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an update. Yesss.

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Word count : 2777

Why do people fall in love?

Lu Han doesn’t understand the mystery behind the affection that brings two different human beings closer, more closely in a specific way. It may happen spontaneously or it may take time but at the end you are being pulled towards another human. It’s a yet another unsolved mystery that how come two people fall for each other. Sometimes they could be lifelong best friends, just merely acquaintance, or colleagues or enemies. Yes, enemies who hated each other, clawing each other’s tail at any given time but at the end they become bonded by hearts.

It says that you can’t help who you fall for.

Lu Han sighs, realizing how true the statement is.

First he thought it’s simply because he was tired.

And then he thought he’s sick.

He didn’t understand what makes the tingling sensation in his stomach like thousands of tiny butterflies flapping their wings in his stomach when he saw ‘him’ smiling. He didn’t realize why his heart beat goes erratic at times he is merely standing, doing nothing stressful but just talking to ‘him’. He didn’t know why he is so eager to get a glimpse of that certain person whenever possible, peeking behind the pillars running along corridors. Lu Han didn’t think that the warm fuzziness running all over his body is because of the husky voice greeting him. He didn’t understand why he craves for those feathery warm finger tips over his skin.

He didn’t know.

When Lu Han understands what is wrong with him, after he dug his brain for a possible reason, spending sleepless nights, it finally hit him.

Hard.

Because Lu Han is too late.

He has already fallen too hard.

Lu Han isn’t supposed to fall. He doesn’t want to fall. No matter how appealing it seems, falling for someone you can’t reach is lethal. Very lethal.

He doesn’t want to break his heart. He cannot afford to break his heart again. Last time it happened, he barely glued the shattered pieces together and sworn to never fall in love with anyone.

But it just happened.

You can’t help who you fall for.

Lu Han sighs, slumping his shoulders. He feels like suffocating, something clogging his throat.

He leans back on his chair and closes his eyes, swallowing thickly. Something is pricking his heart little by little. He knows it. That how it all starts, just by a slight prick but ends with a deadly stab.

Lu Han rubs his temple. He has tons of things to worry about, his patients, surgeries, paper works, every single thing is piling up in front of his eyes. Dr. Lu Han is a man true to his words. He doesn’t let his personnel matters to mix up with his professional life. When he does a surgery, he is a surgeon from his physical body to his soul. He doesn’t let him to get distracted by even a tiny personnel problem when he has someone’s life in his hands, begging to be saved. He is a professional and his control over that is professionalism.

But now where does he stand? Falling for someone, who is well known to have reached the sky so high, where he can only watch and praise, not to touch?

He wants to cry like a little child who doesn’t know what to do. Sheer disappointment he feels is unbearable because he knows he is trapped, or fallen.

Lu Han is tired more emotionally than physically. Ever since he realized that butterflies, insane heart rhythm and fuzziness are classic symptoms of fall in love, Lu Han is more and more depressed every passing day.

Or should he say one-sided love?

It is obvious that the other person doesn’t see him as anyone else but a pediatrician. He may be a little friendly with Dr. Lu but nothing happened to prove that either of them has reached the line- friends. They are more like co-workers in every aspect. Nothing else.

Nothing else.

Lu Han’s heart aches at the thought.

Yet Lu Han is falling, falling down in to an abyss. His entire being is being swallowed by its darkness.

One can say he is stupid to suffer when he hasn’t confessed his feelings. But Lu Han knows better. There’s nothing to confess.

Because Oh Sehun is the moon so bright that only Lu Han can see and smile but never to reach and touch.

“Hey”

Yixing smiles, flashing his dimple and gives Lu Han a coffee, who seems to be dazed over something he can’t pinpoint. He’s been observing Lu Han for past few days. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Lu Han’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes. It’s not that Lu Han doesn’t cover whatever the thing that troubling him; no Lu Han does a very good job hiding everything with his trademark grin. But Yixing didn’t graduate from Oxford as a psychologist for nothing. He sees things that others do not observe. Yixing does have a feeling that Lu Han is disturbed.

Lu Han returns the smile as ever but it is not the same, Yixing can tell. But he decides brush it off. Yixing settles himself next to Lu Han on the bench.

“Hi”

Lu Han says accepting the coffee with a thank you. He sips the coffee, staring at the outside world.

“Can I say something?”

Yixing says. Lu Han shows him an amused expression but nods anyway. Yixing stares for a few seconds, searching Lu Han’s eyes. Eyes are the doors for the soul. The hazel orbs don’t hide the misery lingering with something else. Is it longing? Yixing thinks. Does Lu Han yearn for ‘someone’?

“You look off.”

Yixing says slowly, still observing the pediatrician’s gestures. Lu Han tenses for a second, his hands go still, eyes flashing alarm. He lets out a nervous laugh.

“Yeah, tired”

Lu Han decides. It’s not that he doesn’t trust Yixing, he does. Yixing will be the first to know Lu Han’s troubles mostly though Lu Han and troubles don’t get in the same sentence that often, rare cases. Yixing is a good friend, a close friend. He likes Yixing as a person. Yixing is kind hearted and nice, doesn’t judge people at all. Lu Han can say Yixing is a total sweet heart. He sighs thinking, why didn’t he fall for Yixing instead because Yixing was always there for years now but Lu Han knows better. Yixing is more like a brother to him.

But he is not just ready to spill the beans, not yet. Yixing hums, sipping his coffee.

“That’s a first.”

He says, watching a bird circling in the far away sky. An eagle- Yixing assumes.

“What?”

Lu Han his head to a side, not understanding what Yixing said. Yixing averts his glance back to Lu Han.

“We’ve been friends for years Lu and you have never said that you are tired ever before.”

He softly says. His glance is soft as always being the brother Lu Han has ever asked for. Lu Han bites his lower lip, avoiding Yixing’s eyes. He just doesn’t know how to let it out. Lu Han looks at Yixing, feeling his hand drawing soothing circles on his smaller back.

“It’s just- I just……”

He trails off unable to say a proper sentence. Lu Han doesn’t want to lie, he can’t lie. He heaves a heavy sigh.

“Occupational hazard”

Lu Han chuckles bitterly. Yixing doesn’t say anything but he simply continues rubbing Lu Han’