Why not? Why can't it be me who's showing you these sides, the one to pull you in, the one to be there for you? Why not?"

I crossed my arms. "Don't reply with a question. Please answer me."

His smile transitioned to a gentler smile. "Because something about you makes me act this way. I can't control it either. I can't say that I purposely go to you. It's just the way my heart and mind makes my body move. They all have their own actions."

"Is that true?"

"Why wouldn't it be? Don't you know that you're special, Park Jaeyan?" He softly touched my cheeks with the back of his hands, it gently and smiling down gently at me. I loved the way he was looking at me. He really made me feel like I was the most special girl, most special person in the world. He made me feel like I was the only one there, the only one who he could call 'special'.

"Thank you," I said. Then my heart began to thump louder and louder, nudging me to ask the real question in my heart. Did he... "Seunghyun... do you..." 
I wasn't sure how to say it. And he made a fast move and kissed me softly on the lips, his soft touch on my red cheeks. He could've made my heart explode when he whispered the words right in my ear.

"Park Jaeyan, I love you." My eyes widened and I was frozen but my heart was beating faster and faster at a speed I thought was impossible to be alive at. His words were so believable. It was so real.

"I— I—"

"You have no words to say? You can't speak, think right, and your heart is beating really fast?" I was able to give a nod. He chuckled a laugh that I found really cute.

"How..."

"Because I feel it, too. Right now my mouth is just babbling on and on. My mind can only think about you while it spins round and round while my heart—" he put my hand over the left part of his chest, "—is beating so fast for the first time. No one has ever made me feel like this. No one but you."

I had to think properly. This guy right here was amazing. But was I ready for this? Was I ready for this sort of thing? What if I meet another guy who will be the same and I run away again? Will I... will I be able to promise him something that I can keep?

"Seunghyun, are you willing to hold onto me? Even when I want to let go and run away, are you willing to hold on and keep fighting?" I couldn't understand myself.

He held onto my hand, tighter than he held it before but softer than any of the softest touch. 
"I'll keep chasing after you until I get this hand. This hand is something that I want to hold onto each step of the way. When you want me to let you go, I will... but I won't let go for long. I don't want to."

Maybe that was an answer I had looked for in Youngbae. Maybe I wanted him to not let go of me. Maybe even when I felt like running away with Seunghyun, I was looking for him to keep holding on and prove that I was worth fighting for. But was I being too greedy? I probably was.

"When you run away, I want you to only run away with me. When you run and try to let go, I will give my all and run after you to hold your hand."

Wasn't this one of my wishes? Ever since I was young... ever since I met Youngbae? 
My mind flickered back to the past...

`

I said goodbye to Soori and walked quietly in the dark on my way home. It was going to be a twenty minute walk all by myself. And I had to admit I was really scared. I looked at the sky, wishing there will be someone who can walk by my side... or maybe there was someone. I took my phone out and searched through the contacts list. 
"Dong Youngbae," I read. I wasn't sure whether I should press the glowing green button or if it was just something he said to be nice. Was he actually going to come by my side and walk me home? If I called, what would I lose? It's not like I'll get anything worse... unless I knew that he was just joking and make a fool of myself.

But I honestly didn't want to walk the whole length by myself. I gathered all my courage and pressed it. I brought the phone by my ears and waited for an answer.

After the second ring, his voice took over. "Hello?" I already felt my heart beating.

"Ah... hello? Ah, good evening! This is Park Jaeyan..." my voice was clearly shaking and I felt embarrassed to have even called him. But it would be rude to hang up, too. "Ah... are you busy?"

I heard him chuckle. Was I just a fool to him? Was I just this stupid high school girl who wanted to hang out with a cool college boy? 
"No, I'm not. Ah, don't tell me! Are you outside by yourself?"

"Eh?" I looked around, wondering if he could see me. "How did you know?"

"Where are you?" I could hear some background noises, the rustling of clothes, maybe.

"I'm near the central park and the 8th—"

"Okay, I got it. Just wait there!"

"Ah, it's okay I just—" Beep. Was he going to come? Did I want to get my hopes up? I wasn't too sure myself but it wouldn't hurt to wait a while, right? I walked back to the park and sat down by the swings. 
Slowly, I pushed myself, thinking about the possibilities that might happen if Youngbae really came. I looked up at the sky getting darker and sighed. My mind drifted to this and that and I looked at the clock. It had been about ten minutes since he said to wait. Was he actually coming? He never said he was, he just said to wait. But maybe he was coming but just got lost. I was beginning to worry. What if I was just sitting on the swings like an idiot, thinking that someone was going to come.

I sighed and slowed the swinging down. "Park Jaeyan, you're an idiot..." 
Why would someone like Dong Youngbae come after you? Finally coming to a stop, I felt someone cover my eyes. My heart began to thud and my mind began to panic. A ?!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" I screamed and heard the familiar laugh. I turned around immediately and saw Youngbae cover his mouth as he laughed cheerfully.

"Relax, it's me. Sorry, it kind of took me long," he said, in between his laughs and deep breaths.

"Did you run here?" I asked, surprised. He shrugged as if it was no big deal. I blushed, knowing he probably rushed to get here. "I'm sorry, you must've been busy and I made you go out here and—"

He didn't stop laughing, or maybe it was because he COULDN'T stop. I eyed him carefully and he was able to calm himself down.

"Don't worry, I came here on my own will. Should we go?" he said and we walked to my house together.

It was absolutely amazing just to walk beside him quietly. I would usually walk in the darkness, feeling the loneliness wrap around me and the fear of someone always watching but now it was different. I felt the happiness of walking in this darkness and alone with this guy who made me feel special. It felt... romantic. We were walking slowly, sometimes bringing up small talk to break the silence.

I saw the house in the distance, the light in the living room lit up. My heart sank a bit, disappointed that this walk was soon going to end. I looked at him at the corner of my eye and wondered if he felt the same or was just glad that it was over.

I stood in front of the main door and turned to look at him. "Thank you, Youngbae-ssi for walking me! I didn't feel scared or paranoid anymore."

He smiled and shook his head. "I'm glad I walked you home. And I'm kind of sad that it was such a short walk. Maybe next time, we can make it longer."

"Longer?" I held in my excitement.

"Um, if you aren't busy, I wanted to go to this park the other day but Jiwan said she didn't want to walk around aimlessly. So if it's okay..."

"I'd love to!" I said, too quickly.

He grinned at me. "Really?! Thanks! Is it okay if I pick you up tomorrow?"

"It's perfect."

`

It was the park that made me realize that it was something more than just admiration I saw in him. He was one of the most amazing guys I've ever met and the only guy who was able to make me feel special.

But this guy, Choi Seunghyun, made me feel like I was a girl who he'd fight for, protect, care, love, and will always hold onto. If I had wanted to leave him, he would try his best to show me that he doesn't want me to go. It was a usual saying for myself now, saying that Park Jaeyan was stupid.

This was my one wish. For him to not have let me go. 
For him to say the words he once said when he said to me, "Park Jaeyan, I like you. Will you be my girlfriend?" 
I replied with a wide smile and a hushed, "Yes!" 
He had held onto my hands and said, "I won't let this hand go."

I had tears in my eyes and I was crying. 
"I love Dong Youngbae and I ran away from him..." I said, my hands shaking as I covered my eyes.

Seunghyun put his arm around me and didn't say a word as I cried and repeated over and over that I love Youngbae and that I was stupid. 
My one wish... would it ever come true?

`
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