I ran into the bathroom, fighting tears of embarrassment the whole way. OMG Kim Junsu, you stupid stupid idiot! Why did you do that?! I ran to the sink, turning the cold water on and splashing my face.
   I looked in the mirror at myself.
   Why did I kiss him like that?
   I bit my lip, still able to taste him on my lips and gripped the sink in anger. What was wrong with me lately?! I was acting absurd, and stupid, careless. Maknae had every right to be angry with me the way he was a few minutes ago . . . but, I didn’t want him to be.
   I frowned, remembering how hurt he looked as he spoke to me, even though he tried to hide it.
   And it was my fault he was hurt.
   “Ugh, my life!” I pulled at my hair and groaned. Why was this happening?
   That kiss. Everything about it. From the way his five o’clock shadow brushed against my chin as his warm lips opened up for me, to this large hands finding their way down my body and holding onto my hips gently – like I was something to be cherished – like I was breakable. I liked it all.
   I ran a wet hand through my hair and then sighed. I need a ing FREEZING cold shower. I the shower and peeled my clothes off, stepping inside without waiting for the water to adjust.
   The semi-warm water ran down my body and I closed my eyes, letting my head fall forward and hit the wall of the shower. This is stupid . . . I tried to convince myself as I reached down and grabbed my half erect .
   I bit my lip as hard as I could and started myself.
   My mind instantly filled with thoughts of Chansung . . . the warmth of his tongue on mine . . . the feel of his broad shoulders and rock hard pecs brushing against me as he actually started kissing me back. My hand started moving faster and my breathing sped up.
   The creek of the door distracted me and I suddenly realize that I forgot to lock the door.
   I spun around to see Chansung standing by the door, looking completely dumbfounded.
   I tried to cover myself, standing in the shower as the water hit my face. “Y-Yah!” I screamed. “Get out!” My twitched behind my hands as I stood there, afraid to reach over to grab a towel.
   His eyes dropped from my face to my body and I blushed. “Hyung,” He said. “Why did you kiss me like that?” My heart raced as he took a step forward.
   “Chansung-ah . . . can you hand me a towel?” I looked away.
   “Answer the question.” He never took his eyes off me, he just walked forward at an achingly slow pace.
    I began to panic, moving away, trying to hide from his view. This was so awkward.
   When I looked up, he was stepping into the shower and my eyes widened. He didn’t seem to care that the water soaked his clothes, making them cling to his tense skin. He just kept walking towards me, backing me into the corner of the wet tile walls.
   “Hyung,” He whispered and waited until I looked up at him before he reached down and grabbed my hands, pinning them against the wall as he leaned down to capture my lips in a wet kiss.
   My body exploded with sensations of all kinds when he slipped his arms around my waist and pulled my cold and wet body against him. He was warm. And so were his lips as they trailed away from mine, down to my jaw and he whispered softly. “Do you like me?” His hands cupped around my cheeks and he placed kisses along my neck, away the tiny droplets of water that were left there.
   I gave up.
   Fighting this was stupid since neither my mind nor body wanted to protest.
   I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and let my head fall back, hearing a loud moan and blushing when I realized that it came from my mouth.
   He stopped and then looked at me with a serious expression. “I asked if you like me.” He reminded me, staring me down with those serious, cow eyes of his.
   I was scared . . . scared of so many things, so I closed my eyes and looked down.
   His grip on me loosened and I could feel him preparing to back away.
   My eyes widened and I clung to him tight, not ready to let him walk away. “Yes!” I blurted out. He looked down at me as if he didn’t believe me. “Chansung-ah . . .” I finally was able to look at him as I spoke. “I-I like you . . . I didn’t realize it . . . but I think I’ve liked you for a long time.” I mumbled, wanting to run away again. I hated this feeling of being so weak and vulnerable. This feeling of expressing myself so that others could see my weaknesses and strike where it hurt most. “But I was scared,” I admitted, more to myself than him. “And I was–”
   He cut me off with another kiss, this one more passionate than the last two.
   I could tell by the way his arms locked around me that he wasn’t planning on letting me go any time soon. That made me feel . . . safe.
   His hands ran down my body and settled over my hips, his thumbs gently soothing the bare skin as his tongue played games with mine. He my bottom lip into his mouth and pressed against me.
   My eyes widened when I felt him press his crotch against mine just at the same time as his hands gripped me tighter. “I’ve been waiting for you . . .” He whispered when he let go of my lip. “For so long.” He caressed my body in his hands and I looked up at him.
   I blushed when I let out a quiet whimper, feeling his hand brush against my lower area.
    Suddenly, his fully clothed body was annoying me.
    I tangled my fingers in his shirt and pushed it up, peeling the soaking wet fabric away from his body and biting my lip at the sight of him. Why hadn’t I noticed how incredibly y he’d become? I saw him every day and yet I hadn’t realized that he’d grown from a thin, lanky cow eyed boy  . . . into a firm, well build beast of a man.
   He helped me get his pants off, undoing the belt and kicking them out of the shower and onto the floor in a wet pile.
   Water bounced off his toned body and I bit my lip, looking at him.
   All of him.
   He didn’t let me bask in his beauty for very long.
   Before I realized what he was doing, he had grabbed my waist and flipped me a round in a swift motion. I gasped as he pressed my chest against the tile wall and pulled my hips back against him as I grinded his hips slowly.
   The movements sent shocking waves of tense pleasure through me as his lips fell on the skin of my back and kissed along my shoulder and up to my neck where he found that sweet spot just under my jaw and latched on. He until I was sure there was a mark . . . a beautiful mark.
   And his hands cupped around my , forcing weak and desperate whimpers from me.
   I wanted him more than I realized I did.
   “Chan . . .” I in a breath when I felt his length settle against my . “Chansung-ah . . . don’t tease me.” I begged, feeling my body heat the water that rained down on us.
   His lips were at my ear in an instant. “You’re gonna have to beg better than that~”
   I started to growl but then his hand wrapped around my full length and he started kissing my neck again so my threats came out in little more than shaky whines and moans. His hand moved along my , finishing the job I’d started along, only minutes ago.
   I could feel my release nearing and closed my eyes, grinding my hips into his hand as he me faster. It felt so good. “M-Mmm dongsaeng,” I whispered, ready for my .
   He suddenly stopped and dug his finger into the tip of my , stopping me from releasing.
   My eyes flew open and I winced, glaring back at him with a pout.
   “Beg me for it.” He eyed me, no sign of a bluff on his face.
   I swallowed a little and mumbled. “P-Please . . . ?”
   “Louder~” He growled, tightening his grip on my until I gasped.
   My eyes closed as I choked out in a shaky voice. “Please Chansung-ah!”
   He kissed down my neck, little spots occasionally as his thumb rubbing against the tip of my aching , teasingly. “Hyung,” He whispered between my shoulder blades, pressing his against my , as if waiting for permission from me. “Make me believe that your want me . . .” He spoke against me skin and as his started rolling his hips.
   Need boiled over in me and I clawed at the slippery tile, arching my back in a convulsion of pleasurable twists and moans as I closed my eyes again, letting down the walls that had blocked my heart for so long and cried out. “I want you!” I breathed against the tile. “Please . . . P-Please dongsaeng, I want you . . . In every way . . . I need you.”
   His arms tightened around my waist, pulling me back against his solid body and he pushed himself forward.
   I felt him inside me and choked on my own moan, pressing my hips back as I whimpered shamelessly, feeling his hips roll against mine as he stretched me brutally, yet lovingly.
   He caught my chin in his hand and pulled my face towards his, kissing me at the awkward angle as I started moving his s faster, raking my body with pleasure. I couldn’t help but clench around him when he started moving faster.
   I threw my head back, wincing his name as each one of his s forced him against my spot and bit my lip as he reached that bundle of nerves deep inside me, making my legs grow weak as I fought to stay standing and pressed my flush to his hips, eager to take him in even more.
   His hands had minds of their own.
   They slowly worked their way over my wet skin, my tensed stomach and caressing my chest as he pulled me close to him, devouring me with his body.
   I felt a spark in my heart and longed to have him with me like this forever. I reached back with both hands, holding onto his waist as he moved his body into me over and over in a loud, quick rhythm. My breathing hitched when my brushed against the cold tile, sending shivers through me as another threatened to creep its’ way past me and break our dance.
   “Ahh!!” I cried out when his hand was suddenly my throbbing length. I wanted to come . . . and I didn’t at the same time. I winced, knowing I couldn’t hold it back for much longer. “Chansung . . .” I breathed deeply, clenching my hot body around him.
   “Don’t fight it,” He whispered in my ear, kissing my temple as his hand sped up and he jerked his hips into me, forcing out another moan from the back of my throat. “Don’t fight it, hyung . . . just let go.”
   I opened my eyes, looking back at him as my face twisted in another moan and my took over my willing body, releasing my seed into his hand and against the wall of the shower, just as I felt him reach his and his head hung forward, pressing his forehead to my shoulder as we both stood still with heavy breaths.
   The spark that was in my heart was now a full blown fired, alive and in smoldering against the insides of my chest. It didn’t burn me . . . it warmed my soul. It made each breath swell, like new life had been given to my frostbitten heart. It felt like . . . like Chansung’s smile.
   Warm and nice.
   “I’m sorry . . .” I whispered when I had caught my breath. “That I made you wait so long. I’m sorry.”
   Chansung’s stiffened a little and then he turned me around in his arms, holding our bodies together as he looked down at me. He looked angry, and happy, and even a little amused. “Junsu hyung,” He smiled when he said my name. “I’ve come to realize that . . . we do incredible things for the people we love.”
   I blushed laid my cheek against him, chewing on my lip. Love . . . that’s exactly what I’m afraid of. I sighed and let him hug me tight, just enjoying the closeness and the warmth I hadn’t felt in so long.
   Did I love Chansung?
   If you asked me yesterday, the answer would have been an obvious no.
   But I found myself questioning many things lately.

To be continued . . .