I avoid meeting her after that day; I also avoid every topic about her. I find it really difficult, though. Since I know it’s her album release week and I saw her Teddy Bear mascot every time I enter YG Building, and I hear her song everywhere here, even Junhoe use ‘It’s Over’ as his ringtone. Why is it so damn hard?

My mood is getting sour every day. I get irritated and annoyed easily, and I tend to yell at my members more. I don’t look at my laptop this week, I don’t want to be tempted to google her, because I know there will be a lot of news about her. Every time I hear her song, I got grumpier. Jinhwan-hyung asked me several times whether something’s up. I couldn’t possibly tell him that I got mental breakdown just by looking at her song. It’s stupid, immature, and weird. Right?

Today is her first live performance in MCountdown, and I know it. I hate to admit that my heart sometimes doesn’t follow my head. That’s why I ‘accidently’ finds out about her every activity. #sigh

I met Lydia-noona in the hallway, she seems to be flustered. I asked her what’s the matter and she grabbed my arms instantly.

“You! I need your help, right now. Hanbin-ah you’re not busy, right?”

“Umm, yeah I’m not busy, noona. What do you want me to do? You seem to be troubled.”

“That I am! Come on, I’ll tell you all about it on our way”

We go straight away; I don’t know where our destination is. But because I see that she’s starting to catch her breath, I try to ask her one more time about what she wants me to do.

“So, what will I do, noona?”

“I need you to be a substitute, Hanbin-ah. Three of the dancers can’t make it, so I have to find replacements.”

“Wait, dancer? For what performance? Don’t tell me…”

“Yes, today’s Hayi’s performance at MCountdown. I can’t just let her go without any dancer. You can learn the choreography quickly, right?”

“No, no, no. I can’t do that noona.” I shake my head so many times my neck hurts.

“What do you mean you can’t do that? You’re one of the best dancer, Hanbin-ah.”

“It’s not about the dance noona, but… Aish I don’t know anymore.” I mess with my hair in frustration, how can this be happening after all of my effort avoiding her?

“Are you afraid that people will notice you and you’re ashamed of being back-up dancer?”
“Or do you hate Hayi that much that you don’t want to help her?”

“NO! Not at all noona. It’s not like that…. Okay, I’ll do it.”

“That’s my boy. If you’re that uneasy, you can be the Teddy Bear, Hanbin-ah. That way. No one can recognize you. Deal?”

“Ah, that’s a great idea noona. Thank you so much.”

After we arrived at MNet building, we go straight to the backstage where everyone is getting ready. Dony-hyung saw me and wave at me.

“Yo! Han-” and I quickly ask him to be quiet.

“Hyung, can you hide the fact that I’m here, because I don’t ask permission to come here. Lydia-noona is kind of snatch me out of the blue here.” I whisper to him while trying to hide myself. I'm not 100% lying though, it's true that Lydia-noona sort of dragged me here.

“Okay, I got your back, bro. Hurry up and hide yourself in Teddy’s suit then, I’ll tell people that you’re my acquaintance from collage, arra?”

“Thanks, hyung!”

 I quickly wear the Teddy Bear suit though we’re still waiting for 30 minutes. I can’t risk myself to be seen in front of her. What if she saw me and she talked to me? My heart is still too damn fragile.

After learning the choreography, I figure that being a Teddy is not as easy as it seems. Sure the choreo are simple, but it’s hot and hard to move around. I sweated and sweated. I don’t know whether it’s just because the suit or the thought of being in the same stage as her.

Right before the stage started, we stand in the backstage waiting for the cue. She finally showed up and asked Dony-hyung.

“Oppa, does Lydia-onnie manage to find replacements?”

“Sure, Hayi-ya. She got them just in time, these two guys and the teddy bear.” Dony-hyung points at me, I hope he doesn’t say anything about me.

“Ah, thank you so much guys for helping me out. I can’t thank you enough.” She bows and smiles widely. I just nod a little at her. Such a polite girl she is.

“Okay, everyone ready?” MCountdown staff is giving us the heads up, so we’re in our position. They went to their position at the stage, and not too long the song is started. I came in the middle of the song and got beaten by her (LOL), and then we dance together. I’m so happy that I forget about all of my rollercoaster mood swing this last week. There are several seconds that we are literally in the stage together, I’ve never been that happy, and I hope there will be other time that I can sing with her together without this outfit, as equal singer, and she will know and proud that she’s singing with me.

The moment of truth, I stand in the back stage looking at her intently. I hope she won 1^st place, but her opponent is 2AM, and they’re quite good as well. I saw Minho sunbae gave her microphone; he’s so nice and attentive to her. After a moment, the result is announced and I’m so happy that even with a little difference, she won! When I am spazzing alone in the backstage as I watched her giving thank you speech, my mind froze as I saw Jonghyun sunbae gave her flower.

WHAT?????

-----

A/N: I'm sorry~~~~~~~ My workload is killing me. I really want to write as many as possible but I just can't. So, if you've read Beautiful and once wonder what Hanbin means In 7^th chapter, this is what he meant!