a y chapter ahead. you have been warned. i'm really losing ideas for this chapter cuz i kept thinking of the ending chapter(s). more ranting after the chap..lol.

 

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'Don't tell me you love me when you can't promise to not hurt me anymore, Don't tell me you'll wait, do you even know what it feels to wait for someone who never comes? 'Cause I know that feeling. Why can't we just smile at each other without any unspoken burden...? Of words that can't be kept, Of love that can't be afford, Of pieces that can't be glued, Why can't we just smile, and forget anything ever happened?'       "Cut! Now, that's what I'm talking about! natural chemistry! Okay, everyone. give a big clap to yourselves, especially to our main characters."   As the sound of resonating clappings came to a close, she realized it's time to return to reality, and there, she saw the face that'd help her to remind herself that between acting and reality, things have become too far apart. His sombre face, and forced weak smile while bowing to the rest of the crews as they say their goodbyes to wrap up the day reminded her of how far yesterday had left them.   The beautiful heart fluttering memories of the time when she started spending more time than she should, trying to chase him away from occupying her thoughts without being invited to do so. It all started with his radio show when she was appointed as weekly guest, even though they had met even before that, and at that time, he never even spared her a glance. It was when they're forced to make conversation in that small compartment, that he began to look at her. It didn't took her long to notice that he liked her more than a normal senior towards his junior. He wasn't good at all at pretending. And even if she wanted to ignore him, she just couldn't.    Then there were the days when they finally confronted their own feelings and took the brave little step they're not supposed to take, considering who they are. All the running and hiding from fans and reporters during their secret dates. In fact, she had never run as much as she did, whenever she went out with him, considering she never really like exercising. But running around with him, was the most fun thing she had done and felt ever since she joined the depressing world of shining idols that does not even feel near as shining as they look.   And there were the times when they started to get busier. He, with his countless variety shows and solo projects. She, with KARA's sudden uprising in Japan. There were less dates, less running around hand in hand, less talking on the phone. They tried to keep holding on to each other. She could feel that they both tried. That's what she wanted to believe. Until she realized whenever she run straight from her packed schedules to make time just to see him, often she end up coming back alone, tired, empty. He was just getting too busy. She tried to understand him. She tried not to think too much about it. Besides, she had made a new friend at the cafe who always manage to make her momentarily forget about her tiredness and disappointment.   That was until that day.    The day she casually saw him on TV while going through just another tiring disappointment.   And finally, there were the crazy days she went through after the breakup when everything just collided and tangled and end up in a mess she couldn't seem to freed herself from.   'I've really made a fool of myself because of love that doesn't last, or was it even love in the first place, or was it just infatuation? My heart hurts just thinking about you. And thinking of the people I've hurt because of my own stupidity. Omma, Appa, President, Manager oppa, Jiyoungie, Seungyeonie, Nicori, Hara...I should've been their strength, yet I became their burden, and hurt them. So... embarrassing. Do you even know what I went through? And then there's that boy...who likes me that much. So much, that I can't even face him anymore if I don't pretend to not acknowledge his heart. I know what kind of a boy he is. The kind that only lives in novels, and the second lead in dramas. Too perfect. I refused to believe that someone like