I'm used to living under a microscope. I'm used to living under a microscope. We all are and I keep telling myself that over and over. I'm used to living under a microscope. I'm used to being on display 24/7.

Sometimes it would be nice if I could be in public from sunrise to sundown and just be myself. It would be nice if I could do or say what I want without considering first how it will reflect on the others, on the company, on the way people see us, see me. On the way people judge us.

Keeping my face blank and my mouth shut is especially tricky when people shove news in my face. Yoochun having dinner in some fancy ramen place after filming. Junsu gearing up to battle cyber bullies. Yunho enlisting in a fortnight. Changmin passing his police exams. Sometimes, hiding under a rock or becoming a hermit on a mountain sound like a great idea.

I want to react, but then… is it unreasonable to want to keep just a tiny piece of myself just for myself?