[“I beg my heart not to care, 
I beg it to stay together 
and not rust itself with my tears. 
I beg it to force the pieces together 
and duct tape it together. 
I beg, and yet I never receive indifference. 
I'm destined to always care. 
A curse and a blessing.”

These walls were too thin, he thought as he tried to make himself comfortable on the bed for the umpteenth time of the night. It was late but he had already given up in trying to sleep for the day; closing his eyes wasn’t helping him anymore, and instead of counting sheep he was thinking of a way to stop his mind from thinking.

His mind always thought too ing much.

He sighed and looked into the darkness. It didn’t matter anymore what time it was anymore. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter.

He always seemed to feel this way.

His eyes weren’t closed anymore because he didn’t even try anymore. He remembered how afraid he used to be of the dark but didn’t remember when he got used to it; even in the daylight he seemed to be trapped on it, stuck in the shadows, hidden behind everyone else.

Everyone was scared of the dark as well.

He didn’t remember when he became the darkness.

Life wasn’t what they told him when he was little; it was too ing confusing and too ing difficult for him. These years hadn’t been his years of joy and bliss, these years had been a nightmare.

A nightmare of one year and counting.

He wasn’t weak, though. He wasn’t. At least that was what he wanted everyone to think. He wasn’t weak and he could prove it with his reckless attitude.

Sneaking out of bed at 2:00 a.m. had never felt so boring.

He wasn’t weak.

He wasn’t weak.

“Are you awake?” A knock on his door and a subtle I care.

Silence.

He wasn’t weak.

That’s why he broke down on his bed, not too loudly though, choking his cries with his pillow.

He didn’t want anyone to hear he was human.

What... is... this... omg

all I know is that this is totally unedited and it is 3;27 am right now so i am sorry

anyways… this is inspired from a livejournal entry of my bby pete wentz, :-) 

ily thanks for commenting and subscribing!!