"Nothing on earth can make up for the loss
of one who has loved you" 

The cold sweat...the blood...everything that happened on that night three years ago I will never ever forget. Even now because of what happened, I had an intense fear of blood, and watching my little girl suffer was enough to send my heart into an attack mode. I had made myself believe, decided on my own that never again would I love. Never again would I put myself through such suffering.

Every night for the last three years, at exactly midnight when the horror scene occurred, the same tears would break from their binding and fall down my cheeks. My heart would pound, it felt like it was attacking my body, sometimes I would even shake. Never again...

Never again...

The morning dawned like any other day...the same painful, old morning...the one in which I wake up and hope that he would still be there sitting beside me....laying there saying good morning, smiling, bragging about a new drama...talking about his buddies...but no, tht life wasn't meant to be...

I felt a push on my shoulder, my eyes slowly opened. "Oh...Hiroshima..." The little girl looked at me with her big eyes. "What's wrong?"

She pointed towards the door. "Hiro..."

"Is Hiro crying again?"

She nodded her head. "Cry..."

I sighed. Because of our small income, we couldn't afford a huge apartement...my two year old daughter had to share a room with her brother Hiro..who wasn't even six months yet.

At a time like this, I would have hoped Matsumoto...in fact I imagined that he'd always get up and say "I'll handle him, go back to sleep." Every time little Hiro started crying...I would think of Matsumoto.

You'd see me as obessessive..annoying...at the time I met Matsumoto, I was an fragile, bullied, and alone. My best friend was even using me to get what she wanted..a closer relationship with Matsumoto. For a girl who had help froma  guy who glued all the pieces back together...and became her whole life because before, she had no life to begin with...what else would you expect.

Over time, it's healed a little. My kids distract me, and I find that my love for them grows a lot. Before Hiro, Hiroshima and I were happy, but when I found Hiro abandoned on my doorstep, our lives got even better. When Hiro plays on the floor, Hiroshima plays with him. When Hiro eats, Hiroshima helps me feed him. When Hiro has his diaper changed....Hiroshima stays FAR away.

"Okay." I got out of bed and stretched. "Then little Hiroshima." I picked her up and placed her on my bed. "Will wait on mommies bed." Little Hiroshima pulled the covers over herself...and I started towards Hiro who was crying, a lot louder than I had thought. After giving him a hug, he fell asleep again and I put him back in his crib to sleep for awhile longer, because we'd be out for this weekend.

"Mommy..." I turned my head around. "Mommy..."

Hiroshima had followed me, she was standing in the doorway rubbing her little eyes. I walked over towards her and leaned down. "What is it?"

She pointed towards the doorway. "You have to speak I can't understand you if you just point."

"grandma..." She wrapped her arms around me. "...grandpa..."

I sighed, she wanted to meet Grandpa and Grandma. "You'll meet them today." With her arms around my shoulders, I picked her up and walked over towards my bed. "That's why we're visiting Tokyo. To meet grandma and grandpa."

"Mommy..." She looked up at me again. This is when my heart wanted to fall a part. She looked just like....Matsumoto....hiro...she looked like him. I tried to hold my tears in, crying in front of a child meant I was weak...I couldn't. "....daddy."

My eyes widened. "Eh?"

"Daddy..." I knew what that meant...it wasn't unusual for a mother to understand what her child means even with a word. I knew that Hiroshima wanted to meet her daddy, but it was impossible. I hugged her closely to me...and the tears started to fall.

______________________________________________________________________________________________

The train ride was almost over, Ididn't know the time or date..becaue it just seemed to stop. In my arms was Hiro, on his souther and playing with a small toy I had given him. Hiroshima was leaning against me from the next seat, fast asleep. I smiled softly, my children were adorable.

"Excuse me." I looked up to see an elderly lady. "Your children are very adorable."

I smiled. "Arigato."

The lady seated herself across from me. "May I?"

"Uh..sure." I gently placed Hiro in her lap. The lady started to admire the little boy. "Wow...he is very cute and not too heavy. A good baby."

"Yeah..."

"What's his name?"

I smiled. "His name is Hiro. My little girl here...her name is Hiroshima."

"Very good names." The lady patted the little boy on the head. "If you don't mind me asking...where is their father?"

The topic I didn't like talking about...however whenever someone asked me, I never kept quiet. I always spoke freely, because if I learned one thing from Matsumoto while he was alive, it was that you shoulder never keep anything deep in your heart. "He was murdered three years ago..."

"Oh...I'm sorry.."

"It's okay." I put my arm around Hiroshima. "Hiroshima is his child, but Hiro was left on our doorstep around six months ago as a newborn."

The lady cuddled Hiro in her lady. "You've done good raising them..."

"Arigato." I smiled.

"Can I ask...what was their father's name?"

"You won't believe me if I tell you..."

"Anything in this world is possible." She looked at me. "What was his name?"

I laughed slightly. "Matsumoto, Jun." I took a couple pictures out of my purse, I kept them with me at all times. "It sounds crazy. Here are some pictures..."

The elderly lady took them and smiled. But then her smile faded, she quickly looked at me. "Wait...is your name Ayuzumi Aiya?"

My eyes widened. "Eh...? How'd you know my name?"

"You're..." She stared at me for a couple seconds...the a smile, brighter than the sun appeared. "I'm so happy to see you!"

"EH?"

"It's been a long time!" She grabbed my hand with one on of hers. "How have you been?"

"Uh...do I know you?"

"You mean..you don't remember? Jun was my grandson."

My eyes widened again. I scanned her from head to toe, I didn't recognize her at all...then it hit me. Matsumoto had said that he had a grandmother he had never spoken to before on his mother's side...she was also the first lady of the family I had ever talked to...now I remembered. "Yeah! At the supermarket...the salon...train station...you were Matsumoto's grandmother on his mother's side."

"Yeah." His grandmother looked down at Hiro. "And this is my great-grandchild."

I looked down at Hiroshima. "Yeah, they are."

The elderly lady took a toy from the bag at my feet and started to play with Hiro. "You're a good boy."

"Yeah they are." Hiroshima by name was rubbing her eyes and waking up from her nap. I smiled. "Jun...wanted to name his children Hiroshima  and Hiro depending on what we had. If we had twins, it would have worked out too..."

Matsumoto's grandmother smiled. "Yeah...I too know of that. But what business do you have...where are you going?"

"I recieved a letter from Matsumoto's mother...she wants us to visit. Because I left so abruptly after Jun's death...she never got to me Hiroshima. I agreed to visit for the weekend."

"You...?" The ladies face went pale. "Ayuzumi...Matsumoto's mother wants you to go...over there?"

I nodded my head. "Yeah. Why? Is something wrong?"

After a couple moments of silence, the elderly lady just shook her head. "No. Even if I say anything, you'll find out...But it will prove to be a shock..."

Authors Note: YEAH! Two chapters! :) Yup, in my dream there were two kids...except in my dream their names were Jinny and Jin...I like Hiro and Hiroshima better! Look forward to chapter two! :)