Today Ryeowook should come over, but Yesung still had some time, so he went showering. The boy had the habit to sing and dancer under the shower, so everyone who passed the bathroom knew it was Yesung showering.

The boy let the warm water run down his body, feeling relaxed. The first minutes he only let it pour down his head and back. His scares were hurting a bit, but the dark haired boy didn't care much about it.

He poured shampoo into his hands and rubbed it into his dark hair. Yesung loved taking care of his body. His mother always said she liked handsome man, so naturally the boy tried to be as handsome as he could.

Shortly after Yesung had stepped out of the shower and dried himself. He put on his clothes and noticed his shirt was missing. “Ah! , I forget it again!” Yesung muttered to himself. He always forget it and the others didn't even bother anymore to scold him.

Yesung took the hairdryer and dried his hair. He looked into the mirror and saw all his scares, they were not big but still noticeable. On his torso and chest were only small ones, but he knew his back looked more terrible. There were some bigger once and Yesung felt really ugly because of them. Ryeowook will be worried if he sees them again.. Actually Yesung never wanted Ryeowook to see them, he felt a bit ashamed.

The boy walked back into his room when he suddenly saw Ryeowook sitting on his bed. “You're already here?” Yesung questioned surprised.

“I got bored while waiting to come over, so I just came sooner. Does it bother you?” Ryeowook answered, when he noticed Yesung had no shirt on his face blushed lightly red.

“No, it's okay. I just didn't expect you so soon, so I showered a bit longer.” Yesung answered and walked over to Ryeowook. He noticed the short boys face was all red and he leaned down. Yesung touched with his hand Ryeowook's forehead “Mhmm, weird. You're all red but you don't have a fever.” Yesung wondered. Ryeowook blushed even more. “shirt” he quietly muttered. “What?” Yesung questioned and looked down, than he noticed he wasn't wearing a shirt. “..oh that.” He looked back at Ryeowook, who was watching his upper body. Suddenly Ryeowook touched Yesung's tummy, what caused the boy to startle. “..I'm sorry.” Ryeowook whispered and wanted to take his hand back down, but Yesung didn't let him. He gripped the boy's hand and made him touch his body again. “Don't be, it just surprised me.” Yesung said quietly.

Ryeowook looked from Yesung's stomach up to his face, watching him carefully. Than he met his eyes and Yesung leaned down, kissing Ryeowook's lips. The short boy smiled and Yesung sat beside him. The boy took Ryeowook's head into his hands and started to kiss him softly. He missed Ryeowook's scent, his warmth and his voice. But right now he had so many mixed feeling inside him. He felt so much love and really save and at the same time he was confused, his heart was racing and he felt that urge come up. Yesung wanted more, he wanted more of Ryeowook.

Suddenly Yesung pulled Ryeowook closer, at the rush he opened his mouth a little and Yesung took it as and opportunity. He shoved his tongue in and kissed Ryeowook deeply. The short boy moaned into the kiss, which made Yesung even more forceful. He pressed himself on the younger, what caused them to lose balance and Yesung landed on Ryeowook. But it didn't make Yesung stopping the kiss, he wanted more, much more but he noticed Ryeowook needed air so he broke the kiss. Ryeowook was lying beneath him breathing harshly with still closed eyes. Yesung couldn't stop himself and started to kiss the short boy's neck, until he left a mark. His hands were roaming around the shorter's body and than under his shirt. He slowly lifted it up and touched Ryeowook's bare, warm skin and leaned in to kiss his lips again.

After some time Yesung pulled away and saw Ryeowook was crying lightly. “Ryeowook, what's up?” Yesung asked breathing harshly. The shorter covered his eyes. “Hey.. Wookie.” Yesung muttered softly.

“I- I was scared..” Ryeowook whispered. Yesung pulled him up and smiled at him “I'm sorry, Wookie.. I didn't mean to scare you.”

Ryeowook nudged his head into Yesung's chest, trying to calm himself. Yesung caressed his hair softly, whispering that he's sorry.

When Ryeowook calmed down he stood up and put on a shirt. He went back to Ryeowook and sat down beside the boy. Yesung noticed Ryeowook's worried face and looked at him curious.

“Why,” Ryeowook said, “is your body covered with scares?”

Yesung was surprised, but then averted his eyes. He didn't want to see that worried look of Ryeowook. He knew his body looked terrible cowered with so may scares and the worst was that a lot of them could have been avoided. He got them through fighting, letting other people hurt him. What the most people didn't know, was that he did it to feel alive. Pain showed he still felt and he was still present.

“Yesung..?” Ryeowook called him worried.

“Some of them are from the accident and some of the others from fighting.” Yesung whispered.

“Why did you fight that much?” Ryeowook asked. To be alive. Yesung thought. He didn't say it, he only looked down to his feet and played nervously with his hands.

“You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to.” Ryeowook smiled reassuring, but Yesung knew the boy was still worried. He wanted to tell him, but he couldn't.

Because Hangeng was showering Heechul got bored and walked into Yesung's room. He let himself fall down on the younger's bed, right beside where Yesung was sitting.

“Heechul?” Yesung called. “What's up?” the raven haired boy asked. It was the perfect chance to talk to Heechul alone.

“I'm stupid.” the boy said quietly and Heechul laughed “That's nothing knew.” But he soon shut up, because he felt Yesung's seriousness.

“I'm so stupid.” Yesung said again.

“Why?” Heechul sat up from his bed and faced Yesung.

“I made Ryeowook cry.” Yesung whispered.

“What did you do..?” Heechul questioned worried.

Yesung looked down to his hands and played with them “I rushed him to something he didn't want to and he didn't even say he didn't. He was scared.”

“Than it's his fault as well. He should have told you if he didn't want it. And it wasn't like you made him cry on purpose.” Heechul said shrugging.

“You don't understand!” Yesung said madly.

“Explain it!” Heechul said back, being confused at Yesung's sudden outburst.

“You still won't! Ryeowook isn't like you, he doesn't take every chance he gets to get love!” Yesung said angrily.

“Are you saying I'm a ?!” Heechul exclaimed quietly. And with Yesung's action of looking down, the raven haired boy got up. “I'm done with you!” he yelled and walked to his room. No words hurt him like those unspoken once.

Yesung laid in his bed, fighting mentally with himself, if he should go apologize you Heechul or to leave him be. He didn't mean what he said, nor did he ever think like that about the raven haired boy. Yesung knew well that saying Heechul was a is the worst you can say to him. After what felt like more than an hour he stood up and walked to Heechul's room. He knocked lightly and asked if he could go inside. But instead of Heechul Hangeng came out of the room. He took Yesung by his arm and shoved him into his room.

“Can I talk to Heechul?” Yesung said quietly.

“No, not now! I was finally able to calm him down. What do you think you were saying?! You should have never, absolutely never, said to him he was a ! You know damn well he isn't and that those words hurt him the most! He is misunderstood by to many people, but from all the people out here you should understand him!” Hangeng said trying to not yell at the younger.

“I know, I know. What I said was wrong and I didn't want to say it. I was angry, angry at myself, please let me talk to him!” Yesung pleaded.

“He told me to won't let you come close to him. I'm sorry Yesung, but this time you screwed up and you really did. It isn't my decision to let you talk to him, it's his. I would love to help you, but this time I can't.” Hangeng said sighting.

Yesung looked down and left to his own room. That night was supposed to be a sleepless night. Hangeng was right, he really was. He screw up and it would be a hell of a battle to make Heechul forgive him.

Like Yesung thought, he didn't sleep well. He was awake nearly the whole night and when he finally was able to fall asleep he had a nightmare. The last look Heechul showed him haunted him that night. That look full of hurt and disappointment. Yesung knew it was his own fault, he felt ashamed.

Yesung seemed of it the whole day. He didn't talk much, nor did he get to close to anyone. As well did he keep his distant from Ryeowook, being afraid of making the other cry again.

Soon Ryeowook noticed Yesung seemed a little distant today. He didn't hug him nor got he to close to him. They hardly ever spent some time together and it seemed really weird for Ryeowook. Even if it was only one day, he knew Yesung always would have searched his near. The dark haired boy was like this, so the distant seemed weird.

“You know, Yesung is acting weird.” Ryeowook said to Hyukjae and Donghae, when they were alone on the rooftop.

“What do you mean?” Donghae wondered.

“We don't spend time alone like usual. He didn't get close to me today even once.” Ryeowook said sadly. “And he didn't kiss or hug me this morning like he normally does.”

“Wookie..” Hyukjae began. “Maybe he had a bad dream or such, he always acts that way.”

“But it's weird. He never was that distant, it's like he doesn't want to be with me.” Ryeowook looked down.

“Are you doubting him?” Donghae asked and Ryeowook shook his head. “I know he loves me, his look tells me everything, but it's weird he is distant.”

“Why don't you just talk with him?” Hyukjae noticed.

“I'm to scared to ask him why. It may be only a imagination of mine and I could hurt him that way.” Ryeowook said sighting.

“You really are a caring boyfriend.” Donghae said smiling.

“Just wait some more, if he stays that way, confront him with it. That's how I always do with Donghae.” Hyukjae said smiling.

Some time later Yesung came to the rooftop, together with Kairi. “Hi boys!” she exclaimed happily and got an as joyful greeting back.

“Long time no see.” she said smiling.

“That's true! Where is your boyfriend?” Hyukjae wondered.

“He is sick, but I will go visit him later.” she said. “Yesung?” she called him. The boy looked down the whole time and now looked up. “Hm?”

“Are you feeling better?” she wondered.

“Yes, a lot.” he said smiling lightly.

“You were feeling bed?” Ryeowook asked worried.

“I fought yesterday with Heechul and I didn't sleep well. It's better now.” Yesung said reassuring.

“Why did you two fight?” Hyukjae wondered.

“I want to know that too, he didn't tell me.” Kairi said.

“It's just that I said something I shouldn't have.” Yesung said sighting. “It's all my fault.”

Ryeowook looked worried. “What did you say?”

“It's something I should have never said, he's really sensitive to it and actually it isn't true.” Yesung said looking down.

“Don't tell me..” Kairi looked shocked. Yesung averted his eyes and looked away guilty. “Are you stupid?! That's something you should never tell him! Especially not you!” Kairi yelled.

“I know.. it slipped out, I didn't mean it..” Yesung said looking down again. “I talk with him about everything, because he understands me. But at that moment he didn't. I wasn't angry at him, but at myself. I didn't want to hurt him, not him.” Yesung said sadly.

Kairi sighted. “You will be lucky if he forgives you.”

Yesung looked sad, he really didn't mean what he said then. He regretted it.

Back in class Hyukjae couldn't bear it anymore hearing Yesung sighting over and over again. He saw the dark haired boy was deep in thoughts and Hyukjae thought he may be thinking about a way to make up with Heechul.

“Yesung-sii?” Mr Park called. “Yesung-sii?”

Hyukjae quickly pushed Yesung's shoulder lightly, what caused him to come back to reality.

“Yesung-sii, did you listen?” Mr Park asked. The boy shook his head. “No, I'm sorry Mr Park. Can you please repeat your question?”

Mr Park sighted smiling lightly. “Can you please read page 205?”

Yesung stood up with the book and started to read. He didn't pay attention to what he read, thus he didn't really know what the text was about.

Mr Park's class was the last for today and everyone left. Yesung had to stay because of some class duties and his friends went to the library, to study until he would be finished.

The dark haired boy did his work absentmindedly and didn't notice Mr Park came back to the classroom.

“Yesung-sii?” he called him and the boy looked up. He saw the teacher next to him and was surprised. Mr Park was sitting on the desk beside him, looking slightly worried. “You've been passing out a lot today.” he said smiling. “Is there something bothering you?”

Yesung sighted. He really needed to talk about what's keeping him bothered, but was the teacher alright?

“You can tell me if you want to. I promise it won't leave this room, not from my mouth.” The teacher said smiling friendly. Yesung smiled up, Mr Park seemed trustworthy. “Can I trust you?” Yesung questioned and the teacher nodded.

“There are many things bothering me.” Yesung started. “I don't know if you noticed, but Ryeowook and I are together.”

The teacher nodded. “Yes, Hangeng told me.”

“Yesterday I made him cry, because of my own stupidity. I rushed him and he didn't even tried to say he doesn't want to. He was scared and I noticed it to late. It's the second time I made him cry. I promised myself to never make him cry, when I did the first time. But here I am making him cry again. I don't want to hurt him and I don't want him to leave me. I need him.” Yesung said and sighted. “I couldn't even hug him today, because I was afraid.”

The teacher smiled. “You're worried and scared about losing him, aren't you? You should tell him that. You didn't mean to make him feel scared, I'm sure he knows that. The boy is really important to you. You love him a lot, that's why you don't want to make him cry. But sometimes there are times you hurt the other without wanting it, it's normal. A relationship has to overcome such things. Talk with Ryeowook and don't hide your feelings and your thoughts. The more you tell him the easier you two will understand each other. Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship.”

Yesung smiled sadly. “I'm scared. I'm to scared to tell him everything that goes through my mind. I have a lot of scares on my body and the most of them are from fighting. The shame I feel for those scares is big, but I can't change my past. Many people don't know why I fought so much, but it was that it made me feel alive. I was hurt so many times and I lost to many people I loved. I wanted to be strong, so I fought. Being alive meant struggling, showing you want to live. Fighting was a sign for me to struggle. The pain of those scares was never something I felt as pain. Bruises and wounds on my body weren't painful. The pain of losing someone and being betrayed, those things hurt the most. Wounds on your skin are nothing compared to wounds on your heart.” Yesung said sighting again. “I'm afraid of being misunderstood, left alone, being betrayed and all that. I love Ryeowook and I don't want to doubt him, but I constantly do it. Does he really love me? Someone like me? I have no self-confidence and I don't understand how someone can love me. Every time I feel like I finally move on, I fall back again. Everyone tells me to move on and it's all about me, but it never was. It's all about my parents. I can't get over the feeling of being the reason my mother died, I can't understand why my father left me but still wrote in his letter he loved me. You can't leave someone alone on his own, when you love him. He knew I needed him, I was still a child. There are times I feel like Heechul is like my father. The way he talks sometimes, when he isn't all diva like, is like he did. I was so angry at myself for making Ryeowook cry, that I went my anger out on him when I couldn't explain myself. I said things I never meant and that weren't even true. I hurt him, I know it. I hate myself for it. Heechul is one of the persons I love and need the most. Him hating me is something I would never want, but I made him hate me. I feel like a living curse, all the people around me get hurt and I'm the reason.” Yesung had teary eyes, but didn't let his emotions overcome him. He wanted to be at least a little bit strong with holding his tears back. It felt nice to tell someone the thoughts he never said out loud. He knew he could have always told Heechul, but he didn't want him to feel sad, because he knew those feelings oh to well.

“It feels nice to finally be able to say those things out, right? When you feel misunderstood, talk up. Try explaining yourself, there will be people that understand you. And not everyone wants to hurt you. You have so many people by your side, you don't even notice them. They accept you the way you are, like you accept them. To love someone else, you have to love yourself. And if you love yourself, you can be loved by others. Try it, even if it's hard. Try to accept yourself and move on. Yes, your past is painful. But because the past is, has the future to be too? No. You're keep on living in the past, you struggle to break free from the cage of it, but you give up to soon. You find excuses and try to survive somehow. Break free, move on! Live in the present, not in the past! No one is stopping you from being happy! When you're angry say it, scream, yell, shout, show it! When your happy hold onto that kind of memories! No one said living is easy. Nothing is easy when you are on your own. You have friends and a family by your side, you don't have to struggle alone. Tell them when you feel down, tell them when you are happy, tell them what you think and what you feel! You can do it, you can move on and you can finally be happy.” Mr Park said in a calm, but supporting voice.

Yesung was stunned by the words of the teacher. He never thought he would be like that. Mr Park looked right through him and told him the things he always wanted to hear. He didn't talk around the fact, he said it directly.

“You may feel weak, but you aren't. You still struggle and try to be happy. And as long as you try you are strong, because you never give up. You stand up again and again and again. That is strength.” The teacher added smiling. Yesung had to do his best so he wouldn't start crying. The teacher noticed it and ruffled through the dark haired boy's hair. “Think about what I told you. I know you can do it.” With that the teacher walked out of the room and smiled when he saw who were listening to their conversation. Outside the room stood Ryeowook, Donghae, Hyukjae, Hangeng and even Heechul. The tall man convinced Heechul to let Yesung explain himself and apologize, before he decided to hate him.

And there they were outside of Yesung's classroom, listening to a conversation that wasn't meant for them to be heard and having answers to their unspoken questions. Yesung seemed happy, but still had so many feelings and thoughts inside of him. He was to good in hiding them and no one found it out.

They were surprised and shocked at the same time. Never did they though Yesung had thoughts like being a living curse or having low self-confidence.

Yesung knew Mr Park was right. He was living in the past, he was stopping himself from moving on. He finally needed to face his past and look to the future. The future of him being happy.

He was tired, exhausted and his head hurt badly. Yesung had the feeling to sit there and cry. He wanted to relieve some stress of himself. The words of the teacher were right, but was he really able to move on? He doubted it, and with doubting it he felt like giving up. Fighting once again an inner battle with himself he didn't notice the boys outside the room. They watched Yesung closely and waited for a moment to step inside. They saw how pale Yesung was and that he thought deeply about the teachers words.

Yesung sighted. He had to get moving or his friends will be worried. He had more than enough time thinking about everything later, when he was alone in his comfortable room. Suddenly Yesung saw Heechul standing at the door and shoot up. This was his chance. He walked to Heechul “Heechul” he whispered, but the boy turned around and walked away.

“Heechul.” he said again. He caught up with the other and back hugged him. “I'm sorry Heechul.” he said softly. “I know this time I screwed up and I really did, but I didn't mean what I said. At that time I was really angry about myself and I went my anger out on you. I know you aren't like that, I'm really sorry.” The boy could feel Heechul tremble and than tried to break free, but he didn't let him. “Really, I'm sincerely sorry. I need you. Please, don't leave me..” Yesung whispered trembling. He rested his head at Heechul's shoulder and hold his tears back.

“I know you didn't mean it, but it hurt.” Heechul said quietly.

“I'm sorry..” Yesung said and let go of Heechul. He saw the boy wanted to turn around and instantly looked down. He felt guilty and ashamed, he said things he should never have and he hurt the only person who understood him completely.

“Aish, really!” Heechul exclaimed. “How can I be angry at you, if you act like that?!” the boy hugged Yesung tightly. “I already forgave you.”

Yesung pulled him closer and whispered “Thank you.”

“I just can't leave you alone.” Heechul said smiling. “I didn't know you were think about so many things and that they were bothering you. I'm sorry we overheard you talking to Leeteuk.”

Yesung looked up to Heechul's eyes. The raven haired boy noticed Yesung red eyes and his pale face.

“You didn't sleep well, right?” Heechul said and Yesung nodded lightly. Heechul smiled dearly and pulled Yesung into another hug. “I'm sorry I didn't notice you were thinking about such things. I should have been there for you, like I promised.”

Yesung shook his head and said quietly “It isn't your fault. I should have said something. Mr Park is right, I should say what I think and what I feel.”

Heechul felt how hot Yesung was and laid his hand on his forehead. “You're burning.” the boy said smiling lightly. “Come on, let's go home.”

That was when Yesung finally noticed everyone was around him and smiling at him. Mr Park was right once again. He never noticed how many people were around him supporting him.

Ryeowook went along with Hangeng, Heechul and Yesung. It was Heechul request to the boy to come along. Yesung needed someone by his side and Ryeowook was his best support.

In his room Yesung sat down on his bed. His head was spinning and he wanted to sleep. He felt really exhausted and it seemed weird. He was used to sleep for only a few hours and be haunted with nightmares, so why was he so tired? Easy, because he felt relived and overstained. He finally talked out his feelings which he shut down deep inside, but at the same time Mr Park overworked him with his words. He was constantly thinking about if he really would be able to move on.

Ryeowook noticed Yesung was restless and sat down beside him, caressing his back to support him.

Yesung turned to him and smiled lightly. Ryeowook's warmth was really amazing. It had a calming effect and he felt save. Save from all those words he thought about. To be honest, Yesung was afraid of moving on. What was holding him in the past were the memories of his parents. He was afraid if he would move on, he would forget about them.

It was to much for him, so he leaned his head against Ryeowook's shoulder. Getting the feeling of support and safety. Ryeowook gently laid Yesung down and pulled him close to him. They were cuddling tightly and Ryeowook shushed him with caressing the dark hair.

“You aren't alone. I will stay beside you and I will try to show you I will. I love you, I love you so much I will never leave you.” Ryeowook whispered.

“I'm sorry.. and thank you.” Yesung whispered pulling Ryeowook closer. “I love you.” and with those words Yesung fell asleep. He felt relived and a burden fell down from his heart. Today was the day the boy started to change. He had to move on and he would. Not knowing it himself yet, but this day was the day things changed. Because he was finally able to accept the feelings inside him. He knew with talking them out things changed, they changed to the better. And that was what he needed. The better.

A/N:

So here I am, finally! I had a writers block and couldn't get myself to think about something, but here I am! I wrote the chapter in one go and it's now 1:30 am over here, I will hate myself tomorrow for staying up to long, but I had to update before going to sleep!

I finally have some ideas again, but I have such a bad feeling that I'm getting closer to the end. I still don't know how many more chapters there will be, but I don't want to think about an end xD

I hope you liked it and please comment on what you think~

(You guys can't imagine how I was squealing when I saw this hahahha)

Love you all~♥♥