Word count 2250

A rather short update, if you will :)

For the belief he once had that tears are for the irredeemable fragile souls, Sehun chuckles bitterly, a glittering wetness gathering in his hollow browns. Mid night black cloaks of grief and ambiguity plague his trembling mind, shattering his very existence, baring the raw truth about his destiny of being a fugitive from his own bigotry that once ignored the sentiment which defines the contours of “human”.  

The days fade away before his eyes, time hiding behind the mundane way of the world revolves, his hope yet to be gone in the darkness.

Sehun curls his fingers, holding the smaller, limp hand, securing his hold around the thin wrist. It’s pale and cold but pulse under his gloved finger tip reassures him of the wisp of life that lingers within the man he loves. Sehun certainly sees the flashing digital screens and blaring beeps of the machines surrounding the delicate life but nothing however other than his fingers on scarcely thumping pulse or unhurried yet sturdy heartbeats that the rising and falling chest silently says about, pledge him that his spark of hope can still be flamed.

The pediatrician has faced a serious injury, his brain is considerably damaged. They had to put Luhan in a medically induced coma due to the nature of his injury. The laceration was critical which led to swelling of the brain which is why now the doctor is in a deep sleep. True that he does show some positive signs, smaller responses for certain stimuli as well as his GCS progressing a little. Even that is the case, there’s no telling that he will wake up the moment they stop administering sedatives. There’s a possibility the trauma itself may trap Luhan in the coma for long.

Sehun, for the first time in his life, wishes that if it could be that simple as they show in dramas, a patient waking up after a severe head injury, speaking and moving as if he just woke up from a good night sleep, only to forget his lover. Sehun chuckles mirthless and sour, thinking how complicated the reality is. In reality Luhan is there, as if he is in a deep sleep yes, but if he wakes up, that is not going to be a fairy tale.

When he wakes up not if, Sehun corrects his thoughts. Luhan is going to wake up, he is certain of that. It will be a long journey to guide him back to where he was before the injury, and the possibility of Luhan for not being a surgeon again is very high too but wherever it is, Sehun is willing to glue the pieces back in Luhan’s life. Though he knows that Luhan may suffer from retrograde amnesia as it is the most common case involving brain traumas, or though it sounds cliché and unrealistic, Luhan can still forget a large portion from his life long memories which risks Luhan never knowing Sehun. It saddens Sehun that though the human brain is amazing and fascinating, humans themselves do not comprehend the mechanisms the brain employs in order to fulfill all the functions it is assigned to. And no one has a clear explanation of the origin of love except for the hypothesis about the involvement of brain chemicals on generating emotions and how these alterations of the concentrations significantly exert impact on the mentality of a person. It complicates further that how love for someone disappears when memory is wiped out about that particular person proving that memory holds a very momentous role for ones emotions. It’s certainly a topic where still has no one gone into depths. Sehun sighs deeply, his brows furrowing for his train of thoughts. There’s no point of worrying himself with endless possibilities of what ifs and contrary to the animosity he projects towards the entire situation, Sehun knows that all he can do is to wait until Luhan comes around.

The clock on the wall silently tells Sehun that he has to leave. He may be drowned in a searing pain or utterly lost in a heart wrenching anguish but his conscience strongly stands up, not allowing him to disregard his duties as a doctor. He might have broken down but that doesn’t give him the liberty to crush the others’ only chance at any cost. He has patients to attend, ill people who are on the edge of death or heading towards, waiting for that golden day where his hands save them. Sehun cannot ignore that, his duty and his conscience, not when nothing, even perils of losing this one person he dearly loves, should stop him from saving a life.

He knows Lu Han wouldn’t want that. He wouldn’t need Sehun’s sole purpose as a doctor to be forgotten. He wouldn’t want Sehun to turn a blind eye to the lives he could save.

Sehun squeezes the slender lifeless fingers, a small smile forced into his chapped lips. He stands up and bends.

“Wake up soon Han. I am waiting.”

He whispers before his lips meet the soft cheek for a chaste kiss.

Weary to the bone from the exhaustion he felt, feeling the gloomy clouds looming around him again, after a long day filled with scheduled and emergency surgeries, Sehun lets his feet to lead him to the only place his heart allows these days to be. He knows he needs a proper rest, maybe tonight he will, but he does need to see from his own eyes that Luhan is still there, breathing and alive.

Alive.

He does not