Rule #35: You need to know your limits and when to just walk away with unanswered questions

Mark closed his eyes and leaned back on his chair as he tried to clear his mind.

It was hard to pay attention to anything before his mind would be invaded with thoughts of Saera.

It was like she was everywhere and when he looked over at the chair that she'd always occupy, she would be nowhere.

She was infectious.

And he didn't know if it was a good or bad thing.  

"Here." Jackson said as he tossed something on Mark's desk.

Mark looked at the plastic container before frowning and cracking it open, "What is it?"

"Saera made cornbread this morning and there was extra."  He replied while taking off his jacket.

Mark's face stiffened before he closed the container and nudged it aside, "I don't want it."

"Look, you can hate her all you want, but you have to admit that the girl can make some mean cornbread. If she keeps staying with me, I'm going to start gaining some pounds." Jackson said while plopping down in his seat.

Mark couldn't help but feel weird about having to hear another man talk about her like that, even if they were only friends. It seemed so intimate.

It made him want to pout and say that she was only allowed to bake for her customers…and him.

It infuriated him how she used him, betrayed him, lied to him and he was the one who was missing her amidst all the anger he felt towards her.

Mark closed his eyes, "I don't hate her. I'm just…angry. Pissed off. I don't want to see her or talk about her, but I don't think I could hate her."

"Sure." Jackson snorted, wanting to egg him on.

Mark glared at his partner, "Did she tell you the truth or did she just lie her way out of it? You'd be surprised at how good she is at twisting the truth to her favour."

"Harsh. Chill. She told me enough but I'm sure it's not all of it." Jackson said defensively.

Mark balked at him, "And you're totally fine? You're just munching on ing cornbread like there isn't a problem in the world?"

"Yeah, because I'm not the one in love with her."

Mark took in a sharp breath and stilled, "I…I'm not either."

"Pfft, at least try to lie better." Jackson chuckled

Mark scowled and rubbed his eyes before glaring at his computer. Jackson scanned his face before his eyes widened.

"Ho-Holy . Did you…did you two have ? You slept with her?"

Mark closed his eyes, trying to ignore the pang in his chest as memories of his night with Saera flashed through his mind. A shiver ran through his body when he could smell her scent still clinging to his skin.

"Jackson, stop. It's none of y our damn business." He grumbled.

Jackson whistled while propping his feet up on the table, "How was the ?"

Mark grit his teeth. "I swear to god I'm going to slit your throat."

"What? It's a legitimate question. I didn't even know you were that into her. I knew you liked her, but I thought you had a system where you date the girl for a few months before you stick it in her." He sang.

"Fine! Okay. It was the best I had in a really long time. Happy?" He exploded before looking around and noticing some other officers staring him while snickering.

He scrunched his face up and slid down his chair in embarrassment.  

"Why?" Jackson asked curiously.

Mark made a face at him, "What the kind of question is that, you ?."

"No. I'm being serious. Answer why." Jackson provoked.

Mark smacked his lips, "Get the out of here, dude. I'm not in the mood."

Jackson started humming innocently while spinning around in his chair. Mark's eye kept twitching in annoyance before he finally let out a breath.

"Fine! It's because I…. It's because I love her and it just feels better when you love the person. And she's…she's Saera."

"Mark. I'm gonna have a Dr. Phil moment for a second. Did you notice how you say that you 'love' her and not 'loved'? You used present tense for a reason." Jackson said with a wag of his finger.

Mark made a face, "You're an idiot."

Suddenly the Chief walked past them with a small army of officers. Mark's face darkened when they all filed into his office.

"God I hate them." Mark mumbled.

Jackson sighed, "All that matters is that they get the job done. There's nothing else we can do about it. That's why we're here, right? To do the job, not for the praise."

Mark grunted in dissatisfaction before standing up, "I'm getting coffee. Want some?"

Jackson smiled knowingly, "I'll pass."

He watched Mark sulk grumpily into the kitchen,  before something caught his attention. His eyes widened and small smile grew up his lips.

More like someone.

Atta girl.

-----

Mark winced when he walked into the break room and was surrounded by other detectives talking loudly as they mingled on their break.

It was like he was in a state of perpetual hangover.  

Blood was always pounding in his ears and his head was spinning painfully fast to the point where he was ready to throw up at any time.

When his mother told him that the difference between Saera and his ex-girlfriends was the fact that he was in love with her , she never mentioned that the heartbreak would hurt so much more than with the other girls.

He grabbed the coffee maker and filled up half his cup before opening the fridge to pull out the carton of milk.

It was so much easier when she just brought him coffee because she knew how he liked it.

He bent down and stuck his head inside the fridge, looking for the milk when he heard the sound of clicking heels approach the break room.

"Everyone get out."

Mark stiffened at the familiar voice. His heart squeezed as he slowly straightened up and closed the fridge door without turning around.

"I said everyone get out."

Mark closed his eyes as he faced the fridge. He didn't even have to see her face, her voice was enough to do wonders to him.

"Who the hell are you?" An officer asked.

Mark slowly turned around to see Saera standing by the doorway.

She looked like the first day he ever met her.

Her eyes were thickly lined, her hair was pulled up in a tight ponytail, her fingers were covered in rings and she was dressed in all black with the colourful scarf draped around her neck.

Mark remained emotionless as he crossed his arms and leaned against the small fridge, watching like it was all a tv show.

She scoffed before she picked up a glass and slammed it on the floor, making everyone jump. "Get out before I put a curse on this whole goddamn precinct and if I do, I'll warn you now you better not leave this building without a vest."

The officers tried to brush her threat off with a nervous, disbelieving laugh, but they still all swarmed around her, trying to escape the break room as fast as possible.

Everyone except Mark, who just stayed rooted to his spot, watching her with diligent eyes, as if he was waiting for her to attack.

"That's one way to clear a room." He deadpanned.

Saera tilted her head up, "You stuck around."

"I told that you're not needed here." He said with a  brisk voice.

Saera flipped her ponytail, "I'm not here to give my services. Your accounting department called me in give me my cheque."

"You haven't changed at all, have you?" He said with a cold smile.

Saera gave him a look, "You don't honestly expect me to return the money, do you? I mean, I would've returned it if I spent all my time with the precinct just ing around, but I actually helped with your case. I actually made a difference and even if we're not on the case anymore, at least your Chief knows who to look into thanks to me."

"Don't come into my precinct and try to pick a fight with me. I'm not in the mood." He said tiredly.

Saera looked helpless, "I'm not trying to pick a fight with you either, but I deserve to live my life without being judged for trying to survive."

"I'm not judging you." He said in exasperation, "I get it, okay. Your life was never easy. You had to fight for everything you got and you're willing to do anything to stay afloat, but that doesn't changed the fact that you used me. That doesn't mean that I'm supposed to be okay with you treating me like a pawn."

"A lot changed after I started consulting here." She whispered, finally showing a shred of vulnerability, "I stopped taking clients. I stopped conning other people."

"Except me." He said with a dry laugh.

"I never wanted us to end up like this." She breathed out.

He looked her dead in the eye and searched her face, "Saera, what happened?"

She looked away with a shrug, "The same thing that always happens. You didn't know me, then you fell in love with me and now you know me."

"Looking back, I think I always knew you." He said while staring at his feet.

The two of them shared a strained silence before Saera looked at the shards of glass, "I'll get a broom."

"Leave it." Mark said before walking passed her to the door. "It's broken anyways, no point in trying to clean it up now."

"We are still talking about the glass, right?" She mumbled while nudging the big pieces aside.

He gave her a long look, "I don't know. Are we that broken?"

Mark turned away before walking out of the room, leaving a cold cup of coffee behind.

-----

"Where are you going?" Jackson asked when Mark came back to his desk and grabbed his jacket.

He sighed and picked up his keys and wallet, "To Saera's old apartment. She's been hiding Cham Ji's bag in her safe and I'm going to get it."

"Do I need to remind you that we're not on the case anym