I stared at the doorknob for far too long.
   As usual, I was already late. But when I got out of bed and pulled clothes on in a rush, grabbing my phone and my keys and headed for the door, I found myself lacking the strength to raise my hand and turn the small stainless steel knob.
   The flight was scheduled to land in an hour.
   Stupidly, I’d promised him that I would be there.
   Even though I hid it well, talking to him was awkward. Talking to him and knowing the truth. Talking to him and knowing the truth while also knowing that he had no idea that I knew.
   Smiling and laughing at his words as he whispered them to me over the phone. They all sounded the same to me, now. Like the same cheesy song playing over and over.
   I closed my eyes, ashamed of myself for letting this happen. Letting me be effected like this. I was weak, low, pathetic . . . hurt. Still in love, but hurt.   That was the irony of it. That no matter how bad the thoughts were. No matter how much the pain crippled me, keeping me in bed for days in and days out and stopping me from eating, talking, almost breathing. No matter how much the idea of seeing him again scared me to the core . . . I found myself longing for his arms around me so he could whisper those same dull words to me.
   I even dreamed about him.
   Good dreams, always good dreams.
   But only in dreams, were my thoughts painless.
   This is stupid. Fight your fear and be a ing man. I growled to myself, opening the door after nearly half an hour. I looked around the hallway, no one was home. Good.
   Carefully, I stepped out of my bedroom for the first time in days, heading for the front door as silently as possible.
   “Hyung,” a voice stopped me when I reached for the deadbolt on the door. “Where are you going?”
   I spun around, frowning at Maknae as he stood at his door tiredly.
   “I’m just going out, I’ll be back.” I smiled, despite the immense amount of pain I was still in.
   He saw through it, much as he had been seeing through my week attempts to tell everyone I was okay the past few days. “You’re going to see him, aren’t you?”
   The thought burned, but it was true. I nodded.
   “Why?” Chansung asked.
   “Because he’s my boyfriend . . .”
   “Do you love him?
   I winced, feeling panic starting to devour me from the inside out as I tried to find a way to avoid admitting out loud that I was still absolutely crazy about Jung Ji-Hoon.“I . . . have to go.” I turned around, opening the door only to be stopped by Chansung’s arm, barring my way and slamming the door shut.
   He was different.
   The kind and gentle boy had vanished and I now found myself, wide eyed and stepping back in intimidationby the man that stood next to me with closed eyes. “Why do you do that?”
   I looked at his arm, at his hand that was covered in tattered band-aids, anywhere but his face. “Because I’m late,” I mumbled. “I have to go or I’ll miss–”
   He shook his head, looking at me. “Why do you give in to him?” He his eyes held a plea. “Why do you give him what he wants?” I blinked at him as he spoke. “Answer me!” His palm hit the door hard as he simultaneously yelled the last word. “Why?!”
   I flinched, backing away from him more. What the hell . . . Band mates are supposed to be concerned for one another, I get it. But this was a little excessive.
   He noticed the look on my face and then his body sunk a little, all the tension slowly faded and he was once again the Maknae I knew.
   “Chansung-ah.” I spoke slowly, thinking of the words as I said them. “Thank you for being concerned for me, it makes me happy to know that you care. I care about you too . . . but please move, or I’m going to be late.” I tried to smile, but judging by the look on his face, it wasn’t convincing. “I’ll be fine, I promise~”
   The frown on his face was a mixture of shock and frustration. “You . . . you really don’t understand.” I couldn’t tell if it was a question or a statement. He let his arm fall away from the door, sighing in defeat.
   He was right though, I really didn’t understand what the hell he meant. Was he drunk or something? “I’ll be back.” I opened the door just enough for my body to slip through and stepped over to the elevator, fidgeting as I waited for it.
   It took too long to get to the airport.
   The silence of the ride was torture as I sat in the back of the cab, chewing my lip until it was raw. When I finally arrived, I paid the driver and ran inside the airport and looking around, following the signs to where Rain had told me to wait for him.
   I didn’t have to wait long.
   Before I knew it, a man approached me, wearing a black jacket and a hat. His eyes were hidden behind a large pair of dark sunglasses. I raised an eyebrow, immediately recognizing the brisk walk and clenched jaw of the ‘mysterious’ man. He smiled and grabbed me by the back of my shoulder.
   “Keep walking and don’t look back.” Rain said to me, guiding me towards the exit as his large suitcase rolled behind him.
   I nodded, complying with him and following him outside with no objections. He walked straight for an inconspicuous car that was waiting out front. The moment we were inside the car, the hatand sunglasses came off.
   Rain smiled at me. “Hey baby.” He reached over and grabbed my hand.
   My fingers curled around his, the way they always did, as he turned his palm up and squeezed my hand. The feeling was comforting in an odd way. “I missed you.” He whispered, sending a series of flutters through my heart.
   I could have kicked myself.
   Looking over at him, I sighed softly and then smiled at him. “I missed you too, hyung.”
   He pulled me close to him and I laid my head on his shoulder the whole car ride back to Seoul. I actually started to drift off, since I hadn’t had any decent sleep in days. He nudged me when the car rolled to a stop. “Baby, we’re here.”
   I looked around, surprised that it was already dark outside,and blinked. We were behind his apartment building and he was putting the disguise back on. Is this what he had to go through every time he went somewhere? I followed him out the car and had to jog to catch up to him. He waited until we were in the elevator, then he pulled me against him and snared my lips in a deep kiss.
   Just like always, my heartbeat sped up until it nearly hurt.
   He nudged his tongue past my lips and explored the cavern of my mouth as his hand rubbed the curve of my back just above my , pulling me flush to his warm, intoxicating body. Without thinking, I threw my arms around him, initiating a deeper kiss. He liked this.
   The elevator ‘dinged’ and the doors flew open but that didn’t stop him from sliding his hands down to my back side and cupping my small firmly. I jumped a little, breaking the kiss. “Y-Yah! What are you doing?”
   He looked down at me and smirked that typically dazzling smirk of his. “You don’t like me touching you?”
   I looked around nervously. That was false. I loved him touching me, despite how angry and hurt I was. “Get me inside your apartment first.” I demanded.
   He forced a smile back, growling at me playfully. “I just want to get inside you.” I squeaked when he grabbed me, holding me against his chest as he pulled me out into the hall. I moaned when he stopped and pushed me against the door, grinding his already bulging crotch against me. I held onto his shoulders, struggling to keep myself quiet since we were still in the hallway outside his door. He unlocked it in a flash, finding the backs of my thighs with his large hands and pulling my legs around his waist.
   “Hyung,” I bit my lip, tightening my arms and legs around him as he carried me through his apartment, directly to his bed. “Hyung, I–”
   “Don’t talk, baby.” He said, kissing my jaw and whispering sweetly into my ear. “I can tell, we both need this.” I gasped when I felt his hand slide under my pants, gripping my full in his warm palm.
   I closed my eyes, holding in a moan. He was right, I did need this. Life, even before the other night, had been stressful and I needed him to relax me the way only he knew how. But . . . was I scared? I didn’t have time to think long, his hand started gliding up and down my length, forcing a quiet moan to escape from the back of my throat.
   My jacket came off, followed by my shirt, my shoes one by one and my pants. I looked down at him, completely except for my boxers, as he sat in between my legs, removing his clothes at an achingly slow speed.
   I whined, he chuckled.
   “I’ve always loved how eager you get,” He gently rubbed the tent in my thin boxers.
   The feeling sent chills through me and I couldn’t help bucking my hips up. “Nng, hyung . . . shut up and me!” I pouted, he was teasing and being mean and it felt so good.
   “As you wish.” He said nonchalantly, before suddenly yanking my boxers off. I moaned as my as finally freed from the cloth, eyeing him darkly. He caressed the side of my hips, gripping me and turning me around onto my stomach quickly.
   I felt his hard brush against my and closed my eyes in anticipation. “Lift your hips up a little, baby.” He spoke softly. Without hesitation, I did what he said; tightening my grip on the bed sheets as he gripped my cheeks and spread me.
   His hard, forceful sent a shocking mix of pain and pleasure through me. I groaned, hiding my face in the pillow as I tried to relax and not clench too much. It didn’t take long for him to move inside me again, he slowly rolled his hips. His moans even more than his hands smoothing over my back and legs as his hips kept moving back and forth against me.
   Suddenly, when he felt I was loose enough, he grabbed my waist and into me fully.
   I cried out, eyes wide as I felt the full intensity of him inside me. His s pinned me to the bed and I pressed my back against him, breathing heavy breaths between each moan that grew louder and louder.
   He felt so good.
   Like he knew each sensitive spot inside me, every smooth part of skin to caress, each place to kiss and bite and that would drive me crazy and keep me sated.
   The fire was burning at full heat again, and each one of his s fueled it.
   I whimpered under my breath, clawing at fabric from somewhere – I didn’t know where – and arched my back as his arm slid around my waist, pulling me back so my was curved up in the air, making it easier for him to pound into me faster. And he did so.
   As his s grew faster, so did my moans.
   His hand found my aching and I shivered, glancing down at his hand as he wrapped his fingers around me. I wanted him to touch me so bad. I wanted to feel that dizzying high I got every time he used his magic and pulled an from me. “Harder!” I heard myself growl between my bitten lip.
   Rain tightened his grip of my and yanked my hips back into a numbingly violent . My whole body shook with the need to release the build up that twisted my stomach into knots and leaked across the head of my .
   All I could do is pant and moan as his harsh ing sent me jolting forward, filling the room with the sounds of his slapping against my and accompanied with his quiet groans and my loud screaming.
   “A-ahh shibal . . . I’m so close.” He hissed, slamming against my spot and me faster.
   I bit down on the pillow, closing my eyes, whimpering at all the abuse to my . I felt that familiar twist in my stomach and bucked my hips back and forth in an endless moan as I finally reached my .
   Neither his hand nor his hips stopped moving as we both reached our together. Waves of pleasure and numbness wrapped in joy shot through me and made me moan: the feel of his hot release inside of me as he reached his hand up and tangled his fingers with mine. The warmth of his breath on my overly sensitive skin every time he exhaled deeply and jerked his hips inside me. The way his open mouthed kisses left wet marks on my skin that cooled in the air, giving me goose bumps. Everything was perfect.
   He pulled his spent out of me and fell down on the bed.
   I reached out to him, lightly trailing my finger through the tiny beads of sweat that glistened across his perfect chest. He caught my hand with a smile, pulling it up to his lips and kissing it.
   “Kim Junsu,” He said after a while, pulling me into his arms. My eyes were closed, but I could hear the soft smile in his voice. “I love you.” He whispered as his lips touched my forehead.
   I love you too . . . I kept my eyes closed, pretending to be asleep so I didn’t have to say it out loud.
 

To be continued . . .