“Umma!” I hugged my beautifully aged mother. She had was 53 with the best skin I’d ever seen, she was also pretty tall for a Korean. I walked the house filled with memories from my childhood, the kitchen, living room, and most of all my old bedroom brought back the time when I was happiest. “Appa!” my father was getting up from the couch, just finishing a soccer game, holding his hands out. I embraced him happily. “I missed you baby” he exclaimed in a tired voice. I nodded my head kissing his cheek “Nado.” Jung walked into the living room sticking to Haneul, he looked uncomfortable. “Jung-ah, this is ahjummas mother and father” I smiled introducing him. “Hello their” my father slowly walked towards him smiling “are the little man of the house we keep hearing about?” My father pinched his cheeks making Jung laugh “Dae!” he exclaimed proudly. My father laughed “How bout we show these ladies how manly we can be and” my father pretended to think rubbing his head “cook lots of dessert!” Both the kids eyes lighted up “Dae!” they exclaimed running to the kitchen with my father, I stared at them with a bright smile as my mother looked at me. “What are you planning to do now?” I stared at her confused “What do you mean?” She did a deep sigh “Erica, I know you want to be the best mother you can to the kids but-” “No, mom don’t even start with this relationship thing again. Haneul is still getting used to not having Loco around, I’m not even sure if he understands he’s not coming back. And . . . and Jung . . . he has to live with this women he barley knows trying his hardest to look at her like a mother . . . he still thinks his mother is going to come back . . . I can’t . . . I just” my words were softened with tears. My mother smiled, hugging me “Araso, it’s ok baby . . .don’t worry about it.” She rubbed my back as I gave up, letting all my pain out.I woke up startled, it was nighttime and the kids were sleeping in the room next to mine. I sat up, curling into a ball, taking a deep breath. This was the first time in a while where I could just think, I thought about Loco, and only him. Truthfully it was hard for me, truthfully I missed him, truthfully loosing him hurt more than hell it’s self. But, I knew I could never go back, and I think that’s what killed me. No matter how much I wanted to, I could never go back to him. A tear rolled down my face, as the moon slowly strolled into my room, illuminating my face in it’s magical bright light. All the memories over flooded as they found a way out through my eyes. I hugged myself tighter as my face became soaked, it’s not that I didn’t want to in a relationship but I loved all three of them, and I couldn’t live with myself if I really chose one. I heard my phone rang, it was still nighttime, I cried myself back to sleep. My phone was on the nightstand next to my bed. “Yeoboseyo?” “Erica?” I grabbed the blanket I was engulfed in, squeezing it tight “Loco?”“Erica . . . can-can you just come see me one last time? I just want to talk to you face-to-face . . . please?” I looked down at the white sheets “No, I can’t Loco, I just can’t.” “Please Erica? I promise I’ll never contact you again after today.” I took a deep and looked at the clock, it was two in the morning, I could go then come back without anyone knowing. “Fine, but after today I don’t want to ever see you again. Where do you want to meet?” I could here Loco’s excitement, but his voice also sounded stressed and pained “Our house.” I walked into my old house for the first time in a while, it felt weird being here now. All the maids who were walking by stared in shock before greeting me. I smiled as I saw the faces of my old housecleaners, I was different than a lot of people, I looked at them more like friends than servants. After I greeted all of the maids one-by-one, I went to find Loco, he was in his office as always. He sat at his desk with his back turned to the door.“Loco” I whispered feeling guilty to be here. He turned to me with a forced smile “My ex-wife is here” he exclaimed in blurred words. I stared at him in shock “Your drunk?” He got up stumbling towards me “No . . . just a little . . . dizzeee” he said smiling with his eyes closed. I walked backwards as he came closer “why’s you want to meet me?” He walked pass me sitting on the steps that led up to the second floor of his office, the library part. “To celebrate!” he said trying to focus on me. “Celebrate . . . celebrate what?” “Well our divorce becoming official of course! And . . . the wedding anniversary we never made it to.” His voice became lost in the pain in his heart as he finished the last words that barley fought their way out.I looked down towards the ground, I totally forgot about out anniversary. I looked towards the ground “I’m sorry” I suddenly whispered surprising even myself. Loco laughed “For what?” A tear rolled down my eyes as I truly took in the pathetic figure I saw “For everything . . .” Loco stood up and stared at me “Wae? Wae?! Why are you sorry?!” he stared to yell as he came face-to-face with me, pressing me against the wall. “Naega jalmotaesseo, Naega jalmotaesseo . . . so please . . .” his voice fell into a whisper as he fell onto the floor, I stared at him in shock, wiping a tear from my face. He began nodding his head “Ani, just leave” he stared laughing through tears “you don’t deserve a monster like me Erica . . .” I reached down to touch his shoulder but he jerked my hand off him. “Ga!” he yelled “Kojo!” I slowly backed away felling glass shatter in my whole body. I took one last glance at Loco then opened the office door, walking out, badly wanting to stay.The next day I found myself locked in my room in the same position I was in last night, but this time I was squeezing my legs so tight I wouldn’t be surprised if I left a bruise. “Umma . . .” I heard Haneul on the other side of the door. “Uh?” I answered trying to hide that I was crying. “Gwaenchana?” I smiled at my child’s concern “Uh, Umma’s just a little tired don’t worry baby.” “A-araso” I looked towards the wall next to the door, there was a full body mirror their I’d love looking at myself with when I was a kid. I stood up and walked towards it, when I saw the figure I began to break down. Standing there was a tired looking, depressed 29 year old with no confidence. No confidence to make the people around her ha-. My phone rang. I walked over to the nightstand and grabbed my phone. “Yeoboseyo?”“Mrs.Wilkes?” “Dae, dugo . . .” “This doctor Jeong of Seoul Hospital. We’d like you to come and confirm a body.”