It was like returning to one month ago – waking up to his alpha’s caresses on his head.

Sungmin snuggled closer into his alpha’s chest, fingers repeatedly clutching his alpha’s shirt that he had yet to let go after one night.

“Hmmm?” His alpha made a gentle sound, a breath ruffling his hair. “Are you awake?” He fought against the lure of sleep, trying his best to open his eyes to his alpha’s rich voice. “Not hungry? We should eat breakfast before we have to miss lunch entirely…”

“Mmh…” Sungmin released the crumpled fabric, reaching up to rub his eyes sleepily. Despite having slept in, he was still tired after the sleepless night spent alone two nights ago. He lifted his head at the chuckle from his alpha, only to freeze abruptly upon awareness of their current position.

Their bodies were pressed together, legs closely entangled underneath the blanket that had survived the night over them. It wasn’t the proximity that was shocking; what gripped his entire body so tightly was the hardness pressed up against his thigh.

“Sungmin?” Confusion filled his alpha’s tone.

 “I…” Drawing a deep breath, Sungmin pulled back the leg thrown over his alpha’s thigh, then swiftly withdrawing his other leg that was trapped between his alpha’s. Heat rushed up to his neck, burning the back of his ears as he clenched his eyes tight and waited for his alpha’s reaction.

There was a long period of silence before Kyuhyun cleared his throat awkwardly, giving off an indication that he had realised the situation. “Sorry, don’t be afraid. I won’t make you…”

“If you want me, I…” Sungmin paused at his voice cracking, unable to finish his statement. He was supposed to be Kyuhyun’s – his body belonged to Kyuhyun – and it should be natural for him to offer himself up to his alpha. However, the nagging fear that his panic disorder would act up, that he would remember those hands, that his alpha would see the disgraceful mark on his chest, clogged up his throat.

“No,” his alpha said firmly, “I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to.” The tension was broken by his alpha’s embarrassed laughter, prompting Sungmin to look up to his alpha’s equally reddened face. “You know…” Kyuhyun scratched his head like a shy, awkward boy, eyes avoiding Sungmin’s. “This isn’t the first time this happened.”

Sungmin could only stare wordlessly at his alpha, because… Is this his alpha? He had never seen Kyuhyun embarrassed or as unconfident as this, though he had seen his alpha crying once. This side of his alpha was new to him; it made the always-confident Kyuhyun who seemed to know everything real. Though it may have made his alpha seem less perfect to others, it only made Sungmin feel closer to his alpha. Because he was the only one who could see this Cho Kyuhyun.  

“The alpha inside me is going crazy from being unable to claim you back yet. The first night when we returned here… No, even before losing you,” Kyuhyun chewed on his lower lip, contemplating on his admission for two seconds before rushing out his words. “I-woke-up-like-that-several-times-because-I-was-in-bed-with-you.”

Sungmin blinked, unable to stomach where this conversation was heading. How was he supposed to respond to… his alpha’s admission of lust for him? The blush returned full force at that thought.

“I never really thought much about it at first because you know, this happens to boys in the morning, so I would just take care of it before you woke up and found out but this morning your leg was—I didn’t want to wake you up so I didn’t dare to move and I just hoped you wouldn’t find out but—” His alpha drew a huge audible breath after the lengthy ramble. Their eyes meeting once, Kyuhyun shook his head rapidly, the movement messing up his blond strands. “Sorry, what am I saying… Anyway, just… just ignore what I said. You only have to know that I won’t touch you in any way you don’t want me to.” His alpha recovered from the fluster, meeting his eyes steadily this time. “This, I promise you, Sungmin. If you’re uncomfortable, tell me any time and I’ll stop. I will control myself. I will wait… until you’re ready for me.”

Sungmin stared, his heart thumping so loud he could hear it in his ears. His alpha would… wait…?

The flood of emotions that rose from within him triggered the sourness in his nose, tears welling up in his eyes rolling off his cheeks one drop after another like beads from a broken-string necklace.

“Why—” The flustered look took over his alpha again, and panicked hands dried the tears off his cheeks carelessly. “Don’t cry. I’m sorry. Did I scare you?”

Unable to trust his voice, Sungmin shook his head, allowing his alpha to pull him into a warm embrace again.

~--~

His alpha's words and actions were making him more confused, yet clearer at the same time. Confused, because his alpha was never one to express much of his own thoughts, but ever since they got back together, the lid to his alpha's speechbox seemed to have been pried open. But thinking deeper, Sungmin was well aware of how hard his alpha was trying for him, and it only made it crystal clear that his alpha wanted him there, wanted them to be… together.

And when his alpha tried too hard, something funny would happen, breaking down all of Sungmin's defences and uptightness. Like how Sungmin now stood in front of the toaster, not knowing if he should be laughing at the situation.

“Sungmin, just sit down and wait-ah, hot,” He turned to see his alpha blowing at reddened fingers, apparently having burned them with the eggs in the boiled water.

“Uh!” Sungmin let out a sound of surprise, instinctively grabbing his alpha's hand to run under the water from the adjacent tap. “You should be more careful,” he mumbled under his breath, brows furrowing at his alpha’s injured delicate skin.  Leaving his alpha’s hand under the running water, Sungmin moved to the other side of the kitchen, ransacking through the cabinets for the first aid kit he knew Jinhee stored somewhere.

“I didn't think it would be this hard to retrieve the eggs…” his alpha said in a suspiciously whiny voice, reminding Sungmin of the times his alpha acted like a kid in front of Jinhee.

“You should have turned off the stove and drained the water first,” Sungmin absently replied, relieved as he spotted the first aid kit hidden in the corner of the right cabinet.

“I used a spoon but the egg was going to roll off, so I caught it with my hand in a panic…” The sound of running water was cut off, prompting Sungmin to turn and see his alpha attempting to drain the water from the pot as told, struggling to keep the eggs from rolling into the sink together with the water.

Setting the first aid kit on the tabletop, Sungmin grabbed the pot from his alpha silently, another hand reaching for the pot lid, which he used to hold the eggs in place as the water was drained.

“Ah…” His alpha uttered a sound of enlightenment, passing an empty plate to him.

“Bowl,” he said simply, causing his alpha to flusteredly switch the plate for a proper bowl.

After transferring the eggs and setting it aside to cool, Sungmin dragged his alpha by the hand to the table, examining the burnt fingers again.

“I guess I messed up hur…?” His alpha said with an embarrassed smile as Sungmin searched for something to apply for burns.

Deciding on the aloe vera gel, he uncapped the tube, carefully spreading the substance over the burnt areas. “It’s my job to cook.”

“I just want to make breakfast for you for once…” The soft mumble from his alpha created a contrastingly large impact on his fragile heart.

Sungmin raised his head, freezing at the affectionate gaze that was set upon him, his heart thumping louder and louder. And then his alpha smiled, a smile so gentle Sungmin had to tear his gaze away before his heart exploded.

“Than-Thank you… M-Master,” he stuttered with a flushed face before suddenly remembering the toaster problem. “But Master, why did you cut the top of the bread slices off?”

“Oh,” Kyuhyun looked towards the direction of the toaster with a frown. “The top will never get toasted since they are outside, isn’t it? I tried to squeeze them in but I guess ahjumma bought the wrong size of bread to be toasted…” His alpha trudged towards the toaster. “How do I know when they’re ready though… It’s been a while—”

Sungmin’s loud laughter cut through the kitchen’s silent air, prompting his alpha to whip a head around at him. Abruptly realising that he shouldn’t be laughing at his alpha, Sungmin froze, panic bubbling up from the pit of his stomach. It wasn’t just laughing at his alpha; he had been freely, perhaps even rudely, responding to his alpha when his alpha had been so kind to make breakfast for him. How could he have relaxed and made a mistake this serious? He was supposed to be respectful towards his alpha… What if his alpha fault him for disrespect? What if—

“Sungmin…?”

His eyes focused on the concerned gaze watching him. 

“I…” The irrational fear turning his stomach upside down sent his knees to the floor, the loud, hard thumps against the dark ceramic tiles as though a self-punishment for the owner. Sungmin swallowed the cries building up in his throat, wringing his fingers together as he bowed his head low. “I am s-sorry, Master—I am sorry… I’m s-sorry—”

He shivered uncontrollably as he caught sight of his alpha crouching down from the corner of his eye, pressing his head lower at the submissive nature urging him to do so. “I’m sorry, M-Master. Plea-Please forgive m-me… I won’t d-do it again—I won’t—”

“Do what?” He fought the instinct to flinch and hide when his alpha’s hand held his shoulder. “What are you apologising for?”

“I-I won’t be disrespectful again… I won’t be—P-P-Please don’t punish me—No-N-No—” Sungmin shook his head violently. “I-I will take any p-p-punishment M-Master sees fit.”

“Sungmin-ah.” His alpha’s hand slid up his neck to lift his head, but Sungmin was adamant in keeping his head bowed. “Oh god. Sungmin-ah, look at me, please.”

At the begging tone of his alpha, he allowed the gentle hands cupping his cheeks to lift his head, desperately fighting the urge to cry. His alpha was gentle, so gentle with him he couldn’t help but tremble at the fear of what was coming after the gentleness ended.

“I am sorry—”

“No,” his alpha’s firm hands forbidded him from escaping. “You weren’t being disrespectful. I like you being that relaxed around me, I like you smiling, I like you laughing—Understand?”

Sungmin stared into the worried eyes, breath hitching as his alpha’s thumb caught a tear that broke free.

“You did nothing wrong, understand?” His alpha prodded.

“Y-Yes… Master…” He answered, though he didn’t understand with the fear and panic clouding his mind. He had broken a rule, but if his alpha said he didn’t, then he must have not, no?

Sungmin forced a smile as his alpha pulled him up from the floor, sitting him on the chair as his pants were rolled up to check his knees. When his alpha asked whether they were hurting, he shook his head, giving another smile as best as he could. And he smiled when his alpha made him a sandwich, giving up on the toaster that was never switched on in the first place.

Because his alpha liked him smiling.

~--~

It was the second shock for him in an hour when his omega had gone down on knees again halfway during breakfast, begging him not to make them go out for grocery shopping at the supermarket. Though his omega had smiled upon him resolving the problem by suggesting online shopping instead, he could sense that his omega didn’t believe him when he said that “It’s okay”, “It’s alright”, “It’s not your fault”.

He felt helpless all over again with his omega, despite feeling earlier that he was handling the situation better for once. Now, he didn’t know how to tell Sungmin that he meant what he said, that it was really alright.

Having sent Sungmin to the bedroom to retrieve his laptop, Kyuhyun poured himself a glass of water, popping two of the pills Kihwan had prescribed for him. He was about to wash up the glass when he spotted his omega standing at the kitchen doorway with a laptop in hand, staring at the bottle sitting on the tabletop.

It suddenly occurred to him what it looked like to his omega.

“This…” Abandoning the glass in the sink, he picked up the bottle and strode over to his omega. “This is not what you’re thinking. They are not the drugs from previously—I promised you I won’t take them again.” Anxiously spinning the bottle, he showed the label to his omega, pointing at Kihwan’s name. “This was prescribed by Dr. Song. I guess I didn’t make it very clear to you when we left the clinic yesterday. I’m seeing Dr. Song just like you’re seeing Soohyang-ssi.”

His omega’s brows furrowed, but there were still no words as those round eyes stared up at him.

“The drugs I took previously were stabilizers that suppressed the alpha inside me, but there were side effects when I stopped taking them,” he explained. “They made me sad, made me anxious, and when I’m anxious—I start to lose control and make mistakes I shouldn’t be making. So these,” he shook the bottle, “These are anti-depressants that are supposed to help me cope with the anxiety and reverse the effects of the previous drug.” Kyuhyun paused for his omega to respond, but there was none. “You… understand what I’m saying?”

“Yes, Master,” his omega mumbled, gaze lowering to the bottle in his hand.

“Do you… not have any questions for me?”

He watched the transformation of expressions on the struggling face until the owner appeared to win against the submissive nature likely to be obstructing him. “Why… Why are you seeing Song Sonsaengnim…?”

A sense of relief filled Kyuhyun at the thought that his omega was asking questions and didn’t revert back to only giving default answers. “Because I feel so helpless