Jongup took his time climbing the stairs, taking in the frames on the walls and the feel of the cool metal rail sliding through his fingers. He counted each step.

One,

Two,

Three.

He’d climbed these stairs hundreds of times. Yet only now he began to appreciate the little details.

Or rather, this time he didn’t want to go up.

It’d been a while since he’d been here; the day of Minah’s death. He’d legally been given leave, and although he didn’t really want to break the normality of his routine (what could he do instead of grieve?) he wanted some time away from this place.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like his job. It wasn’t too bad, and he was good at it, so he was content. He just knew, that after Minah’s death, he probably wouldn’t like it so much.

He swallowed and adjusted his collar. Why was he so nervous?

He knew why. He just tried to ignore it.

He walked through the room, littered with computers and beeping and workers milling around like ants. It was bustling, as always, though to Jongup it seemed that when he walked in the room stopped. He felt eyes on him, burning into his skin so he couldn’t look up and act normal. It wasn’t normal, and he knew that everyone in the room knew it wasn’t too. But they weren’t trying their hardest to hide it.

He heard the noise begin again when he’d walked into his office, though now, he noted, it was more hushed so he knew they were discussing his return, even though they knew he couldn’t hear their gossip. He didn’t care really. What was there to say? His sister was dead. He’d had time off work to grieve. He was back at work. His past two months wrapped up in three sentences.

His office was neat and tidy, probably re-organised by his PA. Now he was sat back in his office, he realised he’d missed Sara. She was the only one who he enjoyed talking to at work, and he was thrilled she was his PA. He desperately needed one of her caramel coffees.

As if on cue, he heard Sara’s knock on his door and he subconsciously yelled, “Come in.”

His PA walked in, holding a mug of steaming coffee. “Jongup! So glad to see you!” She put the coffee mug down on a luxury coffee mat, something his boss had insisted on, and gave him a hug. “How are you?”

Jongup gave a smile to try and express his emotions the best he could without actually saying anything. “Getting there. You know?”

Sara gave a sympathetic nod, and Jongup held up his hands before she had chance to reply.

“None of this sympathy, Sara. I know you mean well but it won’t help me…I’ve had enough of it recently.”

“Sorry.” Sara shrugged. “I just don’t know what to say.”

“Try and be normal.” Jongup gave her another smile. “It’s OK. This is work. I’d prefer if my work life stayed as normal. Everything else has changed, I need to cling on to normality.”

“I get it.” Sara pointed to the mug as she made her way over to her desk in the corner. “I made you your favourite. I thought maybe you’d want it.”

“Of course I do.” Jongup picked it up and took a sip, the hot liquid burning his tongue though he loved the sweet taste of his favourite drink. He’d always tried to make it for Minah, though he’d always failed and secretly took some home in a flask, curtesy of Sara of course.

“What’s happened while I’ve been gone?” Jongup question, sitting down at his desk and starting up the computer.

“Well-” Sara was cut off by the sudden ring of the phone on her desk, and she answered immediately.

“Moon Jongup’s office.” She spoke with an automated tone. There was silence, and although Jongup couldn’t hear a word from the person on the other side of the line, his heart began to pound a bit more ferociously in his chest.

“Of course.” Sara spoke after a few seconds, and replaced the phone in the holder.

“He wants to see you.”

Jongup sighed, all his eyes shooting out of his mouth quickly like he’d been punched in the stomach. He knew this would be happening, though he’d hoped he’d have time to settle down first.

“Should I walk with you?” Sara offered, getting up.

“No, no.” Jongup shook his head as he headed for the door, straightening his tie. “I’ll be alright.”

Sara sat down reluctantly, and Jongup left the cosiness of his office and headed for his boss’.

*

“Jongup.”

“Mr McVey.”

“Good to see you.” Jongup’s boss held out his hand across his desk and Jongup shook it. “Hope you’re well. Sorry about your loss.”

“Thank you.” The conversation was dry and too formal. Jongup sat awkwardly in the chair facing Mr McVey. He felt like he was re-doing his interview, all those years ago.

“Now, Jongup, you had a task to do. What happened? I don’t really understand what has happened, and I couldn’t ask you whilst you were away…”

Jongup began to speak. He heard the words coming from his mouth, flowing out with ease though he wasn’t sure how he was doing it. He felt as though he was disconnected from his mouth, and it was on the outside where he was calm. Inside he felt distressed, nervous, upset, guilty.

He wasn’t sure how long he was speaking for, but he eventually finished and stopped talking to allow Mr McVey to make a response.

He nodded. “I try to employ to best, Jongup. If you aren’t up to the job…”

“I am.” Jongup insisted, his heart dropping. Was he going to get fired?

His boss nodded again. “Then this won’t happen again, will it?”

Jongup shook his head firmly, though inside he was doubting his answer. “No, sir.”

“I know it won’t. Please go back to your office and take your things home with you. You don’t need to return today.”

“I’m sorry?” Did he hear wrong? Was he fired? Jongup’s brow furrowed as he tried to make sense of it. Surely he didn’t deserve to be fired? But his guilty conscience hung over him like a raincloud and he realised with a punch in the stomach, yes. Yes, he did. “I’m fired?”

“No!” Mr McVey shook his hands in the air. “I want you back tomorrow. Bright and early, to continue your work. I will get Miss Poney to give you information of what you will be doing tomorrow, but today you will not be working here. I shall see you tomorrow, Jongup. And I want the Jongup that I employed. Not the Jongup that failed me. And others.” Mr McVey’s words punched Jongup, yet again, though he remained composed until he’d nodded thanks and left the room.

He felt tears springing to his eyes with relief but upset. His boss could be a cruel, cruel man, but he’d stuck by his company for the pay. The pay was excellent, and he enjoyed his job as long as he was nowhere near McVey’s office.

He hurried back to the office, hoping Sara wasn’t there so he wouldn’t have to explain. His heart sank when he saw her still tapping away at her keyboard, sipping coffee absent-mindedly.

“Jongup! What did he say?”

“Not much.” He muttered like a stubborn child, pulling on his jacket and grabbing his briefcase. “I’m coming back tomorrow. See you, Sara.”

“Jongup? Wait!” He didn’t wait. He hurried along the corridors, ignoring the eyes still burning the back of his school and he ran two at a time down the stairs, ignoring the details that had saturated his mind on the way up and ran outside, the morning sun’s rays blinding him.

He wasn’t sure what he was going to do for the rest of the day, but he knew he didn’t want to be anywhere near that place. He’d wanted it to be his sanctuary, for goodness sake! His piece of normality! He turned back angrily, eyeing the window of his boss. The blinds were closed. Every blind in their building was closed.

“Oh!” Jongup, distracted by the building behind him, bumped accidentally into a woman walking the opposite way. He swung his head back around and held his hands up apologetically.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” The woman shook her head in response, clutching her belly protectively. Jongup ran round her, desperate to get away and to get home.

Get away from his new normality.