Hyukjae wakes up startled and dizzy, his phone ringing loudly on the night stand. He had been in a deep sleep, having one of those dreams you can’t tell from reality. He takes deep breaths, staring at the ceiling and waiting for his heart to return to its normal rhythm. The phone still buzzes and wails and Hyukjae contemplates smashing it against the wall. He sighs, rolling on a side to answer the call, a string of profanities on the tip of his tongue.

“What the did I tell you about calling this early?” he groans, his words coming out far too mumbled and soft compared to his rage.

“… but it’s half past nine,” Seokjin whines from the other line. Hyukjae hates when his best friend does that: whenever he’s getting scolded, his voice becomes a mix of guilt, defensiveness, and desire to counter; it sounds like a kicked puppy. Hyukjae can’t stand it, because on one hand he’s damn pissed, but on the other the grimace on Seokjin’s face and his whimpering voice pull at his heart strings.

Hyukjae lets out a heavy sigh, regretting he forgot to set his phone on silent last night. “What do you want?”

“I just wanted to remind you that my brother’s wedding is today. You’re still coming, right?”

“Of course.”

As Seokjin’s best friend since elementary school, Hyukjae has gotten close to his family over the years. They’re like his second family now. It would be rude of him not to attend Youngwoon’s wedding.

“Awesome!” Seokjin cheers. “We’ll pick you up later then.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Good! Go back to sleep!”

Hyukjae barely supresses a “ you” before hanging up, aware that he won’t be able to fall asleep again.

Such a nice dream I was having too.

He dreamt he was at some kind of family gathering, but it wasn’t his family, and he met a really handsome guy. They clicked right away. The guy was cuddly, not shy to show affection and they hugged a lot through the event, even though they were surrounded by people. Hyukjae happens to love skinship. He feels like crying after the guy now. Too bad it was only a dream—

“Holy ! Oh, no! I’m screwed!”

Hyukjae jumps out of bed, throwing pillows and sheets to the floor in his craze. He starts pacing around the room, hands rubbing all over his face.

He wishes he never dreamt anything. Because Hyukjae’s dreams always come true.

~*~

Whatever Hyukjae dreams comes true the next day. It has been happening ever since Hyukjae can remember, without fail.

At first, when he was just a kid, it was only small details: the clothes he was going to wear, the exact words someone would say, seeing strangers in certain places. He never paid any heed to them until he was thirteen; he was too little to understand it was out of the ordinary.

As he got older, his dreams got more specific, more concrete – and more real. They were no longer mere fantasies; they felt more like flashbacks from the future. He dreamt actual, possible events and they would always became real sometime during the following day: he dreamt he lost his keys, the next day he waited an hour in front of the house, locked on the outside; he dreamt he had a pet, the next day his sister came home with a puppy; he dreamt he was eating ice-cream, next day Seokjin asked him to go out for ice-cream; he dreamt his parents were fighting and walking away from each other, the next day they announced their divorce – and many other things he forgot with the passing of time.

No one believed him. Not surprising if you think about it, but it still hurt Hyukjae to know his family thought he was only making everything up. His sister believed him after Hyukjae told her one morning that his boyfriend was going to break up with her; she came home that evening crying her heart out. His father believed him on his first day at the new job, after Hyukjae described his boss with unbelievable accuracy; Hyukjae also warned his father to be careful with the coffee, but his father still spilled it on the boss’s suit. His mother believed him after he told her she was going to get fired; he found her that afternoon looking for new jobs in the newspaper.

Strangely enough, Seokjin believed him without the need of proof. He had been excited to have a clairvoyant best friend, claiming that their lives would be easier if they knew what was going to happen from before. Hyukjae would have agreed if the dreams took more time to happen.

It was when Hyukjae was sixteen that he realized how terrifying and cruel this ability to predict the future is: he woke up at four in the morning, shaking all over and sweating a waterfall after he had dreamt one of his uncles getting in a serious car accident. He woke up his parents and begged them to warn his uncle, his father’s younger brother. His father called the man and explained everything. After a lot of coaxing and Hyukjae crying like a baby, uncle Seonwoong agreed not to leave the house for the day. Hyukjae went back to sleep with a lighter heart, but the uneasy feeling stayed with him. Later that day, Hyukjae’s father received a call: uncle Seonwoong was in the hospital, his injuries pretty bad; he had tripped and fallen down the entire staircase from the first floor, in his own house.

Hyukjae realized that even though he can predict the future, he can’t change it; and it scarred him for life. He had tried since then to change the course of his dreams, but try as he might, what he dreamt still happened – under different circumstances, but it did happen.

Hyukjae has been hating his clairvoyant ability ever since. He feels as if his hands are tied or he’s trapped in a box, with no control what so ever over his own life – let alone other people’s lives. He now understands there is indeed someone or something out there that holds the map of everyone’s life, fortuna labilis and liberum arbitrium be damned.

He can only be thankful that he doesn’t remember half of the things he dreams.

~*~

“So you dreamt you’re going to meet a possible future boyfriend at Youngwoon’s wedding,” Seokjin says, styling his hair. “That’s good right?”

“No! It’s terrible!” Hyukjae wails, rolling around in his best friend’s bed.

“What’s the big deal? You’re twenty-one, it’s about time you get in a relationship— stop that, you’re messing up your suit!”

Hyukjae stops, but buries his head under a pillow.

“When I get a lover I want it to be someone I choose, not someone assigned to me by faith, or destiny, or God,” he mumbles, feeling the bitterness of his words on his tongue. “There are so many awesome people out there. Why do I have to accept this one just because that’s what an omnipotent being decided?”

Seokjin sighs and Hyukjae doesn’t have to see to know his friend is looking at him with eyes full of pity from the mirror’s reflection. “What are you going to do then?”

“I’ll stay away. I’ll avoid the guy. I’ll run away from him.”

“But you can’t hide,” his friend says, suddenly turning deep. “You know this better than anyone: if that’s the faith, it will happen.”

“Then I’ll jump from a balcony! Will wings come out of my back just because it’s not my time to die?!”

A very painful slap on his back makes him turn around, pillow forgotten.

“Don’t ever joke about that again!” Seokjin yells, hitting him again. His concerned expression makes Hyukjae regret his words.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, feeling drained. “This whole seeing the future thing gets overwhelming. I keep telling myself that I’ll get used to it, but I never do. It never gets easier. I go to sleep every night praying that I won’t dream someone dying, that I won’t wake up next day knowing there’s nothing I can do to save them … knowing they’re going to die, but having to act normal around them, because they don’t know.”

Seokjin doesn’t say anything. He lies next to Hyukjae, hugging him tightly and Hyukjae lets go of the tears he was struggling to hold back. He’s glad Seokjin is not saying anything about the suits now, because Hyukjae is sure he left some snot on them both.

~*~

Short, slim, dark brown hair; small, double-lidded eyes, a cute nose and thin lips – that’s what Hyukjae must watch out for. He’s so stressed about meeting the guy he was snogging with in his dream that he forgot to actually enjoy the wedding. He’s glad he could pay attention to the ceremony instead of craning his head around the room.

“Any sign of him?” Seokjin asks. His eyes are squinted as he scans the room. Hyukjae does not know why he does that (he didn’t tell him how the guy looks), but he appreciates the thought.

“No. I can’t see in the far back though.”

“Oh, well.” Seokjin shrugs and gets up from the table. “I have to go around the tables, keep the relatives entertained. Good luck with your … whatever.”

Hyukjae scoffs, grabbing his glass and emptying it. Too bad he doesn’t drink alcohol; he wouldn’t mind being drunk right now.

He watches the people move around and about, paying extra attention to the young men.

Two girls occupy the seats in front of him, not shy to show their interest. Hyukjae is tempted to flirt with them only to defy his dream.

Get a hold of yourself. You don’t even like girls.

But then he spots a familiar figure coming towards his table, a dreamy smile on his face.

Holy mother of—

Without thinking, he lightly touches one of the girl’s hands and smiles charmingly at her. The girl giggles, but Hyukjae ignores her. He sighs with relief when he sees the guy walking away in the opposite direction. He excuses himself and leaves to find Seokjin.

Hyukjae finds his best friend chatting with some elderly women. He discreetly pats his shoulder and nods with his head towards the hallway. Seokjin seems eager to follow him out.

“Dude, you saved me!” his friend says as they enter the hallway. “I’m pretty sure they were making ual innuendos. Ugh—“

“I saw him!” Hyukjae shrieks.

Seokjin widens his eyes, his hands flying to grip Hyukjae’s shoulders. “Is he hot?”

Hyukjae blinks at him for a good minute before snapping. “What is wrong with you?! That’s not the problem!”

“Fine, sorry.” Seokjin rolls his eyes, letting go of his shoulders. “But was he?”

“… damn gorgeous,” Hyukjae mutters.

Seokjin squeals and claps his hands. His excitement makes Hyukjae sick.

“What are you waiting for then? Go find him!”

“I told you I refuse to—“

The door opens, two women probably in their fifties coming in. Seokjin nods at them with a polite smile before returning to Hyukjae.

“Don’t mind them, they’re—“

“Deaf?”

His best friend freezes, mouth open. “I dreamt them.” Hyukjae waves a hand. “As I was saying …”

“Hyukjae, stop!” Seokjin says, all traces of joking gone from his face and voice. “I know what you were going to say and I still think you’re overreacting. We both know running away is useless so just go out there and get laid.” He pushes Hyukjae back in the room before Hyukjae can protest. As he stumbles out the door, he collides with the person he last wanted to see.

Damn, he’s even more gorgeous up close!

“Donghae!” Seokjin exclaims from behind him. Hyukjae’s knees go weak, barely holding him up. He swallows and watches with mortified eyes as his best friend interacts with his beautiful nightmare. “Where are you going? You’re not leaving, are you?”

“Oh, no,” Donghae says, a friendly smile on his face. Hyukjae melts a little at the sound of his voice. “I’m just going to the restroom.”

“Go ahead, it’s right around the corner. Come find us later, okay?”

Donghae beams, pleased by the invitation. His eyes linger on Hyukjae before the three of them part ways and Hyukjae, for the first time in his life, wishes he left a bad impression.

“That’s Donghae,” Seokjin says as they walk back to their table. “He’s the bride’s second cousin or something, not sure … too many relatives. Anyway, he seems cool and he was staying all alone, so I befriended him. I think you two will get along—“

“Seokjin!” Hyukjae snaps, his shriek turning heads. “That’s the guy!”

“What?!” Seokjin stops in the middle of the room, eyes wide and jaw even wider. He recovers quicker than Hyukjae and he’s clearly more laid back about the revelation. “Well, that saves us some drama. If I knew he’s the one, I would’ve brought him to our table from the start.”

Hyukjae runs his hands through his hair, gripping it for a moment. “This is unbelievable.”

“This is fate,” Seokjin corrects, an amused grin on his face. Hyukjae kind of wants to punch him. “Relax, Hyukjae. Why don’t you go dance, hm? It will make you feel better.”

“I guess.” Seokjin pats his shoulder and walks away.

Hyukjae makes his way towards the dance floor, eyes darting all around in search for Donghae. He keeps doing that even when he starts dancing, only for a little while though. As soon as the beat takes over his body, he forgets everything about dreams and fate, and Donghae. He doesn’t refuse when girls approach him and he even asks to dance two or three himself. He’s having a good time, so much that he doesn’t notice his surroundings. He takes a step behind, his back colliding with someone else. He turns to apologize, but freezes when he sees who it is.

“Sorry,” Donghae says. “I wasn’t looking around.”

Before he can reply, or at least try to, Hyukjae is pulled back by the girl with whom he’s currently dancing. He turns his head, but Donghae is no longer there. If he expected to feel relieved, he’s surprised to find he’s not; he feels disappointed.

~*~

Hyukjae drops his on a stool at the bar, panting and flushed. He had been dancing for an hour without rest and he feels like his legs might give out under him any second.

“Can I get you something?” the bartender asks.

“Just water please.”

He drinks the glass in one go (again wishing it was alcohol instead of water) and the bartender is kind enough to refill it. After he’s done with the second as well, Hyukjae turns towards the room, leaning his back against the counter. The dance floor is still on fire, only the elderly occupying the tables. This scene is nothing like his dream, he muses to himself. Too bad the plot is still the same.

While they were dancing, Hyukjae and Donghae managed to bump into each other a total of eight times. Yes, Hyukjae did count. If Donghae didn’t look as surprised as Hyukjae every time it happened, Hyukjae would suspect the other was doing it on purpose.

Hyukjae huffs, the air in the room too suffocating. He discarded both the suit’s jacket and vest and he even rolled up the shirt’s sleeves, but he still feels like trapped in an oven. Getting up, he looks for Seokjin in the crowd. When their eyes meet, Hyukjae points outside. Seokjin nods and gives him a thumbs up.

Hyukjae steps outside from the back door, inhaling the fresh air greedily. He already feels better. There’s a small garden at the back of the restaurant, flowers of different colours everywhere you look. Their scent mix with the night air, making the city’s polluted smell dissipate around these grounds. Hyukjae follows the stony path in front of him. It’s not long, only one bench on either side of it, but it turns left, where another single bench is, providing privacy. He drops his body on it, resting his head back and closing his eyes. The cold wood relaxes him, even though it’s not exactly comfortable.

He’s been seating there for ten minutes, when the sound of footsteps disturbs his peace. The footsteps come closer and closer, then stop. Hyukjae opens his eyes to find Donghae standing in front of him. He looks hesitant, biting his lip and looking around, as if not sure if he should stay or go.

Cute, Hyukjae thinks.

Oh, wait … I was supposed to ignore him.

“Sorry,” Donghae stammers, rubbing his nape. “I didn’t know someone was already here.”

But you can’t hide. Seokjin’s words replay in Hyukjae’s mind, taunting him. He imagines someone up there, beneath the clouds and stars, mocking him, smirking in victory at him; saying “You’re a mere human, Hyukjae. Only I get to play with life.” Hyukjae wants to get up, climb the bench even only to be closer to the sky, and yell “No, you don’t control me! I’m not a puppet!” But he knows it’s useless. He’s fighting a losing battle.

Donghae looks all kinds of awkward, moving his weight from one foot on the door and looking down. “I guess I’ll go …”

“You can join me if you want,” Hyukjae says, hoping it’s dark enough to hide his blush. He’s tired of running; and Donghae might be the most beautiful guy he’s ever seen.

Donghae’s eyes shine like two stars as he makes his way towards the bench. He sits close to Hyukjae, who forces himself to look away from the other’s glowing expression. He remembers Donghae coming towards his table earlier and almost cries when he realizes they could be making out right now if Hyukjae didn’t flirt with that girl.

my life.

Donghae chuckles next to him and Hyukjae turns at him with raised eyebrows, waiting for an explanation.

“It’s funny,” Donghae says, “how we keep bumping into each other tonight. Especially since I’ve been trying to talk to you all night, but didn’t know how to approach you.”

Hyukjae laughs along with him, more at himself than because of the circumstances. He’s been a fool to crush Donghae’s hopes earlier. It’s okay, though; he’ll make up for it.

“Maybe it’s faith.”

“Do you think so?” Donghae gazes at him in wonder. Hyukjae’s heart misses a few beats.

“I know so.”

But you can’t hide. Hyukjae doesn’t want to anymore.