I know that everyone has their own pace in live. But it’s quite hard to see a girl you like advancing way in front of you. Sometimes it empowers me, but I can’t help to feel defeated from time to time. Not only that she’s now officially debuted with ‘Monster Rookie’ title, as she swept away awards,  she’s now also preparing to release her debut. Next month is her released date, and as a fan, I can wait to buy her album. It’s stated that she’ll have her mini album released at 7^th and followed with her full album at 28^th. I was wondering how good her songs are.

I saw her several times this month. She’s really busy and she looks really serious. But whenever we met each other, she never forgot to smile and greet me. That’s enough for me. I don’t need her to notice me or to give me more attention than others. Looking at her so happy pursuing her dream makes me happy, yet envious. I want to be in the same stage as her as soon as possible.

As I walk through the practice room to meet Lydia-noona, I happened to walk past her practice room. I glanced over her room and apparently someone is looking at me through the glass door, signing me to come in. I open the door and finding Tablo-hyung is sitting with his earphone, smiling to me. He puts his earphone down and talk to me.

“Hanbin-ah, long time no see. What are you doing here?”

“I was looking for Lydia-noona, hyung. She asks me to come and meet her.”

“Oh, she’s here. Wait a moment, she’s currently talking to Robin for their finishing touch on Hayi’s song.”

“Oh, she’s one of the producers?”

“Well, she did almost half of her songs in this upcoming album. She’s great, they’re both great.”

“Yes, they are, hyung.”

“Ah, Hanbin-ah. You’re here. Perfect timing. Come here, I need extra pairs of ears for quality control.” Lydia-noona asks me to go to her right after she saw me. I bow to Tablo-hyung and walk toward her.

“Oppa, you come here too.” She asks Tablo-hyung to come as well.

“So, what do you want us to do, Lydia?”

“Well, give us feedbacks on these songs. I feel there’s something lacking, but I can’t really put my finger in which part.”

So, we listen to her song one by one. Some songs are already finished but there are still three songs that hasn’t finished recorded yet, so we only hear the music, without the lyrics. So far I like Special and Fool of Love the best, because these songs have a very distinct feel to it. I also think that her voice matches well with Jennie.We give some feedback to them in order to improve the song’s quality.

“Ah, these three songs aren’t finished yet. So we’ll be hearing the music first.”

“These two songs have a very familiar feeling, they feel so close.”

“Maybe that’s because they’re made by the same person, Hanbin-ah. Your ears are really sharp.”

“Ah, thank you, noona.”

“I think I like Special and Fool of Love the best, Lydia.” Tablo hyung smiles proudly while saying that.

“I like those songs too, hyung.”

“Don’t tell me you’re complementing those songs because you write them?”

“You know me so well.” We laugh and after several minutes, we continue with our work.

“So, what do you think about these last two songs, Hanbin-ah?” Lydia noona eagerly waits for my response.

“I like them, noona. They have a very smooth yet powerful feel to it. But I can’t really tell whether it matches with the song. ”

“Here is the lyrics, this one titled ‘Am I strange” and this one titled ‘One-sided Love”. Do you like these kind of  song?”

“ …..”

“Hanbin-ah, what are you thinking about?”

That song, I saw the lyrics for the first time, and I stunned.

“A-ah, sorry noona, I was just kind of dozzed off. I like the second song better, noona.”

“Both songs are unique, do you think it needs more improvement?”

“Hmm, I like the innocent and sweet feel of the lyric in the second song. I can imagine her having her one-sided love. It’s so sweet. The last lyric ‘He just need to exist, he’s all I need’ has a very naïve and relatable feel toward younger market.” Tablo-hyung comments on the song. That song.

“Hanbin-ah, what do you think? You’re suddenly so quiet.”

“Ah, noona I’m sorry. I feel rather dizzy. Can I go first?” With that, I excused myself and walk as fast as I can toward an empty room. I sit and try to calm my breathing.

How can it be? Did she know my feeling for her? How could that be a coincidence?

Aish, my head hurts.