Kris didn’t want to get up from the comforts of his couch. The unbearable physical pain from in between his legs have already subsided but the emotional pain than coursed through every vein in his body didn’t even weaken. One moment of weakness, one moment of indecision, one moment of vulnerability didn’t just inflict hurt to himself but, worse, to other people. Especially Baekhyun and Chanyeol. He hates himself for that.

                He’s not used to having low moments in his life. For all of Kris’ existence, he rarely (to none, even) experiences pain, sorrow, anger, disappointment and discomfort. The absence of those feelings, ironically, made him feel them. Bringing him back again to his stupid plan and how he has looped Chanyeol in to his twisted rationale. And fate could’ve been playing on him because then there’s Baekhyun thrown in when he haven’t even sorted things out to get his head straight.

                Because he doesn’t have a ing clue on how to deal with himself.

                So much for being perfect.

                If anything, I’m just stupidly perfect because I’m far from being one and yet I somehow am? It doesn’t make sense. It’s stupid.

                And now he doesn’t know what to do. Why did he even be in this kind of situation? Why did he return Baekhyun’s kiss? Because he did not feel something that he does when he is kissing Chanyeol. He did not feel any hesitation in Baekhyun’s kiss. He felt Baekhyun’s trust in him in that peck on his lips. And he attached himself to that. He never felt the impact of Chanyeol’s little pushes until that one kiss. That kiss with Baekhyun became his epiphany. Chanyeol was rejecting him, no matter how unintentional. And Baekhyun didn’t.

                The little rejections that Chanyeol has unknowingly given him added up, piled inside him and like a time bomb, it was bound to explode eventually. And it was just bad timing that it had to be ticked off when he was with Baekhyun.

                Kris realizes these one at a time but it didn’t make him feel a tad better. It’s even putting him more down. He knew where he had gone wrong but where does he start correcting them? Would Chanyeol even look at him after what happened? He has given him more than enough chances to be with him but what did Kris have to do? He let himself succumb to that insignificant hurt that he has felt.

                Chanyeol is one case but then there’s still Baekhyun. Kris saw how Baekhyun’s eyes lit up at his slip up. They literally shone. Kris saw hope in them which he can’t live out. Kris loves Chanyeol very much and he won’t be able to see anyone else like he sees Chanyeol now. But then again, how is he even sure that it is love that he feels for Chanyeol? He has never been in love before and all his references about it are just a bunch of romantic novels and a handful of movies.

                Kris had to slap himself because he is being unnecessarily difficult. Whatever he feels for Chanyeol certainly is different from wat he feels towards Luhan. Luhan didn’t render him sleepless nights (except when he suddenly appears inside of his bedroom to annoy Kris to keep him awake for something ridiculous like his aircondition is humming weirdly for some reason that Luhan finds it scary), or butterflies in the stomach nor his presence is enough to co