The house was so empty when Claire walked in; she hadn’t got round to clearing up her family home to a Yongguk-less one, so everywhere she looked, she got reminded. Not that she would ever forget. His keys, his coat…his shoes were still in the hallway. Claire tutted, smiling at them. She’d told him to put them away the day before he died. She’d had a nag, he’d smiled the cheeky smile he always did and hugged her round the waist when she was still mad. She’d tried to cling on to her authority but she couldn’t when he kissed her…

Claire clung to her stomach.

At first, she was upset about her pregnancy. Angry. Terrified. She’d been left on her own, without her husband and her love and her support. How was she going to cope? Financially? Mentally? She began to panic, hating the foetus in her stomach for causing pain she hadn’t yet experienced.

She rubbed her belly tenderly.

She didn’t hate her baby. It was her baby, Yongguk’s baby. Their genetic mixture in another little person. Their child.

There was two ways she could look at this; a painful reminder of Yongguk, his death, the grief she had suffered (and still was) and a reason to feel angry at Yongguk for stopping by his office at the wrong time and getting shot. Or, she could cherish this little life, and think of their child as a piece of Yongguk left in her life. She’d be all alone without this baby. Tasha was right; a life had gone, but now she had been blessed with a new life. Her life would’ve been easier and more complete with Yongguk still here, yes, but she had the help of Yongguk’s family and the knowledge that this was Yongguk’s wish too.

“You would’ve been a great dad.” She said out loud as she took her suitcase up to their room. She passed the spare room and stood for a while, staring in through the gap between the door and the frame. It was a mess; they’d never had a reason to keep it necessarily tidy.

“This will be the baby’s room.” She said. “I’m going to sort all this stuff out and make it nice and tidy. I’ll paint the walls white and I’ll decorate it yellow, because that can be for a boy or a girl. I don’t want to find out the gender. I think it’ll be a nice surprise, don’t you?” She left the suitcase in on the landing and tiptoed inside, as if a baby was in there already, not to be disturbed. “I think our baby will like ducks. I’ll buy a fluffy duck teddy for our baby, and it’ll carry it around with them all the time until it gets worn and old and dirty but I won’t be allowed to throw it away because our baby will like it so much.” Talking was helping. She began to feel happy and excited for her future family. “The cot will go here.” She pointed to the corner of the room. “And the chest of drawers.” She pointed again. “I bet our baby will be fashionable, if it’s going to take after you, so it’ll need a lot of clothes space because I’ll buy it lots of clothes! I’ll go with your sister; she’d love that. And I’ll let Jake pick out something. I bet it’ll be covered in dinosaurs, even if we’re having a girl.” Claire sighed. “He misses you, Guk, though he doesn’t fully understand. Everyone misses you. I miss you.” She rubbed her stomach. “I’m going to tell our child about you every day. They won’t forget, though they never remembered because they never met you. But they’ll have photographs and videos and stories to cherish, like we all have, and our baby will love you. Just as much as I do.” She remained stood in the centre of the room, looking round and imagining what it would look like in a few months’ time. How happy it would look with the bright yellow ducks and toy basket and the changing mat and the big pack of nappies tucked away in the corner.

“You’re going to love it, baby.” She whispered to her tummy. “I promise you’ll really love it.”