Chansung reached over and grabbed the shower gel when he realized that I wasn’t going to say anything more to him. Did I just hurt his feelings? I did my best to hide a frown as I watched him pour some of the soapy liquid into a wash cloth and then rub – more like caress – my body with it.
   If it wasn’t for the fact that I was internally freaking out over whether or not I made a mistake by not saying ‘I love you’ back, I would have been really . . . really watching him wash my body.
   As he lightly scrubbed my chest and lifted my chin up to wash my neck, he chuckled. “Hyung,” I looked at him when he spoke. “You can wipe that frown off your face . . . you don’t have to say it back. I’d rather you say it when you feel it, arasseo?”
   I blinked. “I thought . . .”
   “You were hiding it from me?” He smirked, rather cockily. “Kim Junsu, in the years that I’ve known you, have you ever beenable to hide anything from me?”
   I pouted. “I thought I could.” Apparently not, though.
   He leaned forward and kissed my forehead, pulling away with a bright and cheery ‘Maknae smile’. “Turn around.” He saw my eyes go wide and laughed. “So I can wash your back!”
   Oh. Riiiiight. I turned around with a blush.
   “You dirty minded old man.” I heard him chuckle to himself.
   “Yah!” I glared, spinning around. “I’m old, but I’m not that old! Give me that rag, I can wash myself!” I tried to snatch the rag from him but he just held it as high as he could, smirking at me. “Listen to your elder!” I pouted at him.
   He spun me back around and pressed me against the shower wall. “Make me~” He spoke against my ear. I closed my eyes and bit my lip when I felt him rest the cloth on my back, lathering my skin sensually at the same time that he kissed my jaw, pushing the cloth lower and lower and . . .
   He pulled away from me.
   I whined and turned to face him. “Why’d you stop?!”
   He tossed the soapy rag at me and stepped out of the shower. “You said you can wash yourself~” He shrugged as he wrapped a towel around his waist. “You clearly don’t need me.” He teased as he stepped out of the bathroom and closed the door.
   “Ch . . . Chansung-ah?” I called out. “. . . Maknae?”
   When he didn’t answer, I growled. Stupid . . . stupid, y . . . pig-headed . . .  STUPID FACE! I finished washing my body and then rinsed off as quickly as possible, wrapping a towel around myself and going to peek my head out the door.
   Nothing.
   I stepped out the bathroom and tip toed to the living room, and glared at the sight.
   Chansung was sitting on the couch, wearing a pair of sweats and propping his feet up while watching TV and eating my sushi from earlier. “Yah!” I yelled. “Why would you do that to me?! You just left.” I looked away, betrayed.
   “Because it’s fun to tease you,” He got up off the couch and wiped his mouth with a smirk. “You’re so y when you’re flustered to the point of anger, hyung~”
   I wanted to clutch my chest in shock like and say ‘my poor old heart’ like those ahjummas in the dramas. But for obvious reasons, I kept myself together and just narrowed my eyes at him, keeping my poker face.
   Chansung looked at me for a while before yawning and stretching his body dramatically, carefully flexing all the muscles in his arms and shoulders so that I could see. I growled and then stomped away towards our room to get dressed.
   When I was dressed in my ‘around the house’ clothes, I stepped back out to the living room and sat next to Chansung while he watched whatever stupid ninja movie was on. He glanced over at me and smirked before reaching up and wrapping his arm around my shoulder.
   I pretended not to notice.
   After a few minutes, he inched his way closer to me until our sides were pressing together.
   I refused to move. I’ll show him to tease me like that . . .
   Suddenly, his lips were on my neck and I shrieked away from him, startled. “Yah! What are you doing?!” I hit him in the arm as he laughed. “Why do you like flustering me?” I whined. “It’s not fair! If you’re just going to be a tease, get away from me . . .”
   His smirk didn’t go away so I rolled my eyes and curled up on the couch, hugging my knees to my chest. “You’re so adorable,” I felt his soft voice against my ear and then immediately, warm arms were around me. God dammit, this isn’t fair. I thought as I closed my eyes and tried not to focus on how amazingly good it felt to feel wanted.
   Since ‘the breakup’, I had been living in a small bubble of fear and regret. My own personal hell, you could call it. Nothing was fun. Nothing was worth it; I smiled, but it never sparked that thing in my heart that made me feel like things would truly ever be okay again.
   Nothing except Chansung.
   If I had to name someone that I could genuinely say was the best friend I’d ever have, it would be him. He knew when to talk, when to ask questions, when to smile, or simply when to rub my back and feed me sour patch kids (which was often, I might add). If he would have given up on me the way I gave up on everything else, I would have turned into one of those grouchy hermits that never leave their room. But he didn’t.
   Through Maknae’s smile and warm bear hugs, he slowly healed me to the point where I could breathe all by myself again. I would owe him that for the rest of eternity.
   That’s when it hit me like a blow to the chest.
   Why I’d been feeling so strange lately and why I’d been seeing things that I had gotten so used to ignoring. . . why I just got done ing my band mate in the shower. But it wasn’t ing, it was far more than that.
   No matter how scared I was of the truth, it was still there and I had finally opened my eyes and stared at it dead in the face.
   I didn’t want this truth.
   I didn’t want this truth because I was scared that I would lose it. That my foolish actions would cause it to run screaming away from me and I would spiral down into the same rut of self hatred that it had taken me four years to get out of.
   But deep down inside, I wanted this truth more than anything because every piece of me knew it to be true. Every piece of me longed for the same thing that my heart was trying to convince my mind of. Every little piece of my broken heart wanted Hwang Chansung.
   I looked up at Chansung and he suddenly tensed up, seeing my serious face. “Chansung-ah,” I whispered.
   “Y-Yeah?” He answered.
   “I . . .” I stopped myself and felt my heart pull in opposite directions in behind my ribs. Just tell him, you . . . you lo– even my brain cut me off and I looked away from him, trying desperately to hide my fear.
   “What’s wrong, hyung?” He rubbed my back in that same soothing way that he always did when he knew I was upset. “Are you feeling well? Do you want me to take you to bed?”
   “Please stop,” I mumbled as I rubbed my temples, trying to let the wave of realization that I just came to settle. “Chansung . . .” I repeated, holding a finger up before he could reply. “The past few years – they’ve been like a dream. A really bad, dull, hazy dream . . . For weeks, months even, it’ll be okay . . . and then one random day will be like a nightmare and it’ll start all over again. Do you understand that?” I felt something on my cheek and realized that I had started crying. God, I hate crying. “But . . . in the midst of all that, there’s you. And I can’t deny that anymore. You’ve never left me . . . and I . . .” I tried to say it again but my mouth wouldn’t let me. “Chansung, I . . .” What the ?! JUST TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM! My eyes closed as I whispered softly. “I love you. You’re my best friend, and . . . I really do love you.”
   He stayed quiet for a while; I opened my eyes to see him staring at me.
   I opened my mouth to speak but he grabbed my face and pulled me into a kiss, I blushed at the way it made my heart skip beats. He separated our lips for a moment to mumble. “Say it again.”
   “Chansung-ah,” I blushed even more. “I love you.”
   He grinned and started kissing me repeatedly, ignoring my embarrassed pleas for him to stop. We kissed for a long time, long enough that the other members came home. Wooyoung was the first to walk through the door.
   The drunken boy stumbled into the living room and stopped in front of us, staring at the position I was in half way in Chansung’s lap with my arms around his neck. He cocked his head to the side before smiling. “Oh . . . hi~” Then he sat on the couch next to us and passed out.
   That’s when Taec came in with blood trickling down his nose and Junho asleep in his arms, followed by Nichkhun, who just looked pissed off.
   Chansung sighed next to me and stood up, play time was over.
   “Yah, what happened to you guys?” Maknae asked when he saw Taec’s nose.
   “butt over here got drunk and started grinding against this one dude on the dance floor,” Nichkhun pointed to Junho. “Taec got mad and started a fight with the guy.”
   “He grabbed Junho’s . . . that’s my .” Taec growled at Nichkhun.
   “Either way, we had to leave before the paparazzi got there. We barely made it out.” Khun whined. “You babo!” He said, hitting Taec in the back of the head.
   I sighed and stepped up to Taecyeon. “I’ll help you get him in bed.” I went down the hall to the room they shared and opened the door for him.
   Taec followed, looking at me with wide eyes. “Thanks . . .?” He mumbled and went to set the younger boy on the bed. He looked at me. “Are you okay?”
   “Yeah, why?”
   “You just seem . . . different.” He mumbled, shrugging when I didn’t say anything and leaving the room. I walked back to the living room slowly. Am I really THAT different?
   Chansung caught me in his arms and pulled me against him with a smile. “Let’s sleep, hyung.”
   I looked up at the smiling boy and nodded, letting him pull me to our room. I went to go to my bed but he didn’t let go of my wrist. I looked up at him and he nodded to his bed, making me blush from the inside out.
   When we were all tucked in his bed, he pulled me on top of him and kissed my forehead. “Night, hyung.” I could hear him smiling and it made me smile too.
   “Goodnight, dongsaeng.” I whispered before falling into the best sleep I’d had in a very long time.
   When I woke up, I was alone.
   I rubbed my eyes. Was it all a dream? Then I looked around and realized that I wasn’t in my bed. A smirk spread across my face and I slid out of Chansung’s bed and made my way to the dining room, where I heard everyone talking.
   “Yah! You guys made breakfast without waking me~” I whined and went to sit next to Chansung. He smiled at me.
   “Mianhae, hyung.” Wooyoung pouted. “Sungie said that you looked too peaceful to wake up.”
   I narrowed my eyes at the giant next to me.
   Chansung only laughed and kept eating.
   Junho handed me a bowl of rice and started serving me the rest of the food. I looked around, noticing that the table was missing a few people. “Hey . . . Where’s Jo Kwon and Seulong?” I asked.
   “They left last night.” Taec said as he stuffed noodles into his mouth. “They had a schedule today.”
   “Speaking of which,” Chansung stood up from the table. “I have a meeting with some Japanese producers.”
   Everyone waved and said a chorus of ‘goodbyes’ to Maknae. I looked up at him with a pout, not wanting him to leave. He smirked and leaned down, pressing his lips to mine, kissing me deeply.
   Nichkhun dropped his chopsticks at the same time that Taec spat his drink out across Wooyoung’s face. Junho just sat there with a bright eye smile.
   When Chansung pulled away, he smirked at me. “I’ll see you tonight.” I couldn’t respond. My heart had flat lined and I couldn’t feel anything in my fingertips and I was sure he knew that. He just chuckled at my expression and left the dorm.
   I looked at my four other band mates as they all stared at me. Well, all except Wooyoung, he was glaring at Taec while wiping his face off with a napkin.
 

To be continued . . .

Note: First off, I'd like to apologize for not updating it so long...quite frankly, I've been expierencing a rather annoying case of writers block. If you've ever had it, you'll know how frustrating it is. Mix that with my work being VERY hectic and the fact that for the past week, every time I've thought about Junsu, the only thing I can think about is the death of his father, which makes me sad, and then I try and write happy things while I'm sad and it just doesn't seem to work out. Once again, mianhae~ *bows* I think I've finally shaken off this fog that's stopped me from updating and I will try and update regularly again.