KYUNGSOO'S POV

     I wanted to close my eyes and just walk away, there is this feeling again, slowly creeping in my veins, but I can't. I can feel a headache pounding its way on my head because I am trying so hard to control my screams and tears. My hands are unknowingly balling into a fist, wanting to kill someone. And I am starting to shrink in my own clothes and feel insignificant before your eyes. I am jealous.

     "Tao, Jongin, Sehun, come here ppali, ppali. I made some french macarons, Kyungsoo Omma helped me. Please have a taste." Of course, the three maknaes came running to the kitchen just by hearing her calling their names. "Wow, the kitchen smells good, but my mei-mei smells the sweetest." Tao is the first to reach her and gave her a back hug while burying his face in her hair while she remained unmoving and blushing. Jongin grabbed one of the macarons cooling in the wire rack and put the whole confection inside his mouth. "Ouch its still hot." "Yah, can't you see that batch is still cooling. This is the batch I want you to taste. That one is for the hyungs who are not yet here. Does it hurt? Here drink some water." You scolded him, but you are more worried because he burn his tongue. "Let's eat this outside princess and drink some bubble tea with it." "Alright, let's go, the view in the garden perfectly suit these cute sweets. Sehunnie, call the bubble tea store so that they can just deliver our order." Why do you always follow him like a lost puppy? I have planned to eat these with you, here in my most favorite part of the house. But I guess that will not happen now.

    I just stand in the corner debating whether I should speak or just let them be and start putting all the utensils and ingredients back to their places. While they are busy deciding about the flavor of bubble tea to order. I can't help but feel like I had become invisible because they didn't even notice or talk to me once. I just turn my back to them and start putting the used utensils inside the dishwasher, why do I feel so hurt when I heard you walking away with them? But like always, you cure my pain by your simple actions. You've returned and walked towards me, hug my waist and kissed my right cheek. "Thank you Kyungsoo Omma for teaching me how to bake french macarons, we will eat this well. You are really the best." And you left me again to drown in my jealousy and heartbreak.

     I badly wanted this feeling to go away, but I can't help it. I think this started when I saw your paintings two weeks ago. You used to share everything to me and asked me questions about the things you find peculiar regarding adult behavior. I am the one whom you will always seek if you find your homework and school projects quite challenging, why didn't you ask me that day or your other hyungs? Why do you have to dance with those two and pierce my heart with every canvas? I wanted to know what else occurred that night that you dance with them because your paintings showed so much emotion. It was not just colors and lines, it showed how you feel in every touch and caress from the hands and lips of your dance partners. Did you fell in love with them? I hope that you know what kind of pain you are putting yourself into. I want to protect you from that pain but can I also protect you from myself?

    "Kyungsoo ah, are you alright?" Yixing waved his hands in front of my face, I didn't even notice that he is already here. "Yes, I am okay, just busy thinking about our weekly menu. You know how much I hate it if we will serve the same viand twice in a month." "Is that all, I don't mean to invade your privacy but I notice that this past few days, you don't talk that much. And I will always see you staring into space." "Well leave me alone now because you are invading my privacy." I don't want to be rude to him, but I cannot tell him how I feel. He is like a blood brother to