Over the course of the next few months, L got progressively more cold until he was like how he was when we first met. Me on the other hand,  was going getting more and more hurt and worried.

He didn't care about me anymore and as selfish as it might sound, I wanted him to care about me again. He wouldn't talk to me in class unless it was absolutely necessary and even then it would be curt. At lunch, he'd occasionally leave the group to go eat somewhere else, leaving no explanation at all. Even though our lockers were in the same area, he would deliberately go quickly and leave so he wouldn't have to wait for me.

I could pretend to brave all of these things, but the amount of hurt that punctured through me was not just those small things. It was the fact that he wouldn't even look at me.

I'd see him in the halls and even though it was pretty evident that I was staring at him, waiting for him to say hi or at least acknowledge me, he'd only glare straight ahead and brush by me. At lunch he would talk to the group, but when I said something he'd immediately become silent and look away with a stormy look on his face.

It was torment because I could see that the coldness he was giving me was unequivocal, and that hurts on a whole new level, even if it is already half a year since we broke up.

I'd tell Sungyeol the same thing that he did, over and over again and he'd give me the same advice over and over again. I could tell that he wasn't as into the situation with me as he was before because, well, who would? Anyone would get tired of it, and I'm not blaming Sungyeol-I know that I'm burdening him. Gradually, I stopped telling him every single little detail and just pretended to be a bit more okay around him, even if I was not.

Being the only child really did though; I had no one to talk about this with. My parents didn't know that I was dating and I'm about to tell them now. So, I decided to confide in someone who I knew would understand and take care of me very well: Hyorin.

Today at lunch, I sat next to her, nibbling on my bread and timidly joining in the conversation. When everyone else seemed to be immersed with Sungjong and Dongwoo haivng yet another hilarious quarrel, I pulled Hyorin aside and asked her, "Unnie, can I talk to you for a second?" She seemed a bit lost, but nodded. We walked over to an empty gym and sat down.

I told her everything bit and bit and gauged her reaction. She seemed to be pretty calm about it, but as I continued the retelling she did look a bit pained on my behalf. After finishing it, I wrapped my arms around my knee and looked up at her. "So, eottokke Unnie?" She looked at me and sighed.

"Hwayoung-ah, you can't let go because you've never tried. You need to learn to give yourself some room to be away from him. Try and just stop thinking about him for a few days, and stop trying so hard to intereact with him, and see how that goes. Let your heart relax for a bit, arasso?" she patted my arm.

"What you're doing right now is equivalent to picking at a scab. Whenever a scab forms, you pick at it, causing it to break skin and bleed again, causing it even longer to heal. You keep thinking about L and pursuing him even when he has no more interest in you, and you need to stop that."

I looked at her in wonder, because I had never thought of it in that way. I slowly nodded and got up. "Gomawo Unnie, you've helped me a lot! I've been stuck on this for half a year that I couldn't look in other directions."

Hyorin smiled at me and nodded. "Anytime Hwayoung-ah. You know I'm always here for you, arasso? Talk to me anytime and I'll try my best to help you." I nodded and helped her up as the bell rung, reaching for my bag, but grasping nothing. I gasped.

"Omo, I left my bag in the cafeteria! I will catch up to you later unnie! Bye!" I called over my shoulder as I started to run out of the gym. She laughed heartily and waved at me.

I reached the cafeteria, breathless, to see that all of my friends had gone, along with my bag. A wave of panic washed over me as I ran around, hoping that maybe it had fallen and was just lying on the floor under a table somewhere. 

I can't let anybody see this, I thought as the panic swelled up with every second that passed. I write down all of my pent up feelings in my notebook and it's in my bag! How could I be such a pabo? If L sees it... I couldn't even bear to think of it and my searching became more frantic.

"Where is it?" I muttered to myself, getting more and more panicky by the second. Walking through the empty cafeteria, crouching under tables and pulling back chairs, I didn't care that I was late and continued my hunt of my notebook.

In the midst of crouching under a table, a voice called, "Young-ah?" I yelped and banged my head on the underside of the table, groaning at the dizziness and pain that swiftly followed. A pair of arms reached around me and pulled me out.

"Mianhae," Sungyeol sheepishly said, rubbing the top of my head. I glared at him, lightly punching his chest. 

"It hurts!"

"I know, I know, I'm sorry, Young-ah." My eyes landed onto my familiar notebook in his hand and I had to stifle a gasp. Did he read it? DID HE OPEN IT? No, right? He wouldn't do that... my mind swelled up in a panic for a moment before calming down. Oh yeah, he knows everything already...well, the main details anyway. He probably didn't read it. 

His eyes followed my gaze to his hand and he held my notebook out to me. "You left your notebook here, you pabo." I took it from him gratefully and hugged it to my chest. "Gomawo, Yeol oppa." I looked at him suspiciously. "You didn't look at it, right?"

His eyes flashed with something I couldn't read and he shook his head. "Of course not! Who do you think I am, hmm?" I laughed, looking around him, expecting him to be holding my bag somewhere. When I didn't see it, I looked at him with a confused look. "Oppa, where's my bag?"

He blinked at me. "Your bag? You didn't carry it around with you?" I shook my head. "Ani, I left everything here. I just brought my phone with me."

He furrowed his brows. "Oh, that's weird then." I cocked my head to the side. "Where did you find my notebook?" 

"Huh? Oh Hoya hyung gave it to me and said that you dropped it," he said casually. My heart tightened. Hoya? Hoya had it? Why would he have it? I didn't even take it out of my bag...my bag's gone, but the notebook's here. What did he read? A fresh wave of panic overwhelmed me.

"Did he open it? Did he read it? What did he do? Where did he find it? Where's my bag then?" Sungyeol chuckled and held his hands up. "Molla, he just came by and told me that you were in the cafeteria but he had to rush to take a test so he gave me this and told me to find you." I stared at my notebook. He must've seen it.

"But my bag, Yeol oppa!" I whined. He laughed. "Look for it after class. The teacher is going to think we ditched! Gaja~" he dragged me to our class, his attitude bright for no reason. Oddly, it looked like he was faking it, but I was too immersed with the thought of Hoya reading my notebook that I failed to notice.

We walked in, ten minutes late and apologized. Near the end of the class, Soyu texted me saying that she had my bag with her and not to worry. I breathed a small sigh of relief, but I was still wondering about Hoya.

♫~◄~♔~►~♫

Sungyeol saw Hoya with a worried face on as he jogged through the halls. As he came closer, he waved a hand in the air. "Hyung!" 

Hoya looked startled and looked over. A resolve seemed to form in his eyes and he shoved my notebook at Sungyeol. "Yeol-ah, can you give this is Hwayoung? It's her notebook. She uh...left it in the cafeteria at lunch. She should still be there now. Go find her." He started to race away and Sungyeol called after him.

"Hyung! Why can't you give it to her yourself?" His pace slowed at the question and he turned around, thinking of a lie on the spot. "Uh, hyung has a test to go to right now! Mr. Yoon is strict! I'll see you later!" And with that he disappeared out of Sungyeol's sight.

Looking confused, he looked down at my notebook, wondering why it was so important to give it to me now. Thinking that it was some homework notebook, he flipped through the pages casually while walking towards the cafeteria but stopped in his tracks when he realized what it was.

"I shouldn't look at this." he whispered, but his curiosity and care for me got the better of him and he read on.

He read about my heartbreaking stories, about how I pathetically attempted at a one-sided flirting with him, how I still clung to him, the feeling I got every time I saw him, and every time he ignored me. He flipped to the last page and when his eyes landed at the bottom, he was surprised when he saw the mention of his name.

I know that Sungyeol cares a lot for me and I'm really grateful for that, but over the course of six months, with me telling him the same thing over and over again, I can tell that he's tired of it.

He began to lose interest and sometimes even looked bothered by it. I don't know what to do because I really do need to talk to someone about this, but I guess I can take all the blows quietly by myself.

Mianhae, Sungyeol oppa. I won't burden you with this anymore. I will try to be strong and composed in front of you, even if it is just acting.

Once again, I'm truly alone. Alone when my heart got stepped on, alone when L left me for the nth time today. Alone when I tried to force my hot tears back. Alone in everything. Why can't I just get over him, I've been writing in this dumb notebook for the past month now, and that's not counting the other notebooks that I finished. L for Love, huh? How about L for Liar.

Sungyeol's breath hitched when he finished reading my last entry. "So that's why she's been so strangely happy...I thought she had gotten better, but she was just putting up an act. I can't believe she saw through my mask."

He gently touched the page. "Of course I'm bothered, you pabo-ah. I've liked you since two years ago and seeing you hurt is equivalent to a blow to me. How can I not be bothered?" he sighed. "Hwayoung-ah, don't conceal your thoughts from me..."

Carefully closing it and making sure it seemed like it was never opened, he went to the cafeteria to find me. As he walked, he started to wonder why Hoya had the notebook and whether he saw it not. His thoughts were interrupted when he saw me crouching under a table, searching for the notebook.

He smiled softly. "Of course she'd be worried. Even skipping class for it."

♫~◄~♔~►~♫

Hoya watched as I went out of the cafeteria with Hyorin, wondering what we were up to. As he turned back, he noticed that I had left my bag there, even opened. He saw the edge of my notebook peeking out of the bag and bit his lip.

He knew I wrote about L in there, because he had caught me a couple of times secretly writing in it in the library. He wanted to read it badly, hoping to see if there was anything in there that would wake L up from this delusional phase of giving me up to Sungyeol.

Don't get him wrong, he loved Sungyeol too, but he knew that L and I were meant to be, and L was making a stupid decision in giving me up for Sungyeol.

Peering around, he saw that a quarter of the group was gone, probably out buying some drinks, while the rest of the group had their backs facing him, immersed in a conversation. 

Subtly, he slipped my notebook out of my bag and strolled out of the cafeteria to his locker area, where he sat down and read through it. His eyes widened when he realized that my feelings for L had remained as strong as when we were dating and he groaned. "Myungsoo-ah, you pabo..." He realized the pain I was in and knew that he had to do something about it, and soon. 

Checking the time, he realized that it was almost time to get to class and he quickly ran back to the cafeteria to slip the notebook back into my bag before I came back or anyone noticed.

To his horror, he saw my bag in Soyu's hands as she zipped it up for me. "Aigoo, where that that Hwayoung go, she left her bag here..." he watched nervously at the side, hiding my notebook behind his back, watching to see if Soyu would put it down, hoping that she would.

Unfortunately, she swung it over her shoulder and told the group that she would hold it for me until she sees me after school. 

He mentally kicked himself. How was he going to get the notebook back into my bag now?

Seeing Sungyeol pass by as he ran through the halls, he got an idea and quickly gave it to off, giving off the lie that he couldn't give it to me because he couldn't be late for a test.

"Good thing I have my spare period now. I need to tell L this..." Hoya thought as he ran on.

♫~◄~♔~►~♫

Lately, I've noticed that Dasom and Hoya were acting a bit strange around each other. In fact, they seem to be sending each other secretive looks whenever I was there, and it was making me feel like the odd one out. Nobody said anything about them, and it didn't feel right for me to ask.

It started off as just looks, but by now, sometimes one of them would leave, and then the other would follow, and I was starting to get suspicious. However, whenever I looked around, the group would just smile cheekily at each other and immediately stop when they see me staring at them.

 I was starting to think that something was going on, but had too much homework and thoughts to dwell on them.

That was, until I saw them both look at each other with the same amount of love that L and I used to look at each other. That was when my suspicions skyrocketed. Still, I kept silent, thinking that they wanted to be unknown. I casually brought it to conversation with Woohyun today at Language today and he looked at me a bit uncomfortably. "You can tell?"

I blinked at them. "Well, it's kind of noticeable...wae, what's up with them?" He quickly averted his eyes with a nervous chuckle and shrugged. "Molla, Hwayoungie, let's just pay attention to class. We'll talk later." I frowned at him and decided that something was definitely up. I was met with the answer after school as I was walking to my locker and saw Dasom and Hoya holding hands, while she giggled close to his shoulder, looking up at him adoringly.  

My steps faltered a bit as a wave of nostalgia crashed over me. It looked so much like us half a year ago. L, L, L. I was suddenly surrounded by the thought of him, the scent of him, even a whisper of his breath against the back of my neck. I shivered. I was losing it to the point where I felt almost like a ghost feeling of his arms around my waist.

I really don't want to sound like a bitter and heartless person, but for just a tiny second there, I hated them. I hated them being in love, finding happiness. It's such a cruel thing to say to your close friends, but I've been devoid of happiness for half a year now, so you could probably understand.

I hated how when I've been scrambling after L, trying to mend a few things they've been dating-even worse, they've been concealing it from me.

Their eyes met mine and they knew that it was too late to break apart and act like they were just friends. Their steps faltered, just like my mine's did and they slowly stopped smiling. Dasom reached forward and grabbed my hand. I let her, but I couldn't feel it.

"Unnie..." I forced a smile on my face and choked out a laugh. "W-wow, you guys were dating and you didn't tell us? Aigoo, what kind of people are you?" Hoya just laughed awkwardly behind Dasom while she bit her lip and looked at me with guilt. Realization hit me: so that was what the group has been doing for the past few weeks, giving each other secretive looks...

My mouth formed a small o shape and I was just about to ask when she confirmed it for me. "Unnie, they all knew..." I forgot to pretend to be happy and my smile dropped. I alternated between looking at her and at Hoya, who was rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. 

"We didn't want you to be unhappy or even more depressed, Hwayoung-ah..." My eyes flicked to Hoya's as he said that and I wondered how he knew. "Mwoh? Ani, who said I was unhappy?" Dasom tugged at my hand and frowned. "Unnie, we didn't want to remind you when you and L oppa-" she cut herself off and winced, peeking at me. "Mianhae, unnie."

I faked a laugh and pretended to brush it off, ignoring the sharp pain in my chest. "Gwenchana. I'm fine, now, right? When was I ever that unhappy, hmm?" Dasom seemed to believe me and smiled, giving me a tight hug. "Gomawao unnie! We were so worried!"

Hoya stared at me, expression unmoving. Strangely, it felt like he know something about me that I kept away from them, and it was slightly unnerving.

Trying to change the topic, I asked, "So how long have you guys been together for?" Dasom blushed and mumbled, "Two weeks."

They've hidden this from me for two weeks.

"O-oh. How could you have hidden this from your unnie, hmm? Tsch, no respect!" I tried to joke. Hoya came up beside Dasom and they instinctively interwined their fingers together. "Are you sure, Hwayoung-ah?" I gave a small nod. "Of course! I didn't even get the change to congratulate you guys yet. Chukahae." I smiled at them, but it was a hollow smile.

They smiled, and I bid them goodbye, saying that I had a lot of homework to do. As I exited out the main door, I bumped into Sungyeol, Dongwoo and Woohyun. I gave Woohyun a piercing glare. "Wow, Oppa, when I asked you in Language if Dasom and Hoya had something going on you said there wasn't! What a liar." He gulped and hid behind Dongwoo.

"I-I just didn't want to hurt you with the news! Everyone thought that! Mianhae, Hwa! Did they tell you?" I groaned and threw my hands in the air in frustration. "Why is it that everyone thinks I'm like an eggshell! I saw them." He came out from behind Dongwoo and pulled me into a hug.

"Mianhae, Hwa. I really mean it. I didn't mean to upset you like that." I sank into his hug, momentarily closing my eyes and having a mini break down before pulling back. "Gwenchana, Oppa. I was just kidding," I said half-heartedly. "I gotta go, I'll see you guys later!" I turned and walked past them, not wanting to draw attention to myself any further. Such a pabo, why did I even ask him in the first place?

I heard footsteps and Sungyeol appeared beside me. "I know you're not okay, Young-ah," he softly said as he walked beside me. I turned to frown at him. "Why are you walking my way? You don't even live near me." He scoffed and placed his arm around my shoulders.

"I'm just worried about you, arasso? Don't ever hesitate to tell me anything; I've heard a lot already anyway. I'll listen to whatever you have to say, no matter how repetitive. Arasso?" He patted my head gently and I looked up at him. He was looking at the children who ran by, laughing at them.

I watched him laugh and a smile formed itself on my lips without me knowing.

He is really caring and kind.

He looked back down at me and smiled. "I'm always here, arasso? I'll walk you home today since we've already gone this far." I nodded and smiled at him, turning to reach my arms over his tall frame to pull his shoulders down for a hug.

"Gomawo, oppa." I shut my eyes tightly, trying to force and sadness and hurt away. "I'll have to get over him eventually anyway," I whisper against his chest as he rubbed small circles on my back. I felt him nod and he tightened his hold on me for a moment. "Take your time Hwayoung, and don't force yourself."

I sighed. "It's been too long and he's always dominating my thoughts and feelings."

"When you truly get over him, you might see that there could be a guy waiting for you at the sidelines. You just need to take the time to notice."

I turned my face upwards to give him a slight frown. "Yeah, but what do you mean?"

He smiled softly. "Just keep that in mind, Young-ah. Love works in many ways."

New chapter! So sorry I haven't updated, haha, I spent some time redoing the first chapter xD I feel more satisfied now.

I tried to make a longer chapter for you guys to make up for it! Both first and this chapter! I will try to update as much as possible. Until then, byeee~!

OH! And thank you cassiespiritsone for subscribing (((: IT IS GREATLY LOVED!