Rule #30: When you hit a brick wall, take a moment to step back to see the bigger picture

The whole ride back to Mark's place was filled with silence.

After the Chief had left, Mark kicked a garbage can straight across the precinct, before storming off. He still waited outside his car until she came after him before he drove them both away.

Her whole body was frigid but her eyes were only on him. For the first time since she met him, he didn't bring any files home with him.

He pulled up to the garage and shut the car off before he let his hands drop on his lap in silence. He made no attempt to move and just stayed completely still, blankly staring out the window.

"Mar--"

"What did he say to you?" He said quietly.

Saera's eyes grew wide, "What?"

"What did Sang Min say to you when he talked to you?" He repeated. "He asked to speak to you specifically."

Saera looked forward and let her eyes wander along the parking lot before her shoulders sagged, "He was just…taunting me."

"Why did you slap him, then? What did he say to make you want to hit him?" His voice stayed quiet and steady that it scared her.

She closed her eyes, "It was a lot of things. A lot of things that just built up and made me snap. I--- Mark, I'm so sorry. I should've though about how this would affect your case. I just thought about myself."

"Answer the question, Saera." He growled.

She gulped, shrinking against her seat, "He just said that I was responsible for those girls' death and that it was all my fault. And then he did the whole 'I'm going to kill you next.' thing."

Mark closed his eyes and let out breath, ", I should've just waited for the warrant." He muttered before stepping out of his car.

Saera jumped out after him and followed him as he walked towards the elevator. The whole elevator ride was silent and it was filled with exhaustion and defeat. Mark walked ahead of her and unlocked his apartment before walking inside, without looking at her.

She kicked her shoes off and watched him pull his jacket off before tossing it aside before just standing in the middle of the room looking around blankly.

Saera shuffled closely behind him and laced her fingers together, "I'm so sorry Mark. Yo-you don't even know how sorry I am. I'm responsible for this and I know it. I promise I'll make it up to you and I won't ever act that reckless and thoughtless again. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have gone off the handle and…and I swear I won't give up until you have your evidence to take to Kwon."

He didn't say anything and just stared lifelessly at the wall. Saera was about to give up and walk away, just to give him some space when he suddenly turned and pulled her arm, grabbing her into a hug.

Her eyes were huge and her hands were immobile as he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, almost cutting off her circulation before burying his nose into her neck.

He slid his palms around her back and dug his nails in her skin and let out a stuttered breath across her collarbone. Every inch of him was pressed against her as he rubbed his face deeper into her neck. His whole body was shaking, almost like he was silently crying and pulled her closer.

"Mark?" She whispered softly, her whole body numb.

He spoke through his gritted teeth, "Just…please."

She gulped before slowly raising her arms and hugging him back.

You're Choi Saera…there's no cure for that.

-----

20 minutes later, Mark was sprawled out on the couch, his head on Saera's lap as she combed her fingers through his strands. She used her other hand to prop her chin up as she watched him breathe methodically.

His eyes were closed, but she knew he was awake but that didn't stop her from drinking in every inch of his face as her fingers ran through the silky strands.

It turned out that it wasn't crying, his body was literally shaking from anger, but he voiced that he wasn't angry at her, he was angry at himself and mostly Sang Min.

He hated how everything unfolded.  

"Why are you staring?" He muttered without opening his eyes, his voice deep.

Saera chewed on her lip, "I was just thinking."

"About Sang Min?"

"About a lot of things, but yeah. Him too." She said vaguely.

Mark hummed and his side and hugged her thigh, "The longer you think about it, the more you'll get mad."

"And you're not mad?" She scoffed while brushing his hair.

"I am mad. But I'd rather think up ways to work this case without the Chief knowing than just sit around and sulk all day. But that shouldn't be too hard when I have a psychic on my side."

When she didn't respond, he opened his eyes and looked at her face for a long time before speaking, "I shouldn't have let you into the interrogation room."

"No, Mark, it was my fault. I'm the one who as--"

"No." Mark said seriously, "You're obviously shaken up by talking to him, anyone would be. You're hurt and I wasn't supposed to let you get hurt. I let you turn off the mic because I trusted you."

Saera's fingers stilled in his hair and she looked off to the side, "You shouldn't have trusted me."

"I think you're right. I shouldn't have trusted you because you're not really good at knowing what's good for you. You look out for other people but you don't know how to look out for yourself." He said while sitting up and crossing his legs.  

Saera shook her head incredulously, "Why don't you blame me more?"

"Because I'm more mature than that." He snorted, "I told you before, I'm just as much to blame as you are. Sang Min had this whole thing planned from the start. You and I both made mistakes, but it's not worth me hating you for it. you're not a cop, you don't know any better. At the end of the day, even if you had the mic , it wouldn't change the fact that I didn't get a warrant." He said bluntly.

Saera leaned her back against the couch, "You're not going to give up on this case, are you?"

"I wouldn't dream of it." He said without hesitation.

She stared deeply into his eyes, stunned by the warmth and forgiveness in his eyes. "Mark, I want him arrested so badly. I want him to pay for everything he did."

Mark reached out brushed her hair over her shoulder, his fingers grazing her jaw, "Then we'll arrest him. Me and you, okay? We'll work on this on our own. I'm taking my vacation days and Jackson will cover my work and keep us in the loop. We'll do this on our own, off the record and when we get this evidence, we'll take it to the police."

"You're going rouge?" She said with a weak smile.

Mark wiggled his brows, there was something about Saera that brought out every last drop of humour and happiness even in the darkest of situations. Situations that would normally have him brooding and fuming, actually made room for him to joke around.

And that was because of Saera.

He was always so concerned about keeping her spirits up and keeping her happy that he was subconsciously becoming more happy himself.

"You like it?" He said cheekily.

"Yeah," Saera said with a laugh, "It's y."

Mark's smile faltered and his hand trembled as he removed it from the side of her face. That stupid ache in his chest was back.

"Saera?"

She hummed, averting her eyes as her mind was screaming over the fact that she had basically called him y to the face.

She was starting to realize how bad her self-restraint was, Youngjae had just told her, a few days ago, to keep her distance from Mark, but it was like every time he was around, her judgment would become skewed.

 She'd just want to give in to his every touch and word.

"Yeah?" She said softly.

Mark's eyes shifted awkwardly with nervousness, "After we finally catch this guy, and our lives go back to normal, do you want to grab dinner once…just to celebrate?"

Saera stared at him with panicked eyes. He was asking her out on a date. If she was anyone else, she would've passed out from excitement.  

"You think the two of us will still be friends after this case is over?" She asked softly.

Mark tilted his head, "I'd hope so. What reason would we have not to?"

"I thought our relationship was strictly business." She countered.

He laughed dryly, "Take a look around, Saera. You live with me, you wake up next to me, you eat every meal with me, we passed business-relationship a long time ago."

"Then let's make a deal." She said timidly, "Ask me again, after this case is over and I'll say yes."

Mark made a face at her strange request, "You're going to make me ask you twice?"

People say that when you're in love, you can always find brightness no matter how much darkness you're in.

They say that in the worst of times, when there is nothing to live for, when everything is against you, that the person you love can find one small drop of happiness and turn it into a blinding sun.

They can use the smallest piece of hope and lift you off your knees.

"I just want to make sure that you don't change your mind when this is all over."

Mark's eyebrows creased and just as he opened his mouth to ask her what she meant, she placed her hand on his shoulder and used her other to touch her temple with a sudden, overdramatic wince.

"I don't think The Collector is working alone. And I don't think Seo Sang Min is the only man we're looking for."

------

"The Chief is really okay with you using all your vacation days?" Saera asked as the two of them sat in bed the next morning with the blanket pooled around their waists.  

Mark hummed in response, "I told the Chief about your vision, but it looks like he's abandoning all hope of me and you. So I don't really give a if he's okay with it or not."

"Sounds full proof." She breathed out. "It's just…I can't believe we got so close. He was right in front of us, basically admitting to everything and then everything falls apart."

Saera had decided that she was going to do whatever she could to use the information she had to held Mark without actually implicating herself.

It was because implicating herself, would destroy Youngjae. So she had to give Mark her all without giving herself.

If that was possible.

She wanted Sang Min arrested more than anything in the world. A sick, piece of trash like him deserved to die in jail, but that was the whole trick.

She had the most information and most drive to put Sang Min away but he knew that she wouldn't be able to do it.

But she was going to try.

She wasn't going to let someone like him dictate her life.

She just had to make sure that she watches what she tells Mark.

"It's kinda eerie, right? All this time it was like he was a ghost, he was never real and then, in the flesh, he was just there. Right in front of us." Mark said slowly. "And then he was gone again. It barely feels like we really got him, even for a short while."

Saera pulled her knees to her chest and frowned, "He's free, as if he's innocent and there's nothing we can do about it. He'll just keep going on a killing spree, especially since he's officially met us. He's just going to want to play with us."

Mark put his arms behind his head, "What else do you know about The Collector's partner?"

Tell him the truth, Saera.

Salvage the small part of your relationship with him that might still be fixed and tell him the truth.

"I'm not sure, but maybe the partner is someone from his past." She said slowly, "Someone who might not be around anymore."

"So you think he had old partner who either disappeared off the face of the earth or just died?" Mark asked.

She nodded, "Maybe he's having trouble dealing with the loss of his partner, that's why he went crazy."

"So you think he used to commit crimes with a partner that is no longer around?"

"When he spoke to you, he said something about monsters being sick in the head. Maybe he's like that. Maybe he's suffering from something due to the loss? Grief can trigger things." Saera pointed out.

"It's likely, but it'll be difficult to prove that. I'll try to look into his medical files when I get the chance." He said while lost in thought.

Saera's in her cheeks and stared at her lap, when she felt Mark's arm come around her waist, "Stop blaming yourself, we'll figure this out."

She tilted her head and gulped when h